# The Bad Simile Game



## RoxyBlue

Simple rule - come up with a bad or funny simile. For those who don't remember your high school English, a simile is a figure of speech in which two unlike things are compared, often using "like" or "as".


My example:

Darkness fell like a sodden drunk out of bed


Next?


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## RoxyBlue

Entrust her with a secret? No, no, couldn't be done. Her tongue was as loose as the bowels of last year's winner of the All You Can Eat Refried Beans Contest.


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## Hairazor

His voice was crusty like sandpaper on scabs!

*Is this close?*


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## Evil Andrew

......an a$$ as big as Texas ......


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## RoxyBlue

His attitude was irritating, like underwear that was accidentally washed with a load of fiberglass curtains


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## Evil Andrew

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever


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## Spooky1

She was as light as a hot air balloon, when filled with hot air and not empty an really heavy  

How's that as a first try?


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## Tokwik

Spooky1 said:


> She was as light as a hot air balloon, when filled with hot air and not empty an really heavy
> 
> How's that as a first try?


Failed like a fat man in yoga pants.


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## Hairazor

Getting information from my boss was so hard, like pulling a fish's guts out through it's nose!


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## Goblin

Never give a sucker an even break, it takes longer to heal!


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## the bloody chef

He was as nervous as a Christian Scientist with appendicitis.


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## Hairazor

Her laugh was so irritating, like a buzz saw cutting wood!


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## RoxyBlue

Her eyes were bright, like the headlights on an SUV coming at you head-on in traffic and you're driving a mini Cooper and can't see a damn thing, they're so blinding



Goblin said:


> Never give a sucker an even break, it takes longer to heal!


Not a simile - try again


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## the bloody chef

Every time he faced his boss he was visibly anxious, like a gunfighter who ran out of bullets.


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## Evil Andrew

The lamp just sat there, like an inanimate object


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## Hairazor

She tripped on her own feet and crashed to the ground hard, like a bag of wet cement dropped off the roof!


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## Evil Andrew

Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined, like someone who can tell butter from I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter.


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## Goblin

She was so skinny she could inbetween the raindrops


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## RoxyBlue

Goblin said:


> She was so skinny she could inbetween the raindrops


Also not a simile - and yes, I'm going to be technical because that's the point of the game. Rule of thumb is that a simile typically uses "like" or "as" in the comparison of two (often) dissimilar objects. Here are examples using thinness for a simile:

She was thin, like that piece of blue plastic they put between the sheets in a box of Cottonelle personal wipes.

She was as skinny as the E string on a violin.

She was thin, like soup made by a cheap cook.


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## scareme

She was a stickler for the rules, like a Chancellor in a reform school.


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## RoxyBlue

^LOL, ya doof

Her wit was pointed, like that sharp stick used to impale a skull in a graveyard


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## scareme

And I thought my wit was dull as Boromir's sword after a battle with the Orcs.


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## RoxyBlue

Her eyes were luminous, like a meteor exploding over the Ural Mountains


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## RoxyBlue

When he spoke, his tone was as flat as road kill under an 18 wheeler.


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## Evil Andrew

The ballerina Rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant. (found on web)


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## Hairazor

Susie was irresistibly drawn to Jack, like bugs to a bug zapper!


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## the bloody chef

Jack looked at Susie with desire, like a cannibal looking at a fat archaeologist


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## Goblin

Her voice was irritating, like nails drug across a blackboard


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## RoxyBlue

^You got it now, Goblin!

His mind was like a steel trap that had been left out in the rain too long and consequently didn't really work all that well.


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## RoxyBlue

Her eyes gleamed like the Vaseline-coated teeth of a Miss America contestant.


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## Hairazor

It was a shockingly frightful night, like when your freshly styled hair stands straight out from your head


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## the bloody chef

He danced with no rhythm and no grace, like a freshly caught fish flipping and flopping on the deck of the boat.


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## Goblin

They were graceful and poised, like a bull in a china shop on roller skates!


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## RoxyBlue

(and in the same vein) - She was as graceful as a newborn calf rollerskating through an oil slick.


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## QueenRuby2002

She was as Scared as a Fat man hearing 'you got a prrety mouth'

(hows that?)


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## the bloody chef

He thought the band's music was weirdly inappropriate, like playing 'Dueling Banjoes' on violins.


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## Hairazor

The party was going downhill quickly like a skier out of control on an icy patch of slope


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## scareme

He was as blind as a bat at high noon.


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## RoxyBlue

When she got angry, her mouth became grim and pinched, like toes shoved into a pair of shoes two sizes too small.


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## Hairazor

It was so stormy out that the TV kept flickering like the lights at an execution by electrocution!


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## Goblin

She had a real bad headache, like a mule was kicking her in the head!


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## RoxyBlue

Her eyes gleamed wetly, like slobber hanging from a bull mastiff's lip.


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## the bloody chef

She was the epitome of grace under pressure, like Roxy on opening night of a new production.


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## Spooky1

She was as healthy as dog with cool wet nose.


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## Hairazor

Without her morning coffee she was as jittery as a beginning tightrope walker!


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## RoxyBlue

The office coffee's aroma was as appealing as the smell of a three-day dead skunk on a hot summer day.


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## Goblin

She was light on her feet, like an elephant wearing cement shoes!


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## Hairazor

She was so touched by the moment, she got a big lump in her throat, like a mouse slowly making it's way through the digestive track of a snake


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## RoxyBlue

LOL, good one, Hairazor:jol:


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## Goblin

He stood out in a crowd, like a human being in a meat suit at a zombie convention!


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## Hairazor

She threw the ball so fast you could hardly see it, like a lizard tongue zapping a fly!


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## scareme

She was as tired as a new mother of twins.


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## RoxyBlue

He was about as coherent as Ozzie Osbourne on a bender


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## Goblin

He enjoyed a visit from his in-laws, like a bad case of poison ivy! Irritating and hard to get rid of!


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## Hairazor

She was so drunk her head pounded like a big bass drum on steroids projected over full blast loud speakers


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## RoxyBlue

His powers of persuasion were about as effective as a crooked realtor trying to sell you a home downwind of a pig farm


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## Goblin

His feet smelled bad, like crossing a skunk with an eagle! Stinks to the high heavens!


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## RoxyBlue

He was as likely to win the contest as Charles Manson being nominated for a Humanitarian of the Year award.


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## Hairazor

She was as irritated as 2 mosquitoes in a feeding frenzy in a space helmet


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## scareme

She was as mad as a wet hen, with a AK47.


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## Goblin

She was lost in the dark, like a blind man with a seeing eye duck!


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## scareme

She was dressed like a 10 dollar hooker on Saturday night.


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## the bloody chef

He didn't post what he wanted to, like someone afraid of being misinterpreted...:smoking:


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## scareme

He made me laugh, like I was on laughing gas at the dentist office.


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## RoxyBlue

His remarks were as subtle as a frying pan to the face


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## Hairazor

The new product at the plant was awkward to handle like eating a piece of bread slathered with peanut butter on all surfaces


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## Goblin

She was a graceful dancer, like a ballerina in combat boots!


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## scareme

She wer as purdy as a pitcure, of mudd.


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## Goblin

She had a great family, like the Manson family reunion!


