# Caption This Pix!



## Sinister

Redux of New game here, folks! It's simple: just do what I have been doing in the pix games, except for the guessing I'll post a pix, and you give it a quote. We go on until it can be quoted no longer. Anyone is free to post a pix for forum approval and no actual quotes from the movie it comes from.

This time around lets keep the sexual content to a bare minimum. I blame myself for the first time, because with that particular pix, there wasn't any place to go but in the gutter. 

Here goes the first in the Caption This Pix v. 2.0:

"Well, will ya lookit that! The new Spray N' Wash _does _get stains out of clothes better than Oxy-Clean!"


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## Fangs

"Man its a good thing we didn't have the fried chicken last night!"


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## Wyatt Furr

You would be in pain too,if your spleen just fell out. Durn,what did I just step in....


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## Sickie Ickie

"Gee...This Great Stuff prop sure looks realistic!"


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## heresjohnny

"He ate the fish..."


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## SpookyDude

"Think he can feel me rummaging through his pockets?"


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## grim reaper

"hey 3 debit cards an $50 dollars in hes wallet, where eatin good tonight "


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## TearyThunder

It was monster mud not cookie dough but I think you will survive!


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## grim reaper

"goddamn i told him not to eat that radioactive chicken but wadid he do he gun an ate it "


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## SpookyDude

"gooochie goochie cooo!"
"Hahaha no please stop..hahahh!"


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## heresjohnny

No, look, his nose hairs are growing... RUN!


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## DeathTouch

All right boys, spread out! I got some doctoring to do! 

Curly, give the scalpel! No, lamebrain, the other scalpel. 

Boink! 

Hey, Moe, you can’t use a scalpel on him, he has goiter. Try the pliers instead.
Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!


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## Dr Morbius

Can I have your CD player when you die?


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## heresjohnny

These 2 are backwards! No wonder he is not working!


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## Sinister

"Damn. I guess telling Jim in a restaurant that his wife is cheating on him with his dad was the wrong place to do it."


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## Dr Morbius

No! The ARM bone is connected to the shoulder bone! The SHOULDER Bo...Oh here let me do it.


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## heresjohnny

You didn't have to hit him that hard!


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## SuFiKitten77

*What do you mean he is still alive? I need those kidneys .. start cutting!​*


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## Fangs

Take it easy. We'll just have to take it out through your stomach.


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## heresjohnny

Wait, I'll grab it...on second thought, you grab it.


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## Sickie Ickie

"Damnitt Jim, I'm a doctor, not a...oh...wait..."


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## PrettyGhoul

*um...what is this doohickey for again?*


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## DeathTouch

Oh God Dr. He has been Playing Xbox for 2 stright days. I think it is hopeless but we have to try to help him. I am going to try to take the controller out of his hand. Someone watch my back. Mrs. Tee Hee, you take the Hoo Hoo from his under his arm pit. Mr Magoo, you beep his nose. Maybe if he thinks he is the Xbox controller he will release the controller from his hand. Do it now Mr. Magoo! Beeeeeep. Damn it, it didn't work. "I would **** on Xbox's power supply if it would do any good", said Mr Magoo. Damn it Mr. Magoo, this isn't time for jokes.


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## DeathTouch

Sinister said:


>


Alas, poor Tommy has eaten the witch's apple and will sleep for a million years. But if you kiss him, he will awaken from his slumber. Ok, I will do it said Jake. (Big Kiss) Hey! He didn't wake up and I am feeling really sleepy. (Jake falls over asleep) Alas, poor Tommy and Jake have fallen pray to the witch evil spell. If you give them both a kiss Sue, they will awaken from their slumber and the evil witch's spell will be broken. Ok, I will do it said Sue. (Big kiss on both men) Hey! That didn't work, and I am feeling really sleepy (Sue falls to the ground asleep) Alas, poor Tommy, Jake, and Sue have fallen pray to the evil witch's spell. If I give them each a kiss, the evil witch's spell will be broken&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;


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## grapegrl

Joe, you're taking the cancellation of _7th Heaven_ awfully hard, don't you think?


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## Mr Unpleasant

Push!.....Push!.......Push!

You did this to me you Bastard!


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## TearyThunder

Where did you hide the money!!!


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## PrettyGhoul

*"You know this really isn't working. Can we try again on a fresh patient?"*


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## Skrew2nite

The first one to passout at the party...get some shaving cream and a sharpie its time for some payback.


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## slightlymad

Really circumcision doesnt hurt a bit


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## DeathTouch

And though it may cause my patients distress
Somewhere in heaven above me, I know that my mama's proud of me
'Cause I'm a dentist- and a success
Say ah! Now spit
(Little shop of Horrrors)


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## Sinister

"Okay Han, when all those pissed off ninja's come running around the corner you jump out and tackle them with that Kung-Fu **** you know and I'll get your back!"


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## DeathTouch

How many men have you shot since you became a marshal, Mr. Cogburn? 

I never shot nobody I didn't have to.

That was not the question. How many? 

Uh... shot or killed? 

Oh, let's restrict it to "killed" so we may have a manageable figure


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## BuriedAlive

Reply for the 1st pic
"Don't you see it?"
See what?"
"The dot, the red dot."
"Where?"
"Right there, look closer."


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## Hellrazor

do you smell that?

Ya sorry dude, Im scared....


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## DeathTouch

Oompa, Loompa, doom-pa-dee-do 
I have another puzzle for you 
Oompa, Loompa, doom-pa-da-dee 
If you are wise, you'll listen to me 

What do you get from a glut of TV? 
A pain in the neck and an IQ of three 
Why don't you try simply reading a book? 
Or can you just not bear to look? 

You'll get no...you'll get no...you'll get no commercials 

Oompa, Loompa, doom-pa-dee-da 
If you're not greedy, you will go far 
You will live in happiness too 
Like the Oompa Loompa doom-pa-dee-do


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## Hellrazor

Wtf????


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## krypt

do you see them ?
no sorry im blind
then why in the hell are you holding the gun!


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## Sinister

"Hey Rick, think I can shoot those one of those lions over there with my new paint ball gun?"


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## HibLaGrande

:Narration:
Yoshi begins to feel ill when he notices that the right eye of the heavily armed lunatic grows to twice its normal size.


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## Sickie Ickie

Here's one from one of my fave movies


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## Sickie Ickie

"What do you mean my boyfriend's strange?"


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## HibLaGrande

:Narration::

Jenny presents her new sex toy the "Happy Snapper" to the marketing department.


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## slightlymad

And the parents were so disappointed with the woman he brought home.


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## Sickie Ickie

"Hey Joe!...He wants to know what do you call it when you cross a clown with a snake???..."


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## HibLaGrande

Doctor, are you sure that that is an endoscopy probe?


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## slightlymad

What do you mean cross species problem?


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## Sickie Ickie

Hib: ROFLMAO!!!!


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## DeathTouch

Tony Montana: "Say hello to my little friend!" 

Tony Montana: " In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women." 

Tony Montana: "Amigo, the only thing in this world that gives orders is balls. Balls. You got that?" "Amigo, the only thing in this world that gives orders is balls. Balls. You got that


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## Wyatt Furr

Gawd,my blind date is such a clown


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## kevin242

"Well, you told me that you wanted a little head... so what's the problem?"


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## Sinister

"Seriously guys...is this what I really looked like after I got back from the frat house party last night?"


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## HibLaGrande

"pssst,hey you, can I have one of those necklaces?"


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## Sinister

"You know Mr. Giggles...I've got to stop seeing you. My parents and boyfriend are starting to get suspicious..."


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## DeathTouch

Target 200 yards and closing sir. Dive Dive Dive! Torpedos loaded sir! Prepare to fire on my order private. I I sir! FIRE! Firing Torpdeos sir! Its a hit! She is going down. Its a fine day at sea Capt.


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## Sickie Ickie

LMAO!!!! Good one Deathtouch!


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## HibLaGrande

Heres one.









"Can you hear me now?"


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## Sinister

"Uh...Harry? I like a little kink as well as the next person, but you aren't going to leave me in this are you? Harry? Harry, where are you going? Put that money back in my purse! Harry...get back here! HAAAAARRY!!!"


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## HibLaGrande

Lol :d...... LOL


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## Sickie Ickie

"Hi Flying Nun...er...we have some good news and some bad news...."


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## Dr Morbius

"I think I may be taking these Botox treatments a little too far."


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## DeathTouch

Oh, no. There is that guy again. If he asks me one more time if this face is taken, than I am going to scream. Why do men have to act like such pigs all the time?


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## Sickie Ickie

Krough speaking: "And so with a little paper mache over this styrofoam base the prop is really beginning to take shape..."


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## HibLaGrande

:: Darth Vaders mom::


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## kevin242

"Oh My God! This like, totally makes me look fat!"


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## TearyThunder

Oh no, now how am I supposed to go to the bathroom!


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## Wyatt Furr

You promised Doc Frankenstien,Now where is the body of Pamela Anderson,That body looks like,(GASP) Roseanne!!!!


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## Fangs

"You put it where? When i get outta here i'm gonna make you wish you were never born."


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## Fangs

"Its over there on that shelf. No, No, the other shelf. Do I have to show you?"


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## Mr Unpleasant

I know I wanted to boost my psychic abilities....but I should've quit while I was a _Head_


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## DeathTouch

Boy! I must say this Ipod gets good sound. But why does it have to be a pain in the neck to program?


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## Death's Door

"I can't feel my legs!!!!"


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## lewlew

"Today on the Food Network, we're going to be cooking..."


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## Death's Door

I'm the brains in the family.


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## HibLaGrande

George,couldn't you have just used a quartz crystal for your radio project ?


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## lewlew

New pic


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## SuFiKitten77

*Just alittle nip and tuck, and no one will ever notice those hideous bolts again​*


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## Sickie Ickie

"...Clip Clip here, Clip Clip there, We give the roughest claws.
That certain air of savoir faire In the Merry Ole Land of Oz!..."


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## DeathTouch

Ahhh, Mrs. Jones, your plastic surgery is complete. I never have had a problem with a sex changes operation before Mrs. Jones, but I really had a problem finding a good place to put your right boob; am really into recycling old parts you know. Maybe next time you could be a little more specific about which character from the James Whale's Frankenstein movie you would most like to look like.


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## Dr Morbius

lewlew said:


> New pic


My stars! Where did you ever get that awful hairdo? It doesn't become you at all. Here, for goodness' sake, let me fix it up. Look how stringy and messy it is. What a shame. Such an interesting monster, too. My stars, if an interesting monster can't have an interesting hairdo, then I don't know what things are coming to. In my business you meet so many interesting people - Bobby pins, please - but the most interersting ones are the monsters. Oh, dear, that will never stay. We'll just have to have a permanemanent.


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## Mr Unpleasant

The crew from Queer Eye get Franky ready for his blind date with that streaky haired gal from down the way.


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## Death's Door

Makeup!!!!!


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## Sickie Ickie

LOL unpleasant!


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## HibLaGrande

"If yous don't tell me what I wants to know, see, I'ma gonna poke this pencil into your eyeball!". "Tuff guy eh?, OK... Charlie, ram that stick under his finger nail!"


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## Sinister

*All speaking parts lisped*

"Frankie...honey, you just have the best cuticles I have ever seen! They're even nicer than that darling thing that came in here with those purple speedos yesterday!"

"Child please! it's the Monroe mole thingy here that sets it all off...yes it does!"


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## Spooklights

These Botox injections will make you look 100 years younger-I guarantee it!


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## HibLaGrande

lewlew said:


> New pic


"BZZZZZ here comes the plane, open up, and say ahhhh! ... That's not working OK Cliff break his pinky finger!"


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## HibLaGrande

:: Unknown to the Dr. Frankenstien and Igor, Poop-deck Pappy was peeking through the small cellar window. soon he would return with the angry villagers ::


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## DeathTouch

X O
X O
X

Holly cow Dr. Kevorkian I almost didn't win that one. Lets play one more!


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## Sinister

"I don't care _HOW _far some of you dirt scratching farmers have travelled! Jessica Simpson is _NOT_ coming out of this trailer until the whole lot of you go home and TAKE A SHOWER!!"


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## krypt

ok boys whos first


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## DeathTouch

How many of you are “Sure” about your deodorant? Ahhhy, I see. All of you?
Now how many would have sex with a goat? Ahhh, I might have known.
And which one of you farted? OH, just never mind.


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## Sickie Ickie

I have such a hang over...


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## kevin242

Ving Rhames as Mr. Wallace, "When you gone, you stay gone... or you be gone... You lost all your LA priviliges."

DOTD KICKS ASS!


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## HibLaGrande

"stay away from the brown acid!"


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## Sinister

"Will you freaks just go home already? We're not passing out anymore cheese boxes today!"


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## bodybagged

"WOW MAN!!!!!!! Your hands are really soft!


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## Sinister

"If I have to tell you one more time to turn it from the 24 hour Macarena station, I'll blow your goddamn brains out!"


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## Omega

"I haven't had my fix in hours so I will blow your teeth out the back of your head if you don't turn into this Taco Bell."


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## HibLaGrande

"take me to the corner of 34th and Vine! Vodoo women done gave me some bad mojo, I ain't down with kissin' no cops..dig? Now put the hammer down fore I light that turd hagin outchore' mouth!"


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## HibLaGrande

:: Don't pick up tranny hookers ::


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## ScareFX

"I said tell me I'm beautiful."


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## HibLaGrande

"Take me to the psycho clown convention....NOW! And no funny business!"


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## Mr Unpleasant

Drive Bitch...I'm late for Wrestlemania!


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## Sinister

"Yeah, I got me that watergun that shoots jelly off the Island of Misfit Toys. That ear shot was just a warning. The next squirt goes in your eye if you give me any **** about it!"


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## DeathTouch

So Viny, my wife was telling me that odds are you are safer taking a taxi than driving yourself to the grocery store. Can you believe that stuff Viny? Yea, I can’t believe it myself either. She also told me that odds are you are more likely to be shot out of a canon at the horse track while smoking a pack of luckys, than being robed by a clown with a hand gun and a bomb strapped to his chest. Can you believe what comes outta the mouths of women now a days?


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## lewlew

Slappy the Clown finally snaps after having one too many buckets of confetti thrown at him.


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## Frighteners Entertainment

"Lucky Strikes are my favorites, but not yours"


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## Sinister

"HOLY **** BABY! I just said 'Hi' to you at Matt's party that didn't mean you could move in with me!!"


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## DeathTouch

Damn it Michael Jackson! When I am finished in here you can go next. Please shut the damn door I am dropping wolf bait in here. Wait, do you have a match Michael?


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## lewlew

" Oh Doctor...Mrs. Johnson is here for her annual teeth cleaning."


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## HibLaGrande

"I'm Rick James Bitch!"


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## DeathTouch

Timmy, who is at the door!? Is that Michael Jackson at the door again. Tell him we gave at the office and that we don't have his son! And tell him he can't sleep over any more!


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## Sinister

"JESUS H. CHRIST! HOW MANY MORE (ungh) TIMES... HAVE I GOT TELL YOU... I'M (ugh) OUT OF CANDY?!? YOU SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN HERE... HOURS AGO(ugnh) WITH THE OTHER TRICK OR TREATERS!!!"


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## bodybagged

"You told me you were done with coke! Your breakin my heart!"
"It's was a powered dougnut! I swear!"


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## HibLaGrande

Sinister said:


>


" I was on my back from the cosmetic surgereeeheee, and thought I would see if little billeeeheee would be interested in coming back with meeeehee to neverland... I have a ticket for him cha......he can ride for freeeeheee!"


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## Sinister

_Holy ****! That was a wet one...AND I'M WEARING WHITE!!!_

_







_


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## Mr Unpleasant

Halloween in China: Everyone goes as the Karate Kid


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## DeathTouch

We replaced this ordinary Chinese yodeling Karate hog caller’s mouthwash with new improved Listerine, which has new antiseptic for fighting bad breath. Let’s see what happens. “Here pig pig pig pig pig pig pig pig pig, sueie, pig pig pig pig pig pig pig pig, little old lady whooooooooooooooo. Pig pig pig pig pig pig pig!” As you can see, Listerine wins fist down. No more stinky breath for you Mr. Chinese yodeling Karate hog caller you!


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## Mr Unpleasant

*Fabulous!*


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## Sinister

Alright MU and DT...you have totally lost me...


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## DeathTouch

Mr Unpleasant said:


> *Fabulous!*


Oh, my God that is what I was thinking before hand Mr. Unpleasant. I couldn't think what that damn gum was so I changed it to Listerine. LOL.


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## grapegrl

"Behold my man-boobs! Watch...I can make them 'dance'!"


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## DeathTouch

Everybody be quiet, he is about to start. shhhh Shhhhh

Memory (Singing)
All alone in the moonlight 
I can smile at the old days 
It was beautiful then 
I remember the time I knew what happiness was 
Let the memory live again ..........................................


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## Fangs

Just keep smiling, just keep smiling,


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## Fangs

Lets see you hold up this stupid empty box, if my arm didn't hurt so bad i'd...... Just keep smiling,


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## Mr Unpleasant

In keeping with the true spirit of Hollywood...China elects it's own governator


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## bodybagged

grapegrl said:


> "Behold my man-boobs! Watch...I can make them 'dance'!"


Behold my buttocks! Watch it dance as well! OH OH OH YEAH! LOOK AT THEM GO!!!!!!!!"


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## DeathTouch

Damn you power rangers. You have defeated me for the last time. Now you will pay with your lifes. Get them buttock zord and Man-boobsrSore! Get them now! Go go go power rangers!


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## Mr Unpleasant




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## HibLaGrande

Youshi-san, noticing that all his class mates are watching him, is suddenly gripped with overwhelming fear and freezes in horror as he realises he has come to school half naked again.


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## Dr Morbius

Which one of you cut my hair when I was sleeping? I wanna know now!..NOW, NOW, NOW!


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## Fangs

You want me to put that where?


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## Sinister

Sang-Dang, having bested all opponents in *Mortal Kombat,* was understandably upset when he realized his final adversary in the tournament was none other than Godzilla himself!


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## DeathTouch

…And now back to your program already in progress; Monk bowling for dollars, with your host Wink Mondale.

Hello folks, Wink here at Monk bowling for dollars. We have Long-duck-dong stepping up at the foul line. He is doing a fine job by knocking down a total of 23 monks today. Isn’t that right Ted? Why yes Wink. That donger really knows how to bowl. Here he goes. He is ready for the shot. He takes steady aim. Those monks really look nervous don’t they Wink? Yea, they do Ted. Oh, here he goes. The ball is rolling. Ahhha, wow, he got all of that one Ted! Unbelievable. You can tell the donger knows he got all of that. Look at the excited expression on is face! Man, and look at all those Monks. I have not seen so many Monks on their asses since the last Kwai Chang Caine festative.


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## Lazario

What are you all staring at? I _am_ the prettiest princess in all the land. I _am_, I _am_, I _am_, I _am_, I _am!!_ Ah, I see a patch of dandilions over there. I'll join you all later for my coronation celebration. _Toodles!_


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## Wyatt Furr

Second Guy from the right,(Nanki-poo) says,"Peeuueee, someone must of ate a bad plate of sushi." Third guy from right,Pish-Tush) says, "Holy mother of Mikado, he's gearing up to let another on fly,hold your breath,everyone" First guy on right,(Dim-Sum),says,"This is the weirdest pajama party I have ever been too"


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## Fangs

<skinny guy on right> Whats so great about him, i can do that in my sleep. Besides i have something he doesn't have, ..... What was i thinking again?


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## Sickie Ickie

Na-hishi San is the next actor to audition for the chinese version of "The Hulk."

"Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwww...."


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## Sinister

"Ho ho ho! Don't mind my sister over here, she ain't got no sense of humor about nothin'! Why, she's still steamed about that time I caught her making out with our cousin, Hortense and posted the pictures on the 'Net!"


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## Dr Morbius

.....And that's the story of my FIFTH affair with a hot blonde! Ohhhh my wife is completely clueless!...She never knows what the hell is going on! ....Hahaha...hehe...heh...what. She's standing right behind me, isn't she.


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## krypt

Why does'nt he clean out his ears! Theres enough wax in there to make bee's jealous.


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## Sinister

Lena was shocked speechless when she realized that the bird who suddenly winked at her from the confines of Carl's beard was none other than one of the magpies of Heckle and Jeckle fame.


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## Wyatt Furr

As Veronica enters the room in a stunning green ensemble, She spys Bluto talking to the new girl, Climatica."How DARE he bring another girl to the Mascarade Ball and Bowl-a-thon."she hisses.Climatica, unaware of Veronica's arrival, is amazed and repulsed at Bruno's ability to fart the Star Spangled Banner." She would later remark to her Magic Mirror,"I dont think we're in Kansas, anymore."


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## Mr Unpleasant

What's in _my_ wallet...wouldn't you like to know!


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## HibLaGrande

"Hey ,the doc says I got a serious case of ball worms"

"yeah I may be part man but I still like to **** on cars"


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## grapegrl

_We've replaced Mongo's normally passive female companion with a high-strung hosebeast prone to hissy fits...let's see if he notices..._


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## Fangs

You did not just say that, you moron, you did not just say that, she is behind us. Thats right, just keep giggling you winged freak.


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## Sinister

"Lord have mercy! If I were as ugly as he was, I would have jumped off that ten story building too!"


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## grapegrl

_the last thing a Hallowe'en M&M sees..._


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## Lazario

*Goth-am's Greed*


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## HibLaGrande

To his horror Gor-Gor has dropped his wallet in the toilet again.


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## turtle2778

NERDS NIGHTMARE...THEYRE ALWAYS COMING TO GET YOU


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## Wyatt Furr

Slowly, Glinda opened her eyes." Oh Oz-poop, I HATE IT when my bubble bursts over Zombie Country"."Hey you with the bad teeth,stop drooling on the gown,it's new."


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## Fangs

My Prince, you have awakened me! Now which one of you handsome buggers kissed me? Tee Hee! :>


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## kevin242

"I got dibs on the spleen!"
"Heeey, I wanted that!"
"You can have the liver instead."
"But you _always_ get the spleen! Why can't I have the spleen? I'm gonna tell Mom. MOMMY!"
"Shh, ok, ok. you can have it, But I get the brains."
"But you _always_ get the brains..."


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## DeathTouch

Man Tim, That party was a blast last night. I woke up this morning next to this hot chick. Man, what a night, and morning if you get my drift. So, Tim, what about you? I noticed you are walking funny; did you also wake up to a hot chick too? Well, funny you should ask Bob…….


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## Fangs

Do you think its still warm? Guess we'll soon find out!


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## Sinister

"Have you seen this new crazy ass show here called *Celebrity Cat Fight? *This episode has Rosie O' Donnell squaring off against Paris Hilton!"


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## Wyatt Furr

Dude,your boring as hell.You will never get on "America's Got Talent",and stop pretending your wearing a hand puppet.Its just creepy....


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## DeathTouch

Wonder Twin Powers Activate. Form of, Bruce Springsteen.


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## grapegrl

Guy on the right: "...now that chick who works across the way at SuperPretzel...boy would I like to get me some of that! BEE-YOINGG!!!"

Guy on the left: _He's so cute and he doesn't even know I exist. *sigh* I'll just hump the counter...maybe he won't notice._


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## Sinister

"Jesus Christ I never had to run from a store before! Those employees at Home Depot will do _anything _to sell some worthless, marked down Poulan chainsaws!"


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## Koumajutsu

"Damn! Tommy got the chainsaw! The hell if I'll let Bill get to the Quad Damage first!"


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## Dr Morbius

"Wait! I haven't finished telling you guys about our Jehovah's Witness' Chainsaw-through-Sin Charity drive!"


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## Spooklights

WAIT! COME BACK! The surgeon is ready for you now!


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## DeathTouch

Damn postal workers union! I left my package back at the postal office too. Can you go get it Johnny?


----------



## Beepem

"Oops"


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## Wyatt Furr

Was our Audition for American Idol THAT bad?
I cant believe they let Simon Cowell operate a mechanical device unsupervised.


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## Dr Morbius

"But I *AM* a lumberjack! I _*AM*_ OK!"


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## Dr Morbius

"OK!...I'm going to throw you guys this running chainsaw...Go LONG!"


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## Dr Morbius

"Red light!...ok, Green light-Red light!....Red light!..I said RED LIGHT!!!"


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## Dr Morbius

"OK...We haven't eaten in three days, we barely escaped with our lives and we're being chased by a chainsaw wielding maniac..but you know what the good news is, Sheryl?" "No Donny. What?" " I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico!"


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## Dr Morbius

"Hehe..you think that retard saw us leave a flaming bag of **** on his doorstep before we rang the bell and ran?"


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## grapegrl

Silas McFeely has had it with people ignoring his "No Soliciting" sign.


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## lewlew

Celebrity Fit Club takes a nasty turn.


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## grapegrl

lewlew said:


> Celebrity Fit Club takes a nasty turn.


LMAO!


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## Sinister

"Uh...Dad...this may be just me...but something just seems terribly wrong with sitting watching a Disney flick with your old man and saying how we would have felt up the boobies of that blonde chick in the principal's office."


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## DeathTouch

Are you ready Bobby? 
Ok, let’s up begin. 
The itsy bitsy spider
Climbed up the waterspout
Down came the rain
And washed the spider out
Out came the sun
And dried up all the rain
And the itsy bitsy spider
Climbed up the spout again

The itsy bitsy spider
Climbed up the kitchen wall
Swoosh! went the fan 
And made the spider fall
Off went the fan
No longer did it blow
So the itsy bitsy spider
Back up the wall did go.

Ok, Bobby, can you goto bed now? You are freaking 38 years old and still live with your old man. I need some sleep damn it, got to bed. And stop drinking my beer!


----------



## Dr Morbius

...And so the 2nd annual "Invisible Pet Club" begins with the petting of invisible pets.


----------



## Sinister

"We got the hand-jive goin' on, Homes...so all we need are some gold chains and hood rats and we can be gangsta pimp daddies?"


----------



## Koumajutsu

"So, I'm gonna play a pirate? and I'm supposed to move like... this?"


----------



## DeathTouch

"Live Long & Prosper" How the hell does he get his hand that way. I can't do it. Why can't they just shake hands like everyone else? Let me try. "Live Long & Prosper father." Damn it, I can't get my hands like that. Damn Vulcans.


----------



## DeathTouch

Paper, Rock, or sissors. 1...2....3.....Damn another tie.


----------



## Wyatt Furr

Dont think so hard you young fool,playing AIR PIANO is an art.Relax and go with the music in your head.That's it.Ok,now we will try, "Superecalifragilisticexpalidoius"


----------



## Koumajutsu

Cause this is THRILLLAH... THRILLLAH NIGHT!....


----------



## lewlew

Grandpa! This Simon Says thing was great when I was five but enough already! Sheesh!


----------



## grapegrl

"You put your right hand in, you take your right hand out..."


----------



## lewlew

"Hey! From down here I can see ......"


----------



## Sinister

"SWEET JESUS! When Henrietta said she was going to set me up with a couple of freaks tonight, she really meant it--LITERALLY!"


----------



## Sinister

"Your legs will be ready to eat in a half hour...I'm sorry we had to have them for dinner tonight honey. You know I wanted us to eat that midget, but I can't find him..."


----------



## Lady Nyxie

At last, not the shortest person in the room!


----------



## Wyatt Furr

As she desends the stairs, Dorothy sings...
"I cannot tell what this land may be,it does'nt look like Kansas to me.
To rapidly fall out of the sky,and not tell Aunt Em, goodbye."


----------



## Dr Morbius

"I'm sorry, Kenny, but I told you I wouldn't go out with you unless you wore the R2D2 suit!"


----------



## Dr Morbius

"My gosh! From the waist down, you look just like my ex-husband!"


----------



## Dr Morbius

"Well, I could always introduce you as my half-brother from cleveland.."


----------



## Dr Morbius

"I hope you appreciate this date Dorothy, the limo cost me an arm and a leg..Ok two legs..Just get in the damn car!"


----------



## Dr Morbius

"Im sorry I'm late, Linda, but a funny thing happened to me when I passed the tiger cage.."


----------



## Dr Morbius

"Did I mention I'm a leg man?"


----------



## Dr Morbius

"Ohhhh you look like a cute little football!..Mind if I punt you?"


----------



## Dr Morbius

"My God, Frank you scared me!..I thought you were Stumpy!"


----------



## Dr Morbius

"Ever since I lost my legs, elevators smell very different to me now!"


----------



## Dr Morbius

"I'm sorry, but could you put on gloves? Your hands smell like feet!"


----------



## Dr Morbius

"If you want my honest opinion Roger, I think you're wasting money on that Podiatrist."


----------



## Dr Morbius

"C'mon Travis, we're late! Shake a leg!...oh, sorry.


----------



## Dr Morbius

Man I just did like 12 of these and I didn't even notice the midget under the stairs!


----------



## Sinister

I noticed him, which was why I captioned it as such in the one that involved cannibalism.


----------



## Death's Door

Good Evening Miss. Going Down?


----------



## HibLaGrande

lewlew said:


> QUOTE]
> 
> Trixie on the job.


----------



## Dr Morbius

I'd invite you all in for coffee, but it'll stunt your, uh, your.....won't you come in for coffee?


----------



## Sinister

"Okay...which one of you little freaks put the itching powder in my bra?"


----------



## Sinister

"Oh, stop complaining you big baby! You only have a thousand more of those photos to sign before we can rest easy over that big Barry Manilow scam we pulled on eBay!"


----------



## Koumajutsu

7 across. What's a three letter word for, "Toy gun ammunition?"


----------



## lewlew

'"Dear Diary. Today I sat next to Reese in the park. I would have talked to her but 
unfortunately, I crushed my ba**s whilst crossing my legs. 
Oh well, maybe tomorrow..."


----------



## Dr Morbius

"Well, Ms. Witherspoon, I have a script from a guy named "Sinister"..I'll show it to you after I do some rewrites...This could take a while. Why don't you go take Fifi for a walk?"


----------



## Sinister

Good one, Doc!

_I hope Reese doesn't look over here and see that I'm drawing a picture of what I think she looks like under those clothes...wow! _


----------



## palerider44magg

ok ok dam you guys can have the last few hot wings .......hey willie those aren't the chichen nuggets those are my nuggets


----------



## Sinister

Guy behind Reese and Bob: "Hey you guys, how many points if I bean one of those two in the back of the head with this football?"


----------



## Dr Morbius

"God, there sure is alot of paperwork involved for poodle euthanasia!"


----------



## Vikeman

"Well Bob, I think I have an opening next Tuesday at 10:00 a.m. Will it be the usual, hot wax and avocado rub down?"


----------



## Sinister

"I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it with my own two eyes, but that's definitely Gary Coleman and Emmanuelle Lewis in a compromising position with a chicken alright...!"


----------



## WickedWitch

Man in the blue suit: "No sir, that is not a picture of me dancing as a stripper in a gay bar"
Grey suit: Snikers while thinking to himself, "Dang studmuffin, wish I could be that pole your swinging round"


----------



## Wyatt Furr

Clark: "I dont have any idea who this is"
Percy: "Hmmm,looks like you in bad drag to me"


----------



## Dr Morbius

"Ok..I took Sinisters' script, trimmed it, rewrote it and kept the good parts..Here it is."


----------



## Sinister

Heh heh heh! That was too funny, but probably just about accurate, Doc! 










"Gimmee that damn card, Joe, I know how you always cheat at these card games! And it is...well...uh...you were right! It was the Queen of Diamonds...!


----------



## Dr Morbius

You know I'm just kidding, man..I like your script!










"You see? George Costanza from Seinfeld was right about the Trivial pursuit misprint! It does say Moops!"


----------



## Fangs

"where did you get this...." "probably from your ladies underwear drawer"... "teheee"


----------



## Fangs

"who is that masked man?"


----------



## Dr Morbius

"Please allow me to introduce myself. My name is Satan. Here's my card."


----------



## Sinister

"My God Tim, you were right! Lyle Lovett's kid _IS_ uglier than him!"


----------



## HalloweenRick

The note reads "Your friend has the worst haircut known to man. Please make him change it."


----------



## Sinister

"Sorry dude...I'm just not seeing Waldo in that picture...!"


----------



## Dr Morbius

"I hope Sinister changes the picture in this game to this."


----------



## Fangs

"Let me see that.... They put what, where?"


----------



## Sinister

"Whoo-wee! So thats the ingredient I've been missing in my rhubarb pie to make it actually taste good--SUGAR!"


----------



## DeathTouch

[Card reads] For a good time call Fred at 555-5476. Please no phone calls after 12am, I am a lite sleeper and need my beauty sleep. I am an Aries and love walks in the rain with my pink poodle.


----------



## Sinister

"I can't say for 100% sure, but I'm willing to bet that isn't a Baby Ruth candy bar that Jerry is eating."


----------



## Dr Morbius

"Wow Frank, you were right..people really DO urinate in these public pools..*sniff sniff*...did you fart?"


----------



## Dr Morbius

"Wesley, your septic tank literaly exploded..as if by some horrible foul smelling turd!"

"Well, I did flush George A. Romeros script down the toilet an hour ago!"


----------



## Sinister

"I know we have to be a little more creative the older the kids get every year, Cindy, but damn if I think hiding Easter eggs in the septic tank is the best route to go."


----------



## Koumajutsu

"Wait... I think I just stepped in something wet"


----------



## Sinister

"Gee Monetti! Leave it up to Darren to come up with the lame ass idea of playing paintball in one of these houses flooded out by Hurricane Katrina!"


----------



## Dr Morbius

"I hate cockroaches as much as you do, but I say let 'em HAVE the basement!"


----------



## Sinister

"So what you're trying to tell me the reason the basement looks like this is because there's 'probably' a pipe that's busted?"


----------



## Sinister

"Ugh! Whoever is supposed to clean the gym's in-door pool is damn sure laying down on the job..."


----------



## Koumajutsu

Sweety... i think my water just broke....


----------



## Dr Morbius

"I just KNOW that stupid Geico lizard ghecko thing is in here somewhere!"


----------



## Fangs

"I thought you said there was a little bit of sewage leaking here......"


----------



## morgan8586

" I know the tax man wont find us here!!!"


----------



## Sinister

"You know, I think I would shoot that ol' boy over there firing off some knuckle children behind the outhouse if I didn't think his bein' Larry the Cable Guy was punishment enough..."


----------



## HalloweenRick

I agree that this is one lousy first date, but I'm gonna take you to a REAL water park next time! Honest!


----------



## Dr Morbius

The next contestants for this years American Idol line up before dawn.


----------



## Sinister

"Tell Scooby to stop ****ing around back there eating that Triple Decker Lettuce Sandwich! We have to solve the mystery of the Disgruntled Hotel Owner Who Wants To Scare Everyone Off So He Can Get Some Property Dirt Cheap By Claiming It's Haunted!"


----------



## Johnny Thunder

By the way here's the pic. I had screwed up my Photobucket and just noticed that it screwed up your posts. Sorry


----------



## Wyatt Furr

"And before we get you to your cabins,next on our tour of the Scary Pants Band Camp,is the face in the oak tree.Most say it looks like Mozart, I say it looks like Liberace.You decide for yourselves"


----------



## Sinister

The dude next to the last person thinking: _Man, I feel awfully silly agreeing to come to this Retro Shindig Love-In. I HATE the 70's! If I didn't think I could get in Gloria's pants in front of me, I would be at home watching The Brady Bunch on Nick At Night instead!_

_







_


----------



## skullboy

"Hey JT would you put down the lantern and help me carry your damn suitcase?


----------



## lewlew

"I always heard that you meet some real weirdos at the bus station, but this is ridiculous! This is the last time I ride Greyhound at night! Driver, where is the bus?"


----------



## Sinister

_You know...Moondog was right when he said you would be able to see other dimensions if you took a couple of hits of acid and sniffed the butane from a Coleman Lantern!_
_







_


----------



## Fangs

"The gypsy lady said it should be right over here..." "Then why is it right over there?"


----------



## Sinister

"No Jerry, you and Lizzie have it all wrong. I'm pretty sure this was how Arnold looked when he was shooting up that police station in *The Terminator."*

*







*


----------



## grapegrl

_Nobody's stealing my inflatable snowman out of the front yard this year!_


----------



## dynoflyer

Right over there is where I got the material for these pants, your dress and that suitcase. I took it from the side of that silly tent next to the spaceship. Oh look! A Klown!


----------



## Fangs

Don't you know that it's really down there? If you think you killed it your nuts! He's the one with the gun......Let him go check. I'm staying with you.


----------



## lewlew

Holiday shopping on Black Friday at the Mall finally sends Bill over the edge.
_


----------



## Hella

Hey Joe, are the ones with the Santa Hats worth 15 points or 50 points?

*







*


----------



## Sinister

Tom Jones, sensing his career is flagging, decides to go on a Goth/Techno tour of his songs and has his body guard, Bruno shoot people who say anything derogatory about it.


----------



## Sinister

"H-h-hold on just a second...just how drunk was I? You mean to tell me that hot chick I was making out with in the bathroom was a GUY!?!?"


----------



## Ms. Wicked

dynoflyer said:


> Right over there is where I got the material for these pants, your dress and that suitcase. I took it from the side of that silly tent next to the spaceship. Oh look! A Klown!


Plaid is the new black.


----------



## Sickie Ickie

Sinister said:


> "


Is it my imagination, or do you see Dr. Who's Tardis behind me?


----------



## dynoflyer

Nice jacket. Does everybody in the band get one?


----------



## Fangs

I don't understand, why didn't you tell them you love me?-----
Because I didn't want to ruin the surprise just yet baby! :devil:


----------



## lewlew

Ed thinks to himself: " Wow! If you stare at Brad's lips long enough they DO start to look like Angelina's!"


----------



## krypt

yeah i do believe that is a chest hair.


----------



## Sinister

"Man, if I were you I would button that shirt a little higher. You go walking in the house like that and Angelina's going to see that hickey Jennifer put there earlier tonight."


----------



## Sinister

"Oh...that's like...real mature! People in this school are so dumb! They don't know that PENIS is spelled with one 'E' instead of two!"


----------



## Ghostess

"Uhhh....I don't think this is the girls' locker room..."


----------



## Sickie Ickie

Are you sure your brother won't mind us coming in his room?








[/QUOTE]


----------



## Dr Morbius

"Thanks for inviting me to your Halloween party, Hank, but you _know_ how I feel about those inflatable lawn decorations!"


----------



## Dr Morbius

I don't think coming down to your basement to kill the wherewolf with these "lightsabers" was good idea.


----------



## Johnny Thunder

Sinister said:


>


Coming this Fall from the New CW a new series so incredibly vapid and cliched, network television (no, seriously, we ARE a network) will never be the same: "Betty and Veronica: The Vampire Slayer Years".


----------



## TwistedDementia

The lunch lady said this is where she keeps the meat for the sloppy joes!
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/SinistersRealm/gingersnapsunleashed.jpg


----------



## Spooky1

Dr Morbius said:


>


Uh oh, I don't think that's a Halloween prop.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Sinister said:


>


"Where the HELL is that frikkin' fuse box?!?!"


----------



## RoxyBlue

Sinister said:


> *
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> *


"I hate eating outside when it's cold. WHERE'S THE WAITER WITH OUR DRINKS?!"


----------



## RoxyBlue

Sinister said:


>


"Dude, there's like, ketchup on your shirt, man."


----------



## Don Givens

Dude, look at that shirt. No wonder everybody keeps trying to kick your butt.


----------



## RoxyBlue

"Dude, do you, like, wax your chest?"


----------



## Don Givens

Brad they're paying us a per diem on this film. Stop sleeping in your car and get yourself a nice hotelroom.


----------



## Don Givens

Gee Brad you look horrible. I hope somebody who knows how, posts another picture so you can go get some sleep.


----------



## RoxyBlue

LOL, here you go, DG - try captioning this one:


----------



## Don Givens

Zelda reacts to the theft of her potion jars.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Don Givens said:


> Zelda reacts to the theft of her potion jars.


LMAO - that's great!


----------



## Don Givens

RoxyBlue said:


> LMAO - that's great!


Thank you.

I know I have to click on the "insert" icon to add a picture but then it asks for a URL and I have no idea how to enter a URL address for any of the images I have on my computer or how to target a single picture from a website.


----------



## Spooky1

Don Givens said:


> Thank you.
> 
> I know I have to click on the "insert" icon to add a picture but then it asks for a URL and I have no idea how to enter a URL address for any of the images I have on my computer or how to target a single picture from a website.


There are posts in the Questions, Comments and Feedback section on how to insert pics. You'll need to open up an account in Photobucket or Flickr. You download the pics from your computer to Photobucket or Flickr and from there you can link the picture to the forum.


----------



## Spooky1

Oh Honey, what a surprise. It's just what I've always wanted!


----------



## RoxyBlue

"(screeching) This is NOT the Ming vase you promised me!"


----------



## Don Givens

Spooky1 said:


> There are posts in the Questions, Comments and Feedback section on how to insert pics. You'll need to open up an account in Photobucket or Flickr. You download the pics from your computer to Photobucket or Flickr and from there you can link the picture to the forum.


Thank you. I think I better invest a little time in looking through Q,C, & F section and see what else I might learn


----------



## Spooky1

If this is my Christmas present you're going to the doghouse.


----------



## Spooky1

Someone stole my Bucky's body!


----------



## Don Givens

Before they were married, Susan's husband told her he had a few skeleton's in the closet but she never expected this.


----------



## Spooky1

When Ms. Wicked opened the Halloween prop storage cabinet, she is shocked to see thieves have left her with only a single skull.


----------



## Don Givens

Hope this works.








[/URL][/IMG]


----------



## Don Givens

[/URL][/IMG]

I've tried about half a dozen times and all I get is a red X or the above text.

