# The Worst Horror Films of 2005



## Sinister

Now, what good would a Best of, list be without a Worst of? Here go some atrocities that made my Hall of Shame this past year.

THE WORST HORROR FILMS OF 2005

1. *Cursed.* The things that are wrong about this film would read off like a shopping list. The name alone suits it. Hounded earlier on in production by a stack of problems, many of the names connected with the film either walked off the set or were fired. I've always thought Wes Craven wasn't a very good film director and boy was I proven wrong; he's much worse than I ever imagined and this movie proves it. A PG-13 version of this film hit the theater which was released to DVD alongside an "Unrated" version. The same happened with the second entry on my list (which actually tied this movie for being the worst) Here's a new rule that you in the home viewing audience would do well to adhere to where it involves Horror films: IF IT WAS PG-13 IN THE THEATERS, AN UNRATED DVD VERSION WILL BE THE SAME! Yes, I'm afraid that this film set back one of my favorite genre's Werewolf movies, back at least a century, destroying the trailblazing work wrought by *Dog Soldiers* and *Ginger Snaps.* Damn you Wes Craven, damn you to hell!

2. *The Ring 2.* How very interesting that the lovely Naomi Watts makes both my best and worst list of the year, but that is exactly what happened. Do I blame her for this stinker? Yes and every person involved with this mess, especially Hideo Nakata who was not only the director for this film, but the director of the original as well. It's a sad state of affairs when you can't even properly direct a remake of your own movie! Maybe it was a language barrier. The actors all moved around like they were confused most of the time. I'm sure that for the most part they weren't fluent in Japanese and perhaps that explains this atrocity. Maybe it also explains a boring, muddled storyline, crappy CGI deer and an almost comical looking main villain. Whatever is the case, chuck this down the well and watch the original instead.

3. *Frankenstein Reborn.* A very dull retelling of the Frankenstein mythos set in modern times with derivatives of all the original names of the story. The monster resembles the one in *I was a Teenage Frankenstein* but has none of the campy value of that film. If you see this one in the video store please pass it by, you have been warned. It's a snoozefest from the git-go. Terrible acting and sets so poorly lit that at times it's very difficult to discern who is who and what is going on. Not that you really want to know, no more than you wanted to know such garbage like this unentertaining schlock existed on this planet. Stay far, far away from this crap.

4. *Land of the Dead.* George A. Romero is not one of the best directors alive and working today. Do not be fooled by the hype. He has two excellent movies and one good one to his resume and the rest are pure tripe. Land of the Dead falls into his list of DOA's and is a big disappointment to most of his fans who expected so much more since the twenty plus years since his last installment in the "Dead" series. Filled to overflowing with illogical situations and inanities, it is little wonder studios found it extremely difficult to finance this excursion into mediocrity. I think it is safe to assume that Romero peaked with *Dawn of the Dead* and *Day of the Dead* was his swan song. Anything he has directed since those films stand as a testimonial to what could have been, but sadly wasn't.

5. *Haute Tension.* Before this French film was ever released over here, I was bombarded on various message boards and web sites that are Horror oriented, about how great this film was, a must see for any Horror aficionado, it was the savoir of the modern Horror film...you get the picture. After I viewed this, I kept wondering if I was watching the film that everyone was touting was so great. A quick peek at the box, told me indeed I was. More than any other film on my list, this one had so much potential from the start and quickly lost it after a couple of characters viewed a store video tape. After that it plummets faster than a comet in space. It left me feeling miserable that Horror may be truly dead, its fans so desperate for fresh air, will embrace ANYTHING that isn't a remake. This film is just a sad reminder that our beloved genre is turning to dust right before our eyes like a vampire staked out in the sun.

And there you have it, my picks and pans of the year. Feel free to add your lists and comments in these threads.


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## Don of the Dead

Ok, didn't see Cursed, but heard nothing but bad things.
The 1st Ring scared the hell out of me, the 2nd was utter crap.
Haven't even heard of Frankenstein Reborn
Gonna have to disagree with you on Land of the Dead, I loved it and it had a great feel and great gore.
FINALLY someone who agrees with me on High Tension, dear lord am I tired of being told this is the greatest film to come along in years. BULL****. I guessed the M. Nights Shamalamadingdong-esq ending about 15 minutes into it, a couple of nice gore scenes, but all in all, utter ****.