----------



## scareme

He was as hansome as the devil


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## Hairazor

She liked to make her chili hot, hot, hot like nuclear waste sludge


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## RoxyBlue

He chose his words carefully, like a woman shopping for the perfect pair of shoes


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## Hairazor

The window washer made the windows shine like the sun glaring off a weight lifters finely oiled muscles


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## Goblin

The music was hard on the ears, like fingernails drug across a blackboard!


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## scareme

She was pretty as a picture, to bad it was a Picasso.


----------



## Goblin

She was pretty as a picture........a horror picture!


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## RoxyBlue

He was about as exciting as a loaf of Wonder bread


----------



## Goblin

She was like a hemorrhoid, irritating and a general pain in the a$$!


----------



## RoxyBlue

His moves were smooth like a baby's butt


----------



## Goblin

She was hot, like a big steak on a barbecue grill


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## Hairazor

His moves were as slick as snot on a door handle (can't take real credit for this one, a friend always used to say this)


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## Goblin

He was a great sailor, like captaining a toy ship in a rain barrel!


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## Hairazor

Her singing was unbearable, like an angel choking on her halo


----------



## the bloody chef

She posted effortlessly, like someone who's been doing it for a year.


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## Goblin

He was sharp, like aged cheddar


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## RoxyBlue

When she walked into the room, men were drawn to her like buzzards to a road kill


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## Hairazor

After all those jello shots her head hurt like a porcupine inside her head had just released all it's quills


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## RoxyBlue

As she sauntered away, hips swaying under her slinky dress, all he could think was "That looks like two puppies fighting under a rug".


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## Hairazor

His sneakers were damp so he thought he would dry them quickly in the microwave! After 30 seconds the smell was horrible, like someone had been tarred and feathered and set on fire!


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## RoxyBlue

He was as nervous as an earthworm in a room full of robins


----------



## RoxyBlue

Her perfume lingered in the air like week-old garbage simmering in the hot summer sun


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## Goblin

He is a great dancer, like Fred Astaire, Gene Kelly, and Donald O'Connor all rolled into one person!


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## Hairazor

She was so scared her heart was thumping in her chest like an army of frogs on hot coals


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## RoxyBlue

(^LMAO)


He was as giddy as a bunch of haunters cutting foam board with a hot knife in a non-well-ventilated space


----------



## Hairazor

*Ahahaha,I believe we have all had that sensation*

Her cold was so bad and her nose so stuffed every sound hurt, like Quasimodo ringing the bells in an echo chamber inside her head


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## Goblin

Her head was really pounding, like native drums in a really crummy jungle movie!


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## RoxyBlue

Trusting him was as smart an idea as leaving a Great Dane in charge of watching the pot roast.


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## Hairazor

He drove his race car so fast it was like a bat out of H-ll with his tail on fire


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## Goblin

Her cooking set well in your stomach, like a ten pound rock encased in cement


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## RoxyBlue

He worked as neatly as someone trying to stuff marshmallows into a parking meter slot


----------



## Hairazor

He was a hard working outdoors man and the calluses on his hands were like the boils on a blacktop in the blistering heat


----------



## Goblin

When she blew her nose it sounded like a cannon going off


----------



## Hairazor

Her hair hung as straight as a plumb bob


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## RoxyBlue

Her makeup was as splotchy as the finish of a car parked under a tree full of blackbirds


----------



## Zurgh

The job was easy, easy like pulling teeth from an enraged tiger...


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## Hairazor

Her painting had splotches of bright color like a rainbow was thrown against a canvas and splattered all over it!


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## Goblin

She was great with directions, like a drunk mouse in a maze!


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## Hairazor

His clothes were so rumpled, like he had thrown them into the washer and left them to dry there when done, then pulled them out and put them on!


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## RoxyBlue

She was as irritating as a horde of hungry mosquitoes in a nudist colony


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## Goblin

His heart beat like a drum with only one drumstick!


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## RoxyBlue

He stuck to her side like a horsefly on that long strip of sticky paper your grandmother used to hang in the farmhouse kitchen and when you got up in the middle of the night to go to the outhouse, you'd accidentally run into it and get really grossed out.


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## Goblin

He could run fast, like a mouse with a hungry cat after it!


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## RoxyBlue

No matter how many times she tried to get rid of him, he kept coming back, like mold in the shower.


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## Goblin

The killer followed his victim, like a tiger stalking it's prey!


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## Hairazor

Their eyes met across a crowded room and there was a spark there, like the arc of electricity when you leave a fork in the microwave!


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## Goblin

He read the book fast, like greedy relatives reading a rich relative's will


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## RoxyBlue

He dragged his feet like a dog being taken to the vet for a round of vaccinations


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## Hairazor

She hadn't had a decent meal for so long she felt gaunt, like there was nothing between her belly button and her spine!


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## Zurgh

He skated with the gracefulness of a palsied elephant, and with the elegance of a staggering-drunk wino.


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## Goblin

His number had come up, like a roulette wheel with just one number on it!


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## Hairazor

She decided to try giving herself a home perm. She didn't think it would matter that she forgot to check the time and left the solution on too long. Her hair looked horrible, like a brillo pad exploded on her head! (and then she called me and wanted me to "fix" it)


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## Goblin

Her cooking tasted terrible, like burnt chicken in motor oil


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## RoxyBlue

He was as steady as a drunken tightrope walker with palsy


----------



## STOLLOWEEN

He was as popular as William Shatner on the Death Star.


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## Hairazor

She was as mad as a hen locked out of the chicken coop in the rain!


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## Goblin

He had a really bad cough, like he was gonna throw up one of his lungs any second!


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## Hairazor

He was a low down rotten scoundrel, like he was the devil's evil twin!


----------



## Goblin

He made a shoddy Easter Bunny, like Bugs Bunny with pneumonia!


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## Hairazor

Her hair cut was so bad, like it got caught in the office paper shredder!


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## Goblin

They were a weird looking group, like even the police line up turned them down!


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## Hairazor

Her tooth hurt sooo bad, like little Gremlins were using pick axes to try to mine the gold filling!


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## Goblin

She was a pest, like locusts in a cornfield!


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## RoxyBlue

She was as out of place as a scarlet letter on a novice in a convent.


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## Zurgh

He looked very much like a medieval prince charming, with the mold and decay to match the withered and rotting, corpse-like vistage.


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## Hairazor

Her outfit was so tight, like it had been vac-u-formed to her body!


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## RoxyBlue

She was as anxious as a hermit crab on a quest for a bigger shell


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## Goblin

She like to kick up her heels, like a newborn colt in the pasture!


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## RoxyBlue

Her personality was bubbly, like a snail going through a salt spill


----------



## Goblin

He made a lot of unkept promises, like a politician at election time


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## Hairazor

She was so nervous she was sweating profusely, like she had been run over by a rototiller and fluid was leaking out of all the punctures!


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## RoxyBlue

He was as sheltered as Quasimodo in a bell tower


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## Goblin

He was moaning like a ghost with hemroids


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## Hairazor

Her constant complaining was as vexing as a desperate need for a bathroom 40 miles into a stretch of highway that said no stops for the next 100 miles!


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## Goblin

His snoring was loud, like someone sawing wood in an echo chamber!


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## RoxyBlue

He's as reckless as an antelope detouring through a big cat sanctuary


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## Goblin

She was very agile, like a zombie with a hangover


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## Hairazor

She didn't have a thought in her head, like Zombies already got her brain!