It's not easy being a noob.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Did you try using the "Go Advanced" function (you'll see it just below the Quick Reply message box)? You can use it to put a thumbnail image into your message - drawback is, there's a limit to how many you can eventually post, unlike using photobucket. Anyway, try that - You'll see the classic paperclip icon for attachments. It lets you either browse your computer for a file or select a URL to attach a file.


----------



## Spooky1

Don, Once the pic is in Photobucket there will be 4 options below the pic. Right click the bottom one and select copy. Then paste into thread. The pic will show then.


----------



## Don Givens

(Thanks everybody)










Honey. Would you please check on Mary. I asked her to clean out the bird cage and she's being awfully quiet.


----------



## RoxyBlue

"mmppppph, what bird?"


----------



## Spooky1

The avian/human gene splicing experiments aren't going as we expected.


----------



## Don Givens

Hilary Clinton enjoys an appetiser at Benihana's in New York


----------



## Don Givens

Lottery winners Buck and Eunice White intend to celebrate by buying solid gold skirting for their mobile home.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Buck and Eunice White show off the dental appliances bought from Frighteners Entertainment.


----------



## Don Givens

That's it. No more bean dip for you Eunice.


----------



## Spooky1

Welcome to the shallow end of the Gene pool.


----------



## Don Givens

The Governor of West Virginia and his wife welcome visitor's to the Govenor's double-wide.


----------



## RoxyBlue

"Is this where they're holding the "You Might Be A *******" auditions?"


----------



## Don Givens

Buck and Eunice White wait for the firecracker they put in the Guacamole Dip to go off.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Here's a new one (recycled from the Horror Movie Picture thread):


----------



## Don Givens

Despite his gift for giving great speeches, Lincoln was never very sucessful with the women.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Don Givens said:


> Despite his gift for giving great speeches, Lincoln was never very sucessful with the women.


LMAO - I almost spit out a mouthful of food on my keyboard when I read that!


----------



## Don Givens

Lincoln was quite annoyed to learn that, while the Coat-check girl's back was turned, Stephen A. Douglas stole his hat.


----------



## RoxyBlue

"Unhand me, sir, for you are in desperate need of a breath mint!"


----------



## Don Givens

How can I believe that you love me if you are unable to look me in the eye when you say it.


----------



## Don Givens

The President was due to give a speech in Ghettysburg in less than 45 minutes and he was not very pleased with the efforts of his seamstress/hair-stylist


----------



## RoxyBlue

Here's a new one:


----------



## RoxyBlue

And the obvious:

"Would you like fries with that?"


----------



## Don Givens

The leg and thigh dinner comes with a roll and your choice of applesauce or coleslaw. Fries would be a $1 extra.


----------



## RoxyBlue

"How thick would you like the slices, Ma'am?"


----------



## Don Givens

Woudl you like original or extra crispy?


----------



## scareme

Taste just like chicken!


----------



## Spooky1

I told you to get your foot off the table.


----------



## Don Givens

Yes, this is the complaint's desk. What is your complaint?


----------



## Spooky1

RoxyBlue said:


> Here's a new one:


No, you don't use that kind of calf to make veal cutlets you moron!


----------



## Don Givens

Yankee Doodle saw a girl knew he had to have her. 
Stuck a feather in his cap & chopped her man like a cadaver.


----------



## Don Givens

That's right you get 8 knives, the potato peeler, the apple corer, and The Corpse Cleaver all for just $19.95.


----------



## Don Givens

Ok sir, that was coffee black, bacon crisp, buttered toast with jam on the side and I am sorry, how did you say you like your legs?


----------



## Spooky1

Did you want that with or without shoe?


----------



## Dr Morbius

I thought you said "A Mocha latte' Half CALF!..Heheh, my mistake. Thanks for choosing StarBucks!"


----------



## Dr Morbius

"Oh CRAP! Turn off that camera! People aren't SUPPOSED to see how we make Big Macs!"


----------



## Don Givens

Oh gross..... Waiter! ..... There is a feather on this leg. Take it back and get me a fresh one.


----------



## RoxyBlue

RoxyBlue said:


>


"You idiot, I said 'wax' job, not 'axe' job!"


----------



## Don Givens

Ok, anybody else who doesn't want to work on Saturday nights?


----------



## RoxyBlue

"I wonder how much longer I have to keep this beauty clay on my face?"


----------



## Don Givens

Hey Mike, better call the main office and ask them to fax over another job related injury report form.


----------



## RoxyBlue

In a classic violation of health regulations, Walter forgets to put on gloves before preparing food.


----------



## Don Givens

Get that dirty shoe off the counter you idiot. The health inspector could walk through that door any minute.


----------



## Don Givens

Ok. If you insist, I'll get my supervisor but you will need to have a seat while I dig him up.


----------



## Spooky1

I'm calling the OSHA inspector ......Oh, that is the OSHA inspector? Ah, good work Jones, did you want Saturday off?


----------



## RoxyBlue

How about a new one?


----------



## Dr Morbius

"...and then Hauntforum closed PERMANANTLY!"
" Oh, mommy, I don't like that story. I'm scared!"


----------



## RoxyBlue

"Geez, I wish this geezer would fall asleep so I can go play Bingo at the church!"


(P.S. - Good one, Dr M!)


----------



## Spooky1

RoxyBlue said:


> How about a new one?


That was the best sex I've ever had without taking my clothes off.


----------



## Eldritch_Horror

"That laxative kicked in! I need a bedpan qui... nevermind."


----------



## RoxyBlue

Man - "Hey, when are you going to clean up those cobwebs I see on the ceiling?"

Woman - (Must...restrain...fist...of...death....)


----------



## Don Givens

Needless to say, a "happy ending" was difinitely out of the question at the House of Hussein Massage Parlor.


----------



## Spooky1

If I stare at that stain on the ceiling long enough, it starts to look like Bella Lugosi.


----------



## Don Givens

Shhhhhhhh, I hear the Grandkids coming. Grandma, you put your black veil down and get ready to lunge at them and I'll play dead


----------



## Don Givens

This recent photograph of Abe Vigoda and his ninja bodyguard/lover Helena, prove that Mr. Vigoda is still not dead.


----------



## Don Givens

RoxyBlue said:


> How about a new one?


The National Enquirer has learned that the long time love affair between Abe Vigoda and Bea Arthur came to an end when Abe learned that Bea was really a woman.


----------



## RoxyBlue

"Every damn party he comes home with a hangover and I have to sit here with a basin in case he pukes."


----------



## Don Givens

Great. Why does she always have to ruin my goodtime by sitting there with that basin until I look at her ugly mug and puke.


----------



## Don Givens

Blucky Dent was a big hit at this year's Halloween Party.


----------



## RoxyBlue

The birthday party mood suddenly went sour when the kids found out that the blucky pinata didn't have any candy.


----------



## Spooky1

For the annual we hate the Yankees party in Boston, Bill Martin was dug up and they let the kids have some fun.


----------



## Don Givens

File Photo: National Bring Your Daughter To Work day. Jacob's field 2008


----------



## RoxyBlue

It became all too apparent after attending Kindergarten Career Day that little Annie would never make a suitable cemetery caretaker.


----------



## Don Givens

The investigation of Crypt Keeper Country Daycare began when parents began complaining that their children were beginning to exhibit odd behavior around the home.


----------



## Don Givens

Neighbor's say they made nurmerous complaints to CPS, however a CPS spokesmen said they visited the family on several occasions and found nothing out of the ordinary.


----------



## Don Givens

Here are the answers to last weeks "What's Wrong With This Picture contest:

1) Baby in blue dress in the upper right, missing a sock
2) Little girl holding the bat is actually right-handed
3) Human skeleton is an obviousl fake.
4) Baby crawling on the lawn, needs to have her diaper changed.
5) Cleveland Indians wearing their home uniform on the road.


----------



## RoxyBlue

"I wanted a Barbie doll, not a crappy skeleton!"


----------



## RoxyBlue

Want to try another one?


----------



## Don Givens

Peter Yarrow prepares to hit the road with a reformed Gothic version of Peter, Paul and Mary.


----------



## Don Givens

Ebeneezer Scrooge is visited by the Ghosts of Christmas Weird.


----------



## Don Givens

Mary's attempt to camouflage herself against the wall was not very successful to say the least.


----------



## Spooky1

An early version of Sprockets staring dieter (Touch My Monkey dressed up as an old man)


----------



## Don Givens

When Donald Trump was first introduced to a then dark haired Ivana, he felt an immediate attraction.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Wiford Brimley, Johnny Depp, and Helena Bonham Carter star in Tim Burton's dark version of Charles Dickens' "Old Curiosity Shop".


----------



## RoxyBlue

Here's an odd one from an old advertisement:


----------



## Spooky1

Now when I turn this knob, do you feel agonizing pain? No, how about this one?


----------



## Sinister

RoxyBlue said:


>


"So you want me to turn a father and son trick, huh? I admit, it's a little goddamn weird, but...a buck's a buck..."


----------



## Sinister

RoxyBlue said:


>


Old Agnes didn't quite know what to make of her husbands last request about wanting her to give him a hot milk enema. Though repulsed, she was nonetheless intrigued, and had the bedpan ready in case she worked up the nerve...


----------



## Spooky1

RoxyBlue said:


> Here's an odd one from an old advertisement:


Now dear, are you going to tell me where my credit card is, or do I need to turn a few more screws?


----------



## Dr Morbius

Without modern sutures or anti rejection drugs, the worlds first face transplant had it's drawbacks..


----------



## RoxyBlue

Dr. Franz Joseph Gall's wife patiently endured many head-mapping sessions so her husband could develop a phrenologist's handbook.


----------



## Don Givens

Then one day, Dr. Fruitcake's "I'm Sylvester you're Tweety Bird" sex fantasy took an even more bizarre twist.


----------



## Don Givens

I know this is none of my business Mrs. Allen, but this is the third time this week your son has welded his erector set on your head while you napped.


----------



## Don Givens

Another unwanted preganancy could have been avoided if Emily's husband would have just taken the time to properly read the instructions that came with her chasity belt.


----------



## RoxyBlue

The Acme travel size Iron Maiden now on sale for only $19.95*!


* plus shipping & handling - offer void where prohibited


----------



## Dr Morbius

"It'ths not that I don't trustht you doc, my neighborths recommended you asth a dentithst, but how will thisth fixth my teeth?..OW my eye!"


----------



## RoxyBlue

As his eyesight began to deteriorate and arthritis kicked in, hair stylist Nick Arrojo began to rely heavily on elaborate hair trimming tools.


----------



## Dr Morbius

Dr. Morbius' earliest attempts at making a 3 axis skull called up certain concerns from his wife.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Dr. Morbius' earliest attempts at creating the robot version of Maria from "Metropolis" also called up certain concerns from his wife.


----------



## Don Givens

Dr. Harry Pitts reports that despite extensive testing and research medical science will never understand how the female mind works.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Try this one from a great cheesy movie:


----------



## Don Givens

The results were disastrous when Ollie in Shipping sent the miracle growth hormones designed for the military to Orkin by mistake.


----------



## Draik41895

johnny,dont play with you humans


----------



## Don Givens

RoxyBlue said:


> Try this one from a great cheesy movie:


Harvey's wish to have a huge fly and a nice tunnel to put it in goes horribly wrong.


----------



## Don Givens

Young man stop complaining about the piddily little Mosquitos. Why when I was your age, mosquitos were as big as cars and Flys were even larger.


----------



## RoxyBlue

On the Island of Giant Insects, driving through the downtown tunnels during praying mantis breeding season can prove extremely hazardous.


----------



## Spooky1

There seems to be a backup in the downtown tunnel, let go to our on site reporter. Hello Jim ..... Jim?


----------



## RoxyBlue

Contrary to popular belief, giant mantises do not make good parking lot attendants.


----------



## Spooky1

Driver: Hello 911, I have a bug on my windshield.
911 Operator: Sir why would you call 911 about a bug on your windshield.
Driver: Well, it's a really big bug.


----------



## lewlew

State Farm Insurance is suddenly flooded with claims citing "insect damage".


----------



## Sinister

RoxyBlue said:


>


Osama Bin Laden knew his prayers to Allah weren't going to be answered. He could only watch in helpless terror, when his latest scheme in Western domination went horribly awry as his assistant, Bart Simpson, suddenly laughed, snatched the remote control from the despots hands, and dashed into an impenetrable room deep within Al-Qaeda's stronghold.


----------



## Dr Morbius

God wasn't feeling enthusiastic during one of the great plagues, so instead of releasing a million little locusts, he just sent one really big one.


----------



## lewlew

New Jersey's new toll booths don't work quite as well as planned.


----------



## Spooky1

Steroid use runs rampant at the Insect Olympics.


----------



## RoxyBlue

That was a good run on the praying mantis - how about this one?


----------



## Eldritch_Horror

Disney's first shot at 'Sleeping Beauty' seemed a bit creepy, so they decided to animate it in order to soften it up.


----------



## Spooky1

Few knew that Sleeping Beauty was also visited by Prince Stalker (Prince Charming's creepy older half-brother), but groping didn't wake her.


----------



## Mr_Chicken

I'm not sure who's got bigger problems-- the patient or the doctor!


----------



## Sinister

RoxyBlue said:


>


"Oh...my...God!!! There's actual hair growing out of her ears!!!"


----------



## Twana

This was no boating accident!!!


----------



## scourge999

Pardon me, do you have any Grey Poupon?


----------



## Dark Angel 27

omg! that's what a girl looks like!

(i was so sure it was a cigar sticking out of his mouth)


----------



## Sinister

RoxyBlue said:


>


The Amazing Presto knew it was time to get the hell out of town. His latest magic trick of sawing his assistant vertically in half had gone terribly awry, but he knew the police wouldn't see it as an accident. It was time to get out of the Magician biz, and change his name back to Henry Buttkiss and find work as a merchant marine...


----------



## RoxyBlue

Dammit, where's her "Try Me" button?!?!


----------



## scareme

Are my stories really so boring they put everyone to sleep.


----------



## Spooky1

Cindy was about to get a surprise from the creepy director, as she auditioned for the role of Sleeping Beauty.


----------



## Eldritch_Horror

"Now, all I have to do is tie her to the train tracks and my dastardly deed will be done! Muhahahahaha!!!"


----------



## Sinister

RoxyBlue said:


>


"I just gots ta know if these puppies are real!"


----------



## Don Givens

After spending a significant amount of time and money wooing his date into bed, Vincent was horriffied to spy - an Adam's Apple.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Dr Morbius pauses for a moment to see if his heroic CPR efforts have borne fruit.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Good run on that one - here's a new one (also featured on the Horror Movie Picture thread):


----------



## Don Givens

Shortly before his death, Tony Randall rehearses with Jack Klugman for their never released movie version of "The Odd Couple".


----------



## Spooky1

Look old fellow, the heavy mascara and hooded cloak are so "What Not to Wear".


----------



## Don Givens

........... and if you ask me if I'm wearing a "rug" again, I'll punch you in the other eye as well.


----------



## Spooky1

RoxyBlue said:


> Good run on that one - here's a new one (also featured on the Horror Movie Picture thread):


I'm sorry but you must be at least this tall to go on the "Haunted Mansion" ride.


----------



## Mr_Chicken

Boris Karloff meets Emperor Palpatine


----------



## RoxyBlue

Boris Karloff attempts to get the Emperor Palatine to "pull my finger".


----------



## lewlew

"Mr. Johnson, I SWEAR I've done this eyebrow lift a hundred times! It's not MY fault you flinched!!!"


----------



## Dark Angel 27

and the fiend that attacked you was only this tall?


----------



## Sinister

RoxyBlue said:


>


"Duuuude...we've both been watching too much *Sanford and Son*. You, with 'Having The Big One,' and me not being able to work on 'account of my ah-thiritis!'"


----------



## Spooky1

How about a new pic. I posted this on the Horror Movie picture game and Roxy thought it would be a good one for captions.


----------



## Don Givens

No no no maam you misunderstand. I did not wants you to show me where is the room for ze little toys, I wants to know where is ze room for ze little boys


----------



## Don Givens

Cubby, the toy bear, and his brother, Stubby, lived in a toy store run by Grandma Perkins. Grandma Perkins was a kind old woman and Cubby and Stubby were very happy until that fateful day when a man came in and bought Stubby to be used for target practice.


----------



## RoxyBlue

LMAO, good ones, Don G!


----------



## Don Givens

Thank you Roxy. That picture is quite a challenge to caption.


----------



## Don Givens

During prohibition, Grandma Kennedy made a small fortune selling toy bears full of boot legged liquor to Foreign Dignataries.


----------



## kevin242

"My apologies, Chief Inspector, the inflatable dolls are in ze back behind _zat_ counter..."


----------



## Spooky1

Spooky1 said:


> How about a new pic. I posted this on the Horror Movie picture game and Roxy thought it would be a good one for captions.


I've come to talk to you about the small children you have hanging on the walls.


----------



## Spooky1

Your name wouldn't be Frau Blucher would it?


----------



## RoxyBlue

Granny LeMonde's bear-shaped honey jars triggered sweet childhood memories for Captain Marcheau whenever he came to her shop.


----------



## Spooky1

Why Inspector Kemp is that a nightstick in your pocket or are you just happy to see me.


----------



## Don Givens

Chief Inspector, Phillip Deberd was on his way home when he decided to pick up some toys for his children. Unfortunately for Phillip, he did not realize he was merely seconds away from being turned into a little toy officer by a mean old witch.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Inspector: "How are you today, Granny?"

Granny: "I think I just pooped in my Depends."


----------



## Don Givens

So let me make sure I have this straight maam. You don't want the man who accosted you arrested - you just want his phone number.


----------



## Lilly

Oh these are genuine skin alright ..I just got the supply in last night.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Granny Darkwind was about to greet the inspector when she suddenly realized she had forgotten to wear her dentures again.


----------



## Spooky1

Spooky1 said:


> How about a new pic. I posted this on the Horror Movie picture game and Roxy thought it would be a good one for captions.


Why inspector aren't you a little old to be playing with dolls?


----------



## Don Givens

Uh no, no,no! Deespite what your Grandawtare tells you madame, I em efraid we can nawt work out ze "trade" in exshange for tearing up your pawking tickawts.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Let's see what we can get for this one:


----------



## Don Givens

During friendlier times, Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie party the night away in Hollywood.


----------



## scareme

"No! Don't touch my hair. I just had it done. EEECCKK!"


----------



## scareme

You put your right foot in. You put your right foot out. You put your right foot in and you shake it all about.


----------



## RoxyBlue

When learning to dance with a skeleton, it's best to keep away from the edge of the acid bath.


----------



## Don Givens

Mr. Blucky was a real gentleman, until he started drinking.


----------



## scareme

"That's the last time I let Marge set me up on a blind date" Lucy thought to herself.


----------



## Spooky1

RoxyBlue said:


> Let's see what we can get for this one:


After Jen call Angelina a scrawny man stealing bitch, Angelina yelled I'm not too skinny and pushed Jen into a pool of acid.


----------



## Don Givens

After Suzie hotglued her bucky's hand to her head and fell into the pool, she vowed to never drink tequila while working on props again.


----------



## RoxyBlue

In the little-known sequel, "Of Mice and Men: The Afterlife", Curley's young wife is visited in Hell by the skeletal remains of Lennie Small.


----------



## Haunted Bayou

OMG, can't top that one Roxy!


Skelly Frenelly felt the occiput on Blondie's head and interpreted her noggin to be a fine specimen!


----------



## Sinister

RoxyBlue said:


>


*Continuous sound of skeletal hand slapping flesh*

"WHAT IS THIS ****?! HUH?! I PROTECT YOU ON THESE STREET CORNERS FROM OTHER PIMPS, AND ALL YOU GIVE ME BACK IS CHUMP CHANGE?! YOU BITCHES BEEN HOLDING OUT ON ME!!!"


----------



## Dark Angel 27

oh boy...let me see....

ahhhhh! dammit! that is it! i'm gonna get stupid joker for this!


----------



## Spooky1

After coming up out of the fallout shelter Ms. Jones finds the ones left above ground hadn't fared so well.


----------



## RoxyBlue

"OMG, and I thought getting a bat in my hair was scary!"


----------



## RoxyBlue

Here's a new one:


----------



## Don Givens

Um....... Karen, I don't think your dad fell asleep watching TV again


----------



## Don Givens

Nice to meet you Mr. Jones, I see where your daughter gets her high cheekbones.


----------



## RoxyBlue

"Hmmm, yes...yes...I see...you're correct, my dear, he does appear to have a bit of cloudiness in his right eye."


----------



## Don Givens

Look here young lady, if your gentleman friend tries to "make me blink one more time", I'm gonna deck him.


----------



## Spooky1

RoxyBlue said:


> Here's a new one:


Welcome to Queer Eye for the Straight Monster. Now Mr. Johnson I'm going to put this "Product" on your face to smooth your skin, and clean out those pores. Please don't kill me.


----------



## RoxyBlue

(How the guy in the suit gets himself klled - Episode 1)

"Does this bug you? Does this bug you? Does this bug you? I'm not touching you."


----------



## Don Givens

Spooky1 said:


> Welcome to Queer Eye for the Straight Monster. Now Mr. Johnson I'm going to put this "Product" on your face to smooth your skin, and clean out those pores. Please don't kill me.


Wow, Sir! Your old fashion straight razor really does give you a closer shave than my fancy new electric model.

( oops, I guess I need to remember to "quote" the original one if I want to copy the picture.)


----------



## Don Givens

RoxyBlue said:


> Here's a new one:


It's a sad story really. He was the original Mr. Clean but ever since they replaced him with a cartoon, he just sits in his chair and sulks.


----------



## Don Givens

Wow dad it was sure nice of you to help me with my Hair Stylist Homework. Hey Bob, doesn't dad's hair look ......... great?


----------



## Eldritch_Horror

"Dave does great work. He has such an eye for detail! It's just a shame he over-stuffed the body."


----------



## RoxyBlue

Woman: "Sir, I'll have to ask you to refrain from touching the wax figures on display"

Man: "But he looks so REAL!"


----------



## Spooky1

RoxyBlue said:


> Here's a new one:


Gee Suzie, your Halloween props look so lifelike. Hey he's warm ....


----------



## Eldritch_Horror

"Oh Honey, LOOK! My Chi-Chi-Chia Zombie is finally starting to grow sprouts!"


----------



## Spooky1

Honey, I found him while I was shopping at Curby's, can I keep him?


----------



## Sinister

RoxyBlue said:


>


"You gotta believe me, Mr. Mason! That blood you see behind my ear is mine, not that girl I killed...er, I mean, the cops found killed last week!"


----------



## RoxyBlue

"Another little adjustment of your hearing aid and you'll be good as new, Mr Johnson"


----------



## Don Givens

So you expect us to believe that your elves stole your red suit, shaved off your beard, and took off in your sleigh.


----------



## RoxyBlue

"Ah, those facelift scars are healing nicely, Mr Johnson"


----------



## Don Givens

Poor dad. Ever since they disconnected his cable, he justs sits in front of the TV with a blank stare.


----------



## Eldritch_Horror

"What's this in your ear? Oh look! A quarter! Now how about some applause for my lovely assistant?"


----------



## lewlew

"Hey honey! Watch this!"

"Dear, come away from there and stop teasing the nice blind man. Before he kills you."


----------



## Don Givens

Yeah, it looks like you're getting a shiner. Now be honest dad, were you or were you not wearing trousers when you asked to borrow a "lil sugar" from the little old lady next door?


----------



## Spooky1

Time for a new pic.


----------



## Dark Angel 27

hmmm...this is a tuffie.

Lucy found out the hard way about the evils of streaking....when her husband found out.


----------



## lewlew

Lucy is more than a little embarassed when her husband asks his co-workers their opinion about her getting implants.


----------



## Don Givens

Spooky1 said:


> Time for a new pic.


The jig is up Esmerelda. Your freeze curse and your sleeping curse may have disabled my partners but my magic resistant suit has foiled your evil plan.


----------



## Don Givens

Miss Scott, I am afraid we are going to have to let you go. We don't mean to be insensitive but this is the third time this week that you have glued your hand to your face.


----------



## Spooky1

This is the last time I'm going to ask, and you better tell the truth .... are those real?


----------



## Don Givens

Miss Johnson we know you stole two oranges from Mr. Smith's fruit stand because the right one shifted when you sat down.


----------



## RoxyBlue

"Pull my finger!"


----------



## Don Givens

But Mr. Tracy, the last time I pulled your finger, we had to repaper the conference room.


----------



## RoxyBlue

"Hey, that's my wife's dress you're wearing!"


----------



## Dr Morbius

Now, before I sic Rocko and Knuckles on you, I'm gonna ask you one last time...
Where did you hide my fuzzy slippers?


----------



## Dr Morbius

The backlash from the public caused the Three Stooges to change their act and slap each other instead.


----------



## Spooky1

The jig is up, there's no point of trying to hide that you have an adam's apple, fella.


----------



## Dark Angel 27

This is the last time we'll ask you Mrs. Johnson. Where were you last night during the robbery at Good Will?


----------



## Dr Morbius

Don't deny it Linda! This IS your booger I just found under the arm of that chair, ISN'T IT!


----------



## Don Givens

...... and you are it you dirty old dishrag you. Sorry Jill, but it looks like you have to tell the boss his zipper has been down all morning.


----------



## RoxyBlue

How about a new one?


----------



## Don Givens

Oh no my wife is dead, oh the heart ache, oh the pain, oh by the way are you free for dinner this evening doctor?


----------



## Don Givens

RoxyBlue said:


> How about a new one?


Mr Angley, I will ask you one more time to stop smacking my patient in the head and leave my operating room or else I'm going to call security.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Dear, how many times have I told you not to touch a body I'm about to autopsy?


----------



## RoxyBlue

No! For the last time, you can NOT take her home with you!


----------



## Don Givens

Mr Avery I don't care if your wife did have a living will. She is in here for a routine tonsilectomy and we can not pull the plug on her.


----------



## Don Givens

Don Givens said:


> Mr Angley, I will ask you one more time to stop smacking my patient in the head and leave my operating room or else I'm going to call security.


Of course she "doesn't seem to have a fever" Doctor Lewis. Hhe's been dead for over an hour.


----------



## Don Givens

RoxyBlue said:


> How about a new one?


Ooops meant to bring the picture forward


----------



## Spooky1

Should I ask how you managed to crazy glue your hand to your wife's forehead?


----------



## RoxyBlue

I find it hard to believe she "followed you home"!


----------



## Don Givens

No the cause of death wasn't jaudice Nurse Dimwitty!!!!! She's all yellow because you ran her catheter into her IV bag.


----------



## RoxyBlue

I really think you need glasses, Doctor. This is the third time this week you stitched your hand to a facelift patient.


----------



## Spooky1

She's still warm, nurse, do you mind if I have a moment alone with this patient?


----------



## Don Givens

Doctor, we would lose fewer patients if you would wait until they were out of recovery before giving them the bill.


----------



## Don Givens

Ok, I know how we can settle this. If the curtains match the drapes I'll buy and if they don't, lunch is on you.


----------



## Spooky1

Okay time for a new pic.


----------



## Spooky1

Igor, This wasn't what I meant when I said I'd like to get a little .... oh never mind, you idiot.


----------



## Dark Angel 27

Spooky1 said:


> Igor, This wasn't what I meant when I said I'd like to get a little .... oh never mind, you idiot.


ROFLMAO! :lolkin:


----------



## Dark Angel 27

The autopsy of Matilda...the former loyal asistant to Marvin the Magnificent


----------



## RoxyBlue

So how long do we have to leave it in the marinade before baking?


----------



## Don Givens

Spooky1 said:


> Okay time for a new pic.


........... so you see, the govenment really has created an engine that runs on water but it is being kept off the market by Big Oil interests.

Now we move on to an invention being kept off the market by jewlery lobbyists.


----------



## Don Givens

There is no on and off switch Joe. You turn it on by simply starting to talk and then it will automatically switch on and interupt.


----------



## Don Givens

Well we're still working on it's vocabulary. Right now all it can say is "Jerry"


----------



## Spooky1

Spooky1 said:


> Okay time for a new pic.


I couldn't afford to get my little girl a "Fashion Fever Barbie Styling Head" so I got her this. What do you think?


----------



## RoxyBlue

Awww, she's sleeping. Isn't that cute?


----------



## Don Givens

Spooky1 said:


> Okay time for a new pic.


Well we have her sedated right now but when the EMT's first brought her in she was mumbling something about a Genie and wishing guys would stop staring at her breasts when they talked to her.


----------



## Don Givens

Oh yeah, that reminds me. The wife wants me to stop and pick up a melon on the way home tonight.


----------



## Don Givens

Sea World Public Relations Director Howie Gonashrugdisov simply said "no comment" when asked how the sharks were able to gain access to the Synchronized Swiiming Pool


----------



## Don Givens

Well it is pretty amazing but do you think anybody will actually buy a "Chia Head"


----------



## Don Givens

I know it's hard to believe but we've run the tests three times and we get the same answer everytime: 40% sugar 40% spice 20% nice


----------



## Dr Morbius

It's a pocket reminder..Why, with this, I haven't forgotten to do the dishes, take out the trash, or clean the garage in weeks!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Hehehe, do you think she'll notice we put ink in her water bath?


----------



## Spooky1

If our grant isn't renewed I don't think we'll ever afford enough stem cells to grow her a body.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Do you think she's going to be upset when she finds out we misplaced her body?


----------



## Spooky1

Actually it's one of those little sponges that grows 50X it original size when you put in water, but I think it looks cool.


----------



## rottincorps

Well I bet she will forget about those craps


----------



## Spooky1

Spooky1 said:


> Okay time for a new pic.


I think package of seeds I got was miss labeled. This was suppose to be a "Lady's Slipper" Orchid.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Dave the Dead proudly shows off his latest prop to Dr Morbius.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Dammit, this 3-axis skull still isn't working! Let me see the directions again.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Geez, I thought you were just kidding when you said "What's that in the road, a head?".


----------



## Don Givens

John: Darn it! I can't get this new robot head to switch to on. 

Bill: Well it's a female robot John. You can't expect to turn it on by fiddling with it's knobs a little and then saying come on lets go.


----------



## Spooky1

Welcome to Makeup application 101 at the Marie Antoinette beauty school.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Good job, everyone! Here's a new one for you:


----------



## RoxyBlue

Why, you're absolutely right, dear! My eyeliner IS on crooked!


----------



## Spooky1

My dear you can own this limited edition Obama collectors plate for only $49.99. It's a steal, really.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Darling, it was lovely and thoughtful of you to bring me dinner, but, next time, could you at least remember to hold the plate level?


----------



## Dark Angel 27

Don Givens said:


> John: Darn it! I can't get this new robot head to switch to on.
> 
> Bill: Well it's a female robot John. You can't expect to turn it on by fiddling with it's knobs a little and then saying come on lets go.


that's messed up! thank you! that made my morning!


----------



## Dark Angel 27

RoxyBlue said:


> Good job, everyone! Here's a new one for you:


After getting way too drunk the night before, Maggie woke up to find herself in a strange place.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Observe the pattern, my dear. Mesmerizing, almost hypnotic, isn't it? Your eyelids are getting heavy....you're getting sleepy...sleepier...


----------



## Don Givens

Dammit Anwar! Watch where you are going. Now you've spilled half the pizza toppings all over the floor.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Hey, who wrote "DUST ME" on my mirror?!?!


----------



## Don Givens

RoxyBlue said:


> Good job, everyone! Here's a new one for you:


Stop staring at Marc Antony's naked bum Ramarod and hold that mirror still.


----------



## Spooky1

RoxyBlue said:


> Good job, everyone! Here's a new one for you:


I still can't find Waldo, Mr. Im-ho-tep


----------



## Don Givens

If you are going to accuse my son of hitting a baseball and knocking the nose off the Sprinx, you are going to have to show me more proof than this silly stick figure hieroglyph of him doing it.


----------



## scareme

Ah yes, that does look better than the unibrow I had.


----------



## scareme

I think the fit is fine, but do you have this hat in a different color? My mummy likes me in red.


----------



## RoxyBlue

RoxyBlue said:


>


The prom is only two days away, my hair is a mess, and...and...OMG, is that a ZIT!?!


----------



## Don Givens

Well thank you very much Habib but what am I going to do with the world's largest tiddly wink.


----------



## Don Givens

The hierogliphs on the back wall translate to say "Don't forget to pick up mummified cat from the vet".


----------



## Don Givens

Hold the mirror still or I'll break you nose again.


----------



## RoxyBlue

That new dishwashing liquid gets our plates so clean, I can see myself in them!


----------



## Spooky1

RoxyBlue said:


> Good job, everyone! Here's a new one for you:


Hold that mirror still Ahkmed, I want to have an even tan for the Pharaohs party.


----------



## Dr Morbius

I call it a "Pie"...When I move it towards your face really really fast, people laugh. Here, I'll demostrate.


----------



## Dr Morbius

It's a portal to another universe, where magical things happen! Heheh, actually it's just a mirror, stupid.


----------



## Dr Morbius

I told you to polish my hubcaps! Do these look polished? Well, do they?


----------



## Spooky1

RoxyBlue said:


> Good job, everyone! Here's a new one for you:


So let me get this straight. If I can get this stupid mirror to talk to me, I can be the Evil Queen in the next Disney movie?


----------



## RoxyBlue

It's a model of my new heiroglyph called a "smiley face", my dear. Do you think it will catch on?


----------



## Don Givens

Well Habib, a pocket watch is a great idea but don't you think it would be more popular if you made it smaller than a normal sized pocket?


----------



## Draik41895

i told you not to burn the pancakes!!!!!


----------



## Don Givens

You fool. When I asked you to bring me Octavian's head on a platter, I didn't mean for you to draw a picture of it. Go away! You reek of cheese and you disgust me. Your father was a shepard and your mother was a camel. Your sister is to be credited for the high morale of our troops when they are on leave.


----------



## RoxyBlue

All right, try this one:


----------



## Spooky1

Okay, so lets try the Tango now.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Hmmm, not a bad fit, but you're right - the inseam is a little short.


----------



## Don Givens

If you need a heart, go to a prop shop and buy one ....... pick your friend up a brain while you're there ........... . The Great and Powerfull Oz has spoken


----------



## Don Givens

RoxyBlue said:


> All right, try this one:


Uh ............. what do you mean you didn't think about putting a fly on the suit?


----------



## Don Givens

RoxyBlue said:


> All right, try this one:


Ok. Now go stand on Main Street until lunch is over and hold up a sign that says "Will Work for Fashion Tips" and I'll consider our bet paid.


----------



## Don Givens

Uh, oh. I see the airline got your bags confused with Michael Jackson's again.


----------



## Don Givens

I don't blame you for being mad that they put a "Gay Pride" sticker on your truck but when you go into a bar called "Red Neck's" dressed like that, what do you expect.


----------



## Dr Morbius

"My robot is almost complete!"
"I'm not a robot.."
"Soon it will do my bidding!"
"I'm your brother, George."
"World domination is at HAND!"
"You're an idiot. I'm not wearing this anymore."


----------



## The Bloodshed Brothers

i'd be friends with the sparrows and the boy who shoots the arrows if i only had a heart


----------



## Spooky1

I can't move my arms!


----------



## scareme

Isn't this taking safe sex to the extrem?


----------



## scareme

Okay now, do as I tell you. You put your right hand in , you put your right out, you put your right hand in ...


----------



## Spooky1

WHAT THE ... !!! This isn't the blowup doll I ordered!


----------



## Dark Angel 27

RoxyBlue said:


> All right, try this one:


"Wow, you're a lot bigger then the last minion i built, i guess i added a bit to much liquid iron in your blood."


----------



## Draik41895

you need a helmet to go into space !?!?!nah. you'll be fine


----------



## Moon Dog

I've done it! I've created the Michelin Man!


----------



## RoxyBlue

RoxyBlue said:


> All right, try this one:


Come into my arms, you gorgeous hunk of manliness!


----------



## rottincorps

does this make my butt look big?


----------



## Spooky1

For the fans of Lost in Space.

CRUSH, KILL, DESTROY ..... CRUSH, KILL, DESTROY


----------



## RoxyBlue

I _said_ I was sorry for putting in too much starch! Give it a rest, will ya?


----------



## The_Caretaker

This suit is to tight in the crotch!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Early versions of the Duct Tape All Weather Suit were not particularly attractive.


----------



## Spooky1

Okay, so you're from the future, and apparently you've come back to the past to find some fashion designers.


----------



## rottincorps

so they didn't pick you for the wizard of oz ....its not like you can sing and dance


----------



## RoxyBlue

I don't think we've done this one yet:


----------



## Don Givens

Well if I could see his leg, " I'm stumped" might be a good caption.


----------



## Don Givens

Ivan was struck blind and Joseph became mentally deranged when they inadvertantly walked into Rosie O'Donnel's dressing room.


----------



## Spooky1

Alleluia Brother!


----------



## Spooky1

Gandolf finds himself in a mighty battle with a blind cave ogre.


----------



## Spooky1

Raise your hand if you're the one who farted.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Thor and Igor practice their lines backstage while waiting to audition for "A Streetcar Named Desire".


----------



## Don Givens

The ghosts of Christmas Future and Christmas Past each try to claim the rights to Tiny Tim's crutch.


----------



## Don Givens

RoxyBlue said:


> I don't think we've done this one yet:


Burl and Daniel celebrate, after defeating New Zealand to win a record 5th consecutive International Shuffle Board Cup Championship


----------



## RoxyBlue

(thumping wall loudly with crutch)

Hey, who pennied the outhouse door? Let us out, will ya? This isn't FUNNY anymore!!!!!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Critics agree that the touching duet sung in the musical remake of "The Black Sleep" is the sole highlight of an otherwise forgettable production.


----------



## scareme

Realizing the were paired up together in the three legged race together, the blind man and Stumpy threw up their hands in defeat.


----------



## RoxyBlue

RoxyBlue said:


>


(sung) "Weeeee love New Yooooooork!


----------



## Spooky1

The Cardinals were robbed!!


----------



## Spooky1

I, state my name, pledge to be a fair and impartial NFL referee.


----------



## Don Givens

Noah learned the hard way to keep his mouth shut the next time he saw a monkey sitting on top of a big pile of elephant poo.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Here's a variation on the "head in a pan" theme:


----------



## RoxyBlue

Tell me you still have the rest of my body stored somewhere!


----------



## scareme

No you can't have my daughter's hand in marriage. You've already taken both of mine, plus my feet and my body.


----------



## RoxyBlue

scareme said:


> No you can't have my daughter's hand in marriage. You've already taken both of mine, plus my feet and my body.


Good one, scareme!


----------



## RoxyBlue

What the...What's this crap on my face, barbecue sauce!?!? Are you MARINATING ME???!?!?!?!?


----------



## Don Givens

RoxyBlue said:


> Here's a variation on the "head in a pan" theme:


Psst.........behind you and to your left.......... check out the rack on that honey.


----------



## Don Givens

When I told you that you would need to work harder during lab sessions in order to get ahead in my class, this is not what I had in mind young man.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Upon awakening post-surgery, John is horrified to find he can't feel anything below his neck. He is even more horrified when he finds out WHY he can't feel anything below his neck.


----------



## Spooky1

Ah, I love the smell of fresh baked bread.


----------



## The Bloodshed Brothers

"Dr. when i said we should get ahead of the virus...well this isnt what i had in mind"


----------



## Dr Morbius

Ok, the plan is, you run that way, I'll run this way..well, that was the plan.


----------



## Don Givens

RoxyBlue said:


> Here's a variation on the "head in a pan" theme:


"Hey waiter! There's a guy in my soup."


----------



## RoxyBlue

Don Givens said:


> "Hey waiter! There's a guy in my soup."


LMAO, Don!


----------



## RoxyBlue

A common practical joke in the Biology 101 lab was to replace preserved frogs with human heads.


----------



## Spooky1

RoxyBlue said:


> Here's a variation on the "head in a pan" theme:


The girl down at the end of the bench sent me. She said you asked for me.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Why are you staring at me? Is something stuck in my teeth?


----------



## RoxyBlue

After losing several rounds of "Body Parts Poker", William realizes trying to drive his car home is going to be a problem.


----------



## Spooky1

Hey buddy can you pour a little beer in my pan?


----------



## Don Givens

Even if you had just met Jack you would already know two things about him. He was born without a body and he has an insatiable appetite for chocolate pudding.


----------



## Don Givens

RoxyBlue said:


> Here's a variation on the "head in a pan" theme:


So tell me the truth doc, do you think I'm gonna need stiches.


----------



## RoxyBlue

This metal pan is cold. Can't you at least put me in a nice terra cotta planter?


----------



## rottincorps

I don't think getting to the head of the class meant, being up here on the teachers desk.


----------



## RoxyBlue

A "slow oven" temperature is around 300 degrees. Why do you ask?


----------



## Spooky1

When I asked the barber for a little off the top, this is not what I meant.


----------



## Spooklights

(singing); "I ain't got no body....."


----------



## RoxyBlue

RoxyBlue said:


>


Dude, back off! Guys in glasses creep me out.


----------



## Don Givens

Well the good news is we've found a body donor that matches your rare blood type. The bad news is it belonged to a ten year old Haitian girl.


----------



## Spooky1

I haven't seen your Strawberry jelly, why would you think I ate your strawberry jelly?


----------



## RoxyBlue

I promise I won't steal any more of your barbecued ribs. Can I come out of the pan now?


----------



## Don Givens

What do you mean worker's comp. requires that I fill out an incident report before you can call me an ambulance?


----------



## Spooky1

Should this be recorded as an OSHA reportable injury?


----------



## Spooky1

So let me get this straight, you fell asleep on the table saw bench, and when you woke up, you were like this?


----------



## Draik41895

I didnt know i was supposed to save you some steak


----------



## RoxyBlue

How about this one?


----------



## RoxyBlue

The mystery of Uncle Ned's disappearance is finally solved.


----------



## Spooky1

Martin & Lewis discover Frank Sinatra ex-business partner.


