# The Neighbor got to me.. Darn it!!



## Wispurs (Oct 9, 2012)

First off, shame on me for letting someone else get to me. When it comes to kids I tend to be over protective.

While working on my display the neighbor girl (shes 7) comes over to see if my daughter is home.She looks sadly at my display and says " my dad says I can't go trick or treating. He thinks going to peoples houses and begging for candy is pathetic. " 
I looked at her surprised. opened my mouth, closed it, paused, took a breath and said " I'm sorry to hear that dear. I can tell that made you sad.I don't agree with your dads opinion. I feel differently about Halloween. It may not help now but when your a grown up you can decide how you want to celebrate_."

_I tried so hard to be nice about it, with all the angry thoughts going through my head. I do believe everyone is allowed there opinion. it broke my heart to see her so sad. 
My angel side says keep your positive attitude. (which of course I will)
My devil side wants to put a couple of props peeking over the fence in their direction mooning them or something. 
Anyways, that's my rant, thanks letting me share

** edit ** Please allow me to clarify.. i have babysat her and her baby brother a few times. I know she is allowed to play dress up & allowed sweets. This is about my anger at letting someone elses words get to me.
I certainly didn't intend to cause drama here. I apologize for that.


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## Copchick (Apr 10, 2012)

You did the right thing, Wispurs. Whenever the child comes over to your house, maybe you can give her a little bit of Halloween when she visits. Play dress up in costumes. No make up, that's evidence! Hee hee! If the father finds out and is displeased, then take it from there. Apologize and explain that it was not meant to be disrespectful, but as merely having play time with the kids. It stinks when people have a weird mindset on something like this.


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## RoxyBlue (Oct 6, 2008)

Going to houses and begging for candy is only pathetic when you're old enough to be the one passing out candy

I think you handled it very well with your response. It's sad to think a parent would use the word "pathetic" with a child so young.


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## Death's Door (Mar 22, 2006)

RoxyBlue said:


> It's sad to think a parent would use the word "pathetic" with a child so young.


I thought the same thing. Again, it's a shame how people misinterpret Halloween.


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## RoxyBlue (Oct 6, 2008)

Actually, hard to say whether the issue is Halloween itself or the concept of begging, based on the wording he used. Either way, I'm sorry for the girl. She's highly likely to see and/or hear about friends going out enjoying the holiday and that's just a recipe for feeling like an outsider.


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## BunchOfHocusPocus (May 23, 2012)

That's good you held back from saying anything. There's times I hear people say negative things about Halloween and I just bite my tongue.


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## Wispurs (Oct 9, 2012)

Copchick said:


> Whenever the child comes over to your house, maybe you can give her a little bit of Halloween when she visits. Play dress up in costumes. No make up, that's evidence! Hee hee!


This is a great idea I will also pass onto my daughter. Since my daughter has developed an interest in Cosplay its very fitting.

My sign says ' Trick or Treaters all ages Welcome between 6-9' 
I did tell mention to her if she was over playing she is welcome to have a peek. Please keep some of it a surprise for the other kids. My hope was she would feel like she was still getting something special just for her.

Thinking about it, if they are playing in the yard she gonna see stuff anyways.


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## corey872 (Jan 10, 2010)

Copchick said:


> ... Whenever the child comes over to your house, maybe you can give her a little bit of Halloween when she visits. Play dress up in costumes. No make up, that's evidence! Hee hee! ...


Thin ice best not treadled upon, IMHO. I'm sure we can all agree on the virtues of Halloween here, but their family obviously doesn't and has instilled that in their child.

How would you feel if you found your daughter was being taught the opposite of one of your core values when she was over at their house? ...a totally opposite religion? ...the opposite or 'wrong' political party? ...or that it's OK to play dress-up / pretend with adults as long as the evidence is hidden?

I think I would be pretty livid!


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## Haunted Bayou (Feb 16, 2007)

It isn't begging if you are invited to come by. That is just an odd thing to say.