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## Goblin

They were quite a group, like a police line up convention!


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## Hairazor

The chili was so hot, like it had been stirred with the devil's blazing hot pitchfork!


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## Goblin

She hunted bargains, like a bloodhound following a scent!


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## RoxyBlue

His actions were compulsive and unthinking, like the way people have to look at what's in the Kleenex after they blow their noses.


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## Goblin

He could type fast, like a chicken pecking corn!


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## Ramonadona

The silence was inevitable as thunder during an electrical storm.


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## RoxyBlue

He was as twisted as a country lane built by a pack of ferrets.


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## Goblin

The road had more twists and turns in it than a drunk snake


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## Hairazor

When the bees started swarming him he took off, like his feet were rocket propelled


----------



## Goblin

She was in a daze, like a ship lost in the fog!


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## Hairazor

At the awards ceremony he was surprised by being called to the stage for an award. He was as speechless as a stone head on Easter Island!


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## RoxyBlue

He was as overjoyed as a dog who's just found a pile of poop to roll in


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## Goblin

Their house was haunted, like a ghost convention was in town!


----------



## RoxyBlue

She was as articulate as a four-year-old with a mouth full of Gummi bears


----------



## Goblin

They had a lot of ailments, like a walking epidemic!


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## Hairazor

When he heard the verdict, time stood still, like a sundial in perpetual shade!


----------



## RoxyBlue

He oozed about the room like a slug on a quest for ripe strawberries


----------



## Hairazor

She had a razor quick wit that hurt like a paper cut


----------



## Goblin

She had poor vision, like a bat with cataracts!


----------



## Hairazor

I'm not saying she wasn't bright but her mind was as sharp as a tack that had an anvil dropped on it


----------



## Goblin

She could jump high, like a grasshopper on a hot stove!


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## RoxyBlue

The job was about as trouble-free as trying to install a new operating system on a 20-year old computer.


----------



## Goblin

They loved doing yard work, about as much as having root canal without novacane


----------



## Hairazor

She was so tired she felt empty headed, like a Zombie had eaten her brains!


----------



## RoxyBlue

She was as graceful on the dance floor as a three-legged moose on an ice floe


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## Rahnefan

She spends money like a monkey at a banana auction.


----------



## Goblin

She has a lot of room like a warehouse used to store air!


----------



## Hairazor

It was soooo hot, like Satan had consumed Jalapeno peppers and belched fire into the living world


----------



## RoxyBlue

It was a dreadful surprise, like the kind you get when you're sitting at a picnic table with an open can of soda and you don't notice when a wasp in search of sweetness crawls inside just before you pick it up to take a swig.


----------



## Ramonadona

She smacked her gum, like a cow chewing her cud.


----------



## Goblin

They were a strange looking group, like a herd of cows wearing hockey masks!


----------



## Ramonadona

As he entered the ballroom he smiled like a tom cat entering a room of white mice.


----------



## RoxyBlue

The reporter's questions were as invasive as a dog trying to sniff your butt.


----------



## Goblin

They were bad dancers, like a bunch of drunks with broken legs on roller skates!


----------



## Hairazor

He was stalking her, like a shadow she couldn't get rid of even in bright light


----------



## Goblin

She was a very quiet person. like a mime with laringitis!


----------



## Ramonadona

He was very reclusive, like a bear during hibernation


----------



## Hairazor

She was so embarrassed over her faux pas at the party, like if she had unknowingly stepped in dog poo then a length of toilet paper and walked on stage in front of thousands!


----------



## Goblin

When it come to tracking her husband she was like a dog, tracking like a blood hound and then held on like a bulldog!


----------



## Hairazor

The soap was so slippery she could hardly hold on to it, like a greased pig at the county fair!


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## RoxyBlue

As she sat there knitting, her fingers moved as efficiently as a spider wrapping a victim in spun silk.


----------



## Hairazor

When she looked across the room and saw the man of her dreams her heart started to twang like the strings of a guitar being played by a musician on crack


----------



## Goblin

Her muscles were so stiff she looked like a reject zombie from Night of the Living Dead!


----------



## RoxyBlue

He was as nervous as a peg-legged pirate in a room full of woodpeckers


----------



## Goblin

He was slippier than a greased pig in a mud wallow!


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## Hairazor

All day it seemed like she just couldn't get a break, like she was a pigeon's personal statue!


----------



## Goblin

She was so fat that she had to get clearance from the harbor master to go swimming


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## RoxyBlue

^Not a simile


As a swimmer, she took to the water like a jealous mother takes to her only son's new bride.


----------



## Hairazor

It was so relaxing laying in the sun she fell asleep. When she woke up hours later, she had such a sunburn, like the fire and brimstone from Hades had taken over her skin!


----------



## Haunted Bayou

I got nothing to contribute to this thread like a .....

(told ya I had nothing)


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## Goblin

His bones were as brittle as termite ridden toothpicks


----------



## Hairazor

He was as bald as a hard boiled egg without it's shell!


----------



## Goblin

She carried a tune like a milk maid with a hole in her bucket


----------



## Hairazor

The house had been abandonded in early Spring. When we entered late into a hot Summer the smell was overpowering, like a backed up toilet on an intergalictic space ship with no stops planned till the next Galaxy!


----------



## Goblin

The hail struck the roof hard, like a rocket pelted by meteorites


----------



## RoxyBlue

She was as nervous as a sparrow at a hawk convention.


----------



## Hairazor

After her fall down the steep incline her back hurt so bad, like River Dance was using it for practice


----------



## Goblin

She like to kick up her heels and run, like a newborn calf!


----------



## scareme

Those kids grew like weeds.


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## Goblin

He thought his dates were a real treasure, and they looked like he dug all of them up too!


----------



## scareme

The dogs smelled horrible, as if something had crawled into their fur coats, and died there.


----------



## Goblin

Scareme thought she was a good tap dancer, but she looked like she was stomping roaches!


----------



## RoxyBlue

His ideas made as much sense as a vampire opening a wooden stake shop


----------



## Goblin

He went by the book, unfortunately he couldn't read a word of it!


----------



## scareme

He laughed uncontrollably, as if he was on some illegal drug.


----------



## Goblin

Scareme is a great bowler, if the rules allowed her to bowl overhand


----------



## Hairazor

His bald head gleamed in the sunlight, like it had been spit and polished!


----------



## Goblin

Hairazor started a chicken farm, but she slipped and planted them upside down!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Someone is either forgetting what a simile is or forgetting what thread he's on - GET SOME SLEEP!


Her hair was as silky-soft as the belly of a newly-hatched tadpole.


----------



## Hairazor

My dog could jump so high, like her legs were on bungie cords!


----------



## Goblin

Her cake sat heavy in their stomachs, like 10 pounds of concrete!


----------



## Spooky1

I feel as full as Mr. Creosote after a wafer thin mint.


----------



## RoxyBlue

She felt as secure in the relationship as a fistful of brains in the hands of a palsied zombie living in a straw hut on the San Andreas fault line.


----------



## Goblin

She was flying high, like a kite in a tornado!


----------



## Hairazor

She was as quiet as the smoke curling out of the chimney!


----------



## Goblin

Their kids were like planes in a blizzard, all of them grounded!