----------



## rottincorps

Nicole Richie's diet taken a little to far


----------



## RoxyBlue

RoxyBlue said:


>


See, I TOLD you we didn't have a _corpsed_ bucky!


----------



## scareme

This must be the closet of someone on Hauntforum. There are skeletons in here.


----------



## scareme

Next time we buy a tallboy wardrobe, we check inside before we take it home.


----------



## scareme

Oh Dean! I think I found the winner of last year's Halloween hide-and-seek game.


----------



## RoxyBlue

scareme said:


> Oh Dean! I think I found the winner of last year's Halloween hide-and-seek game.


LMAO, scareme!


----------



## Spooky1

RoxyBlue said:


>


Senate investigators examine the closet of another Obama cabinet nominee.


----------



## Don Givens

RoxyBlue said:


> How about this one?


Dammit Jerry when a man like Frank Sinatra says he has a skeleton or two in his closet you can't assume its just a figure of speach.


----------



## Don Givens

RoxyBlue said:


> How about this one?


Hey look Dean. I invented the perfect weight-loss machine. See I just put Mrs. Johnson in here half an hour ago, set the dial, and presto........... oops. Well back to the ol' drawing board eh.


----------



## Don Givens

Knock it off Jerry. This neither the time nor the place for you to be showing off your "O" face.


----------



## scareme

Isn't that the guy we sent to negotiate our contract? No wonder we haven't had a hit in years.


----------



## RoxyBlue

A brand new one:


----------



## Lilly

Man , I wonder if he knows this isn't his kid.


----------



## rottincorps

well you know if Angela Joe lee doesn't want to adopt it you could try selling it on E-Bay


----------



## Don Givens

It's called a burrito. Go ahead and take a bite. It's good.


----------



## Don Givens

RoxyBlue said:


> A brand new one:


 Rosie O'Donnell & Kelli Carpenter hold a press conference to introduce their newly adopted daughter.


----------



## RoxyBlue

I won this trip to Las Vegas, see, and I can't take the kid 'cause it would, uh, cramp my style with the ladies, know what I mean? So if you could just watch her for the weekend for me....


----------



## scareme

No you idot! I said bring me a ghoul, not a girl.


----------



## scareme

I don't care if she followed you home or not, we're not keeping her if she's not housebroken.


----------



## RoxyBlue

(young girl) - "Geez, I hate that Mom won't pay scale for babysitters!"


----------



## scareme

So here's the girl, now what did you do with the stork that delivered her, so he can take her back to the right mommy and daddy. What? Is that a feather I see stuck in your teeth?


----------



## RoxyBlue

RoxyBlue said:


>


Monster: "Bread good!"

Old Man - "No, not 'bread' - it's a baby"

Monster - "Baby....GOOD!"

Old Man - "Yes, the baby is good"

Monster - "I take baby to well"

Old Man - "Uh, give her back NOW!"


----------



## Spooky1

Coming to theaters soon, Frankenstein vs. Invasion of the Body Snatchers.

Hear Frankenstein say: Egor, I found big seed pod by the Mistresses bed. Oh look, it has head now.


----------



## Spooky1

That was a good first try, but can you bring me one that's a little older?


----------



## scareme

Now if you're going to keep it you have to remember to feed it and take care of it. And you can't just get tired of it and leave it out in the backyard.


----------



## The Bloodshed Brothers

dinner is served


----------



## RoxyBlue

Try this one now:


----------



## scareme

No, Mr. Green. I don't think the military will buy your idea for the new uniform, no matter how cormfortable it is. Besides we don't need to camouflage in with your mother's curtains.


----------



## Spooky1

So I get the girl, if I enlist in the Army?


----------



## The Bloodshed Brothers

I told you, its only child trafficing if you get caught


----------



## RoxyBlue

RoxyBlue said:


>


Yo, General, take a hike. Can't you see you're interrupting something I think might be about to happen here?


----------



## Don Givens

Now listen here soldier. We don't have to fight over her. Just reach in your pocket for a coin and we'll flip to see who gets heads and who gets tails.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Maybe this one will work a little better:


----------



## Spooky1

Do you mind, I need to take a squat.


----------



## RoxyBlue

I tell you, your dog has been peeing on my landscaping! Look at this yellow spot here!


----------



## Spooky1

RoxyBlue said:


> Maybe this one will work a little better:


Okay, now Cowboy Bob, I need you to crawl into that hole I'm pointing at, to look for the monster, and I'll stay here and keep an eye on your wife.


----------



## Don Givens

Excuse me buddy but this is a nature show. They're filming the Western over in Studio D.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Okay, dollface, I got the money stashed under this here rock, see, so's all we have to do is...oh, hello, Sheriff.


----------



## Spooky1

Sheriff, look right over there. Someone has been letting their dog poop in my yard.


----------



## Don Givens

RoxyBlue said:


> Maybe this one will work a little better:


If you think I am the one who pulled off that bank heist sheriff, than you can suck my .......... well since there's a lady present let's just say it rhymes with this here rock.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Sheriff Bart and Miss Ellen watch in feigned interest as Dr. Rogers explains the local geology.


----------



## Spooky1

Time for a new Pic


----------



## Spooky1

I said No!, I don't want any Girl Scout Cookies!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Damn, these door-to-door salesmen are getting REALLY aggressive!


----------



## scareme

I swear, the check is in the mail.


----------



## scareme

Damn, it's only 6:30 and I already ran out of Halloween candy.


----------



## scareme

I thought the wolfbane wreath on the door would have taken care of this vampire problem.


----------



## Spooky1

Spooky1 said:


> Time for a new Pic


Zombie Jehovah's Witnesses are damn persistent.


----------



## HouseBloodthorn

Do you EVER clean under your fingernails??


----------



## Don Givens

Since Gomez and Morticia were busy trying to pry Uncle Fester out of the Iron Maiden, they asked Thing to welcome the new neighbors.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Spooky1 said:


>


I'm sorry, but I'm not reading any more palms today. Now go away!


----------



## HouseBloodthorn

IT'S TRUE! It DOES give you hairy palms!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Dr Killinger said:


> IT'S TRUE! It DOES give you hairy palms!


LMAO, Dr K!


----------



## HouseBloodthorn

Not that I'd know or anything. :winketon:


----------



## Don Givens

After the Brady Bunch, Barry Williams became so messed up on drugs and desperate for work that he barged into Oliver Stone's residence and tried to give an impromtu audition for the lead role in The Hand.


----------



## RoxyBlue

My God, man, are you wearing ACRYLIC NAILS?!?!?!


----------



## HouseBloodthorn

No, I will NOT smell your finger.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Mr Price becomes very uneasy when a game of "Pull My Finger" takes an ugly turn.


----------



## HouseBloodthorn

Spooky1 said:


>


A night of drunken debauchery on "The Muppet Show" led to an impromptu game of strip poker.


----------



## Spooky1

Mary's father had a hard time keeping the boys away from his daughter, after the rumor she put out spread though the town.


----------



## Don Givens

Feel-o-Gram for Mrs. Dimwitty


----------



## The_Caretaker

Captain I need to mind meld with you


----------



## RoxyBlue

Hey! You said there was a _skeleton_ in the closet!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Mr. Price discovered that fitting a corpse in a state of rigor mortis into a closet was not as easy as he had been led to believe.


----------



## RoxyBlue

"Damn it, Agnes, I asked you weeks ago to clean out this closet! Next thing you know, the ironing board is gonna be falling out!"


----------



## rottincorps

DAM jehovah witness.....just wont take no for an answer


----------



## Don Givens

Spooky1 said:


> Time for a new Pic


I'm sorry to bother you at home doc, but I got a boil the size of an orange on my butt that needs lancing.


----------



## Spooky1

Let us in, it's starting to snow and we want your toilet paper, bread and milk!


----------



## The Bloodshed Brothers

i dont want any girl scout cookies


----------



## RoxyBlue

How about this lovely shot:


----------



## RoxyBlue

Jon Lovitz and Madeline Kahn star in the remake of "Plan 9 From Outer Space".


----------



## The Bloodshed Brothers

the sex is great


----------



## Don Givens

I'm Helga Goodbottom and I'm Hans Van Buren. Guten evening und velcomme to Actung 5 news from Berlin.


----------



## The Bloodshed Brothers

are you staying at my ears?


----------



## RoxyBlue

Lady Alien: OMG, what IS that smell?!?!?

Male Alien: Hehehe...um, the dog?


----------



## The Bloodshed Brothers

so...the young blonde at the bar looks totally down for a 3 way


----------



## ededdeddy

I swear if you stare at the picture long enough you'll see the hidden design


----------



## scareme

Introducing the two new judges for American Idol.


----------



## scareme

Him: "Don't turn around, there a giant eyeball watching us from the window."
Her: "I told you we need curtians in this neighborhood."


----------



## The Bloodshed Brothers

look at all those people on haunt forum staring at us...What a bunch of wierdos


----------



## RoxyBlue

RoxyBlue said:


>


Look into our eyes...you are getting sleepy....sleepy...your eyelids are getting heavy...you are asleep....send us all your props.....


----------



## The Bloodshed Brothers

"i say brian is that tom bosley?"


----------



## Spooky1

You think I'm funny looking? Well honey under that stupid hat, you're as bald as I am.


----------



## ededdeddy

Are my ears to pointy?


----------



## dynoflyer

First one to blink, loses!


----------



## TheEvilSquire

The original budget for the 1953 version of Fellowship Of the Ring insured the film's demise.


----------



## The Bloodshed Brothers

dont move ..they cant see us if we dont move


----------



## ededdeddy

Yea..I noticed that guy there is naked too.


----------



## Don Givens

RoxyBlue said:


> How about this lovely shot:


Greetings Earthlings. We are from the planet Xi on our way to assist our allies the Clovins repel the Mangar invasion. Ah, this is a little awkward but our excretion facility is broken and Morba here ate some bad seafood powder for lunch. Mind if we land and use your facilities.


----------



## RoxyBlue

The not-so-bright Xians never caught on to the fact that they couldn't win a staring contest with their reflections.


----------



## ededdeddy

No you ask the waiter for more bread sticks


----------



## The Bloodshed Brothers

who farted?


----------



## ededdeddy

can you get satellite radio with your headgear


----------



## DeadDudeintheHouse

"Bring your leader to *Us*!"


----------



## RoxyBlue

Here's a good one from WAY back in time, courtesy of lewlew:



lewlew said:


>


----------



## RoxyBlue

Johnny Thunder undergoes a magical transformation under the skilled hands of his special effects & makeup artists.


----------



## scareme

Are you sure the makeup isn't to dark on my nipples? I don't want to look like a tart. Yes, a beauty mark there Lars.


----------



## scareme

You guys are really going to have to hurry if I'm going to make my dinner date with Bela.


----------



## Spooky1

lewlew said:


> New pic


I'm sorry Mr. Karloff, but the plastic surgery didn't go as well as we hoped.


----------



## Spooky1

Now that we've taken off the bandages. Oh no, "no change — no change at all"


----------



## ededdeddy

I never had any other monster be so particliar about his appearence


----------



## RoxyBlue

Bubeleh, baby, these nails of yours are just atrocious!


----------



## ededdeddy

I would have gone with a more impressive torso...I mean all the parts to choose from and you pick this one?


----------



## The Bloodshed Brothers

i may be a monster but i look faaaaaaaaaaabulous


----------



## Spooky1

Okay we're done with the body, now lets get started on your face. I think we'll need more help over here.


----------



## ededdeddy

AH..What a DIVA


----------



## The Bloodshed Brothers

so what are you boys doin later


----------



## RoxyBlue

Guy on left: "Does this bug you? Does this bug you? Does this bug you? I'm not touching you."

Karloff: "Must...control...fist...of...death!"


----------



## Don Givens

Shortly before his death, Bruce Lee sits for makeup during the shoot of his unfinished, unreleased film "Enter the Monster"


----------



## Don Givens

Spooky1 said:


> I'm sorry Mr. Karloff, but the plastic surgery didn't go as well as we hoped.


Rats copied the wrong quote, let's try again.


----------



## Don Givens

RoxyBlue said:


> Here's a good one from WAY back in time, courtesy of lewlew:


Mick Jagger gets ready to hit the stage.

 I know I quoted the right one that time. Guess someone else will have to bring the picture forward  )


----------



## RoxyBlue

Here you go, Don - it's from about page 7 or 8 of this thread. originally posted by lewlew. I've saved it in our Photobucket account so it can be quoted from here instead of going back a gazillion pages.


----------



## Don Givens

(Thank you, I would have never found that)

I don't blame ya for being down Frank. I've seen pictures of your wife and I shudder to think of the sight you wake up to every morning.


----------



## Spooky1

In the season finale of Nip/Tuck, Drs. Troy and McNamara will have their most challenging case yet.


----------



## DeadDudeintheHouse

"My stars! Where did you ever get that awful hairdo? It doesn't become you at all. Here, for goodness' sake, let me fix it up. Such an interesting monster, too. In my business you meet so many interesting people - Bobby pins, please - but the most interersting ones are the monsters. Oh, dear, that will never stay. Now, I've got to give an interesting old lady a manicure, but I'll be back before you're done."


----------



## RoxyBlue

DeadDudeintheHouse said:


> "My stars! Where did you ever get that awful hairdo? It doesn't become you at all. Here, for goodness' sake, let me fix it up. Such an interesting monster, too. In my business you meet so many interesting people - Bobby pins, please - but the most interersting ones are the monsters. Oh, dear, that will never stay. Now, I've got to give an interesting old lady a manicure, but I'll be back before you're done."


LOL, DeadDude, you just reminded me of an old Bugs Bunny cartoon


----------



## ededdeddy

Dude be careful..Remember what he did to last guy who messed up his nails


----------



## Devils Chariot

what happened. server delay maybe. i'll try again.


----------



## ededdeddy

what do you mean she is just pretending


----------



## Don Givens

lewlew said:


> New pic


I don't mean to be too forward sir but is it too cold in here or are your nipples always that hard.


----------



## Don Givens

Now do a good job boys. I have an interview for a new job today and I want to look my best. 

Yes Mr. Munster. By the way your wife called before you got here and wants you to pick up a loaf of bread on the way home. 

Darn. darn, darn, darn, darn. She knows how much I hate going to the store. People there are so rude. They stare, open their mouth to speak, then either run away of fall asleep.


----------



## Don Givens

Do I have any regrets you ask?. I guess only one. I met a girl from Hoboken while I was performing in the city. We had some fun one night. It was just a fling but I heard she got pregnant and had a kid. Heard she named him Frankie after me and that he was a real good singer. I tried to locate them but never could. Just like that song Regrets, I've had a few but then again too few to mention. Damn, I wish I knew who sang that song.


----------



## DeadDudeintheHouse

RoxyBlue said:


> LOL, DeadDude, you just reminded me of an old Bugs Bunny cartoon


Me too.

I don't know how this whole thing works, but I kinda feel like doing one of my own (or at any rate, trying to):


----------



## RoxyBlue

Damn kids! I told them not to write with crayons on the guest bathroom mirror!


----------



## Don Givens

OMG Ten minutes until they take our yearbook picture and I have a zit the size of Mt. Everest on my nose.


----------



## Don Givens

Mirror mirror on the wall
Will I be asked to the prom by Paul


----------



## Don Givens

OMG! Well serves me right using hair care products endorsed by Carrot Top.


----------



## Don Givens

Ok now Mandy you just remember what Momma told ya. It don't matter that you're wearing hand me down clothes. It don/t matter that you live in a trailor on the wrong side of town. It don't matter that your Daddy ran off with that sleezy bar maid down at The Bucket. You just hold your head up high and tell any boy who wants to take advantage of you that you are a proud girl with high standards and you refuse to degrade yourself in such a manner for anything less than dinner, a movie, and a bottle of vodka for you poor sick momma.


----------



## RoxyBlue

How am I supposed to watch the peep show with all this crap on the glass?!?!?!


----------



## Don Givens

DeadDudeintheHouse said:


> Me too.
> 
> I don't know how this whole thing works, but I kinda feel like doing one of my own (or at any rate, trying to):


I know it is terribly immature to leave an "upper decker" in John's toilet and write with permanent marker on his mirror before I leave him, but what the hey, you're only young once.


----------



## ededdeddy

Man. Who put this writing on my face,and it won't wash off


----------



## Spooky1

Hey who's been using my lipstick.


----------



## The Bloodshed Brothers

tell me im pretty


----------



## Don Givens

mirror, mirror on the wall who'll post another pic for us all


----------



## Spooky1

Here you go Don.


----------



## Spooky1

Oh come on now honey, my breath can't be that bad.


----------



## Don Givens

Chuck Norris sucks the life out of another one


----------



## Don Givens

Spooky1 said:


> Here you go Don.


This guy kisses like a dog. Maybe if I play dead, he'll get bored and go chase cars or something.


----------



## Don Givens

Spooky1 said:


> Here you go Don.


Rats! Dere's always sitch a fine line tween gitting em drunk enough to go home wit cha then gitting em dere afore dey pass out on ya.


----------



## Don Givens

Terrrrrrrrrrrrannnnnnnnnnnnsylvania where the fog lies low upon the ground

Where the bright light shines on this love of mine when the full moon shows between the clouds.

Terrrrrrrrrrrrannnnnnnnnnnnsylvania ev'ry night my honey lamb and I, Sit alone and chat and watch a bat makin' crazy circles in the sky.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Sadly, a lack of partners who could manage not to faint meant the wolfman never learned all the steps to the tango.


----------



## Spooky1

Don Givens said:


> Terrrrrrrrrrrrannnnnnnnnnnnsylvania where the fog lies low upon the ground
> 
> Where the bright light shines on this love of mine when the full moon shows between the clouds.
> 
> Terrrrrrrrrrrrannnnnnnnnnnnsylvania ev'ry night my honey lamb and I, Sit alone and chat and watch a bat makin' crazy circles in the sky.


Lol, Don.  Now get to work on writing "Wolfman, The Musical" :googly:


----------



## Spooky1

Spooky1 said:


> Here you go Don.


The Wolfman gets lucky and goes for second base.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Sadly, a lack of actresses who could manage not to faint also meant the wolfman never made it through an audition.


----------



## DeadDudeintheHouse

"I didn't say a word when you chose this as the..._spot_ for our first date. Nor, when you showed up wearing that ridiculous Halloween costume even though it's the middle of April. But now, I really must insist you answer me one question: how is it you think you get to put your hands all over me like this... and you haven't bought me dinner yet? Do you see a ring on this finger? You didn't even bother to _shave_! You said you were havin' a picnic, what exactly do you think you're going to eat out here?"


----------



## ededdeddy

What do you mean you don't know my bone is? wake up and tell me


----------



## RoxyBlue

Quit playing dead on me, Sandra! It's not funny anymore!


----------



## Spooky1

Hey somebody turn off the fog machines, she's passed out again.


----------



## The Bloodshed Brothers

"its so tasty too, tastes just like candy"


----------



## Don Givens

Spooky1 said:


> Here you go Don.


MGM's production of The Little Red Riding Hood finally had to be cancelled due to Judy Garland's heavy abuse of alcohol & barbituates.


----------



## Don Givens

Join us as I'm dropped into the Georgia Swamps with one match, my trusty multi-tool, and a dead ho - next week on Survivor Wolfman


----------



## Don Givens

The wolfman totally misunderstood when his new wife said she would bend over backwards for him.


----------



## Don Givens

In a lame attempt to hide the freaky results of his botox treatment, Wayne Newton grows a beard and perms his hair.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Although the wolfman was pleased that Dracula and Frankenstein sent him a gift for his birthday, he had no idea what a "blow up doll" was for.


----------



## Don Givens

Needless to say, the wolfman's confession that he was having an affair with McGruff the Crime Dog came as a complete shock to his fiance'.


----------



## dubbax3

"What do you mean I need a breath mint"


----------



## Spooky1

Spooky1 said:


> Here you go Don.


Okay, okay I'll ask for directions. You can stop holding your breath now....honey?


----------



## RoxyBlue

Hey, baby, when I dip you, I can see all your nose hairs!


----------



## The Bloodshed Brothers

"Thats Just Pillow Talk Baby"


----------



## RoxyBlue

The Bloodshed Brothers said:


> "Thats Just Pillow Talk Baby"


LOL, an Army of Darkness fan, yes?


----------



## The Bloodshed Brothers

RoxyBlue said:


> LOL, an Army of Darkness fan, yes?


haha yes mam


----------



## Wyatt Furr

On the eve of thier wedding,Pollyanna faints on learning her fiance,has a slight back hair problem.......


----------



## Dr Morbius

After Chris Angel began levitating women dressed as the Wolfman, the show was changed from Mindfreak, to just plain Freak.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Honey, is that kink out of your back yet? 'Cause I'm getting kind of tired of holding you this way.


----------



## The Bloodshed Brothers

"Michael Squints Palledorous walked a little taller that day. And we had to tip our hats to him. He was lucky she hadn't beat the CRAP out of him. We wouldn't have blamed her. What he'd done was sneaky, rotten, and low... and cool. Not another one among us would have ever in a million years even for a million dollars have the guts to put the moves on the lifeguard. He did. He had kissed a woman. And he had kissed her long and good. We got banned from the pool forever that day. But every time we walked by after that, the lifeguard looked down from her tower, right over at Squints, and smiled. "


----------



## RoxyBlue

The Bloodshed Brothers said:


> "Michael Squints Palledorous walked a little taller that day. And we had to tip our hats to him. He was lucky she hadn't beat the CRAP out of him. We wouldn't have blamed her. What he'd done was sneaky, rotten, and low... and cool. Not another one among us would have ever in a million years even for a million dollars have the guts to put the moves on the lifeguard. He did. He had kissed a woman. And he had kissed her long and good. We got banned from the pool forever that day. But every time we walked by after that, the lifeguard looked down from her tower, right over at Squints, and smiled. "


The SANDLOT!!! One of my favorite movies!


----------



## The Bloodshed Brothers

:googly:


----------



## RoxyBlue

How about another one?


----------



## The Bloodshed Brothers

So....where do i stick it?



sorry couldnt help it


----------



## Spooky1

RoxyBlue said:


> How about another one?


I don't think I made the b(.)(.)bs big enough!


----------



## Spooky1

Excuse me sir, can I borrow a cup of batteries?


----------



## RoxyBlue

Why...she's beautiful! Now if I only had a can opener......


----------



## The_Caretaker

But she's so cold


----------



## Don Givens

RoxyBlue said:


> Why...she's beautiful! Now if I only had a can opener......


:laugheton:


----------



## Don Givens

Brad Pitt and Agelina Jolie prepare to read the nominations for Best Supporting Actor at the 2029 Academy Awards.


----------



## RoxyBlue

My dear, just how much aluminum hydroxide is in that antacid you've been taking?


----------



## The Bloodshed Brothers

now only if she didnt sound like christopher hawkins


----------



## Draik41895

bender will be pleased


----------



## The Bloodshed Brothers

Draik41895 said:


> bender will be pleased


haha futurama


----------



## Draik41895

wheres that small kid you always have with you?


----------



## Spooky1

RoxyBlue said:


> How about another one?


I wonder if I can deduct you as a dependent on my taxes?


----------



## Spooky1

At last, I've created the perfect woman! What? What do you mean you have a headache?


----------



## The Bloodshed Brothers

"Machine gun jubblies? How did I miss those, baby?


----------



## Don Givens

After Clara left him for a future Hall of Fame QuarterBack, Doc Brown spent most of his time in bars chating-up robo sluts


----------



## RoxyBlue

Marlon Brando stars in the futuristic version of "Pygmalion"


----------



## Don Givens

........... " I'm so glad I invented you and kicked my nagging wife out into the street. Look baby, I'm going out drinking with my friends. While I'm gone call that hot friend of yours to come over and help you file my NBA Rookie Cards nice and neat in alphabetical order. Except for Jordan, he goes up front. And be careful, those cards mean more to me than anything in this world. Now, I'm not sure what time I'll be home but when I get here I expect to find you and your friend cleaned up and in bed waiting for me"..........

As Ralph lies in bed dreaming and talking in his sleep, his wife spends some time relaxing and drawing mustaches on his valuable collection of NBA Rookie Cards.


----------



## Dr Morbius

Albert couldn't be more frustrated after losing the key to the full body chastity belt.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Honey, can I borrow your headphones for a while? I just downloaded some new songs from iTunes.


----------



## The Bloodshed Brothers

"I'd be freinds with the sparrows and th boy who shoots the arrorws if i only had a heart"


----------



## Spooky1

RoxyBlue said:


> How about another one?


No, my name isn't Sarah Connor.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Dearest, I know you love that costume, but Halloween was over months ago.


----------



## Spooky1

Why didn't you go to the bathroom before you when through costuming and makeup!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Why do you look the way you do? Well, I have a really, shall we say, "close" relationship with my Toyota Prius and you're, um, a bit of a hybrid.


----------



## Spooky1

I'm sorry my dear, but it will never work, you're A/C and I'm D/C.


----------



## RoxyBlue

For the last time, you cannot go to the auto body shop for a red paint job! I'll not have my finest creation running around town like some flashy tart!


----------



## Dr Morbius

I draw a pentagram on the wall...I worship the prince of darkness...I have sacrificed small animals all to summon up a demon to do my bidding and all I got was this clunky robot...The good news is, I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Gieco.


----------



## Dr Morbius

C3PO got a tongue lashing from the Dr. when he couldn't pay for his sex change operation...

C'mon, we all knew C3PO swung that way.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Look At Me When I'm Talking To You, Dammit!!!!


----------



## Spooky1

Now all I need to do is install a Play Station 3, and she'll be perfect.


----------



## Dr Morbius

"No, no Maria....'Pimp my Robot' is a TV show about decking you out in all the latest gadgetry..it's not at ALL what you were thinking, you crazy automaton you."


----------



## Don Givens

Instead of wasting his money on, haircuts, decent clothes, and a social life; Barney saved his money and bought The Real Doll 2050.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Finished at last! Now all she needs is a "Try Me" button.


----------



## Tater1970

What do you mean Battiers not included


----------



## Don Givens

Jill will be so excited when she sees her new Cyborg Barbie.


----------



## Tater1970

Now where did I put that on switch?


----------



## RoxyBlue

I'm sorry, my pet, but I don't have enough sheet metal to make them any bigger than they already are.


----------



## Spooky1

RoxyBlue said:


> How about another one?


I'm sorry Maria, but if I made you anatomically correct Zombie-F wouldn't allow your picture to be posted.


----------



## Don Givens

In the future, the few remaining humans will be used to lube & polish their robot masters.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Honey, I swear on my grandmother's grave, I did not know you were still in the paint booth when I turned on the sprayer.


----------



## Mr Unpleasant

Now that what I call any _erector_ set


----------



## Dr Morbius

"....I'd like to thank the academy..Whhoooo weeeee! would I like to thank the academy!


----------



## Don Givens

RoxyBlue said:


> How about another one?


Although it was obvious to everyone else, the Tin Man lived in the Emerald city for 5 confusing years until he finally realized his true nature and asked the Great and Powerful Oz for a sex change.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Here's a new one in honor of National Puppies Day:


----------



## RoxyBlue

ME! ME! ME! Pick ME! No, not him, ME!!!!


----------



## Don Givens

RoxyBlue said:


> Here's a new one in honor of National Puppies Day:


Here at Hormels' we only use freshest, most tender cuts of meat.


----------



## Don Givens

RoxyBlue said:


> Here's a new one in honor of National Puppies Day:


Fluffy: Wake up Sid. It's time to get our picture taken.

Sid: Oh my head.

Fluffy: What's wrong with him.

Buddy: He got into the Wiches Brew at the Party last night


----------



## Don Givens

RoxyBlue said:


> Here's a new one in honor of National Puppies Day:


Ok, class SIT.......... uh oh, it looks like one of you didn't study his assignment last night.


----------



## Don Givens

RoxyBlue said:


> Here's a new one in honor of National Puppies Day:


Very good Simon. Looks like you can go ahead and grab yourself some Kibble.

Now the rest of you let's try this again. LAY DOWN


----------



## Tater1970

A least when you humans go to jail they don't neutered.


----------



## Don Givens

RoxyBlue said:


> Here's a new one in honor of National Puppies Day:


It may be hard to believe just by looking at them, but these puppies are specially trained to infiltrate Terrorist Cells, eliminate the leader, then make it back home before their master gets home from school.


----------



## RoxyBlue

RoxyBlue said:


>


Loook into our eyes. You waaaaant a puppy.


----------



## Don Givens

Sorry Rover but I didn't say "Simon Says Lay Down".


----------



## RoxyBlue

What the....!!!! They picked that boxer puppy instead of one of US!?!?!?! What the hell is WRONG with those people!!!!


----------



## RoxyBlue

The runt of the litter was no longer allowed to sit up and look cute with his littermates after they caught him humming the Meow Mix jingle.


----------



## Spooky1

Okay everyone remember the plan, we look cute and cuddly until they open the pen, then we eat the human.


----------



## Spooky1

We want our lawyer!


----------



## RoxyBlue

...and these are your dogs on drugs. Get the picture?


----------



## Don Givens

Before becoming Sheriff of Maricopa County, Joe Arpaio was the County Dog Warden.


----------



## Don Givens

RoxyBlue said:


> Here's a new one in honor of National Puppies Day:


I refuse to sit up and look cute on National Puppies day unless I'm getting a treat and a half.


----------



## Don Givens

Punjab never considered the possibility he might be reincarnated as a dog. If he had, he would never have become proficient enough in Yoga to lick himself.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Dave the Dead's latest props were disqualified from the Horrors of Halloween Contest for not being - quote - "creepy enough".


----------



## Draik41895

"Our team is red hot, your team ain't doodley squat!" (bet you guess what this is from)


----------



## RoxyBlue

Draik41895 said:


> "Our team is red hot, your team ain't doodley squat!" (bet you guess what this is from)


"Cats & Dogs", 2001

CATS RULE!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Puppies in pens hate hearing the "Red Rover, Red Rover" chant.


----------



## Tater1970

Alright how farted


----------



## Spooky1

If it's National Puppy Day, why are we in prison?


----------



## Draik41895

OMG! were in prison?!?!?!!?!?


----------



## Don Givens

Ok be brave everybody and remember. No matter what they do to ya, only tell em your name and rabies vacination#


----------



## Don Givens

Puppy #1: Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy!. Today I heard the Man Master tell the Woman Master she could take us to the vet as long as she promised to get us some Nuticles.

Puppy#2: What are Nuticles.

Puppy #1: I don't know but they sound delicious.


----------



## Spooky1

RoxyBlue said:


> Here's a new one in honor of National Puppies Day:


Sid will you sit up, we're trying to have our picture taken for a Mother's Day present.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Completely adorable, yep, that's us!


----------



## Spooky1

RoxyBlue said:


> Here's a new one in honor of National Puppies Day:


But we don't want to be Vampuppies. We like lying in a warm sunny spot.


----------



## RoxyBlue

OWOOOO, look at that poodle! She is one hot number! Hey, are we old enough to mate yet?


----------



## Dr Morbius

Excited that a person was coming to take them home, of the whole group, only Sid realized that person was a Vietnamese Chef.


----------



## Don Givens

Gee, I hope they take us inside soon. I really have to go to the bathroom.


----------



## Spooky1

We promise to be good, so can we come out of the corner now?


----------



## RoxyBlue

Man, that was some goooooooood loco weed, dudes!


----------



## joker

What's he building in there?


----------



## RoxyBlue

The Veterinary Institute of Unusual Animals announced today the rare birth of conjoined octuplet Golden retrievers. The institute will be seeking government grants and public donations to help support, er, study, these dogs.


----------



## Don Givens

Puppy 1 How long you in for?
Puppy 2 About an hour. 
Puppy 1 What did you do?
Puppy 2 Piddled on the kitchen floor. How long you in for? 
Puppy 1 Don't know. They're talking about putting me down.
Puppy 2 OMG what did you do?
Puppy 1 Chewed the masters slippers to shreds. 
Puppy 2 Putting you down for chewing slippers seems pretty harsh.
Puppy 1 Did I mention his feet were still in them.


----------



## Don Givens

Hey stand up for a second. I want to sniff your butt.


----------



## Don Givens

Hey did anybody see a little rubber ball.
Yeah, I saw one this morning then I saw it again a few hours later.
Where was it the second time you seen it.
In my poop. .


----------



## RoxyBlue

Your wish is...oh, never mind - here we go:


----------



## Don Givens

I know she's not a very good cook doctor but are you really saying that my wife's meatloaf killed this man.


----------



## Don Givens

Scene from typical govenment sponsored anti drug film

Gee we're sorry, Dr Straitman, if we had known just one puff of reefer would make us kill our father we never would have tried it.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Are you..aren't you Clark Kent? Gee, Mr Kent, I think you're a swell journalist. Could I have your autograph?


----------



## Don Givens

Doctor: Great, if I'm not at the golf course in 15 minutes, I'm going to lose my reservation. Hey either of you kids ever use a scalpel before. 

Intern: I carved a naked woman out of a bar of soap with my pen knife once.

Doctor: That'll work


----------



## Don Givens

I know you're busy right now doc, but I just picked this out of my nose. It looks a little funny and I was wondering if you wouldn't mind taking a look before you get too wrapped up working on your burn victim.


----------



## Don Givens

Well Doc, we didn't see it happen but him and his buddies were out drinking in the garage when we heard him say "hey look at me, I'm Gene Simmons"


----------



## RoxyBlue

RoxyBlue said:


>


All right, kids, I'm not mad, I just want to know who threw acid on this man's face?


----------



## RoxyBlue

(BOY thinking) "Look at him, standin' there in his fancy suit and doctor glasses, tryin' to impress my Mary with his big talk about plagues and Armagiddin and all. I swear I'm gonna punch his face in about two seconds if he don't shut up!"


----------



## DeathTouch

Clark Kent, I really don’t think massaging his arm is going to make his head ache go away. Can’t you change into Superman and take him to the dr. That would really help you know.


----------



## RoxyBlue

I don't care how much he loves Halloween. He's clearly allergic to latex and can't wear those masks any more. Why, look at his face! That's the worst hypersensitivity reaction I've ever seen!


----------



## Don Givens

Excuse me buddy but did you just call me McHomo?


----------



## Don Givens

Now let this be a lesson to you kids. Never stand behind a flatulant cow when you're smoking a cigarette.


----------



## Don Givens

RoxyBlue said:


> Your wish is...oh, never mind - here we go:


Doctor: What happened to your Pa?

Son: He told Mama she was wasting her time curling her hair

Daughter: She got real mad and did a number on him with the curling iron.

Doctor: I see. Can one of you kids get me the curling iron? The police are going to want it for evidence

Son: I'll help ya roll him over but you're going to have to get it yourself.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Mr Williams: I'm sorry, but I can only give you a C+ on this prop you made.

John: C+? C+?!?!?! That's..that's not FAIR!!! I worked for HOURS on this, every night! Tell him, Mary!

Mary (with faraway look) (Mr Williams is SO dreamy!)


----------



## Don Givens

Even though he was trying to save a dying man, Dr. Petersen couldn't help becoming arroused by the way Mary looked in her new dress. 

Even though he was dying, Marty couldn't help becoming mortified when he felt Dr. Petersen becoming arroused while he was taking his pulse.


----------



## The Bloodshed Brothers

what are we suppose to do he swallowed my keys?


----------



## RoxyBlue

RoxyBlue said:


>


Doctor: Hmmm, yes, this man clearly died of natural causes.

Mary: But Doctor, his face is half eaten away. That can't possibly be "natural".

Doctor: Hmmm, yes, I see what you mean, well, this is clearly a case of infection by, um, flesh-eating bacteria.

John: You're clearly an idiot.


----------



## lewlew

"Geez Billy, I don't know who the guy in the suit is either...but he's proposing to Grandpa!!!"


----------



## Spooky1

I believe this man was attacked by alien man eating strawberry jello.


----------



## Don Givens

He was sitting at his computer happy as can be when all of a sudden he screamed "I can't log on to Haunt Forum" then he keeled over.


----------



## The Bloodshed Brothers

maybe we should eat his brains before he eats ours


----------



## Draik41895

any one mind if i post a new pic,ok then:


----------



## Spooky1

We're looking for the butthead web host who shut down Haunt Forum.


----------



## GothicCandle

WE ARE NOT BALLARINAS!!!!!!(the bones would be the person who dressed them up.)


----------



## RoxyBlue

Where's the designer?!?!? Pink tutus do NOT go with our red eyes!!!!


----------



## The Bloodshed Brothers

"were gunna cut you so bad.... you....wish we didnt cut you so bad"


----------



## Draik41895

its all fun and games until the assault rifle vam-bunnies in tutus attack


----------



## Spooky1

Draik41895 said:


> any one mind if i post a new pic,ok then:


Just point out the person who thought we would look cute in tu-tus


----------



## Don Givens

This Wednesday on Gay Vampire Bunnies:

The Gaynamic Duo make short work of a construction worker who hates on their Tutus.


----------



## Dr Morbius

After releasing the latest game mod with the new Undead-automatic weapon-wielding bunnies,
the Resident Evil Franchise was finished for good.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Here's a seasonal one:


----------



## Spooky1

The Easter Bunny snaps after one too many "accidents" occur on his lap.


----------



## rottincorps

I bet you tast like chicken


----------



## JohnnyAppleseed

Hey, can you help me get that piece of meat out from between my teeth?


----------



## The_Caretaker

I think I'll start with the ears!


----------



## Moon Dog

Happy Easter!


----------



## RoxyBlue

RoxyBlue said:


>


The mall's newest Easter photo opportunity was not as big a hit as expected


----------



## DeathTouch

I am not kissing that bunny between the ears.


----------



## RoxyBlue

'Tis a little known fact that Elwood P Dowd had an evil younger brother with an even more evil pooka friend.


----------



## DeathTouch

It wasn't until Mrs Phillips snaped the picture that she knew of the Easter Bunny's anger toward her for stiffing him on her son's Easter Teddy Bear.


----------



## Spooky1

**** Just one little bite, I'm sure no one will notice.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Time for a new, nonseasonal one:


----------



## naberhoodhaunts

wait please! it takes a
little time for the little blue pill to work


----------



## RoxyBlue

Try though she might, the dance teacher could not get her newest student to master the fox trot.


----------



## Spooky1

Do you mind if I dance with your date?


----------



## Just Whisper

I know it chafes honey, how do you think it feels for me? But the doctor said my rash should be gone by tomorrow and then the bandages come off. Please don't leave me. Look at me... I can do the monkey. Sara, come back!!!!


----------



## RoxyBlue

RoxyBlue said:


>


Girl: If this is the best I can get from match.com, I'm asking for my money back!


----------



## Fiend4Halloween

....wait, but you said you were into bondage!!


----------



## Spooky1

Really baby, I'm the invisible man. You want to take off my bandages and see.


----------



## Draik41895

im just glad your not invisible


----------



## The Bloodshed Brothers

no means no


----------



## lewlew

Everybody was Kung-Fu fighting
Those cats were fast as lightning
In fact it was a little bit frightning
But they fought with expert timing


----------



## RoxyBlue

Mary: Come on, honey, we've got to get that papier mache off you before it dries.

John: mmfffm 

Mary: Honestly, I don't know what made you think taking a job as a live model for one of Stolloweens' classes was a good idea.


----------



## Spooky1

Jane found dancing with Buster the crash test dummy was dangerous.


----------



## Don Givens

In this critic's opinion, John Travolta is superb as the Mummy but the obligatory dance scene really just didn't work for this movie.


----------



## Just Whisper

RoxyBlue said:


> Mary: Come on, honey, we've got to get that papier mache off you before it dries.
> 
> John: mmfffm
> 
> Mary: Honestly, I don't know what made you think taking a job as a live model for one of Stolloweens' classes was a good idea.


Okay, this one is my favorite this week. LMAO


----------



## RoxyBlue

Glad to be entertaining, JW

Here's a new one:


----------



## Don Givens

Here is a rare photo of Judy Garland being served "breakfast" in bed.


----------



## Don Givens

I can see that that it excites you George, but I still wish you'd take off my night gown, get rid of those silly looking hair extensions, come down stairs, and drink your morning juice with the rest of the family.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Yes, yes, sucking a glass onto your face is just a LOVELY accomplishment for a young lady to have!


----------



## The Bloodshed Brothers

All right. Where is the poison? The battle of wits has begun. It ends when you decide and we both drink, and find out who is right... and who is dead. 
Vizzini: But it's so simple. All I have to do is divine from what I know of you: are you the sort of man who would put the poison into his own goblet or his enemy's? Now, a clever man would put the poison into his own goblet, because he would know that only a great fool would reach for what he was given. I am not a great fool, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But you must have known I was not a great fool, you would have counted on it, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me. 
Man in Black: You've made your decision then? 
Vizzini: Not remotely. Because iocane comes from Australia, as everyone knows, and Australia is entirely peopled with criminals, and criminals are used to having people not trust them, as you are not trusted by me, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. 
Man in Black: Truly, you have a dizzying intellect. 
Vizzini: Wait til I get going! Now, where was I? 
Man in Black: Australia. 
Vizzini: Yes, Australia. And you must have suspected I would have known the powder's origin, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me. 
Man in Black: You're just stalling now. 
Vizzini: You'd like to think that, wouldn't you? You've beaten my giant, which means you're exceptionally strong, so you could've put the poison in your own goblet, trusting on your strength to save you, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But, you've also bested my Spaniard, which means you must have studied, and in studying you must have learned that man is mortal, so you would have put the poison as far from yourself as possible, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me. 
Man in Black: You're trying to trick me into giving away something. It won't work. 
Vizzini: IT HAS WORKED! YOU'VE GIVEN EVERYTHING AWAY! I KNOW WHERE THE POISON IS! 
Man in Black: Then make your choice. 
Vizzini: I will, and I choose - What in the world can that be? 
Vizzini: [Vizzini gestures up and away from the table. Roberts looks. Vizzini swaps the goblets] 
Man in Black: What? Where? I don't see anything. 
Vizzini: Well, I- I could have sworn I saw something. No matter.First, let's drink. Me from my glass, and you from yours. 
Man in Black, Vizzini: [they drink ] 
Man in Black: You guessed wrong. 
Vizzini: You only think I guessed wrong! That's what's so funny! I switched glasses when your back was turned! Ha ha! You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders! The most famous is never get involved in a land war in Asia, but only slightly less well-known is this: never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha... 
Vizzini: [Vizzini stops suddenly, and falls dead to the right] 
Buttercup: And to think, all that time it was your cup that was poisoned. 
Man in Black: They were both poisoned. I spent the last few years building up an immunity to iocane powder


----------



## lewlew

Is that your knee under that blanket... or are you just happy to see me?