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## Copchick (Apr 10, 2012)

@ corey872 - Your "honest opinion" is understood. Perhaps you didn't read the rest of my post. I didn't say to take her begging for candy, which it reads in Wispurs post of what the father had an issue with. At least the kid can play dress up. I do agree that you have an opinion just as I do. If we lived closer together I'd say we would have to go get a cup of coffee. Have a nice day!


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## corey872 (Jan 10, 2010)

Appears I struck a nerve when it was not intended. I read the post... but addressing the kid and skirting the issue by calling it 'dress up', pretend or whatever, is what I was trying to make a point about.

If anything, I'd say take it up with the parent....

"Hey neighbor - just finishing up my Halloween decorations, you and the kids should come over - I will make sure to have plenty of treats for them. I'm sure they would have a great time."

"I don't want my kids begging for candy."

"Well, it's not really begging since I just invited you! Plus, Halloween has had such a rich history over the last few thousand years, it's a shame not to carry on the tradition."

... 

Maybe I am just more sensitive to the issue as I have first hand observation of how 'good intentions' can sway a young child. I personally know a kid who was popular and well liked in school, good grades and wanted to go to college, study drafting/design/computers, etc. As an early teen, he encountered a family of 'preppers' convinced the world would end as we rolled into 2000. They preached a seemingly harmless 'be prepared' message. But it snowballed to where the popular kid turned into the reclusive 'trenchcoat mafia' type. Computer / design magazines became guns/ammo/survival. College applications turned into firearms applications and licenses. Building computers and model cars turned into reloading ammo.

Well, the world didn't end in Y2K, so there sets the kid...abandon all his friends, gave up on a good computer/drafting career, never went to college, wound up stuck in a dead end job, living in a small shack of a house. 

Anyway, just my .02 - but yes, if you're in the midwest out KC way anytime, hit me up and we can do a coffee or three.


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## CreeepyCathy (Mar 28, 2009)

Wispurs said:


> While working on my display the neighbor girl (shes 7) comes over to see if my daughter is home.She looks sadly at my display and says " my dad says I can't go trick or treating. He thinks going to peoples houses and begging for candy is pathetic. "
> .


Me, being a simple kinda gal, thinks he's preparing his child for the simple fact that he is too cheap to buy candy &/ too lazy to pass it out. 
And maybe he'd feel a little guilty if his kids were out getting the candy & he wasn't giving any.  Maybe he just cannot afford it. Times are tough right now for a lot of folks.
Solution: Buy him a couple of bags of candy as a gift. Since he's not the one who told you this, technically, he doesn't know that you know it. Offer the candy; say something like 'hey, I know you may get some ToTers over here since I get a boatload at my house. I feel a little guilty from the possibility it may put a burden on you, blah, blah, blah or some bullsh!t alleviating him of his problem.  The trick is to give him candy,make him not look bad, & hope he participates. For the sake of his child.


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## austenandrews (Aug 22, 2010)

Maybe the father is just being a curmudgeon and doesn't want to be bothered. Can you invite her over to help with the haunt on Halloween? That way her dad is off the hook and she might have even more fun than if she went trick-or-treating.


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## Troll Wizard (May 3, 2012)

_*It just goes to show that there are many different views when it comes to Halloween. We may not always agree with them and may think that what the father stated is really, really stupid. I would probably agree that what he told here daughter is from someone who has decided that "Trick or Treating" is like begging for candy.

Going door to door knocking or ringing that doorbell and saying Trick or Treat and getting candy, well in some ways maybe it is. But I think there are enough people that still carry on the traditions that make Halloween what it is today. Good thing that there is, and not a lot of people that feel that same way the father does. I am sadden by the fact that he appears to be more lazy and not want to take his daughter around the neighborhood to experience the enjoyment of the season.

Yes, we don't know the whole circumstances on why he feels this way, but his daughter will only be this age once and will soon grow up and be on her way. As a parent, I wanted to experience these things with my children when they were young. They would get tired from going around and heck....I wanted to go around again.