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## Rocky

Don't forget The Amityville Horror remake!!


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## Death's Door

I saw "Cursed" on DVD - I thought it was OK (for DVD)
1st Ring was great - the sequel sucked. Too much physe
Frankenstein Reborn- didn't even know that existed
I did like "Land of the Dead" - Because of sooo many of these films, I try to keep my expectations at a minimum 
High Tension - Didn't see it but I did hear nothing but good reviews because of the new remake of "The Hills have Eyes" that the director was doing. Everyone kept bringing that up.
Amityville Horror - again - remake (what can I say)
Boogeyman - I really didn't care for it.
House of Wax - Was glad to see Paris Hilton get killed. That's it.
Darkwater - Went to the theaters to see - I should have waited for DVD


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## Dr Morbius

Wow, sin..I really disagree with you about LOTD...I thought it was pretty darn good! Romero may not be the best, but this film rocks! Sometimes you gotta stop and smell the "sky flowers"..

I agree about house of Wax..Best part was Hiltons head getting skewered..

I disagree with you Da Weiner ..I LOVED Boogeyman....Great startle scenes, caught me over and over..I jumped 5 times! Story was cool too!


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## Sinister

Dr Morbius said:


> Wow, sin..I really disagree with you about LOTD...I thought it was pretty darn good! Romero may not be the best, but this film rocks! Sometimes you gotta stop and smell the "sky flowers"..
> 
> I agree about house of Wax..Best part was Hiltons head getting skewered..


I'll tackle the last one first. Hilton's head has probably been skewered many times. Maybe not by a sharp, pointed object...then again, maybe it has. It might explain why this dummy is so damn stupid. Did you know, she's SERIOUSLY being considered to play the role of Mother Theresa in an upcoming film? I have a vivid imagination, but I couldn't make this up no matter how hard I try. 

As for LOTD, didn't you find it the least bit silly that the citizens of Fiddlers Green had the stenches totally at their mercy and didn't use the Dead Reckoning to blow their asses into so much rotten slag? Instead, they had Reilly say one of the worst cheesy lines ever recorded in cinematic history: "They're just looking for a home too." Gimme a ****ing break! I wouldn't have finished blasting that place to so much rubble until I was satisfied that none of the zombies were moving. Big Daddy! Huh?! What a joke! I really believe that Romero needs to take a step back, re-examine his first three movies in the series and learn something from this bomb. It is possible to make a good zombie film in this day and age, he just failed miserably in his fourth attempt, and almost single-handedly alienated the fans who put him where he's at today. Believe me, I'll read very, very carefully any script that's attached to any movie he's doing in the future before deciding whether or not I plop down ten bucks to go see it in the theaters, or watching it as a rental. George A. Romero owes me 1.5 hours back of my life that I'm certain will never be repaid.


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## Brad Green

Sinister, can I assume you're not a fan of ms. Hilton's? I saw the vapid bimbo's first, uhhum, 'film', (girl HAS to be the lousiest lay on the planet) and I'm with you, what crack-addled producer could possibly see this twit as Mother Theresa???


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## Sinister

Brad Green said:


> Sinister, can I assume you're not a fan of ms. Hilton's? I saw the vapid bimbo's first, uhhum, 'film', (girl HAS to be the lousiest lay on the planet) and I'm with you, what crack-addled producer could possibly see this twit as Mother Theresa???


You assume a'right, my friend. "Crack" may indeed be the culprit here. That, and the "skewered head" deal I spoke of earlier...


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## Dr Morbius

Sinister said:


> I'll tackle the last one first. Hilton's head has probably been skewered many times. Maybe not by a sharp, pointed object...then again, maybe it has. It might explain why this dummy is so damn stupid. Did you know, she's SERIOUSLY being considered to play the role of Mother Theresa in an upcoming film? I have a vivid imagination, but I couldn't make this up no matter how hard I try.
> 
> As for LOTD, didn't you find it the least bit silly that the citizens of Fiddlers Green had the stenches totally at their mercy and didn't use the Dead Reckoning to blow their asses into so much rotten slag? Instead, they had Reilly say one of the worst cheesy lines ever recorded in cinematic history: "They're just looking for a home too." Gimme a ****ing break! I wouldn't have finished blasting that place to so much rubble until I was satisfied that none of the zombies were moving. Big Daddy! Huh?! What a joke! I really believe that Romero needs to take a step back, re-examine his first three movies in the series and learn something from this bomb. It is possible to make a good zombie film in this day and age, he just failed miserably in his fourth attempt, and almost single-handedly alienated the fans who put him where he's at today. Believe me, I'll read very, very carefully any script that's attached to any movie he's doing in the future before deciding whether or not I plop down ten bucks to go see it in the theaters, or watching it as a rental. George A. Romero owes me 1.5 hours back of my life that I'm certain will never be repaid.


Ah, Sin..very well argued, and I certainly agree with you about Romero. I never said the movie didn't have it's flaws, it's not perfect, but I still liked it. What's wrong with big Daddy? He is a cool character! He will lead us zombies into revolution....you didn't think you would stay alive forever, did you? hehe..Also, I'm not so sure the Citizens if Fiddlers Green were really in that much control..They lost people constantly going after supplies and such...even with Dead Reckoning.

Plus, I love Dennis Hopper...I love almost anything he is in...I just don't get that emotional about movies I guess, and therefore I am more tolerant.


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## Sinister

Dr Morbius said:


> Ah, Sin..very well argued, and I certainly agree with you about Romero. I never said the movie didn't have it's flaws, it's not perfect, but I still liked it. What's wrong with big Daddy? He is a cool character! He will lead us zombies into revolution....you didn't think you would stay alive forever, did you? hehe..Also, I'm not so sure the Citizens if Fiddlers Green were really in that much control..They lost people constantly going after supplies and such...even with Dead Reckoning.
> 
> Plus, I love Dennis Hopper...I love almost anything he is in...I just don't get that emotional about movies I guess, and therefore I am more tolerant.


Emotional? Nah! I just have a hard time seeing people making a lot of money putting out crap while we, the hard working folk who break our backs wanting a little more, are subjected to stuff like this.

I agree with the stupidity of the people of Fiddlers Green. How long did they think paper thin plywood and stoned militia were going to hold out the undead? If Romero got anything right in this film it was the state of apathy that we the human race have sunk down to.


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## Dr Morbius

Sinister said:


> If Romero got anything right in this film it was the state of apathy that we the human race have sunk down to.


Jeez...what's the bad news?


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## Faustian_Pact

I liked Land of The Dead. My only problem being the "I'll listen to music while on a Zombie look-out" part. 

Cursed..WHAT A WASTE!! I could cry. 

Worst...it was a 2004 release..but I hate "Van Helsing" so much I'm going to drag that movie behind my car straight on through to 2007!


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## Dr Morbius

Gosh, I liked Van Helsing too..I'm a sucker for Special effect eye candy..God I am so shallow..Does this movie make me look fat?


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## Faustian_Pact

No. You are as slim as Kate Moss. I admire anyone who will take a bullet for their guilty pleasure movies!
I'm not brave enough yet...not after my "Navy Seals" incident at filmschool! Lol.

PS: I'm closing the open door where you reply:"Who said anything about feeling guilty!"


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## Dr Morbius

Navy seals? Film school? You went to filmschool? Do you really make films? Pardon my ignorance.


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## Faustian_Pact

You aren't ignorant or fat. We need to get the old self-esteem bot up and running! Not making any films now.After you outed my drinking problem!  

"Navy Seals" 1990? Starring Charlie Sheen & Michael Biehn. Great dialog...

Scene:
A swarm of terrorists open fire on the Seal Team. Said terrorists choose to hide behind an enormous propane tank. 

Charlie plucks a grenade from his webbing,pulls the pin,and says:

"I hope they paid their gas bill."

Toss ------"BOOM!!"


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## Dr Morbius

Let me get this straight:

You are a grenade wielding Canadian with a penchant for motivational quips and animatronic props who you would hire to do films you don't make anymore, as long as they drink with you?

Ok by me!


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## Faustian_Pact

And my cheque won't bounce! So you are covered!


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## Frighteners Entertainment

I gotta agree with the Doc, truly enjoyed Van Helsing. The best eye candy was beckinsale.


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## Faustian_Pact

I'm not being a smart ass when I say "I'm glad someone enjoyed it".