----------



## Draik41895

im very happy


----------



## DeathTouch

Well Tammy it isn't like I didn't tell you. Yes making the spoon stick to your nose was funny but the glass just didn't do it for me. Plus now you can't breath.


----------



## rottincorps

Please don't back wash I need that glass for a urine sample


----------



## RoxyBlue

RoxyBlue said:


>


Jenny(groggy): "Is the operation over? Do I look....wha...what's this on my face?"

Nurse: "I don't know quite how to tell you this, child, but the surgeon had missed his breakfast and one of the OR nurses had a tray brought in for him during surgery and, well, he IS a bit nearsighted and I guess the glass of orange juice did feel a little bit like that prosthetic nose you were supposed to get..."


----------



## Don Givens

Have you seen my urine sample? ... I think I left it right here on the nightstand.


----------



## DeathTouch

Hey Cool-Aid! "Oh, Yeah!"


----------



## RoxyBlue

I hope propping up the room like this has helped with that acid reflux you get at night, dear.


----------



## Don Givens

I have been your nanny since you were a baby. I have taken care of your every need and in return you have been nothing but a brat. 

As of tomorrow you will be 18 and they will be putting you grandfather in a nursing home. My services will no longer be required so I will be leaving.

Before I go, I just want to say that I am sure going to miss stirring your morning juice with my finger after I've given your Grandfather his sepository.


----------



## Don Givens

Young lady! Why must you always giggle everytime I say that I always start my morning with Tang?


----------



## Don Givens

You're right. I should have knocked before I came in. It's just been such a hectic day and I'm trying to do the laundry but I wanted to bring you your pills before you go to sleep and .............. "Hey! What's that whirring noise?


----------



## The Bloodshed Brothers

mmmm mothers milk


----------



## Draik41895

Don Givens said:


> Young lady! Why must you always giggle everytime I say that I always start my morning with Tang?


you sure do enjoy that tang,now you must have some sausage


----------



## The Bloodshed Brothers

"this pepsi tastes like coke"


----------



## Don Givens

Very funny but if you call me Miss Hathaway one more time you'll be sipping your meals through a straw.


----------



## Spooky1

RoxyBlue said:


> Glad to be entertaining, JW
> 
> Here's a new one:


Hey what did you put in my milk? It seems like the whole room is tilting to the right.


----------



## RoxyBlue

See what you can do with this one:


----------



## RoxyBlue

Okay, Zeb, now you just distract the little critter so's I can get this brand on him.


----------



## The Bloodshed Brothers

what is it?
i dont know.
Lets poke it with a stick!


----------



## DeathTouch

The dinosaur was surprised to find cowboys on Brokeback Mountain, especially in such a weird position. The cowboys after seeing the dinosaur raged forward with their love sticks and forced him to leave.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Dammit, Jeb, if I tole you once, I tole you a thousand times. don't buy no "cute little baby lizards" from them gypsy folk.


----------



## Spooky1

RoxyBlue said:


> See what you can do with this one:


I told you we grow everything bigger here in Texas.


----------



## Spooky1

I know I said we should try something new like raising some Ostrich, but Jeb, I don't think that's an Ostrich you brought home.


----------



## DeathTouch

The pole vaulting cowboys found it difficult to pole vault over a dinosaur. One actually made it.


----------



## lewlew

You found a fossil?!?! Fossil my ASS!!!!!!!


----------



## DeathTouch

Toy Story 5: Rex’s revenge – Woody’s Reprisal.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Luke: Didn't I tell you not to feed it? Didn't I tell you you shouldn't try to make a pet of the nat'ral born wild things the Good Lord put on this earth? Now we got no more food and it's hungry as a bear and lookin' mighty speculative at us. NOW what are you gonna do?

Hank: How 'bout I jest push you down this here hill, you crotchety complainin' sonovabitch?


----------



## chrizzo

we must be close, see there's mr. slates quarry. Now where the heck is fred at.


----------



## HauntDaddy

This game of twister is getting crazy!!!!


----------



## Draik41895

Roxyblue didnt get her morning coffee


----------



## Don Givens

Well let's just have us a little look see and yup jus as I reckon

Poor lil critta seems ta have an indian stuck tween his choppers. 

Come here fella and let us pick that out fer ya.


----------



## RoxyBlue

National Geographic's newest show, "The Dinosaur Whisperer", unfortunately did not last beyond the first episode.


----------



## DeathTouch

There once was a cowboy from Nantucket who has such a long stick that dinosaurs could &#8230;.


----------



## Don Givens

Just like their modern day counterparts, prehistoric cowboys often used sticks to prod strays back into the herd.


----------



## Don Givens

Ted: Great going Bill. You dialed the wrong number and now we're in prehistoric times.

Bill: Hey where's Billy ..... oh no that Dinosaur just ate our homework.

Ted: We got to do something or we'll never get our report done in time and my dad will send me to military school. 

Bill: I got it. Let's make him gag with these excellent sticks. 

Ted: Awesome idea Bill.

Bill: Cough up Billy the Kid you bogus beast.


----------



## RoxyBlue

lewlew said:


>


C'mon, Billy, help me catch this thing! I wanna put it in the outhouse and then see what Pa does when he goes out fer his mornin' constitutional.


----------



## Don Givens

Sorry Govenor but it's gonna take more than a T-Rex and two bounty hunter's with sticks to bring in Josie Wales


----------



## Don Givens

I knowd she werent no beauty but Annie Oakly sure is ugly in the morning.

Surn is and tempernmental too.


----------



## Don Givens

Gosh durn it Zeke, I thought I told you not to water your horse near the uranium mine pit.


----------



## Don Givens

Despite it's huge budget and star studded cast "Godzilla does Dallas" was simply a stupid idea and production was mercifully halted.


----------



## Don Givens

I know it's dangerous but that booger hanging out of it's nostril is grossing me out.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Dang it, Jeb, an electric dinosaur fence ain't no damn good if you fergit to put the collar on yer T-Rex. Now we're gonna waste half the day tryin' to wrangle him back home.


----------



## Don Givens

How do you know that's the varmit wots done got into your sheep pen Luke?

Well Eli Witney (that was the sarcastic name for idiots before Einstein) the fact he's crapping cotton balls the size of yer chicken coop is a pretty good clue now don't cha think?


----------



## Don Givens

I told you not to eat them Mushrooms Slim now quit jabbing my good pool cue at that rocky hill before you break the tip.


----------



## RoxyBlue

"crappin' cotton balls" - LMAO, Don!


----------



## Spooky1

RoxyBlue said:


> See what you can do with this one:


Tex, I told you that wasn't Barney. But no, you said the kids would fine to play with it. Now it's done gone and eaten the kids. What am I suppose to tell the wife?


----------



## The Bloodshed Brothers

welcome to jurassic park
*cue john williams trumoet/french horn fanfare*


----------



## Fiend4Halloween

..."don't worry about the damn Sleestaks, this beast is gonna kill us first!"


----------



## Don Givens

As Eastwood turned his attention from acting towards directing he considered remaking the classic film "The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly". 

However, the idea fell apart when his long time lover Sondra Locke learned she was being cast as The Ugly.


----------



## Don Givens

Hi Billy Mays here and only Oxiclean is going to be able to get the sh*t stains outta these cowboys' drawers.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Pardon me, gentlemen. Do either of you have any Grey Poupon?


----------



## Sickie Ickie

the tug'o'war competition was a fierce battle


----------



## The Bloodshed Brothers

great scot marty! i told you we needed to fix the mr. fusion on the delorean before we left 1985.
ah doc this is heavy


----------



## randyaz

Fetch boy...get the stick...comeon boy fetch


----------



## RoxyBlue

Almost hate to post a new one, but here we go anyway:


----------



## DeathTouch

(Tammy)Oh God! What is that smell? (buggy eye guy)Did you do that Tammy? (Tammy)No I thought you did it. (sleeping guy)[smiles wider]


----------



## RoxyBlue

Stage Manager: Ophelia, that's your cue.

Ophelia: But I have lines with Polonius and he's passed out drunk!

Stage Manager: Get out there and make something up then!

Polonius (thinks): (he he he!)


----------



## Don Givens

As far as Vincent was concerned, it was going to be worth every penny of the twenty dollar bet he was going to have to pay off after Don Rickles made good on his end and mooned the young singer during her solo.


----------



## Spooky1

Young lady what are you doing here, and why is Vincent smiling so much?


----------



## Sickie Ickie

*adjusting her dress* "I've killed him!"

guy: "Yeah, but what a way to go!"


----------



## Spooky1

Oh my God, what do you mean I'm on Candid Camera.


----------



## lewlew

Tammy gets goosed not once, but twice!


----------



## chrizzo

if you look closely you can see Michael Jordon's soul leaving from Jon's head


----------



## Don Givens

Dear Penthouse Forum ...............


----------



## Don Givens

She had always heard that Vincent was long but it was actually the girth that both frightened and excited her.


----------



## DeathTouch

Now Xmen 5…Left to right. Myster-o the sleepy dude. Tammy, caught her in headlight lady. And Vince as Bugeye jake.


----------



## Don Givens

I was at a party at Vincent Price's estate and had just gone down stairs to have a smoke when I accidently walked in, post coital, on Vincent and some hot little strumpet.

Vince was passed out and the tart was begging him to please wake up and finish her off so I approached from the rear, snatched her up and said don't worry baby, I got your back.


----------



## Draik41895

"the whole room is filled with these magazines!!!!!"


----------



## Draik41895

heres a new one


----------



## Dark Angel 27

this one is too easy

Turtle: 'hey guys! keep your fingers to yourself!'


----------



## Don Givens

It's up to you Jack but if it were me I'd just drop another ball and take a two stroke penalty on this one.


----------



## Don Givens

Having learned from his humiliating defeat last time they faced off, Hare decides to send a couple of thugs to make sure Turtle doesn't finish the rematch.


----------



## Don Givens

Billy: Wow, these new hand puppets are amazingly lifelike. 

Johnny: Uh, Billy, that's not a puppet it's a real turtle.

Billy: Ewwwww


----------



## RoxyBlue

On this week's episode of "Dirty Jobs", Mike Rowe learns how to safely give an enema to an alligator snapping turtle.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Next week's episode of "Dirty Jobs":

Bob: "Okay, Mike, now we need to sex this turtle afore we release it into the wild."

MIke: "And you do that how...?

Bob: "All you gotta do is put your fingers in here and check for gonads, but you gotta be quick about it because these guys can get right snappish. Get it? "Snappish"."

Mike: "I make the jokes on this show, buddy!"


----------



## kevin242

"You got a real _purty_ mouth, now squeal like a pig!"
"wee_ee_-EEEE*EEE*!"

80


----------



## Don Givens

What you doing there Bob.

I'm helping this here Mama Turtle give Birth.

Uh, Turtles lay eggs Bob.

But I see it's little head poking out,

Uh, Yeah this must be some kinda a miracle. Snicker, snicker, here I'll hold her and you catch the baby.


----------



## lewlew

"Oh give me land, lots of land, and the starry sky above.."

"Don't fence me in."


----------



## RoxyBlue

Draik41895 said:


>


Hey, look! There's an image of Jesus on this turtle's shell!


----------



## Spooky1

Boy will Jimmy be surprised when he goes for a swim in his pool.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Dammit, Jimbo, why'd you have to go and teach Gertie how to jump?! Now she's stuck on this goldurned fence!


----------



## Don Givens

Hey you idiots. I thought I told you two to take that package over to Smitty's at the end of Turtle Pass.


----------



## Spooky1

Step 1: Expose teenage turtle to radiation (How can you tell if a turtle is a teen?) Done
Step 2: Teach irradiated turtle Japanese martial art of Ninjutsu. ?


----------



## DeathTouch

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a turtle? The world may never know.


----------



## DeathTouch

Go a little slower guys. Just because Comcast is two times faster than DSL doesn't mean you have to go fast.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Draik41895 said:


>


I think we can run the LED wires right up under the shell here.


----------



## Don Givens

Some Turtles can live to be hundreds of years old which can really be hard on male turtles who are subjected to annual prostate exams beginning at age 50.


----------



## DeathTouch

Oh No! Gamera! Use your flames on them Gamera!


----------



## Draik41895

hey,if nobody minds,i like this pic


----------



## Spooky1

Do you think the flaming sword is too much?


----------



## Don Givens

Steve Colbert takes a stand for Truthiness, Justiness, and Freedidom


----------



## Don Givens

It may not surprise you to know that Steve Colbert tends to over react to even the most mundane situation.

Here we see him preparing to open his fan mail.


----------



## Don Givens

Paparazzi catch Stephen Colbert coming out of New York's newest alternative lifestyle hot spot "The Fruit Bowl".


----------



## RoxyBlue

Although Steven Colbert's deafness in one ear is a well-known fact, what is less well known is the deafness resulted from an unfortunate accident with a flaming sword.


----------



## Spooky1

Stephen Colbert shows of his latest anti-bear gear.


----------



## Don Givens

Although his psycholgist agreed that masturbation is totally natural, he warned Stephen that dressing up as an action hero during the act was simply weird.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Draik41895 said:


>


The Word of the Day is "Flaming"


----------



## Don Givens

Ever the "Drama King" Stephen Colbert gets ready to slice the Turket at Comedy Central's Annual Employee Thanksgiving Luncheon.


----------



## Don Givens

Stephen Colbert's entry in the $20 prop contest.

Flaming Sword Prop: 

Materials List:

Children's Sword from Dollar Tree $1.00
Small Battery operated Fan 1.99
Cheap Flash Light from Dollar store 1.00
Scraps of cloth Free
Glue .25

Total Cost $4.24

First, I removed the handle from the toy sword and fit the fan into the guard of the sword. I cut some vent holes in the guard to allow for ventilation of the fan motor. I then attached the flash light to the guard in place of the original handle. 

Next, I cut some long lengths of white cloth then glued them to the other side of the guard. 

That is just about all there was to it. Just turn the flashlight and the fan on and viola, my "Flaming Sword" prop.


----------



## Spooky1

After the 2012, as the world ends as we know it, Stephen Colbert saves America and becomes the Supreme Overload of the United States.


----------



## DeathTouch

Americans are getting ready for the Swine Flu. Some are a little more prepared than others.


----------



## Don Givens

Stephen Colbert here for Preperation H. 

Guys, after spending an entire Sunday sitting on your rear end watching the race or a couple of football games does it feel like somebody jammed a flaming sword up the ol' wazoo?


----------



## Draik41895

"hey guys,wouldnt it work better if the mic part was on top ?"


----------



## chrizzo

Mr. colbert now aprearing on the hit t.v. show hero's


----------



## Fiend4Halloween

Known for his Dungeons & Dragons character, the Powerful Paladin, Stephen Colbert now shows off his fancy role playing garb, including his Holy Avenger sword, +5 shield of truth, and +3 arm-brace vs Evil.


----------



## Spooky1

Time for a new picture:


----------



## Spooky1

I get to have the next door-to-door saleman, Marla.


----------



## ScreamingScarecrow

Seester - Did you see the uni brow on that hunchback!
Yes simmmply delightful!


----------



## Don Givens

Ursula and Drusila catch Vlad using his new penis pump.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Ooooh, look, Zelda, here comes another batch of TOTs! Won't _they_ be surprised when they get to our door!


----------



## Don Givens

Spooky1 said:


> Time for a new picture:


Check this out Thelma.

John come home drunk again last night and passed out on the floor.

He reeked of another woman, so I shaved his pubes and super-glued them to his face. Then I encased his "junk" with a can of Great Stuff and Gorrilla glued his hairy buttocks to the floor.

Come on, let's wake him up.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Shall we try another?


----------



## Don Givens

RoxyBlue tosses up the perfect alley-oop and ....................



RoxyBlue said:


> Shall we try another?


So you thought it would be funny to give me a "pube" moustache, encase my junk in Great Stuff, and gorrilla glue my hairy buttocks to floor.


----------



## Don Givens

The "Cause of Death" on the Coronor's Report will read 'Muder by Strangulation" but it should read "forgot to put the beer in the fridge the night before the BIG GAME"


----------



## Spooky1

I saw you eat my last chocolate, spit it out now you wench!


----------



## The_Caretaker

*WHAT!!!*, You did what to my halloween props?


----------



## RoxyBlue

RoxyBlue said:


>


Vincent Price was never allowed to reprise his role as Radames in a production of Verdi's "Aida" after he took the stage instruction "Aida dies in Radames' arms" literally.


----------



## Don Givens

Instead of sitting on death row, Nathan would be a hero if he would have just learned the proper way to do the Heimlich


----------



## Don Givens

When Natalie agreed to give Vincent dance lessons, she didn't realize he was such a slow learner.


----------



## Don Givens

When I said auto-asphyxiation turned me on, I wasn't giving you the "green-light" to start dry humping and choking me you idiot.


----------



## Don Givens

Don Givens said:


> The "Cause of Death" on the Coronor's Report will read 'Muder by Strangulation" but it should read "forgot to put the beer in the fridge the night before the BIG GAME"


After the judge heard the mitigating circumstances, he reduced the charges, commuted the sentence to time served, and took the defendent out for a beer after the trial.


----------



## Don Givens

What do you mean you know I've been fooling around with the maid and have been poking holes in my condoms for the last three months.


----------



## Don Givens

Maybe the next time my dad asks why we haven't planted him a grandchild yet, you'll think twice before you answer, " we been trying but your son's hose is too short to water the garden.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Don's wife realized too late that she should never interrupt him while he was posting on a HauntForum thread.


----------



## Don Givens

Since I am not married, I have to hire someone to come in on Wednesdays, put up with my abuse, and do a little light cleaning. :googly:


----------



## RoxyBlue

RoxyBlue said:


>


Don: "How many times do I have to tell you, do NOT rearrange my DVDs when you dust them!!!"

Maid: (cough) "I'm sorry, sir (gasp) It won't happen again...arrghh (death rattle)"

Don: "Dammit, now I have to break in another maid!"


----------



## Don Givens

Maid to Order Customer Service Rep: Maid to Order. How may I help you?

Me: Yeah, ah ...... well the last maid you sent over is ... ah... I mean she just didn't show up this morning and I need a new one.

Maid to Order Customer Service Rep: Mr. Givens this is the third maid this month.

Me: Good point. Since you keep sending unreliable maids, I should get a discount for the incovenience, shouldn't I?


----------



## Don Givens

Last night on the Netherworld Channel's "Dancing with the Dead Stars", Vincent Price's poor technique earned him a low score from all the judges, as well as an especially scathing review from Fred Astaire. 

However, he will get a chance to redeem himself next week since fellow contestant Abe Vigoda was disqualified when it was discovered that he is still not dead.


----------



## Spooky1

Why won't the head come off this dang prop?

Because I'm your wife you drunken fool, not a prop, cough, choke, gasp.........:xbones::zombie:


----------



## RoxyBlue

Eliza Doolittle's consistent failure to aspirate her H's finally drove Professor Henry Higgins over the edge.


----------



## Don Givens

I meant (Gasp).....rub the (arggg)....back of (weeze)......my neck fool.


----------



## The Bloodshed Brothers

no means no


----------



## Don Givens

I said, Let go of my Eggo


----------



## Don Givens

You could have saved 15% by switching to Geico?


----------



## Don Givens

Harold was sentenced to life in prison, however, the judge did not impose the death penalty since he agreed he would have probably done the same thing if he found out the hard way his date was a dude.


----------



## DeathTouch

I knew it! You did eat my Rosie O'donnell home made Chocolates. How would you like it if I ate your Simon Cowell roll-up bunt cake?


----------



## Don Givens

Born and raised in Cleveland, Maria's second biggest mistake was marrying a Steeler's fan. Her worst mistake of course was decorating the bedroom in Brown and Orange.


----------



## Don Givens

In 1967 the league of Women Voters were horrified to learn that, in Pittsburgh, wife beating was not only tolerated - they had Wife Beating Leagues


----------



## Spooky1

RoxyBlue said:


>


Nurse I told you I didn't want a catheter.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Can You Hear Me NOW!!!???!??!?!?!!!!


----------



## Don Givens

Although they sang very well together, Harvey and Laura's duet version of "Killing Me Softly" was a little too dramatic for the Thursday Night Karaoke crowd.


----------



## Don Givens

The jury did not buy Marvin's Self Defense plea but then again they never ate Beth's cooking.


----------



## Don Givens

If I've told you once I've told you a thousand times, I hate the way you look in puffy sleeves.


----------



## RoxyBlue

John: "Damn you, why don't you love me? Why don't you even care about me?"

Mary(giggling): "Because I'm a robot, and that's why you can't kill me, either."


----------



## Don Givens

Despite the old saying, honesty is not necessarily the best policy when you back your old man's new truck into his Harley.


----------



## Don Givens

Hey guys.

Are you like thousands of men who have to eat salad and tiny little pieces of lean meat because your wife is on another diet? 

Then to add insult to injury, she never actually loses any weight, so not only are you hungry, she's still fat.

Hi, I'm Harry Backman and I want to show you how you can actually help your wife stop eating - with my patented Harry Backman weight loss plan.

Ivan Ameel says "Thank you Harry, my wife has lost 25 pounds of fat and always has a hearty dinner on the table when I get home - or else".

Amanda Dewer says "I've ( gasp) lost (ackkk) 12 (wheeze ) pounds".

So order my Harry Backman weight loss plan today and receive a free package of Harry Backman Stretch-Mark removal Pads. Each package contains a sheet of 200 & 100 grit sandpaper, flesh tone putty, and a sheet of peel off freckles in case your wife's a red-head.


----------



## Spooky1

RoxyBlue said:


> Shall we try another?


'Give him a sedagive!'


----------



## Fangs

VP ~ "Fi-ga-ro. Figaro, Figaro, Figaro, Figaro"

Lady ~ "You're not on stage any more dear!"


----------



## Don Givens

It's 2009 and sexual foreplay has come a long way since the 50's when the typical male might try to initiate love making by getting his mate in a stangle-hold and saying, "I've had my supper now give me some sex".


----------



## rottincorps

Can You Here Me Now!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Ready for a new one?


----------



## Don Givens

Interesting..... every time Ellen walks into the room, the flowers wilt.


----------



## scareme

I don't know if this will ever replace foosball, but we're having a good time.


----------



## Spooky1

The latest fad for scientists at the Arctic station was watching plants grow.


----------



## Don Givens

To help support his graduate studies, Richard worked at the university testing the effect adding sildenafil citrate to soil would have on crop material. 

The effects were extremely promising and it was estimated that the breakthrough would help end world hunger within the decade. 

However, futher research indicated the chemical compound could also help old men achieve the erection of an 18 year old so all aggricultural applications were quickly abandoned.


----------



## Don Givens

RoxyBlue said:


> Ready for a new one?


After a couple of years of staring at plants and working with a bunch of dweebs who hadn't seen a vagina since the day they were born, Professor Jones decided to leave the aggriculture department and branch out into archeology.


----------



## Spooky1

Are you sure those were pot seeds we planted, Jones didn't look so good after smoking one of these.


----------



## rottincorps

While we are looking at the plants.....how come john is staring at my butt?


----------



## Spooky1

The testicle plant crop is doing well this year.


----------



## RoxyBlue

At the Institute of Really Dangerous Plant Life Development, the upperclassmen were fond of playing practical jokes on the newest students.

John: "You say you dropped your laser pointer in here somewhere?"

Ted: "That's right, down in these plants. Can you get it for me?"

John: "Why don't you just pick it up?"

Ted: "I'm, ah, allergic to plants."

John: "Um, these plants aren't carnivorous, are they?"

Ted: "No"


----------



## Haunted Bayou

"Are you sure these plants take O negative?"


----------



## RoxyBlue

Mary always felt left out of the fun on Plant Biology Lab Day.


----------



## Fiend4Halloween

After the remaining essence of Harry Potter is drained into the garden, the Mandrakes are almost ready to scream!


----------



## Don Givens

RoxyBlue said:


> Ready for a new one?


Forseeing the current economic crisis, the govenment began early last year developing money growing plants.

Although, the plan was rediculed and provided a wealth of material for late-night talk show hosts - the govenment was actually able to develop plants that produce real currency.

So the good news is, money does actually grow on trees.

The bad news is it costs the govenment two dollars to grow a one dollar bill.


----------



## Spooky1

I dropped a contact lens in here somewhere, anyone see it?.


----------



## Don Givens

RoxyBlue said:


> Ready for a new one?


Mary had always suspected that the turtle neck wearing professor was gay and she confirmed her suspician one day by simply shouting "look those plants are starting to grow boobs"


----------



## Sickie Ickie

I like that one. 

Let's see...

On further observtion their theory was correct. If beer bongs are used to feed plants, they *do* get hangovers!


----------



## The Bloodshed Brothers

"well Dr. i've never seen so many testicles in one place"


----------



## Spooky1

Lab assistant Jenny found it troubling that all the men in her lab seemed enamored with the testicle plants.


----------



## Dragonomine

Got milk?


----------



## Don Givens

Mary was crushed when the entire Biology department pretended not to hear her "hooter for a tutor" offer.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Let's try this one:


----------



## Spooky1

Honey this new TV you bought smells terrible!


----------



## Don Givens

RoxyBlue said:


> Let's try this one:


When Mike Tyson was a young man he had three goals, to beat up other guys, molest women, and become an astronaut.


----------



## Don Givens

Bobo was an amazingly smart ape who made a very good living working for NASA, but like most geeky types, he was constantly losing his girl to the sand kicking bullies at the beach.

That is until he ordered the Joe Weider plan and became one asskicking bad mother ape.


----------



## RoxyBlue

RoxyBlue said:


>


Koko found that his skills acquired in Space Explorer School did not translate well into his new job as a chiropractor.


----------



## Don Givens

Two University of San Diego college students were mauled to death at the San Diego Zoo last night when they climbed onto a wall and dropped a travel potty on a gorrilla's head.

When Police Investigators were asked by reporters if alcohol may have been a contributing factor they simply replied, we figure the odds that alcohol was involved are the sames as the odds that your mother gave birth to an idiot.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Rye Beach High's newest cheerleader proved to be an unfortunate choice.


----------



## The_Caretaker

Sasquatch tries to hide his identity to get a mate but still has to beat off other suitors.


----------



## Don Givens

The_Caretaker said:


> Sasquatch tries to hide his identity to get a mate but still has to beat off other suitors.


........has to beat off other suitors." (chuckle, chuckle, snicker, snicker)


----------



## Don Givens

The biggest upside of the experiments Cheetah endured at the hands of the aliens was that he was now big enough to kick Tarzan's ass and have his way with Jane.


----------



## Don Givens

Bobo did not appreciate the PETA activists throwing red paint on his back.


----------



## Don Givens

Bobo was dressed up as an astronaut and ready to start trick-or-treating when a couple of Hooligans egged his helmet ............. he was not pleased!


----------



## Ghoul Friday

While the helmet did hide Rosco's acne problem, there were bigger flaws to be addressed before he would achieve popularity.


----------



## RoxyBlue

How about a fresh start for the week (sorry it's not a bigger picture)?


----------



## Ghoul Friday

While Monica found the doctor's description of medieval vasectomies entertaining, her companions were somewhat unsettled.


----------



## Don Givens

A beaut, a fruit, and a mute listen intently as Dr. Mort explains how the Gladiators used to oil each other up before doing battle.


----------



## Spooky1

Since you two gentlemen seem to be together, this beautiful young lady may join me upstairs, where we can play Dracula and his bride.


----------



## Ghoul Friday

Mad Doctor: "Anastasia won the hula contest fair and square, gentleman. Now be good sports and wait for me in the lab".


----------



## Don Givens

RoxyBlue said:


> How about a fresh start for the week (sorry it's not a bigger picture)?


Ok everybody, the agency has booked me to be a guest lecturer at the University on Thursday evening.

Tiffany, you're booked to do a bachelor party on Friday and a golf outing on Saturday.

Sorry boys but ever since the Flaming Pit closed, they say there just isn't any demand for a gay Martin & Lewis act.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Don Givens said:


> Sorry boys but ever since the Flaming Pit closed, they say there just isn't any demand for a gay Martin & Lewis act.


There is actually a restaurant in Gaithersburg MD called "The Flaming Pit". We assumed it referred to a deodorant problem


----------



## Spooky1

I'm sorry but I don't allow my lab assistants to dress casually on Fridays. Go home and change.


----------



## Don Givens

RoxyBlue said:


> There is actually a restaurant in Gaithersburg MD called "The Flaming Pit". We assumed it referred to a deodorant problem


If you ever have dinner there - skip the Chef's surprise & the special sauce.


----------



## Don Givens

RoxyBlue said:


> How about a fresh start for the week (sorry it's not a bigger picture)?


Sorry boys but now that my wife has died I will no longer require the services of a decorator or gardener because I'm gonna sell the house and move to Hawaii with the slut, er I mean maid.


----------



## Don Givens

Zoinks, the Castle ghost is Biology Professor, Buster Hymen. 

So, he was spreading the rumors this place was haunted so he could conduct his evil genetics experiments on the castle mice.

Professor Hymen - And I would have gotten away with it too - if it wasn't for you meddling kids.


----------



## Don Givens

RoxyBlue said:


> How about a fresh start for the week (sorry it's not a bigger picture)?


Great news kids. I just accepted an early retirement offer with a nice severance package from the University so we're going shopping.

That means new dresses for you Sara.

Tommy, we're going to get you some pants that don't sag so much in the bottom.

And best of all, Jimmy you're getting an entire wardrobe so you're never going to have to wear your sister's hand me downs again.


----------



## Don Givens

Girl: Hey I heard Spooky and Roxy are back. Does this mean we're going to get a new pic to caption?

George Michael: Ooooooo, a new pic would be fabulous. 

Simple Guy: Yeah, me want caption, me want caption...........uh..........what does caption mean?


----------



## RoxyBlue

LOL, Don, we'll see what we can come up with for you


----------



## Spooky1

Are we the only one allowed to post pics now?


----------



## Spooky1

Honey, could you go to the store and buy a drum of Raid!


----------



## Dark Angel 27

Gramps is just now discovering why the house was such a great deal.


----------



## Dragonomine

Maybe it wasn't a good idea to watch LOTR Return of the King before nap time.


----------



## Joiseygal

Spidey, I'm sick of Charlotte's web can't we watch something different?


----------



## Dragonomine

Oh this is MUCH better than a pet dog!


----------



## RoxyBlue

John's practical joker friends wondered how long it would be before John noticed they had swapped his favorite **** hound for a rather large arachnid.


----------



## Ghoul Friday

Spooky1 said:


>


Enid, how many times do I have to tell you? I hate when you stand behind me when I'm watching tv! Sit down or get out!...Enid?....Enid?


----------



## Don Givens

Kid: Grampa lookout - there's a big ass spider behind you!

Grampa: Why thankya kindly, I'd love a big glass of cider.


----------



## Ghoul Friday

In the middle of "House", John realized he may have mixed up the spray bottles in his rush to see the start of the program. "If it was actually Miracle Grow I used to kill the spider, does that mean I put Raid on the begonias?" He'd go out to the garden at the next commercial to check the flowers were ok.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Dammit, Edna, this ain't no set of rabbit ears for the TV! I don't care what that travelin' tinker told you he was sellin', you just cain't trust them shifty varmints!


----------



## Spooky1

Edna waits to see how long it takes her husband to notice the new Halloween prop she bought.


----------



## Dragonomine

Spooky1 said:


> Edna waits to see how long it takes her husband to notice the new Halloween prop she bought.


HAAHAAHAAA!!!! Perfect!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Earl and his pet spider enjoyed watching "Animal Planet" together until that fateful day when a special on "The Mating Habits of Giant Spiders" aired.


----------



## kevin242

Despite having his executive stress reliever in hand, his grandchildren's practical joke was just too much for George's heart.


----------



## Don Givens

George hadn't crapped his pants since he was in diapers but that was all about to change.


----------



## Don Givens

Boris the spider was about to find out the hard way that you don't dare bother Grampa during a Matlock Marathon


----------



## RoxyBlue

Spooky1 said:


>


Whenever Wilbur dozed off in his favorite easy chair, Lady Eight Legs would sneak into the house and pull out all his hair plugs.


----------



## Don Givens

Although he was but a hatchling, Sid will never forget the pain and horror of watching as his unarmed father was killed by a sword weilding hobbit.

Now as Bilbo sleeps in his easy chair, Sid will finally have his revenge.


----------



## Dr Morbius

Although in chronic pain, Howard vowed never to get into his sons Marijuana stash again.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Fluffy, if I tole you once, I tole you a thousand times, I ain't takin' you to the dog park if you keep snatchin' them poor hounds and stickin' them in your web. Now quit buggin' me and let me watch "Wheel of Fortune" in peace!


----------



## Don Givens

Henry kept having the same terrible dream where he's sitting in his chair watching his favorite show when a mean old man comes and throws him out of his seat and turns on Meet The Press.


----------



## Draik41895

"Fer the last time, I don't like people breathin down my neck like that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"


----------



## Haunted Bayou

I guess I better call The Orkin Man


----------



## scareme

Now where did I leave that spider prop I was working on? Damn, I know it was here just a minute ago.


----------



## RoxyBlue

How about a new one for the new week?


----------



## Joiseygal

I really have to stop taking drugs!


----------



## Dragonomine

I've never seen that type of blow up doll before


----------



## RoxyBlue

Do you mind if I dance with yo' date?


----------



## kprimm

I told you dammit... I can't run fast with these stubby goat legs.


----------



## lewlew

The new hosts and judges of America's Next Top Model.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Um, I hate to tell you this, Roger, but your new girlfriend isn't actually, well, _real_.


----------



## Don Givens

I know it's rude to stare but she's got targets on em for chrise sakes.


----------



## Don Givens

OMG!!!!!!!!!!! How much did I have to drink last night?????????


----------



## Bone To Pick

"She got your goat?"


----------



## RoxyBlue

Goat Guy: "Hey, Brendan, every time I see my girl, I think "to bee, or not to bee"! HAHAHA. Get it? To BEEEEE or not to BEEE..."

Brendan: "You're an idiot"


----------



## lewlew

This is the LAST time I answer one of those threesome ads 
in a swingers magazine!!!


----------



## Don Givens

Ok, all we need now is a quart of motor oil.


----------



## Don Givens

When I told the service I wanted a honey of a gal and a horny midget, this isn't what I had in mind.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Try this one:


----------



## Spooky1

When you asked me if I wanted to get "small", I didn't think you were being literal.


----------



## RoxyBlue

The Leprechaun King was at a clear size disadvantage when it came to drinking games.


----------



## The_Caretaker

And I always thought I was suppose to see pink elephants not little men in green


----------



## Bone To Pick

This is what I get for drinking too much Little Kings Ale.


----------



## Spooky1

Then being the wee King that I am, I sneaked into the girls locker room. Let me tell you, everything looks huge when your my size.


----------



## Don Givens

Wait until I tell the guys down at the pub I had a beer with Axel Rose.


----------



## Don Givens

RoxyBlue said:


> Try this one:


The 70th anniversary party for the surviving cast & crew of the Wizard of Oz was a very small affair.


----------



## Sinister

RoxyBlue said:


>


"Heh heh heh! Ye just keep talkin' that blarney, me foine boyo! I don't care how much of that there ale ye get her to swalla, ain't no way she's gonna believe that horse puckey, _it's what ye can do with it_, when it comes to ye're lil' willie!"


----------



## Sinister

RoxyBlue said:


>


"Pssst...dude...I think the doc there is queer for us. Pia is practically naked, and throwing herself at him, and all he can do is eye the both of us like we were a slice of Pineapple Upside Down Cake..."


----------



## Sinister

RoxyBlue said:


>


"GODDAMMIT!!! I'm telling you disbelieving heathens, that I _DID_ hear a Who call out for a Snicker's bar on one of these plants!!!"


----------



## Bone To Pick

"My GOD!! You CAN grow balloons!"


----------



## RoxyBlue

How about this one?


----------



## Dr Morbius

RoxyBlue said:


> How about this one?


HA! You think you're so smart Mr. BigBrain, figure out how to chop wood with NO HANDS you arrogant bastard!


----------



## Don Givens

RoxyBlue said:


> How about this one?


I am sick and tired of you always bragging that you're the brains of this operation so I put that ax there just in case you forgot that I am the muscle.


----------



## Spooky1

Joan's latest attempt to give her husband a heart attact was a brain balloon.


----------



## scareme

Talk about a splitting headache!


----------



## Bone To Pick

"I WISH you'd stop staring at my behind and appreciate me for my mind!"


----------



## Dr Morbius

"Stand aside, puny Human, whilst I light this fire with my mind..my miiiiiiiiinnd. My MIIIIIIIIIINNNNDD!!....ahem. I said WITH MY MIIIIIIIINNNND!!!!"

"Oooooohhh. I am so warm now."

"Shut. Up."


----------



## Draik41895

"Trust me, you dont want to eat me, I'll just go right to your brain"


----------



## Fiend4Halloween

(lol at Morbius!) "Don't look now, but there's a hoard of zombies breaking through the house....and they all have a hard on for your, well, BRAAAAAAAAIN(S)!!!!!!!


----------



## Sinister

RoxyBlue said:


>


Begrudgingly, Brian had to admit that Dr. Croft's experiment was a borderline success, even if the good doctor did swear up and down that the "effects" were only "temporary." That aside, the much put upon lab assistant couldn't _wait_ until his arms returned, so he could show the doctor a little experiment of his own that he learned as a boy in a local butcher shop.


----------



## Spooky1

Put down the axe and shut up or I'll make a scarecrow and use you for his brains.


----------



## Bone To Pick

"Yes, this is your brain on drugs."


----------



## RoxyBlue

"I wish you'd stop fixating on that axe. You're giving me the heebie-jeebies!"


----------



## Dragonomine

I've heard of splitting hairs, but this was excessive.


----------



## Spooky1

RoxyBlue said:


> How about this one?


Yes, "A" is for axe.

Yes, alien brain, you're a genius!

Now let me finish my taxes, you freaking moron.


----------



## The Bloodshed Brothers

"dont even think about it"
"wait what?"


----------



## Bone To Pick

Okay, try this one:










"CRAP!! I DID lock my keys in the car!"


----------



## scareme

I hate when pushing panhandlers won't take no for an answer.


----------



## Dr Morbius

Bone To Pick said:


> Okay, try this one:


After showing his buddies he wasn't "afraid" to superglue his hand to the car window, Howard was, however, afraid that he left the parking brake off.


----------



## Spooky1

Five, Five, five dollar foot long!


----------



## Bone To Pick

Talk to the HAND!!


----------



## Spooky1

Johnny, you open the car door right now. This isn't funny young man. Open this door now, or you'll get a real spanking.


----------



## Spooky1

Now that I've installed the new Acme anti-zombie windows in my car I can go anywhere!


----------



## Bone To Pick

HEY!! Cool hubcaps!


----------



## Devils Chariot

ow ow ow ow ow open the door open it open it, my hand my hand,open open OPEN IT YOU F***KiNG %@*(@#!& aaaarggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!NO MY OTHER HAND!!!

((((vomits)))))

happened to me once


----------



## The Bloodshed Brothers

smell my hand


----------



## Dr Morbius

Shamus knew his curbside windsheild washing business was in trouble when he lost his squeegee and had to improvise.


----------



## lewlew

"Officer, I know you said to step back and spread 'em but....wait!... hey no full body cavity searches! NOOOOOOO!!!!"


----------



## Spooky1

Pay a $5 toll, or I'll eat your brain.


----------



## Bone To Pick

Is that a PIMPLE on my cheek?!!!


----------



## Dark Angel 27

I know you're there my precious! I can see you!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Why...won't...this...window....OPEN?!?!?!?!


----------



## Dr Morbius

OCD was the least of Hanks problems. Touching every hot car window on the street was going to cost him a fortune in burn ointment.


----------



## Sinister

Bone To Pick said:


>


"*Huff* *Huff* *Gasp* Why is it *Huff* I have to be the one who has to get out *Huff* and push, when this freakin' car won't *Gasp* start?! I think I would fall on my ass *Huff* if that lazy bitch of a wife of mine *Huff* ever had to get out and do the pushin'!"


----------



## Joiseygal

Hey wait!!!! Please don't go...can you read my palm because I was told today will be my last day on earth....wait...wait...My jacket is stuck in your car door....Oh crap slow down your going to hit that treeeeeeee!!!!!! ~SPLAT~


----------



## Spooky1

Do I have rotted flesh under my finger nails?


----------



## lewlew

I am this many years dead.


----------



## RoxyBlue

LOL, I like that one, lewlew!


----------



## Bone To Pick

One last addition:

"I can't HEAR you! Please speak DIRECTLY into my HAND MIC!"


----------



## Bone To Pick

And now an updated version:










"I ain't cut out for this Yoga crap!"

(Sorry - fixed the link for what it's worth)


----------



## RoxyBlue

BTP, I don't know why your picture doesn't show, so how about this one?


----------



## RoxyBlue

Honey, I don't care what the salesman told you, this is not a three-axis skull!


----------



## Spooky1

This isn't how I imagine it would be, when you you said you wanted to try a threesome.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Maybe if we both stare at him long enough, he'll get the hint and leave.