I like the idea of letting her maybe be a part of your haunt if there is a place for her. Maybe even asking the dad to help out as well and get them both involved. That may be just the thing to get him to change his thinking about Halloween! :jol:
*_


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## fontgeek (Jul 24, 2006)

I think that many people have forgotten that "Trick or Treat" was/is a "threat" not begging. Traditionally, food and or spirits were given to the crowds that went door to door to ward off demons, evil spirits, etc. The masking of the crowd was supposed to make the home owners think of the potential dangers of those demons, evil spirits, etc., could inflict upon their home, their crops, their families, and themselves.
So, your kid is actually more of a "bully" when he/she TOTs, not a beggar.
For the poor little girls father/parents, finances may be a big issue, not just for the candy, but for the kid's costume, decorations, etc. If the parent(s) have to work on Halloween, it may be a factor they are trying to diffuse now.
I think you showed some wise restraint, but if you are friends with the parent, you might offer to take his daughter/children out TOTing with your own kids. If he/they can't or won't be able to offer candy, or if they have to work, it would take the pressure off of them, and maybe let the child enjoy the holiday.
Just thoughts from the cheap seats.


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## Pumpkin5 (Aug 8, 2010)

Wispurs said:


> While working on my display the neighbor girl (shes 7) comes over to see if my daughter is home.She looks sadly at my display and says " my dad says I can't go trick or treating. He thinks going to peoples houses and begging for candy is pathetic. "


:jol:I'd call Child Services......
(...I'm kidding...but what a moron! Once again.....everyone shouldn't be a parent just because you can have a child. Just my opinion.)


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## Whynotgrl (Sep 5, 2012)

Since you have baby sat her can you make her a special little treat bag and bring it over on halloween in costume?


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## Wispurs (Oct 9, 2012)

I have been pondering the ideas everyone has shared.
I am ruling out talking with the father this year. Nicotine withdrawls are making my moods unpredictable I'm afraid. I don't trust myself yet. :devil:
@X&%=#! .. oops there I go again.

However... the other ideas i feel are do able.Sadly I can almost guarantee he won't let her help out during the haunt. She has strict 5pm curfew. I only have two more props to do some painting on (I think) then its all about clean up and set up. she could certainly help with some of that if she would like to.
I am all ready planning on a craft day next spring. A few of my neighbors and friends want to learn how to make the paper mache pumpkins. could be a kids friend event maybe?


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## dudeamis (Oct 16, 2011)

I hate to get political but that father screams tea party to me.


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## Nutz (Feb 19, 2013)

Wispurs said:


> I have been pondering the ideas everyone has shared.
> I am ruling out talking with the father this year. Nicotine withdrawls are making my moods unpredictable I'm afraid. I don't trust myself yet. :devil:
> @X&%=#! .. oops there I go again.
> 
> ...


I think you initial response was probably good enough. While she will only be young once and may not be able to participate now, but you may have helped to create a future haunter.


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## MichaelMyers (Oct 21, 2013)

Invite the parent over to help you set things up. Something too heavy, bulky etc. Ask thier opinion on the display and that will help you understand them better. You should not go behind their back. If it is religious you will drive a huge wedge. Celebrate what the child can do but be careful of the parents wishes. You have a kind soul which is wounderful to have in a neighbor.


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## MichaelMyers (Oct 21, 2013)

P.S. When all else fails throw a bag of flaming poop on their doorstep and ring the doorbell! ;-)


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## jaege (Aug 23, 2009)

RoxyBlue said:


> Going to houses and begging for candy is only pathetic when you're old enough to be the one passing out candy
> 
> I think you handled it very well with your response. It's sad to think a parent would use the word "pathetic" with a child so young.


You took the words right out of my mind, you little mind reader.


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## Wispurs (Oct 9, 2012)

Post Halloween UPDATE - 
I'm disappointed to say I wasn't able to share Halloween with the little girl mentioned.
I was surprised I didn't see her at all that day. It wasn't raining and the kids are usually playing out. She did stop by yesterday, Since I've had the flu my decorations in the covered area are still up. so she did get to see them after the fact. I still hope to have a crafting day this spring and will invite her as well.


