# Poem for my Jack-O-Lantern



## Wildcat (Nov 3, 2007)

I want to use my lightning machine to light up the pumpkin this year while it recites this poem if you can suggest any changes to the words to make more interesting/correct go ahead.

Twas the night of Halloween and all through the cemetery.
Not a creature was stirring but it was still super scary.
The scarecrows were hung in the cornfield with care.
In hopes that Lucifer soon would be there.
The ghouls were all nestled snug in their bed.
And visions of maggots danced in their heads.
Ma in her bandages and me in my cap.
Were just settling in to take our dirt nap.
I awoke from my nap when I heard a loud clatter.
I rose from my grave to see what's the matter.
When in front of my eyes what should appear.
But Satan himself holding a victim by ear.
His eyes so cold, his horns red and gleaming.
Must have come straight from hell, his body still steaming.
I watched from my stone as he went to work.
Torturing his victim, man what a jerk.
When he was finished, victim placed in the ground.
No more tortuous screaming, he made not a sound.
As Lucifer was leaving, he turned back his head.
Go back to sleep, lest you be dead.
I dove in my grave, and closed my eyes tight.
From the darkness I heard, a voice in the night.
The message it spoke, carried by wind at great speed.
I'm coming for you on the next Hallows eve.

Still not to happy with the poem. Needs more work so if there are any poetry savants out there that have any suggestions it would be greatly appreciated.


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## kprimm (Mar 14, 2009)

how about a possible line substitution in your line about watching from your stone? maybe something like this--I watched from my grave as he started to work,torturing people with his hellish pitchfork. Just an idea. I think your poem is very good and very original. I like it quite a bit you did a very good job on it.


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## Wildcat (Nov 3, 2007)

I like the pitchfork. I'll have to use that. Thanks.


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## hpropman (Jul 27, 2008)

on the 2nd line how about:
not a creature was stirring no even the scary


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## Wildcat (Nov 3, 2007)

Thanks for the suggestions. Her it is with the changes.

Twas the night of Halloween and all through the cemetery,
not a creature was stirring not even the scary,
The scarecrows were hung in the cornfield with care,
In hopes that Lucifer soon would be there,
The ghouls were all nestled snug in their bed,
And visions of maggots danced in their heads,
Ma in her bandages and me in my cap,
Were just settling in to take our dirt nap,
I awoke from my nap when I heard a loud clatter,
I rose from my grave to see what's the matter,
When in front of my eyes what should appear,
But Satan himself holding victim by ear,
His eyes so cold, his horns red and gleaming,
Must have come straight from hell, his body still steaming,
I watched from my grave as he started to work,
torturing people with his hellish pitchfork,
When he was finished, victim placed in the ground,
No more tortuous screaming, he made not a sound,
As Lucifer was leaving, he turned back his head,
Go back to sleep, lest you be dead,
I dove in my grave, and closed my eyes tight,
From the darkness I heard, a voice in the night,
The message it spoke, carried by wind at great speed,
I'm coming for you on the next Hallows eve.


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## Sickie Ickie (Jun 20, 2006)

That's a frickin' scary poem, especially with that last line!


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## Wildcat (Nov 3, 2007)

Below is the link to the sound file. Don't really like it yet. Will keep messing around and see if I can make a better one. Let me know what you think could be changed/improved. 
Thanks

Download twasthenighhalolween.wav from FileFactory.com


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## Warrant2000 (Oct 8, 2008)

That...is...awesome!

If I may on the recording, it sounds a bit muffled and low. The bass is good, it sounds like you did some remixing. You may get a better recording by reciting louder. It sounds a bit rythmic also. You could slightly stretch words, especially the verbs, that are in the middle of sentences to illuminate them:

i.e. instead of, "I rose from my grave..." could be, "I _rooose_ from my grave"
i.e. instead of, "His eyes so cold...", could be, "His eyes _soooo_ cold..."

If the protagonist is a terrified observer, you could add some fear inflection to your recital.

You could change your voice a bit when Lucifer does his lines. That can add dimension. Or even have your pumpkin stop talking, and with a terrified look, listen to the demonic voice of Lucifer.

Sorry if I suggest too much, I think you'll have a great presentation! I love the poem! (code for I'll use it somehow in my haunt)


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## Wildcat (Nov 3, 2007)

I agree that I have a tendency to go monotone when a mic is on. I usually go through 6 or 7 takes before I get one I like.
I like the idea of using a different voice for Satan. I'll have to record the main speaking part in the left channel and Satan in the right and only send the left to the talking skeleton (not going to be around for this Halloween so I'll have time to do it right with a skeleton now). Probably add more reverb to Satan's voice and lower it some more.
Thanks for the input.

P.S. go ahead and use it. I'd love to see someone else's version.


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## Joiseygal (Sep 3, 2008)

Wildcat the poem is excellent! You are very talented. I have a feeling you write poetry often. Anyway I would love to use it in my graveyard if that would be ok? I agree with Warrant you have such a great poem you just need to give it the life it has on paper into the recording.