That's cool Frighteners that you & Morbius like it. I may vent in detail about Van Helsing another time. But just so you know,we may disagree on certain topics,but I would never intentionally disrespect you,or anyone else here on the board.

Kate Beckinsale sure has her fans. I don't know why..but she just doesn't do anything for me. Now;..Katharine (ginger) Isabelle on the other hand...

Well..you know how I feel about her by now! 

Respect.


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## Death's Door

Yeah, not to add insult to injury but I even bought the Van Helsing DVD when it came out.


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## grapegrl

Da Weiner said:


> Yeah, not to add insult to injury but I even bought the Van Helsing DVD when it came out.


Me too. I was disappointed with the plot development of the movie because there was so much potential there, but you can't beat it as far as effects laden-popcorn-fluff goes. Me likey.

I love werewolves...especially when they turn into Hugh Jackman!


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## Frighteners Entertainment

grapegrl said:


> I love werewolves...especially when they turn into Hugh Jackman!


You stop that GG!


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## Death's Door

Yes mam!!!!!!!


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## grapegrl

:googly: _aaaaa-WWOOOOOOOOOO! _


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## Frighteners Entertainment

Ok, the both of you, sit down!
You don't see me jumping up and down waving my hands about Kate Beckinsale.
I just sit quitely over here :googly: ing


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## Death's Door

Who says you're not jumping up and down waving your hands because of Kate Beckinsale. I can only read the post you're printing. I think you are!!!!


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## Frighteners Entertainment

Damb, busted! lol


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## Sinister

one word describes *Van Helsing:* Overwrought. The film was just TOO full of things. There was too much to absorb and by the time you figured out exactly what was going on, everything was over and several steps ahead. Not as terrible as some things out there, but not great by any stretch of the imagination.

You can keep Jackman as a wolf man. Give me Kate Beckinsale in her skin tight bodysuit and a pair of fangs any day. Ouch! :googly:


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## Frighteners Entertainment

You know, she did a good job in The Aviator too:googly:


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## grapegrl

You basically summed it up there, Sin. It seemed like an exercise in how many movie monsters to cram into one movie...I kept waiting for the Creature From the Black Lagoon to show up.


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## Frighteners Entertainment

I thought that they could do something with the Dr. Jekyll , Mr. Hyde story.
I liked that character.


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## Sinister

grapegrl said:


> You basically summed it up there, Sin. It seemed like an exercise in how many movie monsters to cram into one movie...I kept waiting for the Creature From the Black Lagoon to show up.


I think the Creature was actually supposed to make an appearance. The word is they just couldn't find a place to put him. Of course they couldn't. There wasn't an empty frame to add anything else.  If there's a sequel, you can bet they will have him and I'm sure for Jeff's satisfaction Jekyll and Hyde will make an appearance as well. I love the Universal monsters as well as the next and maybe more so, but even as a fan I know what's entertainment and what's visual overload. And VH was the latter. It also boasts of the worst screen Dracula ever and one of the lamest storylines revolving around the count ever committed to celluloid. They could have done much better with that exorbitant budget that would beggar many nations worldwide.


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## Frighteners Entertainment

Here's something funny, my mom, not a big movie goer, did in fact see this at the theatre when it came out. Her take on the Dracula character was, one of the best in her book. Go figure.
And for the rest of my family again, not Horror movie watchers either, Loved this movie. And no joking, I did enjoy it more after watching it a few times.
That being said, I really don't complain much about any Horror movie. If it has a story, acting, set , I'll find something about it I'll like. But mostly, I go for the set and costume designs of the movies.


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## Death's Door

What did you guys think of "The Exocism of Emily". I thought it was pretty good. When I went to see it, I kept in mind that there is no way it could be as good as "The Exorcist" and due to the fact that it was along with lines with "Law and Order". With that being said, I did enjoyed watching it and there were a few spots that made me jump. Did anyone else see this.


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## Sinister

I didn't see the flick, so I can't really comment on it. I've hear enough that might check it out on DVD one day. 

I would say that Christopher Lee is the definitve Dracula and Oldman has probably been more faithful to the character that Bram Stoker envisioned. Anyone see *Return of the Vampire*? I think Lugosi probably did better than the original film with the character of the count. He may have been named Armand Tesla in there due to studio disputes with Universal, but it was Count Dracula.