----------



## RoxyBlue

He moved furtively, like that guy in the office who just used the last sheet of toilet paper in the company bathroom and is trying to sneak back to his desk without anyone knowing he didn't bother to get another roll for the next guy.


----------



## Goblin

He was ugly, like the star of a really crummy horror movie!


----------



## RoxyBlue

She was as happy as a fly in a paddock full of sweaty horses.


----------



## Hairazor

His knuckles were as hairy as a licked sucker stuck to a dogs fur!


----------



## Goblin

The kids left a wave of destruction across the living room floor, like Godzikka stomping through Tokyo


----------



## Hairazor

His thoughts weren't very bright, his mind was like it had a BB rolling around in an empty train box car


----------



## Goblin

Her mind was like a resteraunt being renovated, closed for repairs!


----------



## Hairazor

She couldn't keep a thought in her head, it was like when you blow the dandelion fluff, gone!


----------



## Goblin

She was so slow she could be timed with a calendar instead of a stopwatch!


----------



## RoxyBlue

^Not a simile


She was about as sure on her feet as a three-year-old walking across a freshly-waxed linoleum floor wearing a pair of her mother's six-inch spike heels while carrying a tray of overflowing champagne glasses.


----------



## Hairazor

When she kissed him his stubble was prickly, like kissing the inside of a full pin cushion!


----------



## Goblin

She grabbed up the quarter on the sidewalk, like a duck on a June bug


----------



## Hairazor

She was shaking so hard, like a dog shaking off water after getting caught in a downpour


----------



## Goblin

The dress was a tight fit, like trying to put 25 pounds in a 5 pound bag!


----------



## Hairazor

She hadn't eaten all day and was so hungry she felt hollow, like her stomach was a pumpkin someone had aggressively scraped all the innards out of to make a pie


----------



## RoxyBlue

She couldn't help but notice the odd texture of his skin. It was pitted and pockmarked like a piece of foamboard that had taken an acetone shower.


----------



## Goblin

There was a strange scratching sound at the front door, like a six foot cat was trying 
to claw it's way through the door!


----------



## Hairazor

She was so nervous her stomach felt really jittery, like a mixer full of marbles turned on high


----------



## Goblin

He was very funny, like ten comedians all rolled into one!


----------



## awokennightmare

He was so frightened, Like a cat being chased by a large dog!


----------



## Goblin

He was looking forward to Halloween, like a kid waiting for Santa's arrival


----------



## scareme

He fell down the stairs, like a slinky at high speed.


----------



## Goblin

The lawn was slightly overgrown, like a jungle in a Tarzan movie!


----------



## Hairazor

When the boss entered the room in a rage, all the employes scattered, like cockroaches when you turn on the light at night


----------



## RoxyBlue

He was as appealing as a slug sandwich made with moldy bread and snail spit


----------



## Hairazor

Her headache was so severe, like someone was trapped inside her skull using a pick ax to hack their way out


----------



## Goblin

She listened to every word he said like someone at concert!


----------



## Hairazor

She had a perm that left her hair a disaster, like a brillo pad stuck in an electric outlet


----------



## Goblin

The blood was gushing from the wound like Old Faithful!


----------



## Spooklights

He was dumber than two dead bugs.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Her words were silky smooth like the skin of a freshly shaved cadaver


----------



## Hairazor

The nervous dog's toenails clicked on the floor like castanets playing La Cucaracha


----------



## Goblin

I wouldn't say he used to much cologne, but it was like he fell in a cologne vat!


----------



## Hairazor

He had an ugly mole on his face, like someone spit a wad of tobacco and that's where it landed


----------



## Goblin

Boy could Hairazor yodel.......like someone stepping on a cat's tail!


----------



## RoxyBlue

His words made about as much of an impact as a marshmallow thrown at a brick wall


----------



## Goblin

He was working fast to get his haunt done on time, like Santa on December 23rd!


----------



## Hairazor

She tripped on the top step and fell down them like a slinky hitting step after step after step


----------



## Goblin

She could ride a horse like a cowboy in a John Wayne western


----------



## Hairazor

Her clothes were so tight, like they were shrink wrapped to fit


----------



## Goblin

He was such a bad dancer he looked like he was stomping bugs on the dance floor


----------



## RoxyBlue

She kept a low profile, like a fifth grader who hasn't done his homework and doesn't want to be called on by the teacher.


----------



## MrGrimm

He disappeared from the forums like a ghost in a broken down haunted house at the amusement park


----------



## Goblin

Her flashlight flickered weakly in the dark, like a jar of fireflies


----------



## RoxyBlue

He was as cuddly and adorable as a nest full of newly hatched turkey vultures


----------



## Hairazor

She tried baking bread but it turned out so tough it was hard to eat, like trying to chew a rubber dog bone


----------



## Goblin

The meat was still raw, like it could moo at any minute


----------



## Hairazor

Because she was so clumsy she broke things constantly, like a goosed chicken in a china cabinet


----------



## Goblin

He was a bad detective, like he couldn't find a clue if it was at the end of his nose!


----------



## Hairazor

When she sat down, her joints creaked like a haunted house door on a rusty hinge


----------



## RoxyBlue

He experienced a growing feeling of dread like the one you get when the dentist is poking around in your mouth and keeps making "Hmmmmm, that's not good" comments.


----------



## Hairazor

She was so scared her stomach felt sick like there was 2 gangs of butterflies having a free for all fight


----------



## FrozenPumpkins

The moonlight shimmered on the lake like fluorescent tube lights on an oil slick in the garage.


----------



## Hairazor

Whenever "He" was near she felt weak all over, like a paper doll caught in the rain


----------



## RoxyBlue

The rain pounded down as incessantly as a four-year-old asking "Why? Why? Why?"


----------



## Goblin

The view from the plane was beautiful, like looking across a huge snow bank!


----------



## Hairazor

Her situation was dire and her mind was in turmoil, like it was on a never ending bungee jump


----------



## Goblin

Their haunt was scary like an old horror movie


----------



## Hairazor

The music was so loud her ears were ringing, like a shrill telephone with no shut off button


----------



## Goblin

Halloween is getting closer, like a killer in a slasher movie!


----------



## RoxyBlue

He stared at her intently, like a dog waiting for you to walk away from that plate of food you have sitting on the coffee table.


----------



## Goblin

Her throat felt really sore, like someone had cut it with a knife


----------



## Hairazor

When her long time boyfriend broke up with her it made her feel unwanted, like a thoroughly used kleenex wadded up and thrown out with the trash


----------



## RoxyBlue

She was about as happy as a ToT with peanut allergies and a bag full of Reese's.


----------



## Hairazor

It was raining so hard it was as if those proverbial cats and dogs had turned into sheep and goats


----------



## Goblin

He felt very tired, like he was carrying an elephant on his back


----------



## RoxyBlue

His invitation to dinner generated about as much excitement as another ad about a sale at JC Penneys.


----------



## Goblin

The cold made his nose run like a leaky faucet!


----------



## Hairazor

Her abscessed tooth hurt so bad, like she had taken a punch from a heavy weight boxing champion


----------



## RoxyBlue

She was as neat as a toddler in a high chair eating a plate full of spaghetti and meatballs with his fingers.


----------



## Goblin

They descended hungrily on the Thanksgiving dinner like zombies on a victim!


