# Men's rules - a response to "Words Women Use"



## roadkill (May 11, 2006)

Guys - feel free to add to this list. I know there are many more than these. And no, these are not the "Man Laws".

They are all numbered *1 *for a reason.

* Man's Rules for Women*
1-Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. 
1-Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
1-Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
1-Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, and NASCAR.
1-Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1-Shopping is NOT a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1-When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
1-Crying is blackmail.
1-Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work. Just say it!
1-We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
1-Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
1-Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1-Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's  what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1-A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1-Check your own oil! Please.
1-*Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.* In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1-If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1-If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1-Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.
1-You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done - not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1-Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1-Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
1-The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.
1-ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1-If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1-We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
1-If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1-I'm in shape. - ROUND is a shape.​


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## strange1 (Mar 12, 2006)




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## slightlymad (May 25, 2006)

Yes that was the brakes you heard and no it wasnt just the trash on the floor.


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## Ms. Wicked (Nov 14, 2006)

Ah hahaha! LMAO 

Touche Rob!


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## BooGirl666 (Jul 29, 2006)

LOL if someone was to post this i would only think of you rk lmao.


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## roadkill (May 11, 2006)

babygirl_kmp said:


> LOL if someone was to post this i would only think of you rk lmao.


Yeah, BG, good thing no one posted this yet.


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## BooGirl666 (Jul 29, 2006)

lol


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## Lilly (Jun 13, 2006)

spoken like a true man


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## Bone Dancer (Oct 7, 2005)

Bravo


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## roadkill (May 11, 2006)




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## Koumajutsu (Aug 9, 2006)

Oh if only women were as simple as the panel you've just shown.

in fact, i wish there was a switch dead center that could turn them on


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## TearyThunder (Jul 1, 2006)

Ummmm sweetie, you should know that we don't (well I can only speak for myself) need a switch to turn us on. All we need (at least I do) is halloween stuff and diamonds. Most importantly I need plenty of duct tape and feathers.


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## Fangs (Jun 6, 2006)

LMAO roadkill!!!!! oh, and strange1!!! those were hilarious! :>


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## slimy (Jul 12, 2006)

So........

I read my wife the 'Words women use' thing and she thought it was hilarious. Then I read her the 'man' thing and she got mad and I got in trouble. 

I have nothing more to say about this.


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## turtle2778 (Jul 9, 2006)

That was funny as hell. I loved that. You definately attract the women with many buttons RK.


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## Bone Dancer (Oct 7, 2005)

slimy said:


> So........
> 
> I read my wife the 'Words women use' thing and she thought it was hilarious. Then I read her the 'man' thing and she got mad and I got in trouble.
> 
> I have nothing more to say about this.


Truth hurts,


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## Ms. Wicked (Nov 14, 2006)

slimy said:


> So........
> 
> I read my wife the 'Words women use' thing and she thought it was hilarious. Then I read her the 'man' thing and she got mad and I got in trouble.
> 
> I have nothing more to say about this.


Did she "whatever" you?


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## Sickie Ickie (Jun 20, 2006)

My wife thought it was humerous.


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## Death's Door (Mar 22, 2006)

Just because you have a button, doesn't mean it works. At least we have a few to choose from.


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## roadkill (May 11, 2006)

Yes'm but the combinations of a woman's buttons are sometimes worse than deciphering a Rubik's cube (although a HELL of a lot more fun to play with, where solving fast is NOT a goal, and you do not look like a nerd when you mess with one).


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## slightlymad (May 25, 2006)

I dont have a problem figuring how to turn it on its turn it off that gets me in trouble


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## Ghostess (Aug 21, 2005)

I thought it was hilarious too. I have a tendency to be more like a guy when it comes to all that stuff, although I have "whatevered" before. I don't have an on button though- Always on, sometimes just in idle mode...


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## uncle willie (Apr 13, 2004)

some real men facts

i only watch chick films in hopes of getting some.

a good fart is something to be proud off.

i well not trash my socks untill all 5 toes show thour.

hot wheels arn't toys, they are art.

yes the tv guild does belong on the back of the toliet!

if i fall asleep in front of the tv,leave me be! dont wake me up an say go to bed,iam all ready asleep.

yes i realy do need a hula girl on my dash board!

yes i do need to buy the newest leartherman on the markert.

yes we do need to buy fun meal based on movies we like!

weed to flower bed????? which is the damn weed and which is the flower?

yes i do ned the giant yard gome holding a beer!

what you dont know how to put the toliet paper roll on yourself?

yes i do need a painting of dogs playing poker!

if i didnt want to drink all 30 beers, i wouldnt buy a 30 pack!

i have had that condum in my wallet sence i was 14 and it'll stay there for another 30 years damn it !


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