----------



## lewlew

If I had to put money on it, I'd say the guy in the middle
is going to win THIS staring contest.


----------



## Spooky1

I think John took his diet a little too far.


----------



## RoxyBlue

[/QUOTE]

Her: "Do...do you think he's asleep?"

Him: "I think he's dead"

Her: "Are you sure?"

Him: "Are you an idiot?"


----------



## Dr Morbius

"Psst..hey Mister..Don't feed the pigeons in this park..they are VERY aggressive. Just ask my husband!


----------



## RoxyBlue

John: "Hey, I think this guy is a real BONEhead!"

Mary: "Do you think he has a sense of HUMERUS?"

John: "Let's try RIBBING him and find out!"

Skellie: (God, how I HATE humans!)


----------



## lewlew

Don't you just hate it when a couple is arguing and you're caught in the middle?


----------



## Bone To Pick

Psst! I told you to keep our skeletons in the CLOSET!!


----------



## lewlew

"Honey, I knew we shouldn't have had those jalapeno and garlic poppers for lunch! Do you have a breath mint?"


----------



## Dr Morbius

"Ok. You go and distract the cops, while I go into the store and shake down the owner."

"What's the skeleton for?"

"What Skeleton?"


----------



## RoxyBlue

Her: "Okay, so how do we get his head to turn and eyes to light up?"

Him: "Hmmm, well, first you have to connect the, uh, wire thingies to the, um, electrode junctions on the three-way axle..axis...solar something...."

Her: "You really don't know what you're talking about, do you?"


----------



## Bone To Pick

Him: "But why HIM?!!"

Her: "He makes me laugh."


----------



## RoxyBlue

Dave the Dead waits anxiously as his wife scrutinizes his latest prop.


----------



## Don Givens

Bone To Pick said:


> Him: "But why HIM?!!"
> 
> Her: "He makes me laugh."


:laugheton:


----------



## RoxyBlue

How about this one?


----------



## Bone To Pick

Well for pete's sake, George! Don't be rude - shake his hand!!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Transylvanian bodysnatchers sometimes encounter the unexpected while plying their ghastly trade.


----------



## RoxyBlue

There seems to be some sort of strange writing in this crypt. One of you guys hand me the lantern so I can get a closer look.


----------



## RoxyBlue

"Looks like rigor mortis done set in on Stanley. Now he ain't gonna fit in the coffin."


----------



## Bone To Pick

You IDIOT!! This ISN'T what I meant when I said to get a handyman!


----------



## Dr Morbius

I don't care WHAT Unlce Joe's last wish was...I am NOT gonna pull his finger "one last time"!


----------



## DeathTouch

"what would you do for a klondike bar?"


----------



## DeathTouch

"Talk to the hand!"


----------



## DeathTouch

"C is for Cookie, that is good enough for me!"


----------



## Creep Cringle

What took you clowns so long? Did you get my beer?


----------



## RoxyBlue

RoxyBlue said:


>


"This animated prop ain't workin' so hot, Jeb. Only the arm is poppin' up."


----------



## lewlew

"Damn! This is the WIERDEST puppet show I've ever been to."


----------



## Bone To Pick

"Who does his nails?! They're GORGEOUS!!"


----------



## DeathTouch

5 dollar, 5 Dollar foot long! Eat Fresh at Subway!


----------



## scareme

That isn't how I thought the Viagra would work.


----------



## Creep Cringle

Please hold all your questions till the end of the presentation!


----------



## Eldritch_Horror

"Life sure is strange here at M C Escher's estate!"


----------



## Bone To Pick

Already trembling in their boots, George couldn't wait for them to experience his hand buzzer.


----------



## scareme

I think he wants us to play rock, paper, scissors with him.


----------



## Dr Morbius

"See Clancy? When the Reaper introduces himself, do NOT shake his hand!"


----------



## DeathTouch

I am thinking we got cheated on the salad bar.


----------



## Creep Cringle

I don't know what he wants us to do with his hand Frank, but could you please get yours out of my back pocket!


----------



## Fiend4Halloween

" 'cuz you, light up my life, you give me hope, to carry on".....


----------



## The Bloodshed Brothers

throw me a pepsi


----------



## DeathTouch

RoxyBlue said:


>


So Zeppo, Harpo no a listen to me. He thinks hims a talking bed rose.


----------



## RoxyBlue

"I _told_ you this coffin was too small! Now we're gonna have to chop an arm off him."


----------



## Dr Morbius

Kermit the Frogs death was always a mystery. After exhuming his grave they discovered he had decomposed to his skeleton making the determination of cause of death impossible.


----------



## Bone To Pick

Recycled from another thread:










"I just had a tacky thought...."


----------



## RoxyBlue

Uncle Fester became the new poster boy for the "Why We Do Not Clean Our Ears With Q-Tips" campaign


----------



## RoxyBlue

A little known and less successful variation of Steve Martin's arrow-through-the-head prop was his drill-bit-through-the-ears prop.


----------



## RoxyBlue

"Can you hear me NOW!?!"


----------



## DeathTouch

I don't know why my wife thinks I never listen.


----------



## DeathTouch

This always seems to work well with making lettering for my tombstone. Plus I ran out of wax.


----------



## DeathTouch

YOu have never heard of a ear of corn?


----------



## Dr Morbius

It was Chef Henry's first and last cooking show when he demostrated the proper temeperature of his own brains doneness.


----------



## DeathTouch

Most never can understand where Kojack got the term "Who loves ya baby." And I don't think they ever will.


----------



## RoxyBlue

The Consumer Product Safety Commission's warning about defective iPods was issued just a bit too late to prevent Igor's unfortunate accident.


----------



## Bone To Pick

Everyone was having a wonderful time at Jimmy's birthday party until the horrible "Pin the Tail on the Donkey" accident.


----------



## FrozenPumpkins

I always look like this, even when I don't have metal rods through my head!


----------



## DeathTouch

Julia Child Couldn’t understand why her heat thermometer only read 42.50.


----------



## Bone To Pick

It was a long time coming, but Roger's bad behavior finally caught up with him and he had his ears pinned back.


----------



## Bone To Pick

The Masked Marauder experimented with several methods of pinning his opponents to the mat, but none was ever quite as effective as this.


----------



## The Bloodshed Brothers

ahhh finally got that itch


----------



## Bone To Pick

Mind if I pick your brain for a minute?


----------



## DeathTouch

The reason why AT&t got rid of their old style phones was clear now.


----------



## scareme

Do you think these earrings match this ring?


----------



## RoxyBlue

John's unfortunate mishap on the hit show "Are You Handy With Tools Around The House?" proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that he wasn't.


----------



## DeathTouch

Even though Daddy Warbucks loved Annie so, he just couldn't listen to her complain about Punjab any more.


----------



## Dr Morbius

Pin-through-the-ear-metal-cranium-holders!
Pin-through-the-ear-metal-cranium-holders!
Pin-through-the-ear-metal-cranium-holders!
Yes, these Pin-through-the-ear-metal-cranium-holders are great for carrying around your own heavy head!
Made from the most advanced materials available!
Rugged tough, yet lightweight enough!
Use em for corncobs..for shishkabobs..heck you can even use them on your pets for that quick trip to the vet!

Hurry..get your Pin-through-the-ear-metal-cranium-holders todays while supplies last!
Order YOUR Pin-through-the-ear-metal-cranium-holders TODAY!


----------



## Bone To Pick

Here, I experienced technical difficulties with this one last time - let's try it again:


----------



## RoxyBlue

John was the envy of the rest of this yoga classmates for his ability to accomplish the more physically demanding stretches.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Here we have an example of a zombie prop made by a newbie with very little knowledge of the actual configuration of the human body.


----------



## RoxyBlue

"Where's a good chiropractor when you need one?!?!?!"


----------



## RoxyBlue

(guy on ground) - "Man, that fall really hurt! Is my nose bleeding?"

(off camera) - "Um, you have a bigger problem than that"


----------



## Bone To Pick

[/QUOTE]

Sure I've put on a few pounds, but I can still see my shoes!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Did anyone get the license plate number on the car that hit me???!!!!!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Sir, I know you said "drop and give me twenty", but I'm having a little trouble getting my feet placed right.


----------



## Kaoru

"I love the view from here"

"If you like this, wait till you see how good I'm in bed"


----------



## RoxyBlue

Bone To Pick said:


>


Dammit, I hate when I drop a contact lens in the grass! HEY! A LITTLE HELP HERE, SOMEONE?!


----------



## rottincorps

Twister anyone


----------



## rottincorps

I Am Not A Spineless Bastard.......


----------



## scareme

Sometimes I get ahead of myself.


----------



## Dr Morbius

_







_
_"I've fallen, and I can't get up! Or feel a pulse!"_


----------



## Spooky1

Who says zombies can't make U-turns.


----------



## Joiseygal

Break dancing seems so much easier when you watch it on television. Damn!


----------



## scareme

I think I got the "Hokey Pokey" wrong.


----------



## DeathTouch

When you said, "Kiss my as*" I didn't think you would try to help.


----------



## DeathTouch

He was the champion of twister, and no one could beat him. Right hand blue, left foot green.


----------



## DeathTouch

Mr. Fantastic always had trouble shaving.


----------



## DeathTouch

I bend myself in half for you people and this is the thanks I get.


----------



## DeathTouch

Timmy! You can't just lay there and take it. It is time to be a man and pick yourself up and Straighten up!


----------



## GothicCandle

and thats why you should always use the bars on roller coasters....


----------



## Fiend4Halloween

As Jimmy was getting back up, he couldn't help but to notice the hole in his sock and the dog poop that he stepped on while strolling through the graveyard.


----------



## Spooky1

Bone To Pick said:


> Here, I experienced technical difficulties with this one last time - let's try it again:


Whenever John has a few drinks too many, he always has to do his snake impersonation.


----------



## Bone To Pick

And that was the last time football coach Joe Fuddle led his players onto the field.


----------



## Fiend4Halloween

....."we hoped you enjoyed the preview to our new movie "Brokeback Zombie Massacre".


----------



## Don Givens

Paul Meelegg is listed in Guiness Book of Records as the bravest man in the world for answering in the affirmative when his wife asked him if her pants made her ass look fat.

He is also listed as the only man to survive having every bone broke in his body.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Good job on that one, everyone! Care to try a new one?


----------



## Bone To Pick

"We need a HOW-TO on that prop NOW!!"


----------



## RoxyBlue

Okay, lady, hand over the bucky quietly and no one will get hurt!


----------



## Fiend4Halloween

If we don't get the VIP tickets to this Def Leppard concert, people are going to be carried out in bodybags!!!


----------



## Dr Morbius

"We Hauntforum moderators do NOT like duplicate posts!"


----------



## RoxyBlue

"Take THAT, you rat [email protected]$tard!"

"Dude, you were supposed to load your gun with paintball pellets"

"...oh, CRAP!"


----------



## DeathTouch

It is ok Gentlemen. That is just the money you could be saving with Geico! "I always feel like somebodys watching me" (Singing)


----------



## Spooky1

So what if we're too old to trick or treat and don't have costumes. Hand over the candy, now bitch!


----------



## lewlew

Adam, Brendan, and Steve confront their agent about the parts they've been getting lately.


----------



## Devils Chariot

falafel jihad!!!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Give me my grande double shot latte with extra sugar NOW!


----------



## Bone To Pick

The Few, The Proud, The Mullet Marines


----------



## Devils Chariot

What did you say about Charlton Heston! (lord rest his soul) (I guess now you can pry that gun from his hands)


----------



## RoxyBlue

Try this one:


----------



## RoxyBlue

Mr Chicken just found out he does NOT get a bigger inbox when he hits 1000 posts.


----------



## Spooky1

After buying the perfect old house to haunt for Halloween, Mr. Chicken find out there's no internet access.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Although the operation to restore Mr Chicken's eyesight was successful, the unexplained loss of color vision came as a huge shock.


----------



## Don Givens

Barney was never the same after he saw Aunt Bea's naked reflection in the mirror.


----------



## Bone To Pick

Mr. Chicken and his twin brother liked to surprise each other and see who could sing a high C first.


----------



## Spooky1

"no change — no change at all"


----------



## RoxyBlue

Just LOOK at these cobwebs!! What the HELL are we paying a cleaning service for anyway?!?!?


----------



## DeathTouch

Wocka Wocka Wocka - I'm Fozzie Bear!


----------



## DeadDudeintheHouse

RoxyBlue said:


> Try this one:


*AAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!*

_I told the doctor to make me *YOUNGER!*_


----------



## lewlew

Unbeknownst to Mr. C, his pet terantula had crawled up his pantleg during prop making. WAAAAAAAY up his pantleg.


----------



## RoxyBlue

"Hey, is this one of those shock mats on the......AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"


----------



## DeathTouch

Mirror mirror on the wall. Who is the fairest one of all?

Mirror - "Certainly not you!"


----------



## Bone To Pick

My hairline's RECEDING!!!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Mr Chicken practices "open wide" before going for his annual teeth cleaning.


----------



## DeathTouch

Introducing RoxyBlue Hair cream. Works so well it will make you scream. Just a little dab will do yah. The extreme pain tells you its working.

In partnership with the Roxyblue Peter pocket fishermen and Roxyblue Flossmore floss. Buy them today.


----------



## RoxyBlue

LMAO, Death!


----------



## rottincorps

My mother-in law is coming to live with us.......AAAAAHHHHHH!


----------



## RoxyBlue

"Mr Chicken, the IRS is at the front door"

"AAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!"


----------



## lewlew

This is what happens when you get the bottle of Superglue and the bottle of Visine mixed up.


----------



## Joiseygal

Oh crap I only have 364 days until Halloween!!!!!


----------



## Dr Morbius

I got the part of the DEPUTY?!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Deputy Fife has just been told that he is being sued for child support...by Aunt Bee.


----------



## Fiend4Halloween

Mr. Limpet realizes he looks better as a fish.


----------



## rottincorps

WHAT! There making a remake of the Apple dumpling gang


----------



## Dr Morbius

Thelma Lou is PREGNANT?! But we haven't even....WHA?!


----------



## rottincorps

AHHHHHH! Icy Hot on a humanoid is not good!


----------



## Joiseygal

rottincorps said:


> AHHHHHH! Icy Hot on a humanoid is not good!


LOL


----------



## Spooky1

They want to remake of The Incredible Mr. Limpet, with Johnny Depp?


----------



## rottincorps

Exteds is on sale!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Let's give Mr C's avatar a rest:


----------



## DeathTouch

RoxyBlue said:


> Let's give Mr C's avatar a rest:


I am sorry Mr. Scott. We will get the twins bottles instead.:googly:


----------



## RoxyBlue

Sonuvabitch! You guys said chest waxing wouldn't HURT!!!!


----------



## Fiend4Halloween

Following a full moon, the Wolfman starts to change from his human form but requests that Mrs. Chang gives him one of her famous "happy endings".


----------



## rottincorps

I said bear testes not bear chesty


----------



## Rohr Manor

Me Love You Long Time


----------



## rottincorps

Wax on WAx OFFFFFFFF


----------



## Joiseygal

Do you have enough hair to make a Chia Pet yet?


----------



## RoxyBlue

Try this one:


----------



## RoxyBlue

Read my palm for me.


----------



## sparky

Is that an authentic "Billy Bass Fish" hat??? Give that to me!!!!!


----------



## Draik41895

"How many fingers?"


----------



## Draik41895

"when i snap my fingers you will act like a chicken!"


----------



## RoxyBlue

Pull my finger!


----------



## sparky

Don't give me that look , I'll smack that off your face!!!!!


----------



## Spooky1

God, I hate this director.


----------



## Spooky1

RoxyBlue said:


> Try this one:


Do you think I need a manicure?


----------



## Fiend4Halloween

....and this is how you make the bird shadow puppet. Hold on and I'll show you the "flying squirrel" !!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Dude, you got some major dirt goin' on under those nails!


----------



## lewlew

"Got yer nose!"


----------



## DeathTouch

ET - "Ouch"


----------



## Spooky1

Trying to lighten the mood, the alien tries to go for a 3-Stooges eye poke.


----------



## DeathTouch

Sorry kid, you have to be this high to ride this ride.


----------



## KStone

Aww.. C'mon man!! I've always wanted a hat with a fish on it like yours.


----------



## DeathTouch

Tina's lizard skinned gloves were just a bit much for Manny to take. It was when she asked for a hand down from the plane, that Manny decided it was time to leave.


----------



## RoxyBlue

May I have the next dance?


----------



## DeathTouch

(Singing) "Stop in the name of love. Before you break my heart. Think it oooooover."


----------



## uncledeathy

I Am Not Break Dancing!!!!


----------



## Dr Morbius

"Hi! I'm Mr. Alien puppet hand! Want to be my frieeeeeend?"


----------



## Fiend4Halloween

duck, duck, duck......GOOSE!


----------



## RoxyBlue

"Okay, ready for my magic trick? Are you watching? Are you watching? Look, look, nothing up my sleeve, and..."


"You're not wearing anything with a sleeve, you idiot!"


----------



## rottincorps

Talk to the hand.....talk to the hand....


----------



## RoxyBlue

Are those warts on your hand?


----------



## sparky

Okay , stay right here, when I tell you, jump out and scare them!!!!!


----------



## RoxyBlue

How many fingers am I holding up?


----------



## scareme

Jr.-Mommy, I want to pet the human.

Mom-I've told you a hundred times, don't pet strange humans. You don't know where they've been or what diseases those dirty things are carring.


----------



## lewlew

"You've been cleaning the toilet without gloves again, havent you? The smell! Whew!"


----------



## Fiend4Halloween

The scared sh^tless human looks on as the 12' alien performs it's version of the Macarena.


----------



## Spooky1

Let's try another one in the Sci-fi catagory.


----------



## Spooky1

The alien landing in Washington DC wasn't as awe inspiring as they hoped.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Man, Beltway drivers really suck!


----------



## RoxyBlue

'It's only a model"


----------



## Spooky1

Does that UFO have a "Student Driver" sign?


----------



## RoxyBlue

Hey, guys, if we hurry, we'll be the first to get a souvenir piece of the Washington monument!


----------



## DeathTouch

Somebody call 911
Shawty fire burning on the dance floor
Whoa
I gotta cool her down
She won't bring the roof to ground on the dance floor
Whoa
She’s fire burning, fire burning on the dance floor
That little shawty’s fire burning on the dance floor
Shes fire burning fire burning on the dance floor
That little shawty’s fire burning on the dance floor
Fire burning fire burning


----------



## RoxyBlue

Who threw that giant Frisbee!?!?!


----------



## lewlew

Tiiimmmmmbeeerrrrrrr!


----------



## Bone To Pick

Mike Mulligan and his Extraterrestrial Steam Shovel get off to a bad start trying to dig the new Pentagon cellar in a single day.


----------



## Fiend4Halloween

As Gulliver practises for the discus throw, the tiny citizens of Lilliput assist in the measuring of distance until he hits the penalty marker.


----------



## scareme

Now, what is it going to take to convince you to wear your glasses while you are driving?


----------



## RoxyBlue

Spooky1 said:


>


The Washington Monument was being considered seriously as a backdrop to a Viagra commercial until an unfortunate accident occurred.


----------



## Spooky1

Today in Washington, DC the 94 year old driver of a UFO ran into the Washington monument. She reportedly blamed a group of kids for running in front of her.


----------



## RoxyBlue

See how easily that flyin' ship broke the monument? That's what happens when the government selects the low bidder to do a construction job!


----------



## Bone To Pick

Introducing the new "Ginsu Saucer"! It can chop the Washington Monument in half and STILL slice through tomatoes like butter!!


----------



## sparky

See ,I told you we needed a bigger field to throw that new UFO boomerang!!!!


----------



## Spooky1

If that's a Frisbee, I don't think I'll stick around for the dog chasing it.


----------



## lewlew

Damn!! There goes my insurance rates.


----------



## sparky

Spooky1 said:


> Let's try another one in the Sci-fi catagory.


 The guy said this remote control saucer was easy to .......WOOOOOOOOO......RUN!!!!!!!!


----------



## Spooky1

Okay now son, turn to the left.... 
no I said left! 
Your other left you moron! 
Look out!
Crap the Earthlings are going to be pissed now. 
and this is probably going to get my insurance canceled.
Are you sure you're my kid?


----------



## RoxyBlue

Crap! I guess we won't be taking the tour of the monument today!


----------



## lewlew

Ok...this frisbee golf thing is getting way out of hand!!


----------



## Bone To Pick

"So THAT'S what they mean by a 'monumental error!'"


----------



## Haunted Bayou




----------



## Dr Morbius

"Humans! We have come to co-exist with your species in peace! We will share our technology with you, and the first step is that you trust us....first rule is, NO PHALIC MONUMENTS!"


----------



## Night Watchman

honest occifer I only had tea martwoonies.


----------



## RoxyBlue

How about a new one?:


----------



## Bone To Pick

I don't care how I pronounced it! I said I wanted a jar of MAYONNAISE!!!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Hmmm, I don't believe this really IS a relic from a saint!


----------



## sparky

Wow..I've heard of a boat in a bottle, but never a little man in a bottle.


----------



## Bone To Pick

RoxyBlue said:


> How about a new one?:


"Ah, CRAP!! I forgot to paint his ear..."


----------



## RoxyBlue

Hey, you little $hit! Quit smearing your greasy fingerpints on the glass!


----------



## Spooky1

I'm not letting you out of there until you stop farting, you little gas bag!


----------



## sparky

Can someone please tell me why I keep growing a vampire instead of the small eyeballs that I ordered?!?!


----------



## Bone To Pick

So are you gonna make fun of my beanie, too, tough guy?!! Hmmmm?!!!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Have we done this one yet?:


----------



## RoxyBlue

Now don't be upset by what I'm about to ask, but...have you been taking steroids again?


----------



## sparky

You sir are the largest man I have ever seen , have you ever been in a freak show??


----------



## Goblin

Don't call me tiny.


----------



## Bone To Pick

I'm sorry, I can't be your proctologist anymore.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Little Guy - "Hey, how's the weather up there? Yuk, yuk, yuk!"

Giant - "Now I have to kill you"


----------



## Night Watchman

Don't make me pull out my sling and stone again!


----------



## scareme

The original cast as the Winchester brothers in Supernatural.


----------



## Bone To Pick

Excuse me, but I think you're standing on my car.


----------



## The Bloodshed Brothers

so whos gunna be on top?


----------



## scareme

I'll go over this just one more time. First you put your right foot out, then your left, followed by your right again. It's called walking. It's not that hard.


----------



## The Creepster

Really? your my sister?


----------



## Dark Angel 27

hey are you realated to Hagrid? He works as the games keeper at Hogwarts?


----------



## DeadDudeintheHouse

Bone To Pick said:


>


"Trust Me, I'm a Sales Representative"


----------



## RoxyBlue

No, I don't want a "pet giant" and don't try to follow me home again!


----------



## Spooky1

No, I don't want to buy any growth hormones, big guy.


----------



## scareme

I told you to go to the bathroom before we left the last town.


----------



## RoxyBlue

What?!?! You left the GPS at home AGAIN!!??!?!?


----------



## Dark Angel 27

hey, since youre taller and stronger then me, how about a lift?


----------



## RoxyBlue

Giant: "Hey, let's do that trust exercise where I fall over backwards and you catch me!"

Little Guy: "Uh, no"


----------



## The Creepster

Viagra's new ad


----------



## Spooky1

Bone To Pick said:


>


What do you mean you forgot to pack the food, and why are you looking at me like that and drooling?


----------



## Bone To Pick

Did you eat my dog?


----------



## lewlew

"Would you PLEASE pull up your zipper? Like I don't have enough of an inferiority complex around you! And STOP laughing!"


----------



## RoxyBlue

Giant: (snickering)

Little Guy: "What's so funny?"

Giant: "I can see your bald spot from up here."


----------



## The Creepster

I think we have beatin this dead horse long enough we need a new photo


----------



## RoxyBlue

Here's a new one for you:


----------



## RoxyBlue

Please, sir, I want some more!


----------



## Moon Dog

Clap on... clap off...


----------



## Dr Morbius

I swear! I wasn't doing that thing with my hands you told me NOT to do under my covers...here! I'll prove it! Smell them!


----------



## debbie5

(anyone notice the rack on the statue behind them? how did that get past the censors? or were these still the years of little censorship?)


----------



## RoxyBlue

(belching) "Niles, bring my car 'round. I think I'll go out for a bit of a shpin"

"I'm sorry, sir, but I'm afraid you've had a bit too much to drink for you to consider driving"

"Whaddya talking about? Jush look at these hands (hic) - steady as a rock!"


----------



## Lauriebeast

Here, pull ALL my fingers...just don't pull em off, don't know how well they're attached.


----------



## DeadDudeintheHouse

Mastaaaa..., you have a stain on your brand new jacket. Wait, who's room is this?


----------



## RoxyBlue

"Okay, now, you put your hands on top of mine and try to pull them away before I slap them"


----------



## Spooky1

Grasshopper if you can snatch the stone from my hand then you can become the Master.


----------



## The Creepster

"How old are you??"

"I am this Many"


----------



## morbidmike

sir I only like you this much so dont push your luck


----------



## Tralan

"See, this one is a rare Loonie. It was printed upside down. And this one is a buffalo head nickel that I found one day in the street. And this one...."

"I hate your coin collection soooo bad!"


----------



## debbie5

"Need...more......Astroglide..."


----------



## morbidmike

When I Summon You ,,,,,you Will Come Immediately ,,,now Bring My Hossinfrfer


----------



## RoxyBlue

Is this a good nail color for me?


----------



## morbidmike

Awwww look at you soooo scary I'm so trembling right now!!!!!


----------



## Dr Morbius

Jeeves, dispose of these boogers immediately!


----------



## The Creepster

Can you believe I had it in my hand!!! I didn't think it would fit


----------



## RoxyBlue

"Look, John, I'm practicing for my mummy audition! See? Arms straight out, then when I get up , I start to shuffle and growl. What do you think?"

"I think you're an idiot"


----------



## The Creepster

This is my ouchy...kiss it and make it better


----------



## RoxyBlue

Sir, my job description does not include "playing pattycake"


----------



## The Creepster

Did you see what my cat left me?


----------



## morbidmike

I must feel your suit is that egyptian cotton?????


----------



## The Creepster

My blood pressure is what????


----------



## lewlew

"I don't care how much you pay me, I am NOT sitting the in the statue's lap and rubbing its boobies while you watch!"


----------



## The Creepster

Dude you gotta smell my hand!!!


----------



## morbidmike

Do my fingers taste funny to you????


----------



## RoxyBlue

"I forgot my nail clippers again. Can you bite these off short for me?"

"I hate this job!"


----------



## Bone To Pick

I just coughed up a lung. See?


----------



## morbidmike

patty cake patty cake bakers man......


----------



## DeadDudeintheHouse

"I had a dream that I made invisible cupcakes for a living. Have some!"


----------



## RoxyBlue

"My glasses are smudged. Can you read my life line for me?"

"Do I look like a gypsy fortuneteller to you?"


----------



## morbidmike

here you go sir a hot steamy hand cup of goto hell now I banish you !!!!!


----------



## The Creepster

Would you like a "Dutch Oven"?


----------



## morbidmike

I saw the creepsters penis and it was smaller than this ain't that funny!!!! ooooh sir thats a small one indeed


----------



## The Creepster

See if you bend you thumb like this it looks like you can pull it off your hand


----------



## morbidmike

And PRESTO ALAKAZAM there's an ass.... in front of me!!!! now go wax my statue of that egyptian thing


----------



## The Creepster

Oh my ....you did not invite "HIM" I told you not too


----------



## morbidmike

You look suprised that I'm fireing you nothing personal just businnes dawg


----------



## RoxyBlue

"Doc, it hurts when I hold my arms out like this. What should I do?"

"Don't put your arms out like that."

"Did you go to medical school five years to learn that?!"


----------



## morbidmike

HEY YOUR NOT THE CHINEESE LADY THAT USUALLY DOES MY NAIL'S her name is fuke me whats your name ??? .......mine fuke u I'm brother oldman-a-son

fuke pernounced fook long o's


----------



## The Creepster

"turn your head and cough"


----------



## WakeForest

Isn't that a big enough tip?


----------



## The Creepster

do you see that spot?


----------



## morbidmike

do my palms look hairy'er than normal???? shall I fetch your razor sir???


----------



## The Creepster

I just can't get the rest of the dirt out from under my nails


----------



## Zombies R Us

The itsy bitsy spider went up the water spout.....


----------



## The Creepster

look its a bird


----------



## morbidmike

Yeah and now ita crockadile grrrrrr


----------



## Bone To Pick

Need a fresh image.










"I'm sorry, John, NO! Maybe if you were a handbag or shoes......."


----------



## The Creepster

Not on the first date


----------



## rottincorps

I here you like the crocodile rock.......hehehehe


----------



## morbidmike

you stepped on my foot you slimy git.....!!!!


----------



## The Creepster

I do believe you need a tic-tac


----------



## RoxyBlue

"But, my dear, I thought you loved things made with crocodile skin"

"Only handbags and shoes, you idiot!"


----------



## debbie5

Khakis! No *khakis*! I wanted you to be a croc ALL OVER!
(or are you an alligator?)


----------



## Spooky1

No, I told you I don't date outside of my species!


----------



## The Creepster

Wheres my money.......


----------



## morbidmike

she sing's please release me let me go for I don't love you any more


----------



## The Creepster

I Smell BACON


----------



## Bone To Pick

"I HATE YOU, John! You can be so cold-blooded sometimes!"


----------



## The Creepster

How come you have thumbs....?


----------



## morbidmike

do you think we can get married in the swamp oooooh pretty please......scsarlet were getting married in the church thats final


----------



## The Creepster

Why do you wear a belt....you are a belt


----------



## morbidmike

you know some jergens will clear up your dry scaley skin


----------



## RoxyBlue

What are YOU smiling about, you stupid reptile?!?!


----------



## morbidmike

honey.....do you see any cavities .....should I get a bleaching


----------



## RoxyBlue

"Are those MITES in your scales? EEEWWWWW!"


----------



## Night Watchman

Not untill you use some mouthwash.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Unfortunately for Al Gator, the underlying fungal infection in his skin often caused his dance partners to sneeze uncontrollably.


----------



## debbie5

I don't know which is better: your scaly skin, your scaly tank top or your scaly zipper seam down the back of your head!


----------



## The Creepster

you don't look anything like your profile picture


----------



## morbidmike

snap out of it woman........I'm not a monster..........this is what happen when I took that new male enhancement perscription!!!!! this should only last 4 hrs.


----------



## RoxyBlue

The Creepster said:


> you don't look anything like your profile picture


LOL, good one, Creep


----------



## The Creepster

RoxyBlue said:


> LOL, good one, Creep


Thanks....

When you said you were different I though maybe you wore a bow tie or something


----------



## RoxyBlue

How about this one:


----------



## RoxyBlue

And one more thing, Jeeves - see to it that dog poo over there is cleaned up immediately.


----------



## The Creepster

Watch out...my wife is passed out right there you fool


----------



## Bone Dancer

That coffin over there is part of my luggage, have it taken to my room.


----------



## RoxyBlue

[/QUOTE]

Excuse me, but you dropped one of your candles. HA, made you look!


----------



## The Creepster

Pull my finger


----------



## Spooky1

Stay Close To The Candles, The Staircase Can Be Treacherous


----------



## The Creepster

and this one is for the horse you rode in on


----------



## RoxyBlue

Drat, I lost the yo-yo again! Would you mind terribly retrieving it for me, James?


----------



## The Creepster

your fly's down...and should have that checked looks itchy


----------



## Night Watchman

Make fun of my hat again and I will kick you right there.


----------



## The Creepster

hey you dropped the soap


----------



## RoxyBlue

"Bow to me, peon!"

"You're such an a$$!"


----------



## Hungryforblood

Is that What I think it is.


----------



## Bone To Pick

"Good god man, let your fingers do the walking......"


----------



## RoxyBlue

"Hey, your shoelace is untied"

"I'm not falling for that one again!"


----------



## The Creepster

See that...that's mine


----------



## Spooky1

Why yes I did steal Legosi's cape.


----------



## RoxyBlue

"Bring the car 'round, will you, my good man?"

"Um, I don't work for you"


----------



## The Creepster

and over there is where I once ate a butterfly


----------



## Bone To Pick

"Mine comes out to here."


----------



## morbidmike

you call that a polish job look at all the ghastley black spots NOW DO IT AGAIN!!!!!


----------



## The Creepster

Look a magical unicorn


----------



## morbidmike

hey your fly is down


----------



## The Creepster

Hey that looks alot like the watch I had stolen


----------



## debbie5

"Pull my finger...no really... I won't fart. GOTCHA AGAIN!! Tee hee!"


----------



## Johnmonster

"No, no, not that candlestick. That one on the floor there, next to Col. Mustard."


----------



## RoxyBlue

Johnmonster said:


> "No, no, not that candlestick. That one on the floor there, next to Col. Mustard."


LOL, love the "Clue" reference


----------



## RoxyBlue

Let's try this one:


----------



## The Creepster

Ummm waiter I am a vegetarian


----------



## RoxyBlue

This explains why I'm feeling a little down in the mouth today


----------



## morbidmike

I can't beleive what a good kisser you are mr. bird


----------



## lewlew

RoxyBlue said:


> This explains why I'm feeling a little down in the mouth today


"a little down in the mouth" OMG that's funny.


----------



## lewlew

Man I hate these Audobon Society freaks! They can't even wait until morning to start looking for their birds. Turn that damn flashlight off and let me get some sleep!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Mary's first attempt at throwing a bird boomerang did not turn out as well as she had hoped


----------



## Dr Morbius

Rhonda had no idea that the giant MothBird was attracted to light.


----------



## morbidmike

wow what sharp claws you have polly


----------



## Spooky1

Tippi Hedren coughs up a whole bird, when given the Heimlich maneuver.


----------



## morbidmike

my gosh the beer is in the fridge calm down you crazy bird


----------



## The Creepster

A magicians assistant worst nightmare


----------



## morbidmike

maglight flash light commercial gone bad


----------



## Bone To Pick

"Looks like someone's tweeting me again..."


----------



## RoxyBlue

LMAO, Bone - that's great!


----------



## The Creepster

I thought you said he was trained


----------



## diecastman71

Who gave her the bird?


----------



## DeathTouch

Hey Harpo. Leave that bird alone.


----------



## The Creepster

Do I have something stuck in my teeth?


----------



## RoxyBlue

Mary discovers to her dismay that the on-line course in falconry she took left out some important information on proper technique when handling birds.


----------



## The Creepster

RoxyBlue said:


> Mary discovers to her dismay that the on-line course in falconry she took left out some important information on proper technique when handling birds.


lol good one


----------



## morbidmike

wow this new bird whistle works awsome


----------



## The Creepster

original or extra crispy?


----------



## Bone To Pick

"Birds DO have hairy armpits!!"


----------



## RoxyBlue

Mrs Audubon occasionally had second thoughts about encouraging her son's interest in birds.


----------



## Bone To Pick

"(gasps) Did I leave the iron plugged in at home?!!"


----------



## RoxyBlue

Well done, all! How about this one?:


----------



## debbie5

"I know a faaabbbuullous plastic surgeon who can correct your septum!""


----------



## RoxyBlue

Wanna buy a watch?


----------



## Spooky1

Is your wife a...goer...eh? Know what I mean? Know what I mean? Nudge nudge. Nudge nudge. Know what I mean? Say no more...know what I mean?


----------



## RoxyBlue

Spot me a fiver, will ya?


----------



## Spooky1

You distract Devil's Chariot, and I'll grab the Cauldron Creep.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Psst...grave robbing tonight....midnight at All Souls Cemetery...are you in?


----------



## morbidmike

Pssssst.... I can fix your nose with this hammer for a glass of beer kind sir


----------



## Johnmonster

"And, not only can you fill your own home with fine Amway products, you can bring your friends into the fold, and improve your own earnings with their efforts!"


----------



## Bone To Pick

"Pssst....has anyone ever told you that you look like Elmer Fudd with sideburns?"


----------



## The Creepster

you know for a dollar I can be your "best" friend....whoa be cool theres the cops


----------



## RoxyBlue

Are you gonna drink that beer or are you just gonna keep starin' at it?


----------



## Bone To Pick

"Yeah, THAT'S it! Chicks DIG guys who scowl.......Now, you remember those Salsa moves we practiced?"


----------



## Northrad

Dammit, tell us which house gave you that Full-Sized candy Bar?


----------



## The Creepster

I see you have been using the lotion I got you for your birthday


----------



## Bone To Pick

"Hey buddy, here's one. How many yard haunters does it take to screw in a light bulb?........(cackle, snort)........"


----------



## RoxyBlue

How about this one?


----------



## RoxyBlue

Wow, Thelma, you can make fantastic shadow puppets!


----------



## DeathTouch

RoxyBlue said:


> How about this one?


I knew it! Bogart is woverine!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Damn it, who invited Freddy Krueger to the party!?!


----------



## Bone To Pick

" I think that's your masseur, Betty. I'll wait for the next one."


----------



## RoxyBlue

Looks like John put his acrylic nails on the wrong way again.


----------



## Bone To Pick

"Oh dear, Dan's finger extensions are deflating again. He always gets so self-conscious about that."


----------



## Spooky1

Doris, here comes that weird man with the long finger nails. Hide the balloons.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Geez Louise, I hope he doesn't try to write on the blackboard! I HATE the sound of screeching fingernails!


----------



## Night Watchman

Did you give him that manicure?


----------



## NickG

Dangit - I told the doctor not to give him any more sample of viagra!


----------



## The Creepster

who's says "Lee's press-on nails" are for just us gals


----------



## RoxyBlue

Stop it, John! We DON'T want to play "how many fingers am I holding up" anymore!


----------



## Bone To Pick

Though they caught only a glimpse of his shadow, LaToya and Janet knew EXACTLY what Michael was up to in the bathroom that day.


----------



## morbidmike

I hear his back scratching is wonderful go on you first


----------



## The Creepster

Can I borrow your gardener? He looks like a pro


----------



## RoxyBlue

Time for a new one:


----------



## RoxyBlue

Man, people aren't kidding when they call you "Chrome Dome"!


----------



## Night Watchman

I won't go to the prom with you!!!


----------



## The Creepster

Yes you do look younger in that coat


----------



## The Bloodshed Brothers

i promise ill brush my teeth


----------



## RoxyBlue

Mary got a nasty surprise when the blind date she accepted through the Nuclear Regulatory Commission's dating service arrived.


----------



## The Bloodshed Brothers

kiss me you fool


----------



## RoxyBlue

Bone To Pick: "Hey, honey, I'm feeling a little light-headed today. Get it? "Light-headed". Yuk, yuk, yuk"

Wife: "You're such a dork"


----------



## The Bloodshed Brothers

"No i hate to be tickled"


----------



## Night Watchman

Stay back your breathe smells.


----------



## The Creepster

No I DONT WANT TO BUY ANY AMWAY


----------



## morbidmike

dont be affraid I'm a doctor


----------



## RoxyBlue

Try this one:


----------



## DeathTouch

Momma wants a kiss.


----------



## Bone To Pick

Bone To Pick paid dearly for his "armpit stains" comment.


----------



## debbie5

(why are the skelly's hands upside down?)


----------



## Bone To Pick

Note: Please move Debbie's comment to "You Know You're a True Haunter When...." :googly:


----------



## RoxyBlue

Damn it, John, you aren't supposed to use a REAL chainsaw in the haunt!


----------



## Dr Morbius

After all the tabloid rumors, Bruce Cambell finally had enough of Paparazzi.


----------



## The Creepster

Can't you read...NO SOLICITORS!!


----------



## ededdeddy

What do you mean your out of gas?!?


----------



## Bone To Pick

"Saw VIII - We've run out of ideas, so we're actually just using a saw!"


----------



## RoxyBlue

Now, honey, just calm down and let the skellie have the chainsaw if he really wants it.


----------



## arcuhtek

*
Damnit Janet, where IS the blood coming from on that thing?*


----------



## The Creepster

I told you..... I am feeling much better


----------



## Dark Angel 27

the skele with the chainsaw followed them around all night..and Billy finally had enough...


----------



## morbidmike

honey.. killing skelleys is hard work my pits are swetting......and stop SCEAMING IN MY EAR


----------



## RoxyBlue

How about a new one?


----------



## RoxyBlue

First one to blink picks up the tab!


----------



## Night Watchman

Were you looking at my wife's clevage?


----------



## Bone To Pick

John, when we agreed to adopt this wasn't what I had in mind...


----------



## RoxyBlue

Honey, that's not Count Vladimir! He's just the head waiter!


----------



## morbidmike

honey this guy said he's up for a little fun ....wink....wink


----------



## RoxyBlue

It took Mary a while to realize her tablemates were actually mannequins


----------



## DeathTouch

No you may not have my soup spoon. It is mine I tell you---Mine!


----------



## The Creepster

Hey you too "footsie" is usually played one at a time


----------



## RoxyBlue

John and Vlad entered into a prolonged staring contest in the hopes that Mary would grow bored and take her annoying chatter elsewhere.


----------



## The Creepster

It wasn't me it was the....chair


----------



## DeathTouch

Hello again. You are watching Password.

Ted..Pass or Play?(girl host)(Secret word Vampire)

I will play.(Ted)

Suck(Ted says)

Madonna? (Weird glove guy)

No but real close. (Girl host)


----------



## RoxyBlue

Who ordered the sandwich with watercress..and stop acting as if you can't hear me!


----------



## DeathTouch

Mary was really concerned that either man was checking out her rack. She really wished that she had wore the nipple rings instead.


----------



## RoxyBlue

How about a new one for the weekend?


----------



## DeathTouch

I thought you said I could go first?


----------



## RoxyBlue

Was that you who bwoke wind, Centuwion?