----------



## Hairazor

She was so insecure she caved easily, like when an earthquake hits an abandoned mine with the support timbers removed


----------



## Goblin

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care, like condemned murderers on a gallows!


----------



## Hairazor

(^I'm gonna have trouble now everytime I see stockings hung in a row, yeehee)

The girl walked sooo slow on her way to the Principal's office, like a glacier could out pace her


----------



## RoxyBlue

He was as happy as a vampire with keys to the blood bank


----------



## Goblin

Not a creature stirring, like bodies in the morgue!


----------



## scareme

The neighbors are as loud as a herd of elephants.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Their musical duet rested as easily on the ear as the sound of two cats fighting in the middle of the night


----------



## Hairazor

The excitement was building like a hyper child trying to get to sleep on Christmas Eve anticipating Santa


----------



## Goblin

Her voice was irritating like nails drug across a blackboard


----------



## scareme

She was as ugly as a mud fence.


----------



## RoxyBlue

He was as slick as fresh bunny poop on ice


----------



## Hairazor

The snowflakes were so large and it was coming down so heavily, like there had been an explosion in a down factory


----------



## RoxyBlue

His gaze was as unwavering as a dog with his eyes on that new squeaky toy you just brought into the house.


----------



## Hairazor

Her migraine hurt sooo bad, like 2 midgets in her head trying to punch their way out through her eyes


----------



## scareme

^^^Makes my head hurt just to think of it. Are you talking about yourself?

The dogs farts smelled as if something had crawled up inside it and died.


----------



## RoxyBlue

She was about as sharp as a tack that had been nailed into the wall one too many times.


----------



## scareme

He crumbled like a cookie dropped from a 7 story window.


----------



## Hairazor

She was so stressed all her nerves were raw, like she had been wrapped in a barb wire blanket


----------



## RoxyBlue

He was as fleet of foot as a George Romero zombie.


----------



## scareme

Her lips were as soft as a marshmallow fresh out of the bag.


----------



## Hairazor

She was so embarrassed the blood quickly flushed her face, like a flame held to a thermometer


----------



## scareme

She froze as still as a Rambler without a drop of gas in the tank.


----------



## RoxyBlue

The tiger moved with stealth, as silent and deadly as a fart in a packed elevator.


----------



## Goblin

The road curved like they had followed a drunk snake!


----------



## Hairazor

The little boy wiggled and kicked and flailed around when his Mom tried to put him in the tub for a bath, like a horse in the rodeo with a burr under it's saddle


----------



## RoxyBlue

She was as shaky as a driver who's just done a 180 on a snow-covered road and is staring at oncoming headlights in his lane.


----------



## scareme

He was as stealthy as a teenager coming in after curfew.


----------



## RoxyBlue

^and related to that - He was as quiet as a drunken husband slipping into the house after a night out drinking with the boys.


----------



## scareme

^She drank like she was a camel who had just spent 5 days in the desert.


----------



## RoxyBlue

She was as elegantly coiffed as a poodle who'd been sheared by a hyperactive five year old with a chainsaw.


----------



## Hairazor

She was trying to walk carefully on the ice when her legs shot out from under her like an elephant on roller skates in an arena full of ball bearings


----------



## scareme

She tried to remain cool, waiting in line for the ladies room at the bar. But she ended up dancing like a one legged turkey a week before Thanksgiving.


----------



## Goblin

A raise at work is nearly extinct like the dinosaurs


----------



## scareme

The startled cat jumped in the air like a jack in the box jack.


----------



## Hairazor

She drank too much last night, now her head was buzzing like someone shook a hornet's nest then funneled the angry hornets into her ears


----------



## scareme

She was about to explode, like a pair of size 10 pants on a size 14 body.


----------



## RoxyBlue

She was as overjoyed as a Labrador retriever who's discovered the keys to the Milk Bone factory.


----------



## Hairazor

She was as useless as a monkey trying to round up a runaway chicken


----------



## RoxyBlue

He was as frantic as an ant trying to find his way back to the hill during a rainstorm


----------



## Goblin

She could jump high, like a rabbit with a hot foot


----------



## scareme

The rain fell softly to earth, like petals from a cherry tree in spring.


----------



## Hairazor

Fraternizing with her was a bad habit, like constantly picking at a scab that is nowhere near ready to fall off


----------



## scareme

She was so good at bad similes, it was like she was dealing them from the bottom of the deck.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Her angry remarks lingered in his thoughts, like the way the smell of your grandpa's aftershave lotion stays on your clothing after you've hugged him.


----------



## Goblin

Her joints snapped, crackled, and popped, like a bowl of Rice Krispies!


----------



## Hairazor

She was as wired as someone who ate coffee right out of the jar with a spoon


----------



## Lambchop

It rained so hard last night that the animals started lining up in two's at the boat moorage.


----------



## Goblin

He picked his nose more than a banjo picker at a Bluegrass concert


----------



## RoxyBlue

He was as accurate as a dart thrown by a drunken, blindfolded man standing on a teeter-totter coated with lard.


----------



## Hairazor

His batting skills were as bad as a blindfolded person swinging wildly at a pinata


----------



## Goblin

He sneezed so rapidly that he sound like machine gun fire


----------



## Hairazor

She was so scared her hair stood on end, like it was saluting evil!


----------



## RoxyBlue

He was as skillful with creating similes as he was with dancing en pointe


----------



## Hairazor

When she smiled her teeth were so white and uniform, like she had Chicklets where her teeth should be


----------



## drevilstein

she had breath like a vulture after a feast of rancid rhinoceros


----------



## Hairazor

Her accent was so thick she was hard to understand, it was like she was talking with a mouthful of pudding


----------



## Goblin

Her singing was terrible, like a cat with it's tail caught in the door!


----------



## Hairazor

Her rage was quick and hot like a bat out of a hot oven!


----------



## Goblin

She exploded like a tin can in a microwave oven!


----------



## RoxyBlue

He danced like a monkey that had eaten too many fermented bananas


----------



## Goblin

Her back ached like she was carrying an elephant on her shoulders


----------



## Hairazor

Her confidence was shaken as if she had walked on stage and looked down to see a string of toilet paper stuck to her shoe


----------



## RoxyBlue

The meal was about as appetizing as month-old pizza pulled from a garbage can.


----------



## Goblin

Their skin itched bad, like a million bug bites covered with itching powder


----------



## Hairazor

His hair cut was so bad it was as if someone with a grudge got hold of him with a weed wacker


----------



## Goblin

The soup tasted bad, like kerosene and motor oil mixed together!


----------



## Hairazor

The hail rattled against the roof of the car like an angry skeleton frantically taping with it's bony fingers


----------



## Goblin

The dinner was inedible, like barbecued octopus in chocolate sauce!


----------



## RoxyBlue

He was as trustworthy as the cat who offered to babysit the tropical fish.


----------



## Goblin

It was a no win situation, like a poker game with a deck of 52 aces


----------



## Hairazor

Their eyes met from across the room and the attraction was instantly explosive, like a match dropped in a fireworks factory


----------



## Goblin

The haunt had lots of gore, like several bodies had exploded!


----------



## Hairazor

Her earache was so bad, like a swarm of bees battling it out with a colony of fire ants


----------



## RoxyBlue

His cheeks were as fuzzy as a bumblebee's butt


----------



## Hairazor

The cold medicine she took made her thoughts like dandelion fluff, one good sneeze and poof, all gone


----------



## Goblin

She ran slow like she was wearing lead running shoes


----------



## RoxyBlue

Her eyes were as sparkly as a drop of frozen snot hanging off a dog's nose in winter.