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## byteme (Sep 26, 2009)

Wispurs said:


> First off, shame on me for letting someone else get to me. When it comes to kids I tend to be over protective.
> 
> While working on my display the neighbor girl (shes 7) comes over to see if my daughter is home.She looks sadly at my display and says " my dad says I can't go trick or treating. He thinks going to peoples houses and begging for candy is pathetic. "
> I looked at her surprised. opened my mouth, closed it, paused, took a breath and said " I'm sorry to hear that dear. I can tell that made you sad.I don't agree with your dads opinion. I feel differently about Halloween. It may not help now but when your a grown up you can decide how you want to celebrate_."
> ...


could they be Jehovah witnesses I know they cant partake in Halloween sad but true


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## Odette (Jan 15, 2014)

Something like that 'kinda' happened to me once when I worked in retail years ago. I was working the night before Halloween, and I was running the cash register. My boss came up to me and handed me a large stack of super cute Halloween bags to give to any children that came through my lane. They were rather large and perfect to take for trick or treating. I had a blast giving them to the kids, they would get this big smile on their face, and parents seemed to be appreciative too. Towards the end of the night a woman came to my lane, she had two children, a boy and a girl very close in age. As I was bagging up her items I asked the little boy and girl, "would you like a trick or treat bag?!" and I reached under my counter to grab them each one. The woman snapped at me, "WE DON'T CELEBRATE HALLOWEEN!" and gave me a very stern look. I simply replied back, "oh.......sorry." As I handed her bags to her, she snatched them out of my hands and whisked her children off. It kinda mad me angry cause she didn't have to be so,...so hateful about it and looking at me like I was the devil or something, LOL! But yeah, wow, that was a long time ago, back in 1994!


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## scareme (Aug 29, 2006)

Odette said:


> Something like that 'kinda' happened to me once when I worked in retail years ago. I was working the night before Halloween, and I was running the cash register. My boss came up to me and handed me a large stack of super cute Halloween bags to give to any children that came through my lane. They were rather large and perfect to take for trick or treating. I had a blast giving them to the kids, they would get this big smile on their face, and parents seemed to be appreciative too. Towards the end of the night a woman came to my lane, she had two children, a boy and a girl very close in age. As I was bagging up her items I asked the little boy and girl, "would you like a trick or treat bag?!" and I reached under my counter to grab them each one. The woman snapped at me, "WE DON'T CELEBRATE HALLOWEEN!" and gave me a very stern look. I simply replied back, "oh.......sorry." As I handed her bags to her, she snatched them out of my hands and whisked her children off. It kinda mad me angry cause she didn't have to be so,...so hateful about it and looking at me like I was the devil or something, LOL! But yeah, wow, that was a long time ago, back in 1994!


Except for the sex of the shopper, it could have been my brother. He's as anti Halloween as I am pro. Which is strange since we were both raised the same way. We agree to leave each to his own. What is really cool is that your manager had bags for you to give to the kids for free. I bet you had a great time giving them out. And remember, there were a lot more people happy about it, than offended. We still out number the nuts. Even though some think we are the nuts.


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## Odette (Jan 15, 2014)

scareme said:


> Except for the sex of the shopper, it could have been my brother. He's as anti Halloween as I am pro. Which is strange since we were both raised the same way. We agree to leave each to his own. What is really cool is that your manager had bags for you to give to the kids for free. I bet you had a great time giving them out. And remember, there were a lot more people happy about it, than offended. We still out number the nuts. Even though some think we are the nuts.


You're right, out of ALL the families I gave them too (and believe me, there was many), that woman was the ONLY one that objected! I try not to get too upset about the children who are not allowed to take part in the holiday cause chances are, when they grow up they will turn out to be just like us. Halloween fanatics! :lolkin:


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## jaege (Aug 23, 2009)

Pumpkin5 said:


> :jol:I'd call Child Services......
> (...I'm kidding...but what a moron! Once again.....everyone shouldn't be a parent just because you can have a child. Just my opinion.)


Truer words for never spoken You need a license to catch a fish but any moron can have a kid. Boggles the mind.