----------



## fick209

But Sir, you of all people should know that I ALWAYS go commando!


----------



## The Creepster

Why yes we do play "prison" rules


----------



## RoxyBlue

New one, just because:


----------



## DeathTouch

You will go on! You have always wanted to go on "The Gong Show."


----------



## debbie5

The Original Dancing With the Stars....


----------



## RoxyBlue

Man, dude, you need a TicTac in the worst way!


----------



## Night Watchman

I don't date guys!


----------



## RoxyBlue

John: "Doris, shoot him with the tranquilizer dart now! Doris, do you hear me? Shoot him, for God's sake!"

Doris: "Why did you stand me up last night?"


----------



## Night Watchman

Hey Doris thanks for bringing the toy gun tonight.


----------



## RoxyBlue

New one:


----------



## Spooky1

Mrs. Dracula convinces her hubby to come vacation at the beach.


----------



## DeathTouch

Nope. YOu are getting colder. colder, colder, getting a little warmer....


----------



## fick209

But you just musn't go to the store dressed like that, what will the neighbors say?

Fankly my dear, I don't give a damn.


----------



## DeathTouch

Pin the tail on the donkey gets harder each year I must say.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Honey, it's been six weeks since your nose job was done. Isn't it about time those bandages came off?


----------



## Night Watchman

I'm telling you if you lose this wrestling match you have to take the mask off.


----------



## DeathTouch

Honey, please return the stolen towel. It isn't yours. I think the manager is coming to complain.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Darling, please, may I wear the mask and dark glasses this time? Please?


----------



## The Creepster

Is that you Ed Begley Jr.


----------



## haunted canuck

I guess that just mummified look is the in thing this year?


----------



## The Bloodshed Brothers

i promise trouser snakes dont bite


----------



## haunted canuck

I told you Hugh Hefner all thase playboy hussies would make you go blind


----------



## RoxyBlue

Darling, I know you're a teensy bit upset right now, but honestly, I didn't know you aren't supposed to use concrete for a life cast.


----------



## haunted canuck

new one









Dont worry i went to the ghoul school for hairdressing


----------



## DeathTouch

And I leave to jenny, a boot to the head.


----------



## Spooky1

Welcome to the Jenny Craig acid bath weight lose program.


----------



## haunted canuck

All you have to do for this new porn movie is touch the special bone


----------



## Spooky1

Hi Honey, do think the gastric bypass worker for me?


----------



## RoxyBlue

Try this one:


----------



## RoxyBlue

Dammit, someone said this was a "Come As You Are" party!


----------



## The Creepster

Ohhhh someone's having a senior moment....Awwww Grandpa


----------



## Spooky1

Ignore the old man in his jammies and maybe he'll go away.


----------



## haunted canuck

listen..... do you smell somthing


----------



## Bloodhound

I farted!


----------



## haunted canuck

has some one seen the bed pan , oh there it is the punch bowl over there


----------



## morbidmike

Everyone say cheese aww grand pa crapped his pants


----------



## RoxyBlue

Try this:


----------



## debbie5

(I like the look on the plain lady's face in background...)


----------



## RoxyBlue

(and the plain lady is thinking...)

"Damn hussy! Why does SHE get all the attention?!?"


----------



## morbidmike

good thing my neck is superlong so I don't have to bend over and expose my breasts heheeheh


----------



## RoxyBlue

John became increasingly irritated by Edward's annoying habit of cutting in whenever a lady's cigarette needed to be lit.


----------



## haunted canuck

I told you light a match instead the smell will go away quicker,


----------



## RoxyBlue

New one:


----------



## RoxyBlue

How many times do I have to tell you - signal your turns in this house!!


----------



## Bone To Pick

"What's the matter? Don't like this dance number?"


----------



## DeathTouch

What?!?! Didn't get a turkey for Christmas?!? Then snap into a slimjim!


----------



## The Creepster

Wheres my money?...huh? wheres my money?


----------



## morbidmike

see that I just slapped the taste out ya mouth so keep talkin


----------



## scareme

What, are you so jealous of my dress you can't bear to look at it.


----------



## scareme

Sister dear, when you do the Hokey Pokey, and you put your right hand in, try not to stand so close to me.


----------



## The Creepster

I told you...its not a wig


----------



## RoxyBlue

What the....did you just pass gas AGAIN!?!?! And don't try to blame it on the dog this time!


----------



## The Creepster

Mary had to test Susan's threat of having a brutal "PIMP HAND"


----------



## DeathTouch

Jane Xavier couldn't take the on-slaught of the evil two-pack a day mutant.


----------



## Dr Morbius

"..And THAT's for people like you who take all the GOOD parking spaces and making the REST of us WALK FARTHER!"


----------



## morbidmike

how dare you mock my walking abilities


----------



## haunted canuck

I'll tell you when its your turn to be the dominatrix.


----------



## DeathTouch

Oh my God. I really wish you had not eatten those beans last night.


----------



## RoxyBlue

And THAT's for not getting the laundry done so I would have something to wear today besides this piece of crap dress!


----------



## Spooky1

RoxyBlue disciplines a half-a-ho that tried to sneak upstairs from the Post Ho basement.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Spooky1 said:


> RoxyBlue disciplines a half-a-ho that tried to sneak upstairs from the Post Ho basement.


LMAO, and I hope you're glad that I don't look the way Bette Davis does in that picture


----------



## morbidmike

does my mean face look scary.....slap... pay attention I dont want it to freeze like this


----------



## The Creepster

I told you to wipe your feet...err wheels before you came in


----------



## morbidmike

that's for eating my ginger bread man Bee-ot-ch


----------



## RoxyBlue

New one:


----------



## RoxyBlue

Early methods of pest control were a bit primitive and definitely uncomfortable for the recipient


----------



## DeathTouch

Go ahead and knock off this spider off my sholders, I dare you(Engergizer commerical)


----------



## RoxyBlue

John thought his "fake spider on the shoulder" look was a great joke until he walked into the living room.


----------



## DeathTouch

I knight you Spiderman!


----------



## nixie

Later that evening, the gentleman thought perhaps a traditional pinata would have been a better idea.


----------



## RoxyBlue

"Now just hold still, this isn't going to hurt one bit"


----------



## The Creepster

That growth looks suspicious....might want to have someone look at it


----------



## DeathTouch

Would you like to touch my hairy spider?


----------



## scareme

Man on the sofa, "Yegads, I've got to get over my case of spider envy."


----------



## RoxyBlue

"That's the worst case of dandruff I've ever seen!"


----------



## The Creepster

See what happens when you sleep with the dirty ones


----------



## DeathTouch

(Clearing throat) Swish and flick - Wingardium Leviosa - Harry Potter would never be the same.


----------



## haunted canuck

how many times do I have to tell you if your not gonna bring enough for the rest of the class dont bring it at all


----------



## The Creepster

I don't think the exterminator knows what hes doing


----------



## RoxyBlue

"Okay, watch now, watch...are you watching? When I raise this cane, my pet spider will leap across the room while doing a triple somersault and land on the table. Okay, ready? Are you watching?"


"Get ON with it, man!"


----------



## haunted canuck

the old spider on the shoulder trick hey, Im not falling for that one again I tell you


----------



## The Creepster

Hey did you see what my ex-wife got me?


----------



## RoxyBlue

Is that a large spider on your shoulder or did the zoo monkeys fling poo at you again?


----------



## The Creepster

come on Polly...say "pretty bird"


----------



## morbidmike

hold still whilest I wack it off


----------



## The Creepster

So thats beautiful...is that velvet?


----------



## scareme

I wonder if I pretend to miss the spider, and hit him upside the head, people will figure out how much I hate him.


----------



## morbidmike

focus.......focus.......keep your eye on the prize geives


----------



## RoxyBlue

(guy on couch) - "Five pounds says he misses the spider and breaks John's shoulder"

(guy next to couch) - "You're on!"


----------



## The Creepster

How exotic..you will get a date for sure Now


----------



## morbidmike

time to meet your maker vile 8 legged beast


----------



## haunted canuck

Remember your training..wax on wax off..focus power daniel san..


----------



## Lauriebeast

Abracadabra, you will now turn into a komodo dragon.


----------



## morbidmike

this stick is the root of all power and I have it and you no touchy


----------



## RoxyBlue

Pardon me, but it appears you've lost part of your toupee.


----------



## morbidmike

no wait check it out.....this is how I lead the marching band it's all in the baton


----------



## The Creepster

I told you already....I am Harry Potter


----------



## RoxyBlue

Good run - how about a new one?


----------



## RoxyBlue

You idiot, playing "air keyboard" is not nearly as cool as playing "air guitar"!


----------



## The Creepster

My powers are beyond your understanding


----------



## morbidmike

I used to be a cheerleader look spirit fingers


----------



## RoxyBlue

"The eensy weensy spider crawled up the water spout"


"Um, you're doing the finger part wrong again"


----------



## DeathTouch

Is that your ass or are the pricess in this store always so high?


----------



## RoxyBlue

"Watch this, I'm going to use the power of my mind to make that table over there move. Come to me, cooommmme tooooo meeee!"

"Dear God, how did I end up with this moron as a roommate?"


----------



## The Creepster

See I had to sneak around that tree there


----------



## Spooky1

Look at my new manicure. I had jack-o-lanterns painted on my nails.


----------



## morbidmike

this is how voo doo works see I will make the guy next to me pop his pants see that for only $19.95 I'll sell youy this instructional beta tape


----------



## RoxyBlue

How about something a little different?


----------



## morbidmike

I see you have a booger in your nose meep meep fruuuuuuuuuuuuuum


----------



## IMU

Hey ... what you reading? Anything good? I read a book once, didn't like it ... OK bye!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Super glue and animal noses do not mix


----------



## morbidmike

wow what beadie eye's you have you mangey varmit


----------



## RoxyBlue

Does this bug you? Does this bug you? Does this bug you? I'm not touching you!


----------



## nixie

Roxy- LOL!!

Welcome to the 27th annual animated staring contest


----------



## RoxyBlue

"Kiss me, you big hunk of coyote manliness!"

"Ewwwwwwww!"


----------



## DeathTouch

I am thinking you are not helping brining my Halloween props to life. Are you?


----------



## morbidmike

hey whatcha dooooooing???


----------



## RoxyBlue




----------



## RoxyBlue

My dear, you seem to have lost your head over me.


----------



## The Archivist

I'm just trying to get a head in my work.


----------



## IMU

Alright, who's is THIS!


----------



## morbidmike

honey ,,, are you ok??


----------



## DeathTouch

...And you call yourself the head mistress. Look at my shirt, there is a spot on it. Do I have to do everything myself? Don't turn your head when I am talking to you!


----------



## Spooky1

RoxyBlue said:


>


Wow the kids did a wonderful job on their Halloween prop ... by the way has anyone seen the nanny?


----------



## RoxyBlue

Still think you're head of your class, do you?


----------



## IMU

That's it ... somebody else is going to clean THIS up!


----------



## morbidmike

fianlly......now i can get a post in edge wise Roxy Blue


----------



## RoxyBlue

morbid mike said:


> fianlly......now i can get a post in edge wise Roxy Blue


LOL, it took me a second to get that!:googly:


----------



## RoxyBlue

"Heads Up!" Get it? "Heads...Up", nyuk, nyuk,nyuk!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Dr Morbius sees an opportunity to make a bad pun


----------



## morbidmike

fick I told you to clean the drain all the way I'm paying 36 cents an hour.... you just dont listen so off with your head........Hey does anyone know the number to a good plumber???


----------



## DeathTouch

You don't have to bite my head off do you? I will get the hauntforum servers up.


----------



## Spooky1

Hey Roxy, look what I found at Curby's today.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Anne Marie sleeps with the fishes tonight!


----------



## Spooky1

This isn't what I meant when I said I wanted some ..... oh never mind. :devil:


----------



## morbidmike

lol that's funny spooky1 (I will play head games with you now)


----------



## DeathTouch

I'm a little pot head short and stout, here is a handle, here is my spout.


----------



## The Creepster

even in death Hubert could not make eye contact with his boss


----------



## RoxyBlue

You stay here, and I'll go on ahead.


----------



## Spooky1

RoxyBlue said:


>


I just want a woman for her brains.


----------



## The Creepster

your right you do have your mothers nose


----------



## Spooky1

I wish the damn cat would stop leaving me these "presents".


----------



## The Creepster

Spooky1 said:


> I wish the damn cat would stop leaving me these "presents".


:googly::googly: lol good

I warned you about sticking your head out didn't I


----------



## RoxyBlue

"Dust bunny"?! You thought _this_ was a DUST BUNNY!?!?!?


----------



## The Creepster

Sadly the divorce for Sandra Bullock did not turn out well


----------



## RoxyBlue

Damn cheap inflatable dolls! They always fall apart the first time you use them!


----------



## The Creepster

Awwww man only one more payment....figures


----------



## morbidmike

you have a thick head of hair on you sweetie


----------



## The Creepster

I see you have drop some body mass....looking good


----------



## morbidmike

that new shampoo really makes your roots strong ......just look at this


----------



## The Creepster

New one....

What do you mean he has no insurance?


----------



## RoxyBlue

So tell me, sir, how's my bedside manner coming along?


----------



## The Creepster

I was just checking to see if they were comfortable


----------



## RoxyBlue

Hey, this guy might be a good choice for organ donor!


----------



## RoxyBlue

and related.....

"Oh, I was supposed to wait until he _died_ before harvesting organs? My bad!"


----------



## The Creepster

RoxyBlue said:


> and related.....
> 
> "Oh, I was supposed to wait until he _died_ before harvesting organs? My bad!"


:googly::googly: LOL

I believe this is where I last saw my watch


----------



## RoxyBlue

Does the all-you-can-eat buffet line start here?


----------



## The Creepster

Hey I have seen one of these before....I think it was at that sushi bar


----------



## RoxyBlue

I don't think he's done. That little button thingy hasn't popped up yet.


----------



## morbidmike

nurse.....NURSE......SPONGE STAT.......so hard to find good help!!!!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Yes, Morbid Mike did fall off a ladder earlier today, but we believe he's going to be okay.


----------



## morbidmike

lol......mike are you conscious ....can you feel this???? ooooh you say it was just your ankle that hurt.....mmmmmmm......


----------



## RoxyBlue

When working with patients who have gangrene, a face mask such as the one I am wearing will give adequate shielding from the stench of rotting flesh.


----------



## morbidmike

you too can do home surgery on your friend ....I can teach you with my home surgery video,only availiable online for 26 payments of $19.95......hurry now and free shipping for the first 21 callers


----------



## The Creepster

Sometimes I have been accused of caring too much


----------



## Spooky1

Where'd I put my Dummy's Guide to Surgery?


----------



## morbidmike

roxy.... dont worry spooky1 I'll have you fixed up in no time....I told you not to play with Morbid Mike .....you never listen to me!!!


----------



## The Creepster

This was the original version of "Operation" ...but it was not very popular with the "target" age group...I wonder why


----------



## RoxyBlue

Some bounty hunters like to pose with their kills


----------



## The Creepster

Trust me I got my degree on line


----------



## RoxyBlue

Let's all sing together now - "Kumbaya, my Lord, kumbaya..."


----------



## Moon Dog

I'm not a real doctor, but I cannibalized one on TV


----------



## randy2084

I don't believe that man has ever been to medical school!


----------



## Spooky1

Would you like white meat or dark meat?


----------



## The Creepster

I told you if you keep interrupting....I lose my place


----------



## Moon Dog

The leg bone is connected to the knee bone... the knee bone... doesn't seem to be connected anymore.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Wakey, wakey, time to rise and shine!


----------



## Spooky1

When I said you could carve the turkey, I didn't mean your next door neighbor.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Yo, you want fries with this?


----------



## morbidmike

the key is to have lots of forcepts cause you know mistakes happen!!!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Okay, students, I'm going to point to each body part and you tell me the name of it. Ready?


----------



## Spooky1

I've come for your liver!


----------



## morbidmike

morbid mike how did you get in my house ????...Just relax spooky1 I'll be done in a minute


----------



## RoxyBlue

Hey, watch this - if I press right here, his left leg goes up!


----------



## The Creepster

Are you sure he changed his mind?


----------



## DarkLore

Dr. Killdare couldn't make it today. So I'll be assisting.


----------



## The Creepster

Take a message I am right in the middle of something


----------



## morbidmike

Dr. Satan says too much iron will kill you!!!


----------



## The Creepster

You see kids this is where that cheeseburger ends up


----------



## morbidmike

yes this is how I do all the tatoos that I do


----------



## The Creepster

Hi, you might recognize me from such films as "How to perform your own heart transplant"


----------



## scareme

I knew I should have payed attention in medical school on the day they covered heart transplants. What step comes after retraction, and where the hell do all these clamps go?


----------



## The Creepster

What do you mean my personal liability policy has expired?


----------



## morbidmike

Hmmmm I didnt know this was in the body .....how cool is this


----------



## RoxyBlue

This man looks terrible! Nurse, bring me a casein protein powder shake STAT!!!


----------



## scareme

I applied on Grey's Anatomy, but they said they weren't looking for a Dr. McZombie.


----------



## Moon Dog

You want fries with that?


----------



## Spooky1

The Creepster said:


> New one....
> 
> What do you mean he has no insurance?


Doctor, did you wash your hands before beginning the operation?


----------



## The Creepster

I know I am not suppose to do this but I just can't help myself


----------



## RoxyBlue

Damn it, guys, I told you to "play" nice, not "flay" nice!


----------



## Spooky1

are you sure that's how you do a hair weave?


----------



## The Creepster

Don't worry I can fix this...its all cosmetic


----------



## Dr Morbius

Ok, to make you feel better, here's an impression: "Luuuuke! I am your Suuuurgeon!..Pohhh pahhh!"


----------



## morbidmike

I see the problem now you had gas in your belly .....I could have cured this with bean-o instead of surgery


----------



## The Creepster

If we don't use the funds we loose them in next years budget...Surgery for everything people


----------



## morbidmike

I'm tired of lying here we need a new pic


----------



## RoxyBlue

Here you go, Mike:


----------



## RoxyBlue

"Darling, why are you smiling so?"

"Hehehe, I just farted!"


----------



## Dr Morbius

" Ooohh, those aren't my car keys, darlin'!"


----------



## Moon Dog

What do you mean I shouldn't have gotten those last 10 botox injections?


----------



## Dr Morbius

"It's called 'Laser Whitening'...then I had it done to my teeth too!"


----------



## morbidmike

this is what I looked like when I stuck my finger into the light bulb socket


----------



## The Creepster

I told you to get a tetanus shot after you step on that rusty nail


----------



## Spooky1

Darling, when was the last time you had a bath?


----------



## The Creepster

My mom says I am a handsome boy


----------



## RoxyBlue

"Kiss me, you great hunk of manliness!"

(giggle) "When you're this close, I can see your nose hairs"


----------



## morbidmike

yeah babe I'm ready hehehehehehhe........oh never mind!!!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Baby, I hate to disappoint you, but only my smile is this big.


----------



## The Creepster

RoxyBlue said:


> Baby, I hate to disappoint you, but only my smile is this big.


 ROXY....I am shocked

So your sister...is she available?


----------



## lewlew

His status as a leading man is now in jeapordy as Mr. Nicholas Cage has one too many facelifts.


----------



## The Creepster

your knee in my crotch ideas not really panning out


----------



## STOLLOWEEN

any chance you've got some Dentene?


----------



## RoxyBlue

Hang on a second, I'm wearing Crest White Strips


----------



## Haunted Bayou

Why are the rufies taking so long?


----------



## The Creepster

I wonder if I remembered to unplug the iron


----------



## morbidmike

I say to you baby gigdy gigdy goo gosh golly hahahahahahaha


----------



## RoxyBlue

Feeling a bit nervous, darling? I like that in a man.


----------



## The Creepster

SO does this me we are going to do it now?


----------



## morbidmike

you have a piercing where ???


----------



## Moon Dog

So, what happens if I touch you... here?


----------



## lewlew

I never knew you had a tooth smelling fetish, my dear. Kinky!

.


----------



## morbidmike

honey,my eye makeup is slightly darker than your's


----------



## Bone To Pick

Our bond is stronger than that of my dentures, I certainly must say!


----------



## RoxyBlue

New one:


----------



## Bone To Pick

What is it you'd like to know about receding hairlines, my son?


----------



## RoxyBlue

You could put a landing strip for flies up there, Mom


----------



## Bone To Pick

Why do you have a used coffee filter stuck to your head?


----------



## RoxyBlue

Um, I thought you told the hairdresser you only wanted a little off the top.


----------



## lewlew

Paul is stoked to get front row seats at the Lady Gaga concert!


----------



## Bone To Pick

Wow, I've never seen up anyone's nostrils before......


----------



## morbidmike

serious I have no hair on my body and my skin is as soft as a baby's bottom....need a demonstation big boy!!


----------



## The Creepster

Do you have a reservation?


----------



## morbidmike

hey arnt you Orson Hodge off of desperate housewives?


----------



## RoxyBlue

Are you desperate?


----------



## The Creepster

Did you know that for penny's a day you too could buy into child labor


----------



## RoxyBlue

Are you trying to sell your inner child?


----------



## The Creepster

RoxyBlue said:


> Are you trying to sell your inner child?


Woops Roxy did you get your "threads" crossed lol

I told you already we don't do that here


----------



## RoxyBlue

The Creepster said:


> Woops Roxy did you get your "threads" crossed lol
> 
> I told you already we don't do that here


Oops, sorry, I totally crossed threads - that's, like, really dangerous, too:googly::jol:


----------



## Spooky1

New picture


----------



## Spooky1

Do you think Mom & Dad will notice we had a party while they were gone?


----------



## The Creepster

I knew I should have used a stud finder


----------



## haunted canuck

concentrate ..Daniel san.. focus power


----------



## The Creepster

Thats what I get for not using nail block off plates


----------



## RoxyBlue

John discovered that trying to faux-finish a wall is not as easy as it looks


----------



## The Creepster

So this is what you would call a "fixer-upper" right?


----------



## RoxyBlue

Dammit, I must have gotten the room next to the honeymoon suite again!


----------



## lewlew

Note to self: "NO MORE TEQUILA!!!"


----------



## Spooky1

That's the last time I get my construction tips from watching Tool Time.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Hmmm, maybe putting up a building on the San Andreas fault wasn't such a good idea.


----------



## Spooky1

Do you think bleeding walls will make it hard to sell our house, Honey?


----------



## STOLLOWEEN

Last time I ever hire a contractor off craigslist.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Gotta be a stud in here somewhere!


----------



## STOLLOWEEN

Time for some wallpaper!


----------



## Bone To Pick

John demostrates how the clever placement of a decorative vase can effectively hide minor wall blemishes.


----------



## The Creepster

Thats strange the blood usually comes from the registers


----------



## RoxyBlue

What the...what moron hired the Three Stooges to do the inside wiring?!?!


----------



## STOLLOWEEN

Crack(s) is whack!


----------



## Bone To Pick

Are you sure the entrance to the luau is through here?


----------



## The Creepster

Ok who dosed the Kool-Aid


----------



## RoxyBlue

I think we might be seeing a code violation of some kind here


----------



## Dr Morbius

"Ok. Annoying roommates killed. Placed in wall under sconce lamp next to the flower vase. Drywall nailed back in place. Now to call a painter. I hope no one hears this message I'm needlessly recording onto this tape machine."


----------



## STOLLOWEEN

Nothing a little papier mache can't fix.


----------



## The Creepster

I wonder if this is covered under act of god


----------



## Spooky1

Just a Poltergiest my ass


----------



## RoxyBlue

Time for a new one:


----------



## Bone To Pick

Quickly someone - pull my finger!


----------



## Bone To Pick

Which dinosaur we talking about, Professor? You or that one back there?


----------



## RoxyBlue

Hmmm, I wonder what I did with my lecture notes?


----------



## Bone To Pick

Sure, Bill and Susan wanted to hear more about the giant monster. But the sign on his back did say, "Kick Me".........


----------



## RoxyBlue

I don't know what it is about this place, but I always get the feeling a strange young couple is following me around


----------



## Spooky1

I see dead dinosaurs


----------



## morbidmike

dont say I look like elmur fudd


----------



## Bone To Pick

(lol) I'm pwetty shuh the monstuh is a wascawy WABBIT!!


----------



## morbidmike

with these glasses I can see the future


----------



## The Creepster

Did you guys say something about pie?


----------



## Bone To Pick

[/QUOTE]

Seeing his old classmates, Johnny regretted his "party hardy" ways that had taken their toll on him in the 10 years since high school.....


----------



## Dr Morbius

"When I was your age it was as big as that dinosaur back there. Now it's this small. Is life fair? I tell you it isn't!"


----------



## lewlew

"Can't....stop....staring....at....bald....spot."


----------



## RoxyBlue

Girl - "Grandpa's been staring off into space for hours. What's wrong with him?"

Guy - "He's trying to remember the finger part of that 'eensy, weensy spider' song."


----------



## The Creepster

Do you think they know that was not delivery...that it was DiGiorno


----------



## STOLLOWEEN

Meanwhile the CSI team continued to investigate the murder of Dino the Dinosaur


----------



## haunted canuck

Im telling you someone farted


----------



## Joiseygal

Dave I'm using my psychic powers to make his head explode! Yes Jane I believe it is working I think his head is actually getting bigger?!?!?!


----------



## STOLLOWEEN

Someday in the near future they will remake our little movie and call it "Jurassic Park."


----------



## Goblin

I know I had my keys when I came in here!


----------



## RoxyBlue

New one:


----------



## RoxyBlue

What do you mean, I don't get disability benefits in this job?!?!?!


----------



## RoxyBlue

And one more thing - I don't do windows!


----------



## STOLLOWEEN

Years from now Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen will plan their long awaited cruise around the world.


----------



## haunted canuck

Its your lucky day the atomic brain vaporiser behind you is on the fritz, next time I say not to starch my blouse you'll pay attention.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Lady: "I'm sorry, but I have to let you go"

Aging Maid: "But why?"

Lady:  "I hate your hair bow"


----------



## haunted canuck

Pardon me do you have any Grey Poupon?


----------



## Bone To Pick

RoxyBlue said:


>


I want to know who put cupcake wrappers in my hair while I was sleeping, and I want to know NOW!


----------



## RoxyBlue

How about this one?:


----------



## The Creepster

Remember you can't get away with that anymore...theres a female nurse present


----------



## Spooky1

Doctor my inflatable woman has a leak, you've got to save her!


----------



## morbidmike

hello doctor ...doctor ...doctor...doctor....doctor...knuck knuck woop woop oh a wise guy hey!!!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Hold it a second, Doc, I think the nitrous is starting to wear off!


----------



## Goblin

Anybody ever tell you you look like Sherlock Holmes, Doc?


----------



## haunted canuck

I dare you, pull the finger...


----------



## morbidmike

doc are you sure this will kill my wife dont do it unless your sure


----------



## RoxyBlue

Doctor: "I can't understand it. I've been trying to get this needle into this woman's arm for the last 15 minutes and I can't seem to find a vein"

Guy on right: "Hey, Doc, that's a mannequin you're trying to inject. I think someone pulled a fast one on you."

Woman on left: "heheheheh!"


----------



## haunted canuck

Girl on the table.. Man that insant orgasm shot was .....yes..yess yesssssss


----------



## STOLLOWEEN

Does anyone else in this room think the lighting is a little harsh?


----------



## RoxyBlue

While the men argued, Mary tried desperately to remember whether she had turned off the oven before leaving home that morning.


----------



## Zurgh

No! Make sure that shot is covered by her HMO first!


----------



## The Creepster

Hey its my turn


----------



## Howlinmadjack

Wait, don't you remember the last we shot her up? She started mumbling something about being late, and seeing white rabbits.


----------



## RoxyBlue

New one:


----------



## RoxyBlue

Buddy, if you just drink this, she'll look a helluva lot better in about an hour.


----------



## morbidmike

trust me you WANT what's behind my back all you have to do is give me you robe miss...I dont need your's sir


----------



## The Creepster

I am just saying it looks like you and the plumber were up to something


----------



## Bone To Pick

RoxyBlue said:


>


George became self-conscious when he realized his seatless pants were not the party hit he thought they'd be.


----------



## morbidmike

miss boss-Mike I cant have you killing my hubby

morbid mike-but he did not have work for me so....I gotta do it

boss-I'm so sorry I just got outta the hot tub I didnt look at the schedule yet


morbid mike- thats why you must DIE muhahahahahaa

boss-please dont do it

MM-well.........NO I do it


----------



## The Creepster

SO this is not what I was thinking when I agreed to host a "make and take"


----------



## Bone To Pick

Wait, are you saying you were robbed or robed?


----------



## RoxyBlue

You know you both could be arrested for stealing hotel bathrobes, don't you?


----------



## morbidmike

mmmmm milk makes a body strong


----------



## RoxyBlue

All right, you two, 'fess up. Which one of you spit in my orange juice?


----------



## morbidmike

miss my theory is you seem like a real BEOTCH!!!! and sir grow some bigger NAD"S I take cash or moneyorder's thank you!!


----------



## Bone To Pick

The 2nd Annual Mind Readers Conference hit a rough spot when Bunny silently told Roger where to stick his orange juice.


----------



## haunted canuck

you two totally believed the toga party idea, guess you didnt get the other memo hey..losers


----------



## Goblin

The more I drink this the more you two look like Katherine Hepburn and Jimmy Stewart!


----------



## RoxyBlue

How about this one?:


----------



## RoxyBlue

A scene from the new movie "White Monsters Can't Dance"


----------



## Goblin

"Watch this haymaker!"


----------



## RoxyBlue

I repel you with my ninja powers!


----------



## Goblin

This will only hurt for a minute or two.


----------



## Bone To Pick

WAIT!! Could you hold on for a second? My right arm has gone blurry.


----------



## Goblin

I'm gonna knock your head clean off!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Breaking news - the remake of Starsky and Hutch will star HF's very own Johnny Thunder and Dr Morbius!


----------



## Goblin

To the Moon Alice!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Stop in the name of love, before I break...your FACE!


----------



## Goblin

Say goodnight Gracie!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Frankenstein's monster always dreaded the moment at parties when Ironman would get drunk enough to pick a fight


----------



## Goblin

My shoulder's locked up again! Help me Frankie!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Look at my thumb (SLAP) Gee, you're dumb!


----------



## Spooky1

Talk to the hand, Franky!


----------



## Goblin

This is gonna hurt you more than it's gonna hurt me


----------



## Wildcat

Oh this one's easy. I've seen Slipknot before sssooooo.....

"Go

Stapled shut inside an outside world
And I'm sealed in tight
Bizarre but right at home

I'm claustrophobic closing in
And I'm catastrophic
Not again

I'm smeared across the page and doused in gasoline
I wear you like a stain
Yet I'm the one who's obscene

Catch me up on all your sordid little insurrections
I've got no time to lose
I'm just caught up in all the cattle

Fray the strings
Through the sheathes
Hold your breath
Listen

I am a world before I am a man
I was a creature before I could stand
I will remember before I forget
Before I forget that"


----------



## The Creepster

This is what happens when Mean Gene Okerlund and Captain Lou Albano makes the guest list:googly:


----------



## Goblin

Just one punch is all it'll take


----------



## haunted canuck

I'm gonna go Loco on your cabesa...


----------



## Goblin

Now you're gonna find out why they call me one punch!


----------



## RoxyBlue

How about a pie in the face, ya big lug? Wait a sec - dammit, I dropped the pie!


----------



## Goblin

Hold that pose, Franki!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Try this one:


----------



## Goblin

I told you your face would freeze that way!


----------



## RoxyBlue

My God, what did you do to your hair!?!


----------



## Goblin

......and that's how you scare away salesman, huh?


----------



## RoxyBlue

Like mother, like daughter


----------



## Goblin

Omigod! It's my mother-in-law.......back from the dead!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Mary and Bertha's "Dueling Screamers with Candle" act was not exactly a hit with modern audiences


----------



## Goblin

"Boogidy Boogidy Boo!"


----------



## STOLLOWEEN

"I told you a $5.99 haircut was a bad idea!"


----------



## Goblin

It's not so much your expression as it is that hair!


----------



## STOLLOWEEN

"Come on baby light my fire!"


----------



## Goblin

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh! It's Grandma back from dead!


----------



## Bone To Pick

AAAAAAAHHH, I'm SORRY!!! I didn't know your nails were still wet!!


----------



## The Creepster

With Pointed teeth and pointed ears


----------



## Evil Queen

It only took 60 years but my face finally froze like this.


----------



## Goblin

Maggie is reunited with her old babysitter


----------



## RoxyBlue

No, no, child, get the hands up like this and really pull those lips back before screaming


----------



## Evil Queen

I hear you have an appointment at the new beauty spa, I would cancel it.


----------



## Goblin

The National Screaming contest was narrowed down to just two contestants


----------



## The Creepster

I knew you should have gotten that tetanus shot


----------



## Goblin

....and he went like THIS!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Dammit, Grandma, stop jumping out at me like that!


----------



## Goblin

Booooooooooooooooooooooo!


----------



## Spooky1

Those nails are a fright, you need a manicure!


----------



## Goblin

This is how I greet door to door salesmen


----------



## Dark Star

I told you NO candles in the house!!


----------



## Goblin

This IS my happy face!


----------



## Goblin

Time for a new pic.................


----------



## RoxyBlue

Shhh, I think I can hear your heart beating


----------



## Goblin

Tell me the lastest gossip


----------



## RoxyBlue

Peter - "Look, do you see that shadow moving in the corner over there?"

Boris - "No, but I do see the knots in your hair weave"


----------



## RoxyBlue

Try this one:


----------



## RoxyBlue

My God, I had no idea the final exam was going to take so long!


----------



## morbidmike

do you think he's sleeping??? OMG should we wake him?


----------



## Spooky1

Last thing he told me was he wanted to "bone up" for the test.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Dammit, I told you kids NOT to play around with the experimental death ray in class!


----------



## Evil Queen

He said he would never graduate.


----------



## morbidmike

I didnt really mean I had a bone to pick with him


----------



## RoxyBlue

Maybe the flesh-eating beetle science project wasn't such a good idea.


----------



## Bone To Pick

Look, I'm a ZIT!!!........Oh, is this a bad time?............


----------



## apetoes

He jump right out of his skin when he heard there was going to be a pop quiz.


----------



## RoxyBlue

OMG, is that...is that the _star_ of The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra?


----------



## Goblin

I think he died in his sleep


----------



## Bone To Pick

Dear Lord, this isn't a composition class, it's a DEcomposition class!!!


----------



## Goblin

I think he's dead Jim


----------



## Spooky1

When Mom said he could leave the table until he ate his vegetables, she wasn't kidding.


----------



## Goblin

Does he look like he's not getting enough sleep to you?


----------



## Spooky1

Who let the flesh eating beetles out of their cage?


----------



## Goblin

I told him that weight loss program would kill him


----------



## RoxyBlue

You idiot, you were supposed to bring a _corpsed_ bucky to this class!


----------



## Spooky1

Teacher, there's a dead guy in my seat again.


----------



## Bone To Pick

Boy he really WAS a rotten student!


----------



## Dr Morbius

"He said his dog ate his homework...and his lungs. And his liver. And his skin. And his...."


----------



## fravak

If I hold the skin on my cheeks tight enough, it won't fall off like his did.


----------



## Bone To Pick

Aaaaaahhhh!!! He's RUINED my homework!


----------



## Goblin

Think we should wake him up?


----------



## Dr Morbius

After stealing Nancy's skin, the Epidermopholite alien was nearly caught when her face started to slide off.


----------



## Goblin

No bones about it.....He's dead!


----------



## Joiseygal

Wait a minute was that water or acid I put in my husband's bath tub?


----------



## Dark Star

I told her she needed to eat!!


----------



## Goblin

I told you she was over dieting!


----------



## Spooky1

So that's what happened to Karen Carpenter


----------



## Goblin

I think it's Jimmy Hoffa!


----------



## Joiseygal

Anyone want a McRib sandwich?


----------



## Goblin

I've heard of being held over.....but this is ridiculous!

About time for a new pic.


----------



## Bone To Pick

How about this one:


----------



## Bone To Pick

What do you mean Brad Pitt got the role instead of MY client?!!


----------



## Goblin

SURPRISE! We're your blind dates!


----------



## RoxyBlue

What have you done with this poor man's eyelids!?!


----------



## The Creepster

What do you mean we can't go mommy?


----------



## RoxyBlue

OMG, do you see that? An all-you-can-eat buffet!


----------



## Goblin

Avon calling.......Buy or die!


----------



## Bone To Pick

Sally, did you glue dog hair on your brother's chest again?!!


----------



## Goblin

We're selling Ghoul Scout cookies.....wanna buy a box?


----------



## STOLLOWEEN

Sadly the makeover he received from the Style Network didn't go quite as planned.


----------



## Goblin

Omigod Igor.........CHICKS!


----------



## Spooky1

Bone To Pick said:


> How about this one:


Because we're two wild and crazy guys!


----------



## Goblin

Oh boy..........TWINKIES!


----------



## Bone To Pick

Suck it up, Mongo, we've just GOT to win the staring contest!


----------



## Goblin

The official winners of The Creepster and Mad Mike look alike contest!

Just kidding Guys!


----------



## Spooky1

I've changed my mind, I don't think I want a bikini wax now.


----------



## Goblin

Look Igor......It's the Ice Cream truck!


----------



## The Creepster

Is that what we really look like? I thought it was a trick mirror


----------



## Goblin

The chick on the left is MINE!


----------



## STOLLOWEEN

What do ya mean this restaurant requires a coat and tie?


----------



## Goblin

I'm in the mood for some McNuggetts, how about you?


----------



## STOLLOWEEN

Bone To Pick said:


> How about this one:


The new mentoring program needed a little work.


----------



## Goblin

Tag! You're it!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Look, Ivan! Over there! Isn't that Britney Spears! Ooooohhh!!!!


----------



## Goblin

I think the bathroom's this way!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Shhhh, be vewy quiet. We're hunting wabbits!


----------



## Goblin

OMIGOD! It's......Oprah Winfrey!


----------



## STOLLOWEEN

Another case of taking "Casual Fridays" a little too far.


----------



## Bone To Pick

Try to stay calm, Son. And keep holding on to your left nipple.


----------



## Goblin

The blonde's your's!


----------



## Goblin

Here's a new pic............


----------



## RoxyBlue

Let's see now, go to the third tombstone from the gate, then count ten paces to the east...or was that west?


----------



## Goblin

He went that away!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Since the picture seems to have disappeared, try this one:


----------



## Goblin

No I don't want any free dance lessons!


----------



## RoxyBlue

"Hello, do you have Prince Albert in a can?"


----------



## RoxyBlue

What do you mean, you can't have the pizza here in 30 minutes or less!?!?


----------



## Bone To Pick

What's that? No, I DIDN'T superglue my hand to my face on purpose! Are you some sort of idio...................yes, I'll hold.....


----------



## Howlinmadjack

No it can't be true, your butt and my face are not a good match!!


----------



## Goblin

Not tonight, I have a headache


----------



## Bone To Pick

Oh Mother, why didn't you tell me it would be so scary-looking?!!


----------



## Goblin

Damn those solicitors!


----------



## Spooky1

RoxyBlue said:


>


The call is coming from inside the house.


----------



## Goblin

I can't hear you over all the music


----------



## RoxyBlue

Is this 911? I need someone to come kill a spider in my room. What do you mean, that's not an emergency? It's a really BIG spider! I mean, really, it's...hello? Hello?


----------



## Goblin

Hello......Is this Dial an obscene phone call?


----------



## Bone To Pick

Hello Darling. I'm so sorry to disturb you at work. I just wanted check - is our bedroom closet is SUPPOSED to be on fire?


----------



## Goblin

The Burglar sends his love dear


----------



## Bone To Pick

He says he wants to get to second base tonight, Marge. Should I shoot him?


----------



## Goblin

For the last time........WRONG NUMBER!


----------



## The Creepster

You said 30 minuets or less...someone owes me a free pizza


----------



## RoxyBlue

Doctor, I need your help. I keep slapping myself!


----------



## Goblin

No! No! No! This is NOT Dolly Parton's house!


----------



## Dr Morbius

"_...Ok, is your finger in your ear?"_
"Yes."
_"All the way?"_
"Yes."
_"Now wiggle it."_
"Oooo. I just felt a shock along my nerve."
_"Ok, now let's try shoving it up your nose."_
"Are you sure you are a real Doctor?"


----------



## Goblin

Howling Mad WHO?????????????


----------



## Bone To Pick

Yes...I keep clapping, but the lights won't go off!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Hello, is this 911 again? Would you send someone out to clean my windows? They're horrifyingly dirty because that shlep of a maid just won't clean them properly, and I'm about to host a dinner party for several VERY important people, and...hello? Hello?


----------



## Goblin

I'm calling to tell you I have a splitting headache....that's what!


----------



## Goblin

Time for a new pic.............


----------



## RoxyBlue

Look into my eyes! Now say "Polly want a cracker, Polly wanna cracker".

_I'm a raven, you idiot!_


----------



## Spooky1

Mmmmm, Crazy Glued myself to a bird. Now how am i going to get out of this one.


----------



## Goblin

Say that again and I'll rip your stupid head off!


----------



## Dr Morbius

"You're not a chicken, but close enough!"


----------



## Goblin

Leonard Chirpz, famous bird hypnotist at work!


----------



## Dr Morbius

What happened to the image?


----------



## Goblin

Dr Morbius said:


> What happened to the image?


I think Photobucket had problems. It's back now


----------



## RoxyBlue

Hmmm, yes, that left lens does appear to be a little cloudy


----------



## Goblin

...and when you awaken you will think you're an elephant!


----------



## Dr Morbius

"No....YOU nevermore!"


----------



## Goblin

I've never danced with a bird before


----------



## Bone To Pick

Yer not going ANYWHERE til you pay yer bill.