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## Dr Morbius

Frighteners Entertainment said:


> Here's something funny, my mom, not a big movie goer, did in fact see this at the theatre when it came out. Her take on the Dracula character was, one of the best in her book. Go figure.
> And for the rest of my family again, not Horror movie watchers either, Loved this movie. And no joking, I did enjoy it more after watching it a few times.
> That being said, I really don't complain much about any Horror movie. If it has a story, acting, set , I'll find something about it I'll like. But mostly, I go for the set and costume designs of the movies.


I think what FE said here defines this movies intent..To reel in people who aren't hardcore classic horror movie fans and give them a collage of those stories wrapped into one, albiet tepid, movie plot. I take it for what it is, and kudos to the makers for attempting to expand the fandom of the horror movie genre.


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## Dr Morbius

Frighteners Entertainment said:


> I thought that they could do something with the Dr. Jekyll , Mr. Hyde story.
> I liked that character.


I was hooked the minute I saw that scene! It was a little "Incredible Hulk"ish
But still different enough to be on it's own..They could do a very cool remake of Dr. J and MR. H with that CG character!


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## Frighteners Entertainment

Da Weiner said:


> What did you guys think of "The Exocism of Emily". I thought it was pretty good. When I went to see it, I kept in mind that there is no way it could be as good as "The Exorcist" and due to the fact that it was along with lines with "Law and Order". With that being said, I did enjoyed watching it and there were a few spots that made me jump. Did anyone else see this.


I enjoyed the movie also.
The thing I liked most was the contortioned body poses. Very creepy.
Things like that look unnatural and am finding that this is a very good tool to use in my haunt. Jim Carrey had a role in Lemony Snicket, Count Olaf, the exaggerated body movements gave the look of longer arms and legs, very cool. I'll be doing the same this year.


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## Faustian_Pact

My two cents. Terrible Vidal Sassoon Dracula.

A buzz-saw that has no visible power source,and no leverage,cuts a nice circle through the floor. 

A journey through the treacherous mountains,that seems like a travel logue.

We go to the muddy,dirty,village. Its denizens are filthy,unbathed,covered in pig slop. Time to meet the town's matriarch..out from this smelly throng strides the Beckinsale,..dressed like a Versace model,perfect hair & make-up. Got to love that continuity.

The attack of the Flying She-Bats vs Jackman's machine gun crossbow.
They fly around and around,and Van Helsing must unload 500 bolts from his crossbow..no sign or source for this plentiful ammo supply. The sky is blanketed with arrows,and at close-quaters,none of them connect.

Aha! Kate (aka "sexy pants" to the rest of you) is grabbed by one of the she-bats,and carried away,..but..oh ho...Van' must have had grit in his eye..because all of a sudden he's a sniper,and nails the She-Bat in the ankle with one shot,and the bat drops her.Never mind accidentally hitting K.B. after his previous weapons demonstration!

I walked out after that. Not out the theater...out of a living room.
The movie was free too!


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## Frighteners Entertainment

So, what you're sayin' you didn't even like the set. I thought that was pretty good. Then again I'm a Home Haunter and would love to recreate that experience for my Haunte's.


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## Faustian_Pact

There you go Frighteners! This movie had everything going for it. Hence my ire.

Sets. Money. Access to the classic Monsters.

And a hack director as misguided as Joel (Batman's Nipples) Schumacher was on Batman Forever.

His name is Stephen Sommers children. Fear him. 

But as I said..if you like the leads in "that" way , and can get inspiration from the set design for your own projects..by all means have fun. 

I'm just sharing my feelings.

I like your word:"Haunte's". Cool! 

Rock on!, Frighteners!


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## Sinister

Faustian_Pact said:


> And a hack director as misguided as Joel (Batman's Nipples) Schumacher was on Batman Forever.


Don't even get me started on Schumacher. That man is singlehandedly responsible for ruining the first Batman franchise. This is the Dark Knight we're talking about not Santa Claus, so why Gotham being lit up like Christmas Town?

Christopher Nolan has it right. I hope he doesn't give it up until he's absolutely ready to call it a done day. Bale is Batman, and Nolan is the Batman director. End of story.


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