# How do I invite some and not others??



## alohacyndi (Jan 13, 2014)

Planning a Halloween party and want to basically invite friends & colleagues from work. It will be on Halloween night and I don't mind friends bringing the little ones as my son (10 yrs. old) and a couple of his friends will be there as well and it is a family friendly event. The problem I have is that I'm afraid that some of my colleagues may bring their teens who also attend the school we work at (as they have done this before at other events). It's not that I have a problem with teens being there, I have a problem with students gossiping about their teachers/administrators because their "fun mom" took them to a party. Want the point to get across without being rude...any ideas on how to word my invite? Been toying with "Adults and trick-or-treaters welcome..." but hoping to find a better way.


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## Copchick (Apr 10, 2012)

^ That's a tough one. Maybe word the invitations as "Adults and children under 10 are invited..." If one of the teens' parents ask if they can bring their teen, you will have to tell them that you would prefer adults and children under 10. It would be their choice not to come if their teen isn't permitted, which is fine. You can also explain that you don't want to have the teens gossiping what teacher so-and-so did at the halloween party, you want the teachers to be able to relax and have a good time without the scrutiny of teens and their gossiping. If that teen parent says they won't come without their teen, say "We'll miss you being there, but we'll take pictures for you." Or just don't invite the "fun mom".


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## alohacyndi (Jan 13, 2014)

thanks, yes it is kind of a sticky situation, but I like the children under 10 clause. I also thought of prefacing the invites with "A Halloween party is a great way to have a good time away from our students..." and hope that "fun mom" gets the hint.


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## Pumpkin5 (Aug 8, 2010)

:jol:Hey, it's your party! Most teens would rather hang at a "teen party"...and if they are so desperate that they tag along with "mom" then they aren't that cool... I'd word the invitation "Adults only" and if you want to specify to certain guests to bring their wee ones, then that is on you... Like I said it's your party....set a rule and then break it if'n you want to... You are a HOST and you are providing a night of fun, food, beverage and frolic to invited guests...you don't owe them a kidney or anything....you are allowed to dictate the rules and have fun yourself.


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## jaege (Aug 23, 2009)

Pumpkin5 said:


> :jol:Hey, it's your party! Most teens would rather hang at a "teen party"...and if they are so desperate that they tag along with "mom" then they aren't that cool... I'd word the invitation "Adults only" and if you want to specify to certain guests to bring their wee ones, then that is on you... Like I said it's your party....set a rule and then break it if'n you want to... You are a HOST and you are providing a night of fun, food, beverage and frolic to invited guests...you don't owe them a kidney or anything....you are allowed to dictate the rules and have fun yourself.


I like your attitude.


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## alohacyndi (Jan 13, 2014)

You're right. Most teens would not want to hang around with a bunch of old teachers. I'll just make sure it is clear who is invited and who is not. Thanks.


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## RoxyBlue (Oct 6, 2008)

I guess I'm a little puzzled because it sounds as if you're expecting your adult friends to behave in such a way that they would become a target of gossip, which would make for a non family-friendly party Surely if very young children are present, that wouldn't be an issue.

Having been to Halloween parties where children of all ages were present, I can say that the teens tended to hang together and not really pay much attention to what the adults were doing. The issue of post-party gossip did not appear to be anyone's concern.

No matter how diplomatically you phrase it, some parent is going to be offended at the thought that their teen was not raised properly enough to be able to attend a party to which their parents and younger siblings were welcomed. Yes, it's your house and your party, but I think you'll need to consider the trade off between saving an adult from the possibility of teen gossip and risking offending a friend or colleague.

CC is right - it's a tough call. Perhaps you could follow her suggestion and sound out a couple of your friends with teens prior to issuing invitations to see what they might have to suggest in this situation. You might find that they don't see it as a reason for concern and that might allay your fears.


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## Hairazor (Mar 13, 2012)

Perhaps, invite the adults you want and designate one hour early on, in which their children of any age may come and Trick or Treat


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## jaege (Aug 23, 2009)

RoxyBlue said:


> I guess I'm a little puzzled because it sounds as if you're expecting your adult friends to behave in such a way that they would become a target of gossip, which would make for a non family-friendly party Surely if very young children are present, that wouldn't be an issue.
> 
> Having been to Halloween parties where children of all ages were present, I can say that the teens tended to hang together and not really pay much attention to what the adults were doing. The issue of post-party gossip did not appear to be anyone's concern.
> 
> ...


If a friend or colleague chooses to be offended, chooses to see a negative in an invitation to a party...well that is on the offended person. It is not incumbent upon the host to alter their plans in an attempt not to offend anyone. After all, there are numerous people that find the very concept of Halloween offensive.

Aloha,

I have an annual children's Halloween party for my Grandson. Every year I write very plainly on the invitations that everyone who plans on staying must be in costume. Initially, I got a few parents who insisted they must stay with their child and I suppose were too cool to dress up. I showed them to the door. I let them know they were welcome to go out for a bite, see a movie or sit in their car until the party was over. I am reasonably certain that they were offended, and somehow I just didn't care.

The party is always a success, the kids have a blast, I have a blast. That is all that matters. The next year, the "cool" parents dropped off their kids and returned when the party was over. A few wised up and actually dressed up. There is still one guy that refuses to come in costume. His loss, not mine. The moral is, do things your own way. You cannot please all of the people all of the time and it is foolish to try.


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## alohacyndi (Jan 13, 2014)

It is probably not a big deal, however, being a teacher means being in the spotlight and under scrutiny no matter how well one behaves, so this is always something that is in the back of my mind. Plus, I just don't want to hang around any students unless it is a party for our students. Unfortunately, I do know a few teens who have not been raised properly...I'll just make sure they do not attend.


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## alohacyndi (Jan 13, 2014)

i was just thinking...I didn't really give the background of this party. Every year, we have a faculty/staff Christmas party at a colleague's house. She is getting kind of tired of hosting (loves it, but a lot of work) so we thought having a faculty/staff Halloween party instead and I would host. So basically, everyone I work with will be invited. Normally, I would only invite certain friends if it were simply a private party and this whole thing wouldn't even be an issue.


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## Headless (Sep 4, 2011)

Heck I wouldn't be intimidated by a bunch of teenagers - just throw an awesome party and you'll probably end up being the coolest colleague at the bash! Our Halloween Party is for friends and work colleagues and we have a wide range of kids attend our party - the youngest has been 5 and we've had them (boys and girls) all the way through their teens to young adults. I've had lots of the teens ask if we needed help setting up next year to give them a call so I take it that we got a big tick in the cool stakes. 

Don't let your invitation list cause you any stress. There is enough stress in holding an event as it is. Whether people enjoy themselves or not is more up to them than it is to you anyway. 

Be brave and have faith in your own hosting abilities. I'm sure it will be a howling success.


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## fontgeek (Jul 24, 2006)

I can see a major problem being alcohol, if it's being served. While it's not to difficult to keep little kids away from it, teenagers are a different game altogether. I can see adults/teachers being very hesitant to relax and consume alcohol with the potential problems with the kids, and tongues tend to get a bit looser with alcohol, and with kids with cameras/cell-phones on hand, many adults wouldn't participate because of the potential problems.


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