----------



## Goblin

I ordered bats not a stupid raven


----------



## RoxyBlue

How about this one?:


----------



## Goblin

......and you wrote all the ingredients on here?


----------



## RoxyBlue

Grandma, can you tell me what this word is written here?

_Um, that's your name, dear._


----------



## morbidmike

no sir you most definitely cant see my boob's


----------



## Goblin

.....and in 200 easy payments of 398.00 a month the car is all your's!


----------



## Dr Morbius

"...So you see, according to this contract since you haven't paid you bill I'm going to have to take back that artificial hip now. And you need to quit sending us Hymnals. We only take cash."


----------



## Dr Morbius

"..and when I flip the pages real quick, you can see his pants drop and see his..."
"Oh you ARE a nasty man!"


----------



## Goblin

Once you sign these papers you'll own your own website


----------



## Dr Morbius

"Look, just pop you dentures in here, will ya? They're nasty. They stink. I'll clean them for you."


----------



## morbidmike

sign here in blood please relinquishing your soul to me


----------



## Goblin

My autograph? It'll cost ya ten grand!


----------



## Haunted Hot Sauce

When there's too much pollen in the air and I blow my nose....see?


----------



## Goblin

Thank you ladies. You just sold me your bodies as Halloween props!


----------



## RoxyBlue

New one:


----------



## RoxyBlue

OMG, you put ANCHOVIES on my pizza again!


----------



## Goblin

Who ordered the dead rat pizza?


----------



## Spooky1

Leftovers again!


----------



## CB_Christmas

"why are we using my good china?!?!?!?!"


----------



## Spooky1

How can I eat this if you don't have any Grey Poupon!


----------



## Spooky1

RoxyBlue said:


> New one:


This shouldn't be moving, should it?


----------



## Goblin

Yuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!


----------



## CB_Christmas

"how many times do I have to tell you that I don't like beets!?!?!?!?!"


----------



## Goblin

What the #@[email protected]& is this crap???????


----------



## RoxyBlue

Dammit! The cook used my cymbal to cover the food again!


----------



## Goblin

Oh no! Dark Star's been cooking again!


----------



## morbidmike

I wanted monkey brains no this crap!!!!


----------



## Goblin

Say that again and I'll hit you in the head with this!


----------



## Dr Morbius

Helen was more than disappointed when a cloud cover rolled in just when she was trying to reflect the sunlight from the window to reheat her food.


----------



## Dr Morbius

Helen: "Waiter! there's a TWIG in my food!
Waiter: " My apologies, I'll inform the 'branch' manager!"


----------



## Dr Morbius

Helen: Waiter! There's a dead fly in my soup!
Waiter: Yes. He probably committed 'insecticide'."


----------



## Dr Morbius

Helen: "Waiter! this food isn't fit for a PIG!"
Waiter: "You're right...I'll bring you some that is."


----------



## RoxyBlue

LOL, OMG, Doc, you are on a ROLL today:googly:


----------



## Dr Morbius

RoxyBlue said:


> LOL, OMG, Doc, you are on a ROLL today:googly:


Thanks Roxy! Segue's nicely to the next joke:








Helen: "Waiter! There's a fly on my roll!"
Waiter: "That's because he hates soup."


----------



## Goblin

You call this BREAKFAST?????????


----------



## Spooky Chick

Why oh why can't you people understand you can not serve RED wine with fish!!!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Yo, waiter! This was supposed to be an order of fajitas!


----------



## Goblin

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.........YUCK?


----------



## RoxyBlue

New one:


----------



## morbidmike

just a little sip will do....my dear muhahahahaah (photo is DS in black and nameless character in pj's)


----------



## Goblin

Just shut up and drink it!


----------



## morbidmike

Ummmmmm! do you want to play doctor heheheheehheheehehehhehe!!! tickle fight giggle giggle


----------



## RoxyBlue

Hey, these tea leaves say...you're a MAN!


----------



## Spooky1

RoxyBlue said:


> New one:


How many of these will I need to drink before you look attractive?


----------



## Goblin

The more I drink the sexier you look!


----------



## RoxyBlue

_Hey, there's a hole in the side of this cup_

I know (giggle). I put it there. It's a homemade dribble cup. I'm going to sneak it into the camp counselor's bathroom (giggle).

_You're not very mature, are you?_


----------



## Goblin

It's a liquid laxative!


----------



## Spooky1

Time for a new pic










Is this how the ancient Greeks hot tubbed?


----------



## Goblin

All the water leaked out!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Maybe this one will be a little easier to caption:


----------



## RoxyBlue

God, how I hate Match.com!


----------



## morbidmike

Sonny I told you skiing is not your sport......shut it Cher


----------



## RoxyBlue

Okay, my parents are on the way over for dinner. When they get here, just try to act normal and maybe they won't notice the blood on your shirt.


----------



## Goblin

Pinch my butt again and next time I'll really get mean!


----------



## Dr Morbius

"Soooooo...was it good for you?"


----------



## Spooky1

Did you wash your hands before dinner, Bruno?


----------



## RoxyBlue

Dammit, John, was it too much to ask you to clean up after slaughtering the pigs!?!


----------



## Goblin

I think you're gonna need stitches for that head wound Charlie


----------



## morbidmike

O..M..G.. U..R such like a pig like get a towel or something like GROSS!!!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Anyone ever tell you that you look like Spencer Tracy after a bar fight?


----------



## Spooky1

Guy: You should see the other guy.

Girl: I'm sure he didn't have a scratch on him.


----------



## Goblin

Why did I ever marry you?


----------



## RoxyBlue

Guy: "Damn, I think I missed a spot shaving this morning."

Girl: "Looks like you didn't miss your jugular vein."


----------



## Dr Morbius

I apologize in advance for this....








"..I TOLD you it was my time of the month but did you listen? Nooooooooo..."


----------



## Goblin

Wipe that damn ketchup off your face too!


----------



## Dr Morbius

You just HAD to try to feed the cat peanutbutter didn't you. I warned you but did you listen? noooooooo...CAt's have claws and now you know that don't you? 
God when will you EVER listen to me? My mother warned me about you.
Did you take out the trash yet? Oh you're still healing? Face all scratched up?
Well too bad, because the trash won't take itself out. Are you tuning me out?
Frank? FRANK!


----------



## Spooky1

I told you I could kick your ass big boy.


----------



## Dr Morbius

I told you popping those zits would only make it worse.


----------



## Dr Morbius

Woman: "So what did we learn today?"
Man: "Not to stay out all night drinking with the guys."
Woman: "And?.."
Man: "If I am going to be late to call and let you know."
Woman:"Aaaand?.."
Man: "Rolling pins make a great weapon."


----------



## RoxyBlue

Had a little trouble with that can of spray paint, didn't you?


----------



## Goblin

I told you not to drive with the headlights off!


----------



## Bone To Pick

"In all fairness, my mother DID tell you she'd tear you a new one if you didn't have me home by midnight."


----------



## RoxyBlue

Note to self - Never tell wife that wearing hair over half her face makes her look like a Neanderthal


----------



## morbidmike

you just couldnt let the hotdog go could you .....you had to get in a condiment fight with the neighbor...now look at your shirt I cant even shout it out


----------



## Goblin

Not tonight, I have a headache and you're dead!


----------



## RoxyBlue

_Why do you have ketchup all over you?_

You said you wouldn't sleep with me unless I wore a condiment

_You're an idiot_


----------



## Rich_K

Dear, I told you! Fluffy plays rough! What did you expect from a 150lb wolf!


----------



## Goblin

Oh for heavens sake, will you go to the emergency room already!


----------



## RoxyBlue

How about a new one?


----------



## Goblin

Another exciting game of smash the statues


----------



## RoxyBlue

Within seconds, John found out that using a crowbar to distress a sculpture was not the brightest idea he'd ever had.


----------



## Spooky1

John discovered that his ability to swing like a girl, was not a plus against a living statue.


----------



## morbidmike

I freaking give up on paper mache for ever dammit


----------



## RoxyBlue

Hold still a sec, there's a spider on your arm.


----------



## Spooky1

I told you I didn't want to dance with you.


----------



## Goblin

"Go ahaead. Hit me with the crowbar. I can take it!"


----------



## Dr Morbius

" I TOLD you..do NOT look into Medusa's eyes. But did you listen? NO!
Now this is gonna hurt..."


----------



## RoxyBlue

As John raised his arms to swing, Bill suddenly regretted volunteering for the life casting demonstration.


----------



## Goblin

I told you a cement body suit was a stupid idea.


----------



## Goblin

Time for a new pic.........


----------



## morbidmike

dag blamit where are those damn spectacles of mine I cant see nothing gad zook's


----------



## Dr Morbius

"You've asked for the cheapest plastic surgery and I gave it to you...
I sewed your glasses to your forehead.
Now, doesn't your wife look better?"


----------



## CB_Christmas

"That tie doesn't match that suit!! can't you see they don't match?!?!?!"
"Umm.....No...."


----------



## Dark Angel 27

oh damnit! those friskey squirrels stole meh glasses again!


----------



## Goblin

You are not Albert Einstein, no such a thing!


----------



## morbidmike

do you think my little bow tie makes me look more dapper than usual ???

well let me think about this...hummmmm.......inner voice---I know I wish I could strangle your A$$ with it!!!!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Okay, so you've got your glasses on your forehead and you've misplaced your set of false teeth again. Do I need to do everything for you?!?!


----------



## Goblin

Naw, my thumbs are stuck in the button holes again


----------



## morbidmike

I need plutonium to get the 1.25 jigawatt's for the flux compacitor 

lil guy- Whaaaaaaaaat did youuuu say jiga who's???


----------



## Goblin

Whatt ya mean Boss Hogg wore white not black?


----------



## RoxyBlue

Try this one:


----------



## morbidmike

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!! Rape


----------



## Spooky1

What do you mean you don't think my Abe Lincoln costume looks realistic.


----------



## Goblin

Is this really how they do things at KFC?


----------



## RoxyBlue

Little Johnny loved Fried Chicken Day at school


----------



## Spooky1

I specialize in "Little" curses.


----------



## Death's Door

I know who came first. It was the chicken!!!!


----------



## morbidmike

I like to wear my teeth around my neck see??


----------



## RoxyBlue

Look! I can flap my arms and squawk like a chicken!


----------



## morbidmike

what I hold in my hands are not just chickens...they are extremely dead chickens ..TAAA DAAA


----------



## shar

Ok Col. Saunders, I am with the Chicken Protection Agency and you sir are under arrest! We all know what you do on Saturday nights!


----------



## scareme

I found the doll! The chicken had it in her nest.


----------



## shar

Those are not chickens, now these are chickens!!


----------



## Goblin

CHICKEN! I'm having chicken for supper!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Little Johnny was beside himself with joy when he heard he was cast in "Poultrygeist".


----------



## Dr Morbius

Mitchu's campaign to replace Lady Justice continues to this day.


----------



## Goblin

Chicken attack! Chicken attack!


----------



## morbidmike

As presidnt I will make sure there is a chicken in every pot thanx for your votes


----------



## RoxyBlue

Gimme a bite, gimme a bite!


----------



## Spooky1

A new discovered picture of Frank Perdue as a child.


----------



## Goblin

Julia Child's official chicken plucker


----------



## Dr Morbius

Cmon McFly..What are you...THESE?


----------



## morbidmike

for my next trick I'll pull an elephant outta my booty


----------



## Goblin

The chicken pulled a knife on me!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Try this one:


----------



## RoxyBlue

Now, young man, all you need to do is immerse your face into this bowl of transforming liquid, and in minutes you will look as we do.

_Remind me as to why that would be a good idea again? _


----------



## Spooky1

Wow man, that's good mushroom soup, you guys look really F'd up now.


----------



## Goblin

That was the DOG's dinner!


----------



## RoxyBlue

(chanting) - We accept him, we accept him, one of us, one of us


----------



## PirateLady

Ok time for the dog's bath


----------



## RoxyBlue

Yo, dudes, I caught this creepy guy lurking around outside.

_You're callin' ME creepy?!? Now THAT's a good one, ya freaks!_


----------



## Goblin

That was dishwater not soup, you moron!


----------



## RoxyBlue

John was beginning to have second thoughts about the new "bobbing for dry ice" party game


----------



## Night Watchman

Nobody said anything about a costume


----------



## RoxyBlue

He says he's here to pick up his date


----------



## Night Watchman

You wanna go


----------



## Goblin

It's a life-size action figure


----------



## RoxyBlue

Shortly after John arrived at the church for the baptism, he realized to his dismay that he had left the baby at home


----------



## Goblin

my ice cream melted!


----------



## Dr Morbius

Jay Leno introduces his guest to the Tonight Show band.


----------



## Eldritch_Horror

"My friend here is looking for a good plastic surgeon. Any suggestions?"


----------



## Goblin

How do you like my life size action figure?


----------



## badger




----------



## Goblin

"Cheeeeeeeese!"


----------



## morbidmike

yep cheese!!!!


----------



## shar

Adams Family Make Over


----------



## Spooky1

Mom doesn't like to talk about the night she got drunk and did the nasty with the biker next door.


----------



## Goblin

(Singing) That's how we became the Brady Bunch.........


----------



## morbidmike

Dude says "what the hell did I do????"


----------



## Undertaker

For the most part, our cloning experiments have been a success....except for one small mishap.


----------



## Goblin

They also attack on command too


----------



## PirateLady

I knew that power surge was going to cause problems with the clone machine.


----------



## Goblin

Time for a new picture.........


----------



## PirateLady

Why sir , where are your manners!!!!!!!


----------



## Goblin

You told me it was casual dress


----------



## badger

"Is this an albino cabbage? Brilliant work Dr Nabokov..."


----------



## Goblin

You're not really gonna eat that, are you?


----------



## Spooky1

Didn't you see the sign, no shirts, no service


----------



## morbidmike

COOK where's my hossinfeffer???


----------



## RoxyBlue

Try this one:










Dude, can I borrow your 3d glasses? I wanna watch "Avatar".


----------



## debbie5

"Nice roach clip, man...but don't Bogey it, mannnnn.."


----------



## debbie5

(as an aside: his apron is very Martha..)


----------



## Goblin

It's.....not....a gallstone?


----------



## RoxyBlue

Dude, aren't you a little old for Tinker toys?


----------



## Spooky1

Johnny we've been done filming for hours, why are you still playing with the corpse?


----------



## Goblin

Uhhhhhhh.....I think the dog pissed on one of your lens man!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Will that help my TV get better reception?

(obscure reference for those who grew up with rabbit ear antennae)


----------



## Spooky1

Johnny, this is the second assistant you've disected, this has got to stop.


----------



## Goblin

Watch me blow a really big bubble this time Igor!


----------



## Luigi Bored

Whats the Kabob dude, I've got the munchies!


----------



## Spooky1

RoxyBlue said:


> Try this one:


Can you come to my house for Halloween to recreate scene this for my haunt?


----------



## RoxyBlue

Pull my finger


----------



## Goblin

Say that again and I'll shove this instrument up your nose and pull it out your ear!


----------



## lewlew

Dude, who do you think you are with those glasses, Elton John?


----------



## Spooky1

You invented a what?

A booger picker, you want to try it out?


----------



## Goblin

You gonna eat that?


----------



## TwistedDementia

My mother what!?!


----------



## Goblin

Time for a new pic..........


----------



## RoxyBlue

Coffin parties were once all the rage in old-time horror Hollywood


----------



## Goblin

"And then Morbid Mike said......"


----------



## Bone To Pick

99 bottles of blood on the wall.....99 bottles of blooooooood.....take one down and pass it around...........


----------



## Goblin

Vincent: It says they're planning to do Friday the 13th: The Musical!
I'd audition for the lead but they prefer their actors to be still
living!


----------



## RoxyBlue

The Home for Retired Actors added a special wing for the masters of horror film, complete with coffin beds and free issues of "Variety"


----------



## Bone To Pick

BREAKING NEWS - Actors agree to travel freight-class to keep production costs down.


----------



## Goblin

Vincent: "I see Lindsey Lohan's in the news again!"


----------



## RoxyBlue

Try this one:


----------



## debbie5

(LMAO at pic..where do you FIND these??) 


"Hildegard! help me! I HAVE JUNGLE FEVER!"


----------



## RoxyBlue

(giggle) Now, now, boys, y'all shouldn't be fightin' over poor lil ole me like this (giggle)


----------



## RoxyBlue

Would you guys quit...*monkeying* around? Teehee, get it? "Monkeying"?


----------



## Goblin

So that's what the wild monkey dance looks like!


----------



## Goblin

Time for a new pic apparently............


----------



## Bone To Pick

Well if you'd sit up straight, put on a clean shirt and take yer foot out of my crotch, maybe I'd introduce ya to her!


----------



## Spooky1

Why yes, the gene pool is rather shallow around here.


----------



## Bone To Pick

It's the only tooth she's got left. That's why she holds on to it.


----------



## Goblin

Crazy Zeb's telling us about the big silver bird he saw that had people riding in it!


----------



## Goblin

Time for a new pic.


----------



## Goblin




----------



## scareme

Here, see if you think this milk has gone sour.


----------



## Goblin

Whatever it is it smells to high heaven!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Try this one:


----------



## RoxyBlue

Pilot - "I wonder if I should tell my shipmates that I can't see a damn thing out of these glasses?"


----------



## Spooky1

Teletubbies from space!


----------



## Goblin

New from Mattel----Life size action figures!


----------



## Haunted Spider

New at the County Fair this year. Ring toss on moving targets.


----------



## Goblin

Why are they wearing hair bands over their eyes?


----------



## Haunted Spider

Memo: All captains must go through parallel parking training this coming month as we can not afford any more neck braces.


----------



## RoxyBlue

How about this one?


----------



## Haunted Spider

I see you are thinking about how much it hurts to tattoo your head. Keep dwelling on that.


----------



## Spooky1

I told you not to eat 3 Chipotle burritos


----------



## RoxyBlue

What do you mean, you forgot to "go" before we left home?!?!


----------



## Goblin

So far you've been holding your breath for two days!


----------



## Haunted Spider

Do you really think you can pass Roxy on posts? Your face says no and now your brain hurts.


----------



## Goblin

I told you your face would freeze that way!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Damn the fashion designer who came up with the idea of space suits without flies!


----------



## Goblin

I bit my tongue!


----------



## Haunted Spider

My face hurts, change to a new picture quick.


----------



## Goblin




----------



## Haunted Spider

Look Honey, If I put blue make-up on my arms I look like a ghost in the mirror!


----------



## lewlew

"Hey honey...did you ever notice how this one candle seems to light up the whole room? Damdest thing I ever saw."


----------



## RoxyBlue

Dammit, John, would you stop "admiring" yourself in that mirror? We're going to be late for dinner!


----------



## lewlew

"I'll be right down! I'm just puting on my earrings now!"


----------



## Goblin

I just washed my hair and can't do a thing with it!


----------



## RoxyBlue

(moving picture up)










"What's wrong, Daddy?"

"I've got a zit! You're not supposed to get zits once you're past 30!"

"Face it, Dad, you're, like, past 80."


----------



## Haunted Spider

This is a wicked selfy. You can't even see the camera. I am posting this to facebook like right now!


----------



## lewlew

"I've got to stop marrying these child brides! I'm not sure I'll make it through the wedding night!"


----------



## RoxyBlue

I wonder if I should tell her that gown makes her look fat?


----------



## scareme

Mirror, mirror on the wall, what will I look like at eighty five? Really, even whiskers? Damn, looks like I'll need to die by eighty four.


----------



## Goblin

Yep. I'm definitely hot stuff!


----------



## scareme

Hey, I paid extra for a single room on this cruise.


----------



## scareme

Sorry lady, I don't swing that way. You'll have to try another room.


----------



## Goblin

You sleepwalked into the wrong house again Gladys!


----------



## scareme

We need another picture


----------



## Haunted Spider

Here is a new picture


----------



## scareme

Mr.-Honey, please, people are watching, could you please give me a little peck instead of climbing all over that damn mutt.
Mrs.-Well this damn mutt doesn't come home at three in the morning smelling of bourbon and cheap perfume, and telling me he's been working at the office. And you can sleep in the dog house tonight, again.


----------



## scareme

Has anyone ever told you you're a fine looking bitch?


----------



## scareme

Pew! I hope that was the dog.


----------



## Haunted Spider

haha, I like the captions Scareme. 

Did this ugly thing really win the competition? How am I supposed to hang this ribbon on it?


----------



## scareme

Love the picture you chose, Spider.


----------



## RoxyBlue

If that guy tries to pin that huge a$$ ribbon on me, I am SO going to bite him!


----------



## RoxyBlue

I don't care if you have a hot date lined up with a Rottweiler! You're standing here until all the pictures have been taken!


----------



## RoxyBlue

The judge waited impatiently while the handler tried to dislodge a Milk Bone from Hickory's front teeth.


----------



## Spooky1

I think she ate the toy poodle.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Pssst, don't tell the judge, but I'm glad you ate the toy poodle.


----------



## scareme

Judge-I'm really going to have to get another job. This allergy to dog hair is killing me!


----------



## scareme

Judge-Why is that hair falling off her chest under these hot lights? It's been glued on! This isn't a dog, it's a horse with dog hair glued on her!
The Chinese Shar Pei handler shouts-I knew something was wrong with that thing!!!! I've never seen a dog that eats hay before!


----------



## Haunted Spider

one dollar bob, one dollar. Oh, your not Bob Barker. I still think it is only worth 1 dollar.


----------



## Haunted Spider

Moving the picture up a bit


----------



## RoxyBlue

Sarah took first prize for her rendition of "Moonlight Sonata" that she played on her dog-shaped kazoo


----------



## scareme

I don't care if he did take first place, I'm not letting him lick my lips.


----------



## Goblin

Tell the old man to shut up and give me my ribbon!


----------



## Haunted Spider

Do I still get the ribbon if I pee on your leg?


----------



## RoxyBlue

The lights are hot and the judge smells funny. Can we go home now?


----------



## RoxyBlue

Mary took first prize for her unique demonstration of dog CPR


----------



## Haunted Spider

gaaa... is that the star trek captain in the background?


----------



## Spooky1

I got you your win, now give me a steak Bitch!


----------



## debbie5

(Why is the guy in the tux jacket wearing such an odd looking kilt?)


----------



## Goblin

Whatta ya know, the old dude won best in show!


----------



## Haunted Spider

we need a new picture.


----------



## Haunted Spider

Here is one. Not as good as the last but it may do. If you have one better, post it


----------



## Goblin

This is how they wave hello in Mexico


----------



## Haunted Spider

Spiderclimber said:


>


I can't believe my brother put candy in my hair again. I don't like those darn hearts with sayings on them.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Speak up, girls, I can't hear you!

_We said, you're a POOPYHEAD! (giggle)_


----------



## Haunted Spider

In spanish class, we recycle. DON'T throw that pringles stacker away, Put your crayons in it.


----------



## debbie5

"Qu stands for QUEEN...if you flop your hand down from your ear with good wrist motion, like thiissssssss..you will be called a "queen". Got it?"


----------



## Goblin

Huh? What? What did you say?


----------



## Haunted Spider

ok, someone post a new picture. I am tired of holding my hand up like this.


----------



## RoxyBlue




----------



## RoxyBlue

(from behind the camera) - "Okay, guys, looks good, love the blood on the shirts, perfect, just hold that pose and...dammit, will someone get that stupid dog off the set?!?!?!"


----------



## scareme

Is that a picture of your dog Roxy?


----------



## Haunted Spider

Why did he get all the good looking blood and all I got was this dirt colored stuff? how can I show up to the zombie birthday party looking like dirt?


----------



## RoxyBlue

Okay, now, Zeb, that man-eatin' pesky bear is right up that there hill. I'm pretty sure I kilt him, so you jus' go and git his hide, and if he ain't quite dead and is still a bit feisty, you jus' finish him off with yore knife, okay?

_Um, I ain't goin' up there. The dog can go git him._

(Dog - God, how I hate humans!)


----------



## Spooky1

I think we need to go that way, but maybe we should ask the dog, since he's the one with the 6th grade education.


----------



## Goblin

What we have here is a failure to comunicate!


----------



## Haunted Spider

Ok, to find your other shoe, you must go either to the left of that tree or to the right. See how it Y's off there, Your shoe is down one of those trails. 

And I am keeping the dog here. No blood hounding cheating for you. Now go find your shoe.


----------



## Goblin

Something tells me you shouldn't have poked that bear in the eye, Jake!


----------



## Spooky1

I told you never to hide a body in the still. Now it dun blowed up and we ain't got nothing to drink while we go a killin.


----------



## Goblin

You were only supposed to insert one finger, ya fool!


----------



## Haunted Spider

That sure was some beet harvest. Those suckers are redder than bloo.... well you get the idea.


----------



## Goblin

That's my deadly 2 finger polk. Wanna see me use three?


----------



## TheShadows

See? There's two of them and two of us. No problem.


----------



## Spooky1




----------



## Spooky1

Mmmm, tastes like chicken.


----------



## Goblin

The dummy bit me!


----------



## RoxyBlue

I said "pull my finger", not "bite me"!


----------



## Spooky1

Whatever you do, don't put your finger here ..... ouch!


----------



## Goblin

Mmmmmmmmmm..........Tasty!


----------



## Haunted Spider

If you have no lips, when you open your mouth it will look like this. See my mouth when you have lips, it should look like mine. Never smile, always just make a funny face like this.


----------



## RoxyBlue

John had a rather unconventional method for getting himself to sing the high notes


----------



## Goblin

I'll let go if you let go!


----------



## scareme

You can tell it they're dead by putting your finger right down....Aahhh...this ones not dead!


----------



## scareme

Marge!!! I got my finger caught in your damn Chinese finger trap again!


----------



## Goblin

The ventrilquist's dummy bit me!


----------



## morbidmike

if I touch you tonsil your gonna puke


----------



## Goblin

I told you it would bite!


----------



## RoxyBlue

New one:










Look, there's a sale at Penneys! Go, go, GO!!!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Crowd control was always an issue on the days when Soylent Green was delivered.


----------



## Spooky1

The latest iPad goes on sale


----------



## Haunted Bayou

(zombie in yellow cap)
Sometimes I feel the most alone when in a crowd.


----------



## debbie5

"As you can see by this photo, Yer Honnah, zombies clearly do NOT wear eyeglasses. So my client must not be a zombie, as you can observe that he is wearing bifocals."


----------



## debbie5

Zombies do not understand the concept of "go AROUND".


----------



## Goblin

What's the odds of running into soooooo many people wanting a cigarette?


----------



## RoxyBlue

OMG, Angelina Jolie is on the red carpet now! Let's get her autograph!


----------



## PirateLady

Its the first day of Spring.... Free Rita's Ice....!!!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## RoxyBlue

(guy in yellow cap) - Geez, I hope no one figures out that I'm not a real zombie


----------



## Haunted Bayou

I just realized yellow cap zombie is wearing headphones. LOL!


----------



## Spooky1

Ben and Jerry's comes out with a new flavor "Brains & Berries"


----------



## Goblin

This happens everytime Kmart has their blue light specials!


----------



## PirateLady

Hey guys I PAD has a new application .... Brain Games!!!!


----------



## RoxyBlue

As this shot of a crazed zombie mob clearly shows, driving a delivery truck for the local butcher shop through Zombie Town can qualifiy as hazardous duty


----------



## Haunted Bayou

Ice cream truck is coming!


----------



## Spooky1

The latest fad, Zombie Flash mobs


----------



## Goblin

Nothing worse than a bunch of zombies looking for a hand out!


----------



## runtz

Zombie laborers looking for work.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Only one seat left on the Midnight Meat Train?!?!?! NOOOOOO!!!!!!


----------



## Goblin

All said was you've got a good brain and suddenly there was
a hundred grabby zombies standing there!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Good run on the zombie picture - Here's a new one:


----------



## Haunted Bayou

"Tea-time for witches in Germany"


----------



## Goblin

The Wicked Witch of the West's family reunion was a big sucess


----------



## RoxyBlue

My dear, this wolf's bane tea is simply scrumptious!


----------



## PirateLady

It was a good idea painting the orange cones black, now we all look the same.


----------



## RoxyBlue

"Short witches got no reason
Short witches got no reason
Short witches got no reason to live..."


----------



## Haunted Bayou

(I was thinking something similar)

"we represent the witchy-poo league, the witchy-poo league, the witchy-poo league"

I know they are sitting but they look like little people.


----------



## Goblin

And you thought there was no wake for the Wicked Witch of the West!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Now when the check comes, remember all I had was the watercress sandwich.


----------



## The Halloween Lady

Wow, I can't believe we all wore the same thing!


----------



## debbie5

"A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar...."


----------



## debbie5

The Haunt Forum Ladie's Society had its annual spring meeting last week....


----------



## debbie5

"Who borrowed my Snoop Dogg CD and never returned it!!??"


----------



## Haunted Bayou

"Now ladies, lift your pinkie, slurp your tea and then place the cup on the saucer...we must be mindful of our manners in order to procure a husband."


----------



## Goblin

The One on the right: "I poisoned the tea!"


----------



## PirateLady

I can't believe they made us sit outside because we wouldn't remove our hats.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Dammit, Trishaanne is going to sell her house and move out of the area. Where are we going to hold our NJ/PA Make 'n' Takes?


----------



## PirateLady

Ok which one of you was suppose to bring the doughnuts?


----------



## RoxyBlue

Oh my goodness, did one of you ladies just expel some intestinal gas?


----------



## Haunted Bayou

"what are you looking at me like that for"


----------



## Goblin

And I think we should name the club HauntForum.........


----------



## RoxyBlue

Try this one:










Hey, did you remember to add the worm?


----------



## Sawtooth Jack

I didn't know a genie could outgrow its old bottle.


----------



## Goblin

Last time you mixed those ingredients it exploded!


----------



## debbie5

(WTH is he actually DOING in this scene? It looks like he's pouring a Coke into vinegar.)


----------



## Haunted Spider

And this is how you mix the chemicals just right before you pour it into debbies neighbors yard. It will kill everything for 8 years no matter what. Just make sure you don't get crazy and write your name in the yard with it.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Five bucks says he spills some before the bottle is full.

(Debbie, he's making fake Scotch. If you haven't seen the movie "Mister Roberts", go rent it. It's a classic.)


----------



## Goblin

And you say you got the formula from Dr. Jekyll?


----------



## RoxyBlue

Wait a minute, Doc, I forgot to give you a Mentos!


----------



## Goblin

I don't know Doc. Wouldn't it be quicker just to buy a Pepsi?


----------



## RoxyBlue

Are you sure this is the right formula for a Molotov cocktail?


----------



## debbie5

RoxyBlue said:


> Wait a minute, Doc, I forgot to give you a Mentos!


OMG..now how many people (other than here) would understand what you are referencing!!? Funny!

"In 5 minutes, we will know if you are pregnant"


----------



## Spooky1

The Docs got class, see how he holds out his pinky finger while he pours the booze.


----------



## Goblin

If you think the smell is bad wait till you taste it!


----------



## Sawtooth Jack

RoxyBlue said:


> (Debbie, he's making fake Scotch. If you haven't seen the movie "Mister Roberts", go rent it. It's a classic.)


If you don't get choked up at the end of this film, you must be the living dead!

Caption: ...voila, love potion number 9!


----------



## Goblin

This was as far as I got last time before the explosion!


----------



## Lymans Terms

Dibs on the spleen!


----------



## RoxyBlue

New one:










Dang if you weren't right all along, Thelma! You kin grow a good crop o' heads in that there soil iffen you jes' add a little cow manure.


----------



## Dr Morbius

DAMMIT Louise! I said grow heads of LETTUCE!!


----------



## Goblin

A fine crop of heads this year Sadie!


----------



## Dr Morbius

You call THIS a family TREE?? We need to talk.


----------



## Dr Morbius

When you said our farm was "neck deep" in it, I didn't think you meant it LITERALLY!


----------



## Dr Morbius

Edith was fired after her first day of grave digging.


----------



## Dr Morbius

Soooooo...THIS is where dirty minds come from!


----------



## Dr Morbius

.
After much neglect, this years crop of Cabbage Patch Kids had to be discarded.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Dear ZombieF, are heads we grow in our garden considered "free" for use in the $20 prop contest?


(Doc, you were on a ROLL!)


----------



## Goblin

The funeral home's not gonna like this Emma!


----------



## RoxyBlue

.

Hey, that bearded one in the front row looks kinda like Jesus, don't it?

_Yep, that there is what you call a "resurrection plant"_

(post Easter humor:googly


----------



## Spooky1

Now everyone, let's sing "Always look on the Bright Side of Life".


----------



## Goblin

Exactly what kind of seeds did you use?


----------



## debbie5

"See, we keep 'em coverd up with these here burlap sacks so they bleach out and stay all nice n' white...we get more money for the white ones when we sell 'em at the roadside head shop."


----------



## debbie5

"Pat Benetar, Larry Appleton from "Perfect Strangers", Vincent Price, Jesus...we got any flavor brains ya need..."


----------



## Dark Angel 27

After filling her moat with all the heads of those that displeased her, The red queen had to find somewhere else to stash the surplus!


----------



## Goblin

Funniest looking heads of lettuce I ever saw Marge!


----------



## scareme

Looks like we finally found where those punks who steal props from people's front yards stash them. Let's get the gang from Hauntforum and be waiting for them when they come back. Tell Mike to bring the bear trap.


----------



## RoxyBlue

.

Oh, Elmer, these are going to make such a fine addition to my special, Sunday-go-to-meetin' pot luck stew!


----------



## Goblin

Time for a new pic.......










One potato....two potato.....three potato....four


----------



## Dr Morbius

"...and then you grab her hair like this."


----------



## Dr Morbius

"See? riding a horse CAN be fun! Ready for the real thing?"


----------



## Dr Morbius

"This pebble snatching thing is gonna be easy!"


----------



## Dr Morbius

"I forget...why are we posing like body builders again?"


----------



## scareme

Everybody sing....And the motorcycle goes vroom vroom.


----------



## RoxyBlue

I am SO going to nail this Chippendale dancer audition!


----------



## Goblin

Can you guess which hand has the M&M in it?


----------



## RoxyBlue

The whole "rock, paper, scissors" thing just doesn't work when the contestants keep picking "rock"


----------



## Spooky1

Goblin said:


>


I think I just crapped myself.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Damn, my fingers are starting to cramp up


----------



## Goblin

Too much starch inthe uniforms again!


----------



## Spooky1




----------



## Spooky1

I'd like two space burgers, two large warp fries and a jumbo Milky Way shake.

Man I think this is the weirdest fast food drive thru I've ever been to.


----------



## RoxyBlue

I don't care if you just washed my windshield. I'm not giving you any money!


----------



## Spooky1

Dude, don't make eye contact and maybe it will go away.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Why yes, I do happen to have some Visine in the glove compartment.


----------



## Goblin

Read my lips......NO HITCHHIKERS!


----------



## Spooky1

My what a big eye you have Grandma.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Dammit, who let Eyegor out of the backyard again?!?!?


----------



## ERVysther

Hello! I'm taking donations for the Girl Scouts of America! Would you care to contribute today? :zombie:


----------



## debbie5

"So THAT'S where my cat's-eye shooter marble went to!!"


----------



## Spooky1

The Sci-fi convention? Go down the road about a mile and make a left.


----------



## Goblin

It's another one of those pesky alien hitchikers!


----------



## RoxyBlue

How about a new one?










What the....!?!?! Is that a _ZIT_?!?!?!


----------



## Goblin

Is this thing on?


----------



## RoxyBlue

That's it, I'm firing my barber!


----------



## Goblin

You're right Stan (Laurel). We do need to get out in the sun more often!


----------



## scareme

I can't believe it! Did you see this? HauntForum has a compatible mobile app.!


----------



## scareme

You call this a birthday present fit for a king? A naked picture of you?

Just smile dear, and wave to the people.


----------



## scareme

If I get another obscene phone call like that I'll have the call traced.

Relax dear, I think it was for me.


----------



## scareme

I can't believe the NBA's locked out too!

Relax dear. (Thinking to self, I really need to start putting more Paxil in his morning grog)


----------



## scareme

Rick (looking at the credit card bill)-You spent how much on Halloween already this year?

Laura-Relax dear, I make it up at Christmas. You and the kid's didn't want anything this year, did you?


----------



## Spooky1

Do you think we over did it with with the sun block.


----------



## RoxyBlue

What the hell is this thing?

_It's a plumber's helper for a bidet, sir_

We have a bidet?


----------



## Goblin

Uhhhhhh....you use the other end to unstop the toilet sir!


----------



## Goblin

Time for a new pic...........










It's an electric cattle prod!


----------



## debbie5

(I will NOT make a foot-long, personal massager comment here....)


----------



## Goblin

"Wanna hear a Debbie5 story?"


----------



## PirateLady

This won't hurt a bit...hehehehe.


----------



## Spooky1

Goblin said:


> Time for a new pic...........
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> It's an electric cattle prod!


Do you want to reconsider that charge of police brutality?


----------



## Goblin

Whatta ya mean I'm holding the wrong end?


----------



## RoxyBlue

So I went to Target today and found this really cool pepper grinder that's so long it can reach all the way across the dinner table without me even having to leave my seat which is great because I've had problems with my back for years so getting up and down is a real pain in the patoot if you know what I mean and I keep telling the wife we should really look into that sleep number bed thing 'cause of course she wants the mattress way too soft for my tastes and every morning I wake up feeling like a 90 year old guy with arthritis and...hey, what's with the mouth gag?


----------



## debbie5

LOL @ Roxy.


----------



## Spooky1

First I'll tenderize him, and then you can put him in the oven, Boris.


----------



## Goblin

....and you really lose weight on this program?


----------



## morbidmike

take a guess where this stick is going


----------



## Goblin

Let me know if you've heard this one........


----------



## PirateLady

This is what you call a captured audience.


----------



## Spooky1

If you want me to stop, just speak up.


----------



## Goblin

I can see you're all tied up right now so I'll come back later.


----------



## Spooky1




----------



## Spooky1

Quit clowning around and get the doctor!


----------



## RoxyBlue

How come _she_ always gets to wear the red wig? Why can't one of us wear the red wig for a change, fer cryin' out loud?!?

_I feel ya, man, but at least we get the bike this time_


----------



## Death Wraith

"The shortage of licensed doctors under Obamacare has come true."


----------



## Goblin

Invasion of the zombie clowns


----------



## RoxyBlue

New one:










Hey, check it out! I just joined the Hair Club for Men and they've started putting the plugs in!


----------



## debbie5

(It's sad that I know those clowns are from a Pee Wee movie..LOL).


----------



## MrGrimm

I've got a splitting headache!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Hey, Joe, is that black magic marker on your forehead?

_Yeah, John, fell asleep on the couch after dinner last night and the kids got creative_


----------



## Spooky1

I'm never going to that barbershop again!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Dude, ya gotta stop wearing baseball caps. They're leaving a dent in your head.


----------



## debbie5

"Is THAT where you've been keeping the onion dip!!??"


----------



## Goblin

Do it yourself brain surgury, huh?


----------



## MrGrimm

Hey Joe? I think your head is missing it's shoe lace...


----------



## Goblin

Is....that....a.....zipper?


----------



## MrGrimm

How about a new one?


----------



## RoxyBlue

Crap, the front tire is flat. We're never gonna get Petey to the vet on time this way!


----------



## scareme

Joe stuck his head out the window and stared at a spot on the road long enough, he made Mike and Stu look too. Ha Ha, I made you look!


----------



## debbie5

Midgie or speed bump??


----------



## Goblin

Sorry mister, didn't see you standing in the street!


----------



## MrGrimm

Wow! Dogs are right! It is pretty fun sticking your head out the window! Weee!


----------



## Spooky1

That's going to leave a mark.


----------



## Goblin

The dog wants to drive for a while.


----------



## Spooky1

MrGrimm said:


> How about a new one?


The triple One Cheek Sneak.


----------



## Goblin

I told you not to follow the dog's directions!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Try this one:


----------



## Sloatsburgh

Which line is ruining my gin?


----------



## Spooky1

Junior will be sure to win the science fair this year!


----------



## Goblin

I've invented a replacement for gasoline!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Okay, now, this line goes here and I think this one goes over there, and....dammit, why don't these chemistry sets come with instructions?!?!


----------



## Frightmaster-General

I'm SO happy with my new "Dr. Murray Toxicology Kit"!!!


----------



## scareme

Damn this prohibition.


----------



## MrGrimm

YESSS! I've done it! I've created the first Starbucks super half-calf, decaf, espresso, chocolate latte with skim milk, whole cream and chocolate and cinnamon sprinkles!!!


----------



## Goblin

What was I inventing again?


----------



## MrGrimm

Hmmm, what a curious smell... Either somethings burning or I need a change of pants!


----------



## Goblin

All this to make a diet soda?


----------



## Necronomus

...And the ant farm 3000 is now complete!


----------



## Goblin

I forgot what I was making!


----------



## MrGrimm

geez my pants are riding up my butt something bad!


----------



## Goblin

Amazing what you can do with a cheap chemistry set!


----------



## RoxyBlue

If I make this look complicated enough, maybe the R&D Department will give me more grant money.


----------



## debbie5

"MOUSETRAP! I win!"


----------



## debbie5

(This is what they do to you when you get a gastric bypass..)


----------



## Goblin

Five seconds before Professor Hambone added the secret fuel additive......Nitroglycerine!


----------



## MrGrimm

debbie5 said:


> "MOUSETRAP! I win!"


LOL, loved that!

So what if this is Juniors chemistry set! I think it's cool!!


----------



## Spooky1

there's nothing like some fresh moonshine at work.


----------



## Goblin

Time for a new picture...........










"I'm gonna get A LOT of candy this year......or else!"


----------



## Bone To Pick

In his earlier years Gordon Ramsay was unprepared to choose between culinary and clown school.


