# Horror Movie Review: In the Woods



## Sinister (Apr 18, 2004)

In the South ( not really sure about the rest of the continental U.S.A.) we have a restaurant called Waffle House. There is a dish you can order there that consists of hash brown potatatoes, and is either "covered, smothered, chunked," etc. with your choice of cheese, jalapeno peppers, onions, chili, ham chunks---just about anything, including the kitchen sink. This movie is much like that, except it's no where near as pleasing to the eye as that fairly good mess is to the stomach. Come to think of it, it gave me a SOUR STOMACH--not the food, but the movie. Might as well add "jumbled" to the description, because that's what the plot to this seemed to be. It was jumbled in so many ways, I couldn't make much of it.

The acting is much of what you would expect form a high school drama class reading their lines for the first time, or an episode of *Rescue 911.* I wouldn't have been shocked at any second to see a sudden break in the action to see the lead character sitting in an empty room over-dramatizing his life's woes, with melodramatic music playing not-so-subtly in the background: "I knew I was wrong for having a drink with the guys after work. I thought Helen would understand. Then...Well...she didn't, so I became an alcoholic."

Or some such. there are some killings where Fireman/Alcoholic Alex lives, and this killer leaves ladies fingers in his wake. Alex and a buddy of his go out into the woods, and for some inexplicable reason, they dig up this grave and find a devilish skull under the soil "I knew we shouldn't have been there. I just knew it! Darn it! If I only knew then, what I know now.Then...Well... I wouldn't have become an alcoholic."

Soon, the lady fingers killer has competition in the killing game. A bonafide monster is on the loose, and it's up to Alex after body parts show up and people start getting mauled, to stop the terror before it spreads. The monster or maybe monster(s) are depressingly awful when they're finally seen. To give them SOME credit, at least the beasties aren't as bad as that popsickle monstrosity in *Wendigo.* Instead, they look like some of the more worse creations on old episodes of *Star Trek.*

Stay away from this one at all costs. If not, it will be you in some crappy movie one day, like Alex going," I know I was warned. A few years ago, a wise man told me to stay away from this film on the _Unpleasant Street Forums._ Darn it, I didn't listen! If only I had done what I was told! Then...Well...I wouldn't have become an alcoholic."

You've been warned, kiddies. Avoid this movie and A.A. meetings won't be in your immediate future.

Rating: 1/2


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