----------



## Goblin

They ran faster than a cheetah on rocket-powered rollerskates


----------



## Hairazor

She stepped on a fire ant hill and felt like her foot had been blasted by a flame thrower


----------



## Hairazor

Time sneaked up on her like a boogyman in a horror movie


----------



## Goblin

The jack-o-lantern grinned malevolently, like Jack Nicholson in an old horror movie


----------



## RoxyBlue

Her utterances were as frequent and as welcome as the gaseous emissions from a dyspeptic dog.


----------



## Goblin

Her heart was pounding hard, like a jackhammer on high


----------



## Hairazor

She spent so much time in the sun with no sunscreen in her youth that her skin is all wrinkled, like a suit that says dry clean only put in the washer and dryer on high at home


----------



## Goblin

Goblin is aging gracefully, like a really fine wine!


----------



## scareme

Gobby was as deluded as the Hudson River.


----------



## Hairazor

Goblin gives me the giggles, like when I drink too much fine champagne


----------



## scareme

Hairazor was as drunk as a mouse trapped in a whiskey barrel.


----------



## Hairazor

Her memory was shaky, like a tightrope walker with hiccups


----------



## scareme

He was as ugly as a homemade Christmas sweater.


----------



## Goblin

Being the master of all I survey is like being king and emperor rolled into one!


----------



## Hairazor

The Whiskey was as mellow as a dog who got into your Xanax


----------



## RoxyBlue

She was as happy as a mouse who's won the cheese lottery


----------



## Hairazor

The snow was coming down so fast and furious it was like being caught in a bag of cotton balls


----------



## RoxyBlue

He's as bright as a flashlight with dead batteries


----------



## Hairazor

Her thoughts wandered, much like a country road meandering to nowhere


----------



## Night Watchman

You're as sharp as a marble.


----------



## Hairazor

She repeatedly tapped her foot, like a never ending dripping faucet


----------



## Hairazor

It was really dark outside, like the inside of a bowling ball


----------



## scareme

Her foot in a cast, was like dragging a bowling ball around.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Her green eyes gleamed wetly like pond scum on a water-filled borrow pit


----------



## Hairazor

The comments were so mean her ego deflated, like a balloon you are blowing up getting away from you before you can tie it off


----------



## Goblin

He drove his car like he was in a demolition derby


----------



## Hairazor

The night was so dark, like she had a blindfold on


----------



## Goblin

She ran slow, like a snail with a broken leg


----------



## Hairazor

He had a warped personality, like the mold for his brain was fractured


----------



## Spooky1

She had a face that could launch 1000 ships, well maybe not ships, maybe small boats, and not really a thousand, but at least a few.


----------



## RoxyBlue

^Not a simile, but hilarious anyway


She had a face like Helen of Troy after she got run over by 1000 ships on a coral reef


----------



## Hairazor

Her eyes were close set like the barrels of a double barrel shotgun


----------



## RoxyBlue

As he watched her lift her fork to her mouth, he was struck by the fact that her movements were as delicate and precise as a crow picking maggots from a corpse.


----------



## Hairazor

His stare was so intense, like he skewered your eyes with his


----------



## RoxyBlue

His reasoning was as solid as a papier mache prop that was left out in the rain and no one put any spar varnish on it.


----------



## Goblin

His brain was like a match.........a quick flash then you smell something burning!


----------



## Hairazor

Her thoughts were like fire flies, blinking off and on


----------



## RoxyBlue

She was as fashionably dressed as an ancient matriarch in a retirement home who is operating under the delusion that whatever she wore at the age of 18 still looks good on her, which was not the case.


----------



## Hairazor

She was so hot and sweaty she felt like a greased pig


----------



## highbury

The unforgiving heat and humidity made the old woman sweat like a meatloaf...


----------



## RoxyBlue

Her behavior was as horrifying as one of Mrs. Lovett’s pies (obscure Broadway musical reference).


----------



## Hairazor

She crawled into the unmade bed and the sheets felt gritty, like she was lying on a sheet of sandpaper


----------



## RoxyBlue

He oozed charm like a festering wound.


----------



## Goblin

They were very hungry, like a horde of ravenous zombies!


----------



## Hairazor

His pick up line was smooth, like sliding down a banister in silk pants


----------



## RoxyBlue

Her eyes lit up like a metal fork in a microwave oven.


----------



## Hairazor

Her thoughts were so scattered, like a runaway ball in a pinball game


----------



## Goblin

He danced like a cow with all four feet in cement!


----------



## Hairazor

She slid into home base so slick, like she had shiny pants on going down a slippery playground slide


----------



## Goblin

She yodeled like someone gargling!


----------



## RoxyBlue

She was as happy as a crow on a carrion heap


----------



## Hairazor

Her throat was so raw and sore as if she had gargled with broken glass


----------



## RoxyBlue

His eyes glistened like snot on a coat sleeve.


----------



## Hairazor

Her teeth were big and white like Chicklets


----------



## Hairazor

Men flocked to her like blow flies to a corpse


----------



## Hairazor

When my Mother wants to know what I have been up to she is relentless, like a mosquito that won't leave you alone no matter how often you swat at it.


----------



## RoxyBlue

His thoughts weighed on him heavily like an anaconda full of hapless safari guides


----------



## Hairazor

Her ego was deflated like a popped balloon


----------



## RoxyBlue

He was as strong as a spaghetti noodle that got cooked way past the al dente stage


----------



## Goblin

He ran fast like a greyhound with it's tail on fire


----------



## Hairazor

Her teeth were like stars, they came out at night


----------



## RoxyBlue

Her pies were as chewy as a prop made of monster mud and papier mache, and about as tasty, too.


----------



## Goblin

They were slower than molasses going up hill


----------



## RoxyBlue

He ran as fast as an ant being pursued by a kid with a magnifying glass on a sunny day


----------



## Hairazor

Thoughts were whirling through her mind like a dog chasing it's tail


----------



## Goblin

He was as wicked as Goblin alone on the forum late nights!


----------



## RoxyBlue

His nose was as bright and shiny as a glitter-covered wicked Goblin


----------



## Goblin

He wanted a burial at sea and 2 men drowned trying to dig the grave!


----------



## RoxyBlue

^Not a simile. Hwoever, a good example of a couple of morons:googly:


She smelled as sweet as a pile of fruit slowly decaying under a tropical sun.


----------



## Hairazor

Her bones were so brittle they broke easily, like eggs dropped on the floor


----------



## Goblin

He ate the steak like a puppy chewing on an old shoe


----------



## RoxyBlue

He slept like a man drugged with novocaine in a dentist's chair, expect when he woke up, no one had cleaned his teeth.


----------



## Hairazor

The sight was so horrifying she screamed and screamed and screamed with her mouth wide open and her uvula quivering like a plate of jello left on a washing machine on spin


----------



## RoxyBlue

(LOL) -and along those lines:

He vanished without a trace like a sock from a pair you put in the dryer and only one comes out. He was like the other one.


----------



## Hairazor

A big wind made his toupee slide off his bald head like a pat of butter off a piping hot skillet


----------



## RoxyBlue

When he accidentally cut off his finger, the blood gushed out like a stream of terrified people running out of the theater when the Blob came out through the projection room windows.