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## jaege (Aug 23, 2009)

scareme said:


> Except for the sex of the shopper, it could have been my brother.* He's as anti Halloween as I am pro*. Which is strange since we were both raised the same way. We agree to leave each to his own. What is really cool is that your manager had bags for you to give to the kids for free. I bet you had a great time giving them out. And remember, there were a lot more people happy about it, than offended. We still out number the nuts. Even though some think we are the nuts.


Okay, you have got to clarify this for me. It cannot be religion since you were raised together. So what is it? And how is he anti-Halloween? What does he do?


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## Bethene (Jan 19, 2008)

Poor little girl,, I feel bad for her, but you handled it well I think. I agree with pumpkin5, some people just should not be parents. 

scareme, I am like jagae, would like to know the two of you ended up so different>>!


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## Lord Homicide (May 11, 2012)

dudeamis said:


> I hate to get political but that father screams tea party to me.


 not all tea party folks are anti-Halloween, trust me.

The dad just sounds like a cheap bastard...


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## scareme (Aug 29, 2006)

jaege said:


> Okay, you have got to clarify this for me. It cannot be religion since you were raised together. So what is it? And how is he anti-Halloween? What does he do?





Bethene said:


> Poor little girl,, I feel bad for her, but you handled it well I think. I agree with pumpkin5, some people just should not be parents.
> 
> scareme, I am like jagae, would like to know the two of you ended up so different>>!


Sorry, I didn't see this eailier. I'm not sure how he turned out to be so anti-Halloween. Even tho we were raised in the same religion, we started practicing different in our 20's. My two sister celebrate Halloween, and decorate, just not as wild as I do. He is one of those who thinks Halloween is to worship Satan. He never let his kids tot. They told us they had to sit in the dark so toters would think no one was home. And the girls used to peak out the windows and watch the toters and wish they could be out there with them. One year, before I got into Halloween so extreme, they came to visit us, and he did let his kids go out with mine. The wore some extra costumes we had. (I was amazed when I found out everyone doesn't have a closet with extra costumes, all sizes. What do they do when someone visiting doesn't have a costume?) But that was the only time the kids got to go out. He's even that weird about Christmas. No Santa in any of the decorations, and Santa never brought presents. Presents were for Christ's birthday. Santa is a heathen symbol brought into a Christian holiday. Other parent's including me, didn't like his kids telling our kids Santa was a lie told by their parents. That might be true, but it's my choice, not his, to ruin it for my kids. We don't discuss holidays when we are together, and we get along fine. His wife has told me she wishes he wasn't so strict about holidays, but she puts up with it.


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## Haunted Bayou (Feb 16, 2007)

If that kid as a strict curfew, then there is a lot more going on than just distaste for Halloween. That is more of a control issue. Really, all you can do is offer for her to come by for craft day and create some good memories for her. I wouldn't get involved beyond that. It would be different if it was a situation where child services needed to be involved.

@ scarme.."presents were for Christ's birthday"...so he makes stuff up to suit his beliefs. 

I have friends who celebrate Christmas, and have presents but they don't talk about Santa. There isn't anything wrong with that. 

People believe what they want. As long as they don't tell me what to do we are ok.
Same goes for us. It isn't for us to tell somebody they should like Halloween. We could correct the bad history they learned but they don't want that either. I just let them be halloween scrooges..(we really need a halloween story and make up a character that doesn't like halloween so we can have a term for those people...other than "butt-heads".


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## jaege (Aug 23, 2009)

Ah the ignorance that only religion can inspire. Not saying that all folks who practice an organized religion are ignorant, because obviously they are not. But the ones that go down that road really really define the word.


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## niblique71 (Dec 2, 2009)

jaege said:


> Ah the ignorance that only religion can inspire. Not saying that all folks who practice an organized religion are ignorant, because obviously they are not. But the ones that go down that road really really define the word.


Never have I heard that angle spoken with such clarity, and balance. touché, Now let's move away from religious discussions before the moderators decide to mince us all up and spread us on toast for a breakfast delicacy.


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