# If you had a butler....



## debbie5 (Mar 2, 2007)

If you had a butler, what would you have him/her do for you?

I would have him wash my makeup off at night...I'm tired and I never wait for the water to be warm enough.


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## Zurgh (Dec 21, 2009)

Hmmm... I know! I'd have him remind me of all the little things I forget to do (like eat when I get too busy, or appreciate the small things I miss until after the fact)kind of stuff.


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## debbie5 (Mar 2, 2007)

Gee, Zurgh..I figured "wiping" would be your answer!


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## Zurgh (Dec 21, 2009)

Really? 'Wiping' what? The windows, don't the maids do that? The dishes, don't the kitchen servant do that? Me, don't the nurses do that? Not sure what wiping a butler does...:googly:


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## Goblin (Jun 3, 2009)

Everything!


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## badger (Jul 28, 2010)

It. As in "The butler did it".


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## Spooky1 (Aug 25, 2008)

Can I have a maid instead?


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## Evil Andrew (Nov 6, 2009)

If I had a butler, I'd have him answer the door and keep out any jokers who came "to view the tapestries".


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## debbie5 (Mar 2, 2007)

(naughty comment removed by author before I got spanked by F.E.)


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## Goblin (Jun 3, 2009)

I have him post this thread


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## Evil Andrew (Nov 6, 2009)

....right now, I'd have him serve brandy and cigars in the billiard room


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## Goblin (Jun 3, 2009)

Cook the meals


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## debbie5 (Mar 2, 2007)

...do nose hair maintenance on Zurgh.


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## Evil Andrew (Nov 6, 2009)

debbie5 said:


> ...do nose hair maintenance on Zurgh.


For that, we'll the gardener with his hedge trimmer.

I'll have the butler call him......


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## N. Fantom (Sep 8, 2011)

I'd have him sit on a computer and constantly post in the "Last Post Wins" thread.


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## Ramonadona (Nov 4, 2011)

N. Fantom said:


> I'd have him sit on a computer and constantly post in the "Last Post Wins" thread.


Love that...wish I had thought of it!
Of course I'd have him do everything I don't want to do...dishes, ironing, vacuuming, cooking, oh...oh...especially cleaning the bathroom!!!!


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## Evil Andrew (Nov 6, 2009)

I'd tell him to buttle off and tell Baron Brunwald that Lord Clarence MacDonald and his lovely assistant are here to view the tapestries!


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## Goblin (Jun 3, 2009)

He could take my blood tests for me.


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## Sawtooth Jack (Apr 9, 2011)

I wouldn't be putting my movie on pause to go and grab a beer.


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## debbie5 (Mar 2, 2007)

..dust the back of the fridge and wash the outside of the garbage cans.


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## Zurgh (Dec 21, 2009)

debbie5 said:


> ...do nose hair maintenance on Zurgh.





Evil Andrew said:


> For that, we'll the gardener with his hedge trimmer.
> I'll have the butler call him......


It takes a State Certified Arborist and a Game Warden to take care of my nostrils...

I'd tell him to keep the Maids & Secretary in line while I'm out and about....


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## N. Fantom (Sep 8, 2011)

I'd have him bury the bodies.


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## Hairazor (Mar 13, 2012)

I'd have him take all the blame for dumb things I do


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## STOLLOWEEN (Apr 13, 2008)

I would name him Benson.


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## Haunted Bayou (Feb 16, 2007)

I'd make him pick up the dog poop in the back yard


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## Goblin (Jun 3, 2009)

He can mow the grass


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## Hairazor (Mar 13, 2012)

He could open all my junk mail and dispose of it properly


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## Goblin (Jun 3, 2009)

He can fight off all the zombies


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## Sawtooth Jack (Apr 9, 2011)

He could fight off all the door-to-door sales people.


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## aquariumreef (Sep 16, 2010)

He could go door-to-door for no reason for me.


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## Hairazor (Mar 13, 2012)

He could cut the crusts off my sandwiches


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## Spooky1 (Aug 25, 2008)

I'd make sure he had a Bloody Mary waiting for me when I got home from work


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## Goblin (Jun 3, 2009)

He could move stuff for me in the basement


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## Zurgh (Dec 21, 2009)

I'd say "Jeeves, get the Goons to wash the car."


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## Copchick (Apr 10, 2012)

If he's a mighty fine looking butler, I'd have him give me a massage and wash my hair.


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## aquariumreef (Sep 16, 2010)

I'd have hi scratch my back.


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## Pumpkin5 (Aug 8, 2010)

:jol: I would name him George, and I would love him, and pet him and squeeze him and feed him...... George isn't just my butler...he is my friend!!


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## Lord Homicide (May 11, 2012)

Pumpkin5 said:


> :jol: I would name him George, and I would love him, and pet him and squeeze him and feed him...... George isn't just my butler...he is my friend!!


Oh my God, you are such a dork I love it. Good looney tunes ref...

If I had a butler I'd probably be named Bruce Wayne


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## Pumpkin5 (Aug 8, 2010)

Lord Homicide said:


> If I had a butler I'd probably be named Bruce Wayne


:jol: Wow LordH...you went all out there with the stretch to the imagination...didn't you? How did that stretch work out for you?? Bruce Wayne...really? You can do better...I just feel sure of it....Come on....try again.....Mr. Spider..... How about get your friggin butler to do it.


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## Copchick (Apr 10, 2012)

Pumpkin5 said:


> :jol: I would name him George, and I would love him, and pet him and squeeze him and feed him...... George isn't just my butler...he is my friend!!


I'm reading this in my head exactly how it was said in the cartoon!!! 

My butler would address me as "My Queen"


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## Goblin (Jun 3, 2009)

Mine just calls me Master


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## Lord Homicide (May 11, 2012)

Pumpkin5 said:


> :jol: Wow LordH...you went all out there with the stretch to the imagination...didn't you? How did that stretch work out for you?? Bruce Wayne...really? You can do better...I just feel sure of it....Come on....try again.....Mr. Spider..... How about get your friggin butler to do it.


I would honestly treat him with dignity and respect for services rendered. But if I had a butler he'd end up being like a brother to me.


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## Goblin (Jun 3, 2009)

He can post for me.


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## Sawtooth Jack (Apr 9, 2011)

He'd be out walking my dog...


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## RoxyBlue (Oct 6, 2008)

I would ask him to politely escort the guy smoking right outside my open office window off the premises


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## Copchick (Apr 10, 2012)

I would call him Malcom


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## Halloween Jokes (May 13, 2016)

I would make them listen to my lame Halloween jokes


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