----------



## Hairazor

He was so annoying, he followed her everywhere, like a piece of cotton stuck to velcro


----------



## RoxyBlue

My dog follows me as closely as toilet paper stuck to my shoe.


----------



## Hairazor

The boxer with red shorts hit the boxer with blue shorts in the stomach so hard he crumpled like a s sheet of wadded up newspaper


----------



## RoxyBlue

He was as furtive as a vampire trying to hide his true identity in a mirror factory


----------



## Hairazor

She was so hungry she ate like a pig being fattened up for the sale yard


----------



## RoxyBlue

His bald head was as shiny as a slug track on a geranium leaf.


----------



## Hairazor

The hamburger was on the table just out of reach of the dog who kept jumping and jumping and jumping trying to get it like it's legs were perpetual motion springs


----------



## Hairazor

She was so brainless it was like she was preparing for the Zombie Apocalypse


----------



## RoxyBlue

He was as lucky as a snail that makes it over the railroad track a split second before the express comes through, except that two seconds later, it gets stepped on by a passing jogger.


----------



## Hairazor

He was walking along minding his own business when a swarm of bees attacked him, he was stung on both sides of his face which swelled up like a squirrel storing acorns in it's cheeks for winter


----------



## RoxyBlue

She was as happy as an alcoholic who has just found the key to the back door into the Jim Beam distillery.


----------



## Hairazor

She fell asleep while sunbathing and when she woke up she felt like she was crispy fried chicken


----------



## RoxyBlue

He oozed around the room like the Blob looking for another victim.


----------



## scareme

She kept procrastinating like a man who's been engaged for seven years.


----------



## Hairazor

No matter how many times I tried to explain how to use the machine she just couldn't absorb it, like water off a duck


----------



## Gruenenfelder

On Christmas, my heart broke like a heart breaks on December 25th.


----------



## Hairazor

Her mind is like a black hole, info goes in and never comes out again


----------



## Gruenenfelder

Talking on a phone is like looking in a mirror, the person on the other end never copies me exactly


----------



## RoxyBlue

His thoughts were as clear as a window covered with hot glue and coal dust.


----------



## Hairazor

A rooster crowing in the morning is like an annoying alarm clock but one you can't roll over and turn off


----------



## RoxyBlue

The rain slowly coursed down the window panes like dark saliva dripping from a hungry ghoul's mouth.


----------



## Hairazor

It was hot and sticky outside and she felt like she was being slow roasted with a constant addition of basting juices


----------



## Hairazor

After she fell down the steep hill and landed in a pile of rocks she felt like she had been beaten like a Pinata


----------



## RoxyBlue

His eyes shone brightly like a funeral pyre


----------



## Hairazor

When she met her idol she had trouble speaking intelligibly, like trying to talk with a month full of pudding


----------



## RoxyBlue

He moved as silently as a grocery cart that has one of its wheels stuck off kilter.


----------



## Hairazor

The book assigned for class was so long and boring I thought it would never end, like infinity


----------



## RoxyBlue

Her meals were as delectable as a sun ripened pail of fish guts and crab scraps.


----------



## Hairazor

Her Mom grilled the hamburgers soooo done it was like eating the charcoal briquettes


----------



## scareme

She glided down the stairs, like a blind bull in a china shop.


----------



## Hairazor

Her thoughts were scattered, like the fluff blown off a dandelion


----------



## Lizzyborden

His toupe was atrocious, like a roadkill possum on its third day in the hot sun!


----------



## Hairazor

He walked so slow, like he was walking in a river of peanut butter


----------



## Lizzyborden

She felt haggard, like a piece of gum on the sidewalk that had been stepped on for days.


----------



## Hairazor

Trying to get the children out of the tub is like trying to catch the greased pig at the county fair


----------



## RoxyBlue

His hair gleamed like pond scum floating in a stagnant pool on a moonlit night.


----------



## Hairazor

He roller skates like a giraffe on acid


----------



## Dreadmakr

as good as broccoli flavored ice cream


----------



## Hairazor

As useless as wheels on a horse


----------



## scareme

As graceful as Hairazor wearing high heels on ice.


----------



## Hairazor

^ Bwahahaha, so you've seen me that way!!


So humid fish could live out of water


----------



## Dreadmakr

As innocent as a new born baby...
Baby rat that is


----------



## Hairazor

When drunk, she walked like a peg-legged woman on a tightrope


----------



## Dreadmakr

as safe as juggling jars of nitroglycerin


----------



## RoxyBlue

He was as silent as a grave unless it was one of those the rats had gotten into and started gnawing on bones, in which case he wasn't as silent as expected.


----------



## Hairazor

She slid off the bed as if the sheets were coated with petroleum jelly


----------



## Dreadmakr

As friendly as a junk yard dog


----------



## Hairazor

Her hair blew in the wind like a string mop on a clothes line


----------



## Dreadmakr

The kind of girl you would take home to mom, if you wanted tour mom to have a heart attack


----------



## Hairazor

Her make up was outrageous, like it had been applied by a blind clown


----------



## Dreadmakr

She looked like a million dollars...
All green and wrinkly.


----------



## Hairazor

Her enthusiasm fizzled away like a campfire in the rain


----------



## Dreadmakr

Her perfume was as alluring as a sunbaked zombie


----------



## Hairazor

Her teeth were so white, like she had a mouthful of Chiclets


----------



## RoxyBlue

His moves were as smooth as a porcupine on crooked stilts


----------



## Dreadmakr

He was about as tough as a hamburger


----------



## Hairazor

Her face had so many hives it looked like a pepperoni pizza


----------



## Dreadmakr

Even thinking about kissing her is like rubbing a brick across you teeth


----------



## Hairazor

Her hair grew so fast it was like she fertilized it


----------



## Dreadmakr

She was sweet,,, like vinger


----------



## RoxyBlue

Her eyes glistened like a single trembling drop of spit hanging from a wolf's left fang when the moon is full and bright


----------



## Dreadmakr

Running your fingers through her hair was like running them through steel wool.


----------



## Hairazor

Tears ran down her face like someone turned on a faucet


----------



## Dreadmakr

Spending time with her made me realize just what hell must be like.


----------



## Hairazor

After gardening, her fingernails were crusted with dirt like she had just clawed her way out of a grave


----------



## Dreadmakr

Her hair was so oily, you could use it to lubricate machine parts.


----------



## scareme

I've been so bad, it's like I'm living in a Michel Jackson song.


----------



## Dreadmakr

She is so evil, that witches go to her for training.


----------



## Hairazor

Her tongue was so sharp, like she could cut a loaf of bread with it


----------



## Dreadmakr

She was so beautiful that her evil nature could go unnoticed until it was way too late


----------



## Hairazor

The thunder was so tremendously loud, like the gates of Hell blowing up


----------



## Dreadmakr

He was more crooked than a Chicago politician.


----------



## Hairazor

The scene was so horrifying it made her cry, like her soul was pouring out through her eyes


----------



## Dreadmakr

His handshake was as limp as a wet dish rag


----------



## Hairazor

The party was so dull, like she was slipping into a coma


----------



## Dreadmakr

His personality was more course than 80 grit sandpaper.