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## Just Whisper (Jan 19, 2009)

*I love the poem*, so I hope this doesn't sound rude. Just curious...If it's Halloween night why is the cemetery so quiet and everyone tucked in for the night? Wouldn't that be the night they should all be out prowling around and being mischievous? And I guess if it was for my neighborhood I would change satin and lucifer to a reaper. I know it's not as scary, but I have a lot of parents who would say that is over the top. (Damn whiners). But you know your crowd better and they may be more open minded to the spirit of the haunt.

I think this is a very original piece of work and well written. It gives you the shivers for sure. I especially love the last verse. Hope this didn't offend you.


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## Wildcat (Nov 3, 2007)

Joiseygal said:


> Wildcat the poem is excellent! You are very talented. I have a feeling you write poetry often. Anyway I would love to use it in my graveyard if that would be ok? I agree with Warrant you have such a great poem you just need to give it the life it has on paper into the recording.


Thanks. I agree the recording was bland. I'll have to get a couple of drinks in me I guess.
Go ahead and use it. This goes for anyone. 
The only poetry I really write is in the last post wins thread and dirty limericks. Neither are really considered great works of literature. :biggrinkin:

Just Whisper. Don't worry about offending me. I moderate a few boards and learned to read the proper intent into a post. Never though of the quiet cemetery thing but you make a point. May have to change it to the night before Halloween. Most of folks in my area know me quite well and the thoughts of Satan coming to get them is about what they'd expect from me. (I've have over 20 families that will not be coming down our street this year since they heard I'll be out of town for Halloween)

Love the input. Can only make for a better end product.
Thanks


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## Warrant2000 (Oct 8, 2008)

Joiseygal said:


> Wildcat the poem is excellent! You are very talented. I have a feeling you write poetry often. Anyway I would love to use it in my graveyard if that would be ok? I agree with Warrant you have such a great poem you just need to give it the life it has on paper into the recording.


lol - after 3 kids and countless bedtime stories, I HAVE to illuminate the story or I'm toast!


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## kprimm (Mar 14, 2009)

Wildcat i just downloaded and listened and that is a great halloween night poem. I hope if you redo it and get it even better you will again put it up for a download. I too would also love to use it, that is of course only if i have your permission.You are very good at writing halloween poems.


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## Wildcat (Nov 3, 2007)

Ya I'm going to rework my vocals and keep going until I'm happy with it. I'll upload try 2/3/4/5 what ever it takes until we get a good end product.


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## RoxyBlue (Oct 6, 2008)

WC, does the site require you to download something first before you can play the file? It doesn't seem to just let you download the sound file (at least not on my computer at work).


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## Wildcat (Nov 3, 2007)

No hit the text that says down load free with file factory basic. then enter the code then download.
Wow what a bunch of hoops. I'll have to find a better site lol.


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## RoxyBlue (Oct 6, 2008)

Hoops, indeed! If you find a better site, let me know

Anyway, I just listened to the piece and I have to agree with some of the previous comments. Your deep voice is a good start. The reading would definitely benefit from adding what I call "peaks and valleys" to the voice (in other words, the opposite of monotone), as well as more distinct pronunciation. That would give the life to the recording other folks have recommended here.

For an example of what I'm talking about, here's a link to a thread Spooky1 posted for his cauldron stirring witch. The video links at the bottom of the first post have the recordings (actually, _recordings _of the recording, since we were playing the files on a boom box while he filmed with the camera) of his two verse chant that I narrated for him:

http://www.hauntforum.com/showthread.php?t=13613

Your material is good, so now just start playing with it a bit.


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## Papa Bones (Jul 27, 2005)

Good job. Only thing I would change abiout it is that I agree with Just Whisper and would have used the Reaper instead of Lucifer if I had written it, as the devil has nothing to do with Halloween outside of Christian fundamentalist propaganda. But if you did you use the Reaper, you would have to re-write a lot of the poem to make it work. Other than that, a damn fine poem.


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## Joiseygal (Sep 3, 2008)

WildCat have you done any recent recording of your poem? I'm anxious to hear the updated version.


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## kprimm (Mar 14, 2009)

Me also, that was a very cool poem.


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## Wildcat (Nov 3, 2007)

All right I'll bring this thread back from the dead. I did another recording. Still not quite happy with my reading. Guess I'm going to really have to wasted to get over my inherent fear of being recorded. I'm also going to work a second copy using the/a reaper instead of satan.

Download nightbefore halloween.wav from FileFactory.com

Still looking for a hosting site.


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## RoxyBlue (Oct 6, 2008)

The download doesn't seem to be working (at least for me). It said a link would appear, but it didn't.


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## Wildcat (Nov 3, 2007)

Let's try this one.

Night Before Halloween


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## nixie (Sep 17, 2008)

*VERY* impressive!! That is one amazing poem!! I love to write as well, however, I've been struggling since last year to come up with a poem based on The Raven for my haunt's backstory. You have re-inspired me!!


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## Wildcat (Nov 3, 2007)

As I've stated to others. You're more than welcome to use this if you like or just use the poem and make your own recording.


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## fick209 (Aug 31, 2009)

Wow, that's one super cool poem. Great job WC!


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## RoxyBlue (Oct 6, 2008)

There's definitely an improvement in this recording over the first one. You must be practicing

You're correct about getting over the fear of being recorded and how that can affect performance. Do it about 10 more times and you'll start feeling like an old pro


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## hpropman (Jul 27, 2008)

Nicely done the voice is much better.


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