----------



## Hairazor

Her head was pounding like a bass drummer on speed


----------



## Dreadmakr

I've driven on dirt roads that were smoother than his pick-up attempts.


----------



## Hairazor

There was so much turmoil, like throwing catnip in a Clowder of cats


----------



## Dreadmakr

The crumb cake tasted like it was made of kitty litter


----------



## Hairazor

The storm was exceedingly chaotic, like the climactic volley of cannon fire, ringing chimes, and brass fanfare finale from the 1812 Overture


----------



## Dreadmakr

To call him an unpleasant person, is like calling a nuclear bomb a firecracker.


----------



## Hairazor

Her hangover made her head hurt, like a swarm of bees building a nest in barbed wire


----------



## Dreadmakr

He is dumber than Patrick Star


----------



## Hairazor

The accident bounced her around like a kangaroo on a trampoline


----------



## Dreadmakr

Skinnier than angel hair pasta


----------



## Hairazor

The rain came down like Heaven was on a rampage


----------



## Dreadmakr

Tied up worse that rush hour traffic


----------



## Hairazor

She was so excited she danced around like water drops on a hot griddle


----------



## Dreadmakr

He was drooling so badly, three near-by toddlers almost drowned.


----------



## Hairazor

The clock ticked on like the slow steady drip of an IV


----------



## Dreadmakr

It was as exciting as hearing Brahms lullaby at a rock concert


----------



## Hairazor

She cried so hard and long her eyes were swollen and red and when she blinked it looked like a flashing red light


----------



## Dreadmakr

He is so open minded that his brain fell out


----------



## RoxyBlue

His eyes glowed as brightly as the department store Santa’s nose after his lunch break spent downing scotch and soda at Joe’s Bar and Grill But Mostly Bar


----------



## Hairazor

The dogs rattling dog tags reminded her of things best forgotten, like the guy chained in her basement


----------



## Dreadmakr

My neighbor is the kind of person that grows on you, 
like mold on old bread


----------



## Hairazor

My boss had a fiery temper so you felt like a marshmallow blazing over an open campfire


----------



## Dreadmakr

He is the kind of person that says "it's my way or the highway"
But would get upset if you kick them out of the car, and left them standing in the middle of the highway.


----------



## Hairazor

His diet was so severe, it was like he was Gandhi's fasting disciple


----------



## Dreadmakr

He drinks so much that his blood is 90 proof


----------



## Hairazor

While hanging pictures, she had trouble hitting the nail and it sounded like a drunken woodpecker


----------



## Dreadmakr

Listening to her sing was like rubbing a brick across your teeth.


----------



## Hairazor

The teacher told the students to quiet down because they twittered like a bunch of drunken birds


----------



## Dreadmakr

The office was noisier than a classroom full of unruly grade school students


----------



## Hairazor

He was slicker than sliding down a greased banister


----------



## Dreadmakr

As appetizing as raw chicken


----------



## Hairazor

The snow kept falling heavily, like a snow globe shaken by an angry child


----------



## Dreadmakr

It feels like driving with a blindfold on


----------



## Hairazor

She gave him the extreme cold shoulder, like the Polar Vortex


----------



## Dreadmakr

Its like he is trying to keep the mortician busy.


----------



## Hairazor

She had so much energy, like a sparkler on the Fourth of July


----------



## Dreadmakr

About as trustworthy as Chicago politician


----------



## Hairazor

The road seemed to stretch on forever, like the wails of a child who didn't get their way


----------



## Dreadmakr

She threw a fit, like a little girl who didn't get her pony


----------



## RoxyBlue

Her anticipation burst like a bubble of snot from a toddler’s nose


----------



## Dreadmakr

She couldn't have screeched louder if her boyfriend kissed her identical twin sister.


----------



## Hairazor

She was so tired she felt like she was moving backward


----------



## Dreadmakr

She would cover more if she wore the price tag, instead of the outfit.


----------



## Hairazor

Her shouts of joy were contagious like the Plague


----------



## Dreadmakr

Rocks with mud would taste better, and be easier to chew, than her mash potatoes and gravey


----------



## Hairazor

She has a smile that lights up a room like a malfunctioning electric chair


----------



## Dreadmakr

He has ears that would make an elephant jealous


----------



## Hairazor

The bonfire was so big, like they were trying to signal a satellite


----------



## Dreadmakr

She is such a busy-body that she probably knows your shoe size


----------



## Hairazor

The gossip flowed like sweat off a boxer


----------



## Dreadmakr

Her concern was as phony as her hair color.


----------



## Hairazor

The dancer spun as fast as a politician spinning an issue


----------



## Dreadmakr

disappeared faster than a run-a-way white handkerchief in a full on blizzard


----------



## Hairazor

Cried tears like an open fire hydrant


----------



## Dreadmakr

She kisses like a dead fish


----------



## Hairazor

She danced like a corpse with one foot


----------



## Dreadmakr

He is as trustworthy as any other backstabber


----------



## Hairazor

She was sweating like a "cold one" out of the fridge on a hot day


----------



## Dreadmakr

When it comes to being slow, a sloth has nothing on him.


----------



## Hairazor

The little boy stuck to his mother like a bit of toilet tissue to a razor cut


----------



## Dreadmakr

His head is probably as empty as his arguments


----------



## Hairazor

Her actions were more slippery than a wet bar of soap


----------



## Dreadmakr

As trustworthy as any other con man.


----------



## Hairazor

He was as slick as grease on a bald man's head


----------



## Dreadmakr

She sings like a bird... an old crow


----------



## Hairazor

Her alibi was so questionable it sank like a barrel at the bottom of Niagara Falls


----------



## Dreadmakr

She eats like a bird...
A huge, hungry buzzard.


----------



## RoxyBlue

His ideas are as fresh as that loaf of bread you bought two months ago that got “lost” in the back of the refrigerator


----------



## Dreadmakr

His thinking is as clear as a sun blocker window shade


----------



## Hairazor

Her memory was as permanent as a snowball in a sauna


----------



## Dreadmakr

She was as cuddly as an angry porcupine


----------



## Hairazor

She was as slippery as a pig in roller skates on ice


----------



## Dreadmakr

She addressed people as respectfully as Don Rickles


----------



## Bone To Pick

The rising sun cast a rich amber glow across the waking cityscape, like a gigantic gob of burnt cheese whiz splattering across an oven interior.


----------



## Dreadmakr

She eats like a bird.
Specifically, like a buzzard.


----------



## Goblin

Never give a sucker an even break, it takes longer to heal!


----------



## Hairazor

The health food smoothie was like green pond scum


----------



## Goblin

She was so skinny she could walk between the raindrops


----------



## Hairazor

Her face was so weathered, like one of those dried apple doll faces


----------



## Goblin

She had a real bad headache, like a mule was kicking her in the head!


----------



## Goblin

She had a real bad headache, like a mule was kicking her in the head!


----------



## Hairazor

It was as hot out as standing inside the furnace on full blast


----------



## Goblin

She was light on her feet, like an elephant wearing cement shoes!


----------



## Hairazor

She had a headache that was like a woodpecker inside her skull


----------



## Dreadmakr

It was as cozy as a bed of nails


----------



## Bone To Pick

The decrepit old crypt smelled of mildew and rot, like the bathroom when her grandparents visited.


----------



## Hairazor

After a night of heavy drinking her head was prickly, like it was full of nettles


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