----------



## aquariumreef

Jeffery began his life of crime in his early years after spying a jack-o-latern that was giving his sister kissy faces.


----------



## Goblin

Even as a kid Morbid Mike was quite the cutup


----------



## QueenRuby2002

I said I didn't want to be a clown mommy!


----------



## Goblin

When Bozo goes bad!


----------



## Spooky1

Hi, I'm Ginsu the Clown.


----------



## Goblin

I'm not a kid, I'm an insane midget!


----------



## Spooky1

Goblin said:


> Time for a new picture...........
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> "I'm gonna get A LOT of candy this year......or else!"


Who wants to make fun of my big feet now?


----------



## RoxyBlue

Who wants to try a new picture?


----------



## Goblin

He said WHAT?


----------



## RoxyBlue

OMG, is that...is that a Ralph Lauren sweater you're wearing?!?!


----------



## QueenRuby2002

I can't believe it..... you sure she said... no it can't be... My daughter hates halloween! *Screams*


----------



## randomr8

No... No.. Wake him up AFTER we shave his eyebrows...


----------



## QueenRuby2002

Oh my I told him not to pass out at that party. Did you get pictures?


----------



## Spooky1

RoxyBlue said:


> Who wants to try a new picture?


You buried the Homecoming Queen where?


----------



## Goblin

Too much starch in the sweater again?


----------



## MrGrimm

I see you don't like my new Botox treatment?


----------



## Spooky1

cough, I just swallowed a bug


----------



## Bone To Pick

Maude suddenly realized that Harold was no longer the strapping young man she'd married those many years before.


----------



## debbie5

"(gasp!) Your new hump IS fabulous!"


----------



## Goblin

Whoever told her she could yodel?


----------



## scareme

You are my long lost identical twin?


----------



## creep factor

OMG! When did you get that righteous tattoo?


----------



## scareme

creep factor said:


> OMG! When did you get that righteous tattoo?


lol


----------



## QueenRuby2002

Nar, what are we going to do tonight Brain?


----------



## Goblin

OMIGOD! Who did your hair and makeup?


----------



## scareme

OMIGOD! I almost wore that same dress.


----------



## Goblin

You're my long lost daughter!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Time for a new one:










Fer cryin' out loud, this is the 15th time today you've asked me if that new anti-wrinkle cream makes your skin feel soft!


----------



## Goblin

Mustn't punch mommiein the face, sweetie!


----------



## scareme

Tell me again how much I look like Madonna.


----------



## scareme

Mom, I was just sleeping. Would you quit checking my pulse every 10 minutes?


----------



## scareme

Santa's never going to come it you don't let me go to sleep.


----------



## Goblin

I said "LET GO!"


----------



## scareme

Great, now I got my hand stuck in the goop you have in your hair.


----------



## Spooky1

RoxyBlue said:


> Time for a new one:


Yes, you're beautiful my dear, but I prefer my women with a pulse.


----------



## Spooky1

Time for a new picture


----------



## Spooky1

We're going to need a bigger mouse trap!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Dude, wait until they get past the chimney before you fire.


----------



## Spooky1

I told you not to buy cheese scented shingles.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Apparently even Santa is feeling the economic pinch and has downgraded to rats for his sleigh.


----------



## Goblin

They're not giant rats.....they're dinner!


----------



## Spooky1

Spooky1 said:


> Time for a new picture


Up on the roof top the rats did gnaw,
Eating poor old Santa Claus,
Onto the sled to chew on toys,
Eating a the reindeer, brings giant rats joy.


----------



## RoxyBlue

I take it you didn't check the roofer's references, did you?


----------



## Goblin

Gee, you weren't kidding when you said you had a rat problem, were you?


----------



## Spooky1

Santa will never land on our roof now!


----------



## Spooky1

I told you we shouldn't live so close to the Fire Swamp!


----------



## debbie5

(not a caption, but I"d just like to point out that Allen must have saved up a POOP LOAD of lint to make those meeses!)


----------



## debbie5

Spooky1 said:


> I told you we shouldn't live so close to the Fire Swamp!


LOL. I love the dork references people make here...


----------



## Goblin

I ran out of cheese, darn it!


----------



## Drago

Who let the dogs out, who who , who...


----------



## Goblin

THOSE are lab mice?


----------



## RoxyBlue

New one:


----------



## Drago

Better wash the stench out of my feet!


----------



## debbie5

"Time to wash the Yule Log."


----------



## Goblin

Wow! I have two big toes!


----------



## QueenRuby2002

I think I didn't drink enough last night. Eww what is that on my nose?


----------



## VampyTink

This is what I'm reduced to since the judge gave the Ex HALF.


----------



## scareme

Now that I got my foot up here, how will I get it down. I know, I'll threaten it with this razor.


----------



## scareme

My girlfriend said I could use a dryer to get my pedicure to dry faster. I wonder if I'm doing this right?


----------



## scareme

A broken nose, 20 stitches in my foot. Like my partner always says, I'm to old for this sh*t.


----------



## Goblin

Yep! Five toes!


----------



## PirateLady

Wish my toliet worked....


----------



## QueenRuby2002

Damn it the maid used to much starch on the towles again! Owww Can't move. HELP!


----------



## Goblin

This little piggie went to market........


----------



## Goblin

Time for a new pic...............










So you want to be last, do you?


----------



## Hairazor

Quit arguing over who will dance with me next.


----------



## Goblin

Didn't I use you as a prop last Halloween?


----------



## Spooky1

The plastic surgeon you recommended, sucks!


----------



## Goblin

You don't look like twins!


----------



## scareme

Cary, Now I'm telling you for the last time, you put your right hand in, you take your right hand out, you put your right hand in and you shake it all about...

Peter, But I thought you said we start with out left hand. Johnny didn't he say we start with our left hand?


----------



## scareme

Peter: "Cary, just blink already. Johnny gets so mad when he loses a staring contest. And believe me, you don't want to see Johnny get mad."


----------



## Goblin

Which one of you is the ventriliquist?


----------



## Spooky1

Goblin said:


> Time for a new pic...............
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> So you want to be last, do you?


Don't blame me. I wasn't the one who dared you to stick your head in my piranha tank.


----------



## Goblin

Most lifelike prop I've ever seen!


----------



## Zurgh

"Who are you to say that my lack of a pulse and my body temperature being equal to room temperature means I'm dead"


----------



## Goblin

Either I'm last.....or I'll kill you!


----------



## Spooky1

Time for a new picture!










Be a good girl, or you'll go in the cage too!


----------



## Spooky1

jdubbya tries to decide which prop will work better in his witches cage.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Jeff Dunham, Ventriloquist: The Early Years


----------



## Hairazor

Visiting time is over.


----------



## Moon Dog

Bob places Jill in the cage hoping Jack can deliver him a new baby sock puppet.


----------



## Spooky1

Time for your conjugal visit.


----------



## Goblin

Don't you take that tone with me!


----------



## Moon Dog

I'll have this one for dinner and save the boy for dessert...


----------



## Goblin

I collect ventriliquist dummies


----------



## Spooky1

Time for a new pic










Human, the other, other white meat!


----------



## Lord Homicide

"Tada!"


----------



## Hairazor

Revenge is best tasted---


----------



## Spooky1

I'm so hungry, I think I could make a pig of myself.


----------



## Lord Homicide

PETA footage of Jimmy Dean sausage plant


----------



## Spooky1

Spooky1 said:


> Time for a new pic
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Human, the other, other white meat!


You said you wanted a little off the top?


----------



## Goblin

I warned you about gene splicing!


----------



## Lord Homicide

That's it, turn your head that-a-way, we'll have that boil off in no time


----------



## TarotByTara

Spooky1 said:


> Time for a new pic
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Human, the other, other white meat!


miss piggy finally snapped. couldn't take the fat jokes anymore.


----------



## RoxyBlue

"...and this little piggy went BUZZ, BUZZ, BUZZ all the way home!"


----------



## Goblin

My, what a biggggg chainsaw you got there!


----------



## Hairazor

Tastes like Chicken


----------



## Spooky1

So you thought I wasn't cute enough to be the pig in the Geico commercials, did ya.


----------



## Goblin

Gonna show you how hogs make sausage!


----------



## Goblin

Think we need a new pic................










My beauty tips won't work on you!


----------



## Hairazor

I can't believe you're my long lost Mother!!


----------



## Sawtooth Jack

...and your certain this mixture will make my hair look just like yours?


----------



## Goblin

Uhhhhh...You don't look like the picture you posted on Facebook!


----------



## Spooky1

Hold on a second, you've got something on your forehead.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Tag! You're it!


----------



## Spooky1

Let me help you get that contact lens out.


----------



## Hairazor

Oh, that hits the spot!


----------



## Copchick

Here, let me pop that zit for ya


----------



## Sawtooth Jack

Think. Think real hard!


----------



## MommaMoose

Oh quit being a crybaby. Its just a hair not a spider.


----------



## Spooky1

Spooky1 said:


> Hold on a second, you've got something on your forehead.


Don't lie to me, I know you're not ET.


----------



## Goblin

For godsakes cut your fingernails!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Dammit, that's not how you do a Vulcan mind meld!


----------



## MrGrimm

Don't move! I see this zit...


----------



## Spooky1

Made you scream


----------



## Goblin

This ain't how they do brain surgury!


----------



## Lord Homicide

Brush your teeth!!


----------



## Spooky1

Is there a splinter under my finger nail?


----------



## Goblin

Just don't pick my nose with that thing!


----------



## Spooky1

Does this outfit make my head look fat?


----------



## Copchick

Uh oh, watch out! I gotta brain fart comin' on!


----------



## Hairazor

*Copchick, that is rich*

Everytime I tell a lie my head gets bigger


----------



## Spooky1

Have you ever though about wearing a wig?


----------



## sparky

What about this....





He said to go around this building and park in the back !


----------



## Hairazor

I told you I would wave at you when I was in town.


----------



## Spooky1

There's that peeping Tom again.


----------



## Copchick

Warning, objects are closer than they appear!


----------



## Goblin

You're gonna need a bigger hangar!


----------



## Bone To Pick

Maverick went around the block several times, but was never able to find Charlie's apartment.


----------



## Goblin

Time for a new pic...........










I'll take it!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Dear, are you sure the quilts were stored here last spring?


----------



## Hairazor

Do I get room service with this model?


----------



## RoxyBlue

I could use a pillow in here, if it's not too much trouble


----------



## Bone To Pick

"Boris in the Box" seemed destined to succeed, but space issues ultimately doomed it.


----------



## Goblin

What other colors does it come in?


----------



## randomr8

Mine started off with something about the carpet not matching the drapes. Thought I'd better stop.


----------



## Copchick

Man in a box. The perfect place to put him once you're finished with him! 

(randomr8 - looks like the drapes don't match the drapes!)


----------



## Droidecon

I swear to God I'm never taking a nap at lunch again! Payback is Hell you son of a...


----------



## Droidecon

Or.. Would you please shut up, I'm trying to watch my stories


----------



## RoxyBlue

Okay, so I go into the box, close the lid, and then I get transported into an avatar, right? Right? You're not messing with me, are you?


----------



## Goblin

Can you believe it? They were going to use it as a Halloween prop!


----------



## Droidecon

I like it but do you have it in yellow?


----------



## QueenRuby2002

Now remember you line is "Don't get to close to that box," Than I pop up and scare them.


----------



## Goblin

My wife said I needed to spend a little time in the box!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Time for a new one:










Damn, leftovers again?!?


----------



## Droidecon

After all this work and wearing this dress...his compass better *#@$ sure point north tonight!


----------



## Droidecon

Or: Honey, I thought you said We were having the children for dinner.


----------



## Goblin

My God! That stuff stinks!


----------



## Copchick

I slaved all day at a hot stove to make this beautiful meal, put on this lovely dress, put on all this make up, had my hair done, and you can't even take off your damn jacket to sit at the table!


----------



## Goblin

Aren't you supposed to bake it first?


----------



## the bloody chef

"Do you think you could maybe manage a little smi......HEEEYYYY!!! Is that the cucumber you were playing with last night?!?!?!"


----------



## Hairazor

Where's the beef?


----------



## Goblin

Time for a new pic.................










I broke a nail!


----------



## the bloody chef

"It's Fron-ken-STEEEEN!!!!"


----------



## Hairazor

My hair? I do it myself, why?


----------



## Spooky1

Do I have something between my teeth?


----------



## Goblin

I'll scratch your eyes out!


----------



## Hairazor

I swear to you, It was this big!


----------



## the bloody chef

"The Susquehanna Hat Company!!!!"


----------



## RoxyBlue

I said NO SOLICITORS!!!!


----------



## Copchick

Do I look like Gene Wilder or does he look like me?


----------



## scareme

What do you mean only 259 days left to get all my props finished?


----------



## scareme

For those who watch E! Entertainment, 

Bitch stole my look!


----------



## the bloody chef

"So you just bump it up a notch and.....BAM!!!"


----------



## scareme

Boo!


----------



## CrazedHaunter

No! I said Budlight!


----------



## Goblin

I'm a beautician!


----------



## Goblin

Time for a new pic..............










I don't care if it is your grandpa Darrel.......SHOOT HIM!


----------



## DocK

You boys wanna play?


----------



## RoxyBlue

Guy on the left: "What's with the old dude behind the fence?"

Guy on the right: "I dunno. He claims to be Mickey Rooney and says he's late for a dance date with Ann Miller."


----------



## Spooky1

Okay, I've got all the old people fenced in. Now what do we do with them?


----------



## Goblin

How come you got the rifle and I got a crossbow?


----------



## Copchick

You have to think about one shot. One shot is what it's all about. The zombie has to be taken with one shot. I try to tell people that - they don't listen.


----------



## RoxyBlue

New picture:










"Sanitary Cycle"? So what are you saying, my dog bedding is toxic or something?!?


----------



## Hairazor

It says danger, You go first!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Can you set the Wayback Machine to the day _before_ I went to the vet to be neutered?


----------



## Goblin

I'm trying to get ME-TV!


----------



## Ramonadona

The deal was...I don't jump on your bed...you don't destroy the world...got that?


----------



## RoxyBlue

Quit fiddling with those dials and take me for a walk!


----------



## Spooky1

Are you spying on the girl next door again?


----------



## Goblin

What happens when I throw this switch?


----------



## RoxyBlue

Try this one:










"Dude, I swear I didn't know she was your wife!"


----------



## Goblin

No I don't want to buy any life insurance!


----------



## Spooky1

This is a really nice jacket, where did you buy it?


----------



## RoxyBlue

"I'm only going to ask you one more time - where are those letters of transport?!"

"You idiot, this isn't the set of "Casablanca"!"


----------



## Goblin

You say Nyuck Nyuck one more time...................


----------



## Hairazor

I really like the feel of this jacket, what did you say it was made of?


----------



## Goblin

Who you calling pipsqueak?


----------



## RoxyBlue

At the Celebrity Look-a-Like Ball, things got ugly when Uncle Fester and Clark Gable started a drunken fight over Victoria Barkley.


----------



## Goblin

Cause I can't hit her!


----------



## scareme

And I want you to have my sister home by 10:00. And if your even a minute late, I'll kill you.


----------



## scareme

Tell my Lon, is she looking impressed at the way I'm ruffing you up? Do you think if I keep up this macho crap, I'll have a chance with her?


----------



## Goblin

What? She said YOU stole my wallet!


----------



## scareme

What do you mean she's my half-sister. We were just married today. And this isn't Texas.


----------



## Goblin

Time for a new pic...............










"You're lighting my sucker!"


----------



## RoxyBlue

Hold still while I burn that mustache off your lip.


----------



## Hairazor

You have to light it, my Mother won't let me play with matches!


----------



## Goblin

I don't smoke you crazy...........


----------



## Frightmaster-General

"The whole idea of me marrying you for your family fortune is preposterous!!! Now light up dear, you know what they say... Ten packs a day keeps the doctor away!"


----------



## RoxyBlue

Honey, I appreciate your wanting to take care of me, but you're trying to light a Q-tip.


----------



## Goblin

It's a candy cigarette!


----------



## RoxyBlue

New one:










Hey, you guys, wanna play volleyball? Or go swimming? You guys? Um, well, should I come back, umm, later? Okay, I'll see you later, okay? Okay, I'm going now....ummm, bye....


----------



## Hairazor

I'm next!


----------



## Goblin

.......and then, suddenly Mr. Potato Head showed up!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Damn, how come HE always gets the hot chicks?!?


----------



## Spooklights

...and in today's news, Cthulhu presided at a wedding ceremony in a small New England chapel. Rumor has it that the Great Old Ones performed the duties of bridesmaids and groomsmen. The happy couple will be honeymooning on one of the delightful shores of the east coast, after which they will be residing at Innsmouth.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Somehow, sadly, the creature was never chosen as the "victim" for practicing mouth-to-mouth resuscitation in CPR classes


----------



## Goblin

"Uhhhhhhhhhhh, pardon me.......don't mean to interrupt your lovemaking.......but I'm here to kill you if you're not too busy!"


----------



## RoxyBlue

As he leaned in for the kiss, he couldn't help but wonder where such a beautiful woman had found such a butt-ugly dog.


----------



## Goblin

Neither of them noticed the dill pickle monster approaching!


----------



## scareme

Eww, why don't you two get a room.


----------



## scareme

Cookie Monster realized he was not on Sesame Street anymore.


----------



## scareme

After Mitt Romany cut funding to Sesame Street, the Muppets had to find work in some not so kid friendly movies.


----------



## Goblin

That's my wife you're kissing.........she's a shape shifter you know! She actually looks just like me!


----------



## RoxyBlue

New one:










This is my horror movie face!


----------



## Hairazor

So what if I did?


----------



## Copchick

It's no use! No matter how hard I try, I cannot cross my eyes!


----------



## RoxyBlue

If I hold my head like this, no one notices my double chin.


----------



## MrGrimm

...and that's when she smelled the fart...


----------



## Wispurs

Quick before this guy takes my picture. Do I have a bat in the cave?


----------



## RoxyBlue

LADY: "These men ADORE me! Oh yes, they absolutely adore me!"

MEN: "Damn, she's creepy!"


----------



## MrGrimm

I just ate one of my fingers!


----------



## Goblin

That woman's turning into a zombie!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Try this one:










Yes, they are a bit high. The interior decorator said they should be hung at viewing level. He's over seven feet tall and my wife, being a bit of a moron, thought he meant _his_ viewing level.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Do you like them? I paid a couple hundred thousand for the pair. The dealer said having fine paintings in your house makes you a chick magnet.


----------



## Hairazor

One night in my house and you too will look like that!


----------



## Goblin

I have no idea who they are, they came with the house!


----------



## Spooky1

These are paintings of my Mother and Father. I don't know which is which.


----------



## Hairazor

Really, it was painted by a monkey throwing paint at a canvas, not bad huh!


----------



## Goblin

That one I got cheap at the flea market!


----------



## kevin242

That's my Great Uncle Phil, before and after the accident...


----------



## Goblin

It came with the frame!


----------



## RoxyBlue

This one was painted by my wife's worthless bohemian brother who thinks he's an "artiste". I'll give you $20 to take it with you when you leave.


----------



## Goblin

You painted THAT?


----------



## Ramonadona

She posed in the nude, but the artist thought she looked much better clothed!


----------



## Goblin

Paint by the numbers!


----------



## RoxyBlue

What do you think - should I pose like this for my next portrait or would people think I was doing the Jon Lovitz "ACTING!" shtik?


----------



## Hairazor

I swear, the one on the left, it's eyes follow me everywhere


----------



## Hippofeet

When I was your age, I was known to enjoy the company of men, such as these two. I feel rather young today, in fact, if you get my meaning. And if I'm any judge, I believe you do....


----------



## Goblin

That was my grandmother's best friend's sister's daughter's girl!


----------



## RoxyBlue

"Use that on-line travel site" she said. "You'll get a great deal on a cheap seat", she said. That's the LAST time I'm taking advice from my wife!


----------



## Hairazor

Feel the burn!!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Aerobic exercise in Hell.


----------



## CrazedHaunter

Faster boys the captain wants to go water skiing!!


----------



## Spooky1

I think I'm being followed.


----------



## Goblin

Time to use my Jedi Mind Control!


----------



## Spooky1

With this simple exercise program you will melt away the pounds.


----------



## Hairazor

Row row row your boat, hey that's kinda catchy, maybe we could make a song


----------



## Goblin

Somebody put super glue on my oar!


----------



## CrazedHaunter

Are we there yet?


----------



## Spooky1

I think we're going in circles


----------



## RoxyBlue

Dammit, who forgot to use Extra Strength Ban Deodorant this morning!?!


----------



## Goblin

Whatta ya mean we're going the wrong way?


----------



## Lambchop

Row row row your boat....


----------



## RoxyBlue

Geez Louise, who hired that guy on the drum? He has absolutely no sense of rhythm!


----------



## Goblin

Twenty-four hours of rowing and we gone in a complete circle!


----------



## RoxyBlue

New photo:










Kiss me, you fool!


----------



## Spooky1

Did you eat my cupcake!


----------



## Hairazor

Uggh,garlic for lunch?


----------



## CrazedHaunter

Dance?


----------



## RoxyBlue

Bela reacts in shock at the aggressiveness of the local AFLAC salesman.


----------



## RoxyBlue

"Bela, I am your father".

"NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"


----------



## Spooky1

You lied, you said plastic surgery would make me look like the Rock!


----------



## scareme

What do you mean you want to see my green card?


----------



## scareme

What? Ed wood is at the door to see ME?


----------



## RoxyBlue

Unhand me, you ruffian!


----------



## scareme

They did the Mash, They did the Monster Mash.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Gimme that five bucks you owe me, you sumbitch!


----------



## scareme

I told you, If we had to watch Snakes On A Plane again, I'd kill you.


----------



## CrazedHaunter

Hey mithter , Wanna thee my thcar?


----------



## Goblin

I don't have the remote!


----------



## Spooky1

Time for a new pic.










Oh come on, I don't smell that bad!


----------



## scareme

Rocky Mountain High, in Colorado.


----------



## RoxyBlue

John prepares to clean up the dungfish room.


----------



## CrazedHaunter

See you put the joint in this part here and take a big breath and hold it...


----------



## Goblin

Last time I agree to take care of a mad scientist's pets when he's out of town!


----------



## Goblin

Let's try this one...............










How do you like my new contacts?


----------



## Hairazor

Look Into My Eyes


----------



## scareme

Ohh, Dad looks pissed. I've got to quite breaking curfew.


----------



## scareme

I don't care how good you think you look, it looks nothing like Whistler's Mother.


----------



## Goblin

Jeepers Creepers! Where did you get those peepers?


----------



## Hairazor

Laser Vision, fun once you get used to it


----------



## CrazedHaunter

As a matter of fact yes! I can see in the dark


----------



## Goblin

Who put crazy glue in my chair?


----------



## scareme

Damn, the only clean shirt left is my pajama top. I'll just have to sit here and wait until the laundry is done.


----------



## Hairazor

It's eerie, he never moves a muscle but his eyes seem to follow us everywhere


----------



## scareme

Tom's been sitting and staring like that since he watched the four hour long Academy Awards last night.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Hmmm, maybe I overdid it with that last tanning bed session.....


----------



## Goblin

It's not so much the smell of the fart as the burning of my eyes!


----------



## RoxyBlue

I don't know who spray painted me while I was sleeping in this chair, but I am so going to kick his butt when I find him.


----------



## Goblin

They're my new glow-in-dark contact lenses!


----------



## Hairazor

Remember when Mother said be careful or your face will stay like that? She was right!


----------



## Goblin

Time for a new pic............










Welcome to the silly hat club!


----------



## scareme

NO! Now listen, the rain in Spain falls mainly on the plains.


----------



## scareme

I get off work in 20 minutes. Do you really drive a Lamborghin?


----------



## Hairazor

I don't know what I did last night but when I got up this morning I had this silly hat glued on


----------



## scareme

I can see into your future. And I see your great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great grandchildren being famous for doing nothing, Oh Great Kasiya Kardashian, just like you.


----------



## scareme

Yes but it's hard to look you in the eyes when you are topless.


----------



## RoxyBlue

And if you like that armrest, I can sell you the rest of the chair for only 30,000 shekels!


----------



## Goblin

Why are you wearing a turkey on your head?


----------



## Spooky1

Do you happen to have a case of medical gauze?


----------



## RoxyBlue

How about a new one?










http://images4.fanpop.com/image/photos/23400000/Flash-Gordon-flash-gordon-23445027-1280-977.jpg

Where's the setting for "microwave popcorn" on this contraption?


----------



## Hairazor

Three heads are better than one


----------



## scareme

Now see if this was a real woman, right around here would be her belly button.


----------



## scareme

Wait a minute, I think you found the station with the game on.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Hmmm, "wash, rinse, spin" - wait, are we supposed to be using the delicate setting for our uniforms?


----------



## CrazedHaunter

Someday they will make these phones small enough to fit in your pocket!


----------



## Hairazor

Was it one left and two right or one right and two left?


----------



## RoxyBlue

Siri, find the nearest Burger King. Siri? Siri! Can you hear me?!?


----------



## scareme

The PicoBoo controller has to be smaller than this thing.


----------



## CrazedHaunter

This will teach them to ask for$15 an hr.


----------



## Hairazor

This is too complicated, we better get a kid to explain it to us


----------



## Goblin

Can you get Facebook on it?


----------



## RoxyBlue

Yeah, well, just remember, the bigger they are, the harder they fall!


----------



## Spooky1

Quit touching me, or I'll poke your eye out!


----------



## Goblin

Wait'll I shove it up your nose!


----------



## Hairazor

Whadda ya mean, I need a tie to get in here


----------



## RoxyBlue

Skellie: "I'll fight you with one hand tied behind my back! I'll fight you with my eyes closed!"

Dude: "This isn't "The Wizard of Oz", you know."


----------



## Hairazor

You dare question my authority!


----------



## Moon Dog

Not a fair fight, let go of my feet!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Pose me again and I'll trim your sideburns!


----------



## Lambchop

Walmart makes great action figures.


----------



## Goblin

Hairazor welcomes her new boarder.


----------



## scareme

Shall I take your bags to your room? This is Hotel California. Where you can check out any time you like, but you can never leave.


----------



## scareme

They told me these suspenders were the latest thing in Paris. How do you like them on me?


----------



## RoxyBlue

Hi. My name is Christian Slater.


----------



## Goblin

What are you selling again?


----------



## Hairazor

Come on in, I promise not to bite


----------



## Sawtooth Jack

Are you sure creepy isn't the new cute?


----------



## Goblin

Your blind date is here!


----------



## deadSusan

Welcome. Won't you stay for dinner?


----------



## Hairazor

Here kitty kitty, Yum!


----------



## Goblin

Hi! I'm your long lost cousin Renfield! Heh! Heh! Heh!


----------



## deadSusan

By the way have I told you I think your neck is lovely?


----------



## CrazedHaunter

I'm a lumberjack and I'm OK!


----------



## Spooky1

The one in the braces, he done it!


----------



## Goblin

Time for a new pic....................










How many times do I have to tell you you're not dead yet grandpa?


----------



## deadSusan

Thanks Goblin!

How did I end up in a coffin?
That's what I want to know Mr. Karloff. I was expecting Christopher Lee.


----------



## Hairazor

Can I try a different coffin, this one is a bit tight?


----------



## Goblin

It's my turn to sleep in the coffin!


----------



## Hairazor

I want one just like this


----------



## Goblin

The insurance company won't pay cause you won't stay dead!


----------



## deadSusan

Boy you really tied one on last night.


----------



## Goblin

No. I don't think they'll allow you to test drive it!


----------



## deadSusan

Are you done yet? I'd like a turn.


----------



## Goblin

Who told you you were a vampire?


----------



## deadSusan

What did you eat?!! Now I need to fumigate it


----------



## Goblin

Is this the only color it comes in?


----------



## CrazedHaunter

Hmm maybe alittle to the left.


----------



## Goblin

Thanks! I couldn't have held my breath much longer!


----------



## Spooky1

Did your mother try to bury me again?


----------



## Hairazor

Is there a graceful way to get out of here?


----------



## Goblin

I've fallen and I can't get out!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Let's revive an old one:










Shall I trim the fat for you?


----------



## Hairazor

These cuts are just the right size for grilling


----------



## deadSusan

Mayo or mustard?


----------



## RoxyBlue

We ran out of brisket. Will this do?


----------



## Hairazor

What do you mean I should have gloves on when handling cold cuts?


----------



## Goblin

Do you want fries with that?


----------



## DocK

Take-out or eat-in?


----------



## CrazedHaunter

Would you like to super size that?


----------



## Spooky1

Our special tonight is Leg of Lem


----------



## Goblin

It tastes like chicken!


----------



## RoxyBlue

New one:










Dammit, I know I saw something somewhere in the paper about a sale at Penney's!


----------



## Hairazor

I need a kid to figure out these cell phone instructions


----------



## Spooky1

Who took the comics section?


----------



## RoxyBlue

All these mug shots look the same to me.


----------



## deadSusan

We really need to put this stuff on the computer.


----------



## Goblin

These instructions are in Japenese!


----------



## deadSusan

I think this inkblot looks like Frankenstein's monster dancing with a spider.


----------



## Spooky1

Damn, I'm never going to find my car now.


----------



## Hairazor

I will never again smoke while filling my gas tank


----------



## deadSusan

I suppose this means I need to find a new place to live.


----------



## Goblin

_My Haunt!_


----------



## RoxyBlue

Hmmm, I'm beginning to think there's a reason real estate is so cheap here......


----------



## Spooky1

Why did I book a vacation to Detroit?


----------



## Goblin

Never repair your furnace yourself!


----------



## RoxyBlue

This is the last time I book with a cheap-a$$ travel agency.


----------



## Hairazor

And the Devil said, "Welcome to your new home!"


----------



## Goblin

I always enjoy visiting the old neighborhood!


----------



## deadSusan

I don't know how I'm going to get my car clean now.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Hi, I'm from FEMA. Hello? Hello?


----------



## Goblin

Looks like the barbecue got a little out of hand!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Should have picked up a fire extinguisher last time I was at Home Depot....


----------



## Goblin

Anybody seen my propane tank?


----------



## Spooky1

Spooky1 said:


>


I told the mayor a bean festival was a bad idea.


----------



## CrazedHaunter

No, I said Bud Light!!


----------



## Spooky1

I thought "Highway to Hell" was just a song.


----------



## Goblin

Time for a new pic............










All I get is this cheap watch for Mother's Day, ya bum?


----------



## deadSusan

That's pretty expensive for an ugly necklace. Don't you have something else in stock?


----------



## Hairazor

You are getting sleepy, you will do everything I tell you to do


----------



## Goblin

I don't care if you are Hairaor's grandmother, I ain't buying that cheap watch!


----------



## RoxyBlue

I wonder if I should tell her that necklace she's wearing is way too flashy for an old crone like her?


----------



## Hairazor

I'm half blinded by the bling


----------



## CrazedHaunter

Man her breath stinks!


----------



## Goblin

Awww maw, you're interrupting my game!


----------



## deadSusan

I don't know where it came from ma. Honest I don't.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Dammit, I don't have time to read your palm! I'm trying to watch "Wheel of Fortune"!


----------



## Goblin

I thought you could hold your breath longer than that!


----------



## RoxyBlue

How many fingers am I holding up?


----------



## Goblin

I'm gonna teach your the gypsy claw hold!


----------



## RoxyBlue

New one:










I can see your house from up here!


----------



## Hairazor

Are you sure the mouse is gone???


----------



## CrazedHaunter

Bob and Marlo win the Serengeti invitational chicken fight for an unprecedented 3rd time!!!


----------



## deadSusan

Um, you're a little heavier than I thought.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Oscar debates telling his wife that the zebra neck warmer she got him for Christmas just wasn't his style.....


----------



## Spooky1

But it was a really big spider!


----------



## jobiz

The new Wild Kingdom Uber Franchise still has a few kinks to work out.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Dammit, Jim, I'm a giraffe, not a ladder!


----------



## Hairazor

You're right, the view from up here is pretty great


----------



## deadSusan

This massage session is not working out for me.


----------



## Goblin

Time for a new pic..................










The men's room is down the hall to your left!


----------



## Lord Homicide

"Oh behaaave... "


----------



## Hairazor

Must you always follow me?


----------



## Goblin

How do you like my new watch? The little mouse tells the time and the date!


----------



## Spooky1

Do you think my new diet is working?


----------



## RoxyBlue

Tag! You're it!


----------



## Hairazor

You put your left arm in, you put your left arm out, you put your left arm in and, hey you're not playing


----------



## Goblin

I told you to wait in the car!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Get back in the closet where you belong!


----------



## Goblin

Do you have the skeleton key, Bones?


----------



## Spooky1

Can I have this dance?


----------



## Goblin

Got to remember to lock the front door!


----------



## Hairazor

Get out! Just go!!


----------



## Goblin

Hi! I'm selling magazine subscriptions!


----------



## RoxyBlue

New one:










Dammit, I knew I shouldn't have left during rush hour!


----------



## Goblin

Now THAT'S a bigggggggggg bug problem!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Crap, the insurance company is NEVER going to believe me when I tell them how the windshield got cracked!


----------



## Hairazor

Yum! Just like lobster, gotta crack the shell to get to the tasty morsel


----------



## Goblin

I love to play with toy trucks and cars!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Moving it up:










Praying mantises are notorious for their failure to obey the rules of traffic, usually with disastrous results.


----------



## RoxyBlue

You know that message on your side view mirror about how "objects in mirror are closer than they appear"? Well.......


----------



## RoxyBlue

Quick, what did you do with that can of Raid?!?


----------



## RoxyBlue

The debut of Honda's newest car model "The Mantis" had unexpectedly disastrous consequences.


----------



## Hairazor

I always have trouble remembering where I left my vehicle


----------



## Goblin

I thought they said it was a grasshopper!


----------



## RoxyBlue

New one:










And as an added incentive, if you buy this house, I'll throw in the cat for free.


----------



## Hairazor

Get your own cat, this one is mine


----------



## Goblin

Want to see him attack on command?


----------



## RoxyBlue

This guy has no idea that I just gakked up a furball in his slippers.


----------



## Goblin

Who is the master and who is the pet?


----------



## RoxyBlue

Actually, I wanted a dog.....


----------



## Spooky1

RoxyBlue said:


> New one:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> And as an added incentive, if you buy this house, I'll throw in the cat for free.


Who glued my hand to the cat?


----------



## RoxyBlue

The cat isn't purring. I'm a ventriloquist.


----------



## Spooky1

Kitty says, you bought the wrong brand of tuna.


----------



## Lambchop

I don't always pet cats.
But when I do, I place my other hand inside my bathrobe.


----------



## RoxyBlue

New picture:










Ummm, that's not a chew toy, kid.


----------



## Hairazor

I was chasing my tail and I THOUGHT I got it


----------



## RoxyBlue

Whose idea was it to get a puppy?!?


----------



## Hairazor

Yummmm, tastes like chicken


----------



## RoxyBlue

Dude, a breath mint wouldn't hurt, you know!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Not tonight, dear, I have a headache.


----------



## Hairazor

Okaaaay, let me guess who it is


----------



## Spooky1

You have the worst fish breath.


----------



## Goblin

My parents will never accept you!


----------



## Hairazor

You're right, I shouldn't have looked down!


----------



## RoxyBlue

I don't care if you follow me home, I'm not keeping you!


----------



## Goblin

(singing) We're off to see the wizard.......The wonderful wizard of oz!


----------



## RoxyBlue

OMG, I can't believe you wore seaweed to the party! I am so mortified!


----------



## Goblin

Don't cry honey! It's just that if I take you home with me you'll drown!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Leave me alone! I said I don't love you anymore!


----------



## CrazedHaunter

Stop it! I saw you making eyes at my sister!!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Don't even think of trying to hold my hand until you get those nails trimmed!


----------



## Hairazor

Just being near you makes me feel faint


----------



## Goblin

Not tonight, I have a headache


----------



## Hairazor

If you love me you should have put a ring on it


----------



## Goblin

Time for a new pic..........










Well......I see she's been on the home shopping network again!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?


----------



## Hairazor

So that's what I will look like in the future


----------



## Goblin

I told you the forcast six times already........Snow!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Hmmm, not sure I like this big screen TV model. It makes people's foreheads look really big.


----------



## Goblin

Well......Here's another show they can cancel


----------



## RoxyBlue

Sheesh, she passed out on me again at a party! One of these days I'm going to meet a girl who can hold her liquor!


----------



## Hairazor

Oh Great Tree God here's my offering


----------



## Goblin

OMIGOD! The trees are coming to life!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Geez, is this photo shoot going to be done any time soon? My arms are getting tired!


----------



## RoxyBlue

When I called Uber, I thought I was going to get a car to transport me, not a gnarly old tree guy!


----------



## Goblin

You've got termites!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Grumpy Cat's got nuthin' on me!


----------



## Goblin

Help! I'm being attacked by a Virginia Creeper!


----------



## CrazedHaunter

Please mom,Can I keep it! Puhweese


----------



## Goblin

Reckon I can teach it to mow the lawn?


----------



## Hairazor

Rock a bye baby in the tree


----------



## RoxyBlue

Put me down! You're giving me splinters!


----------



## Monk

I found this in the woods.


----------



## Goblin

Do you live in a tree house?


----------



## RoxyBlue

Don't look so grumpy. I didn't know there were woodpeckers at the beach.


----------



## Hairazor

If I plant her will she sprout leaves?


----------



## Goblin

A lot of good it does to talk to the plants!


----------



## RoxyBlue

New one:










Man, the decorations for the prom really stink this year!


----------



## Goblin

The latest episode of Zombie High!


----------



## RoxyBlue

I knew I should have used different makeup. Everyone looks like me!


----------



## Hairazor

I'm ready for my closeup Mr. DeMille


----------



## Goblin

The couple in front:

Guy: Somebody passed gas!

Girl: It's not so much the smell as the burning of my eyes!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Sally's date couldn't help but think that her dancing style was as stiff as the taffeta petticoat she was wearing.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Don't tell anyone you're my cousin. If the other girls find out I couldn't get a real date, I'll never be able to show my face at school again.


----------



## Spooky1

The dance slowed to a crawl once riggor mortis set in.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Sales plummeted at the department store after the manager made the mistake of replacing all the mannequins with zombies.


----------



## Hairazor

Oh my I sure hope I'm dreaming


----------



## scareme

The chaperone's rules at prom...When slow dancing, everyone must stand far enough from their date that they could fit a cadaver in between them.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Time for a new one:










Nanny nanny boo boo!


----------



## Hairazor

I pick you!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Hey, you! Poopyface! I stole your balloons!


----------



## Goblin

Omigod Bozo! You really let yourself go!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Eenie meenie mynie MO!


----------



## Hairazor

Are you IT or am I?


----------



## RoxyBlue

I see London, I see France, I see someone's underpants!


----------



## Goblin

Are you a good clown or a bad clown?


----------



## Spooky1

I'll see you in your dreams.


----------



## Goblin

Pull my finger!


----------



## Hairazor

Ha Ha, made you scream


----------



## RoxyBlue

Time for a new one:










Nothing like a little snack in the afternoon to get you through the day.


----------



## Hairazor

Caught on Camera


----------



## RoxyBlue

Mmmmm, lion tamer flavored dental floss!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Ring Master? No, I haven't seen any ring master (burp).


----------



## Hairazor

Room service, I need someone to clean up a little mess


----------



## Goblin

Burp!


----------



## Hairazor

I wish this floss was mint flavored


----------



## Dyad

mmm.... Crunchy


----------



## Spooky1

Anyone else think they can tame me?


----------



## RoxyBlue

New one:










Which one of these buttons launches the photon torpedo?


----------



## Hairazor

GPS went out now which way do we go?


----------



## Goblin

I'm about to score 1 million points on Space Invaders!


----------



## RoxyBlue

If you'd stop asking Siri what zero divided by zero is, we might actually get this ship underway!


----------



## Goblin

Gilligan's Island again?


----------



## Spooky1

This website is NSFW, keep an eye out for the boss.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Do our uniforms need "gentle cycle" or "permanent press"?


----------



## scareme

Hey guys, there's someone coming through the door. I mean SOMETHING!


----------



## scareme

Craig, looking over Michael at Reggie, thinking, "Look at him. I bet he doesn't even remember it's my Birthday. After all I did for him on his Birthday. I brought the cake to work so everyone would make a big fuss over him. I took him out for supper and had a surprise party waiting for him when we got home. Not so much as a lousy card from him. He just takes me for granted."


----------



## scareme

OK Five across has to match with three down which is "a three letter word for feline".


----------



## Goblin

"You sneezed on the screen again, didn't you?"


----------



## RoxyBlue

I don't think those are the right coordinates for the horsehead nebula.


----------



## Hairazor

Are you sure it is OK to mention "otherworldly experience" as a plus on Date Dot Com


----------



## RoxyBlue

Shove over and give someone else a turn at playing Pokémon Go!


----------



## jobiz

Any of you guys know how to post videos to Facebook?


----------



## Goblin

Time for a new pic..............










"I'll scratch your eyes out!"


----------



## Hairazor

Do you know where I can get a good manicure?


----------



## Dyad

"i'll get you gadget!"


----------



## RoxyBlue

I'm wearing this mask because this morning I absentmindedly tried to pick my nose and, well, you get the picture....


----------



## RoxyBlue

Yeah, long fingernails are very fashionable, but they sure make going to the bathroom challenging.


----------



## Grimplestiltskin

this is what hapens when a hillbilly and a bobcat mate.


----------



## Hairazor

Who needs a toothpick with these nails?


----------



## Spooky1

Goblin said:


> Time for a new pic..............
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> "I'll scratch your eyes out!"


Would you like my special massage?


----------



## RoxyBlue

Picking locks sure got a whole lot easier.


----------



## Spooky1

If the glove fits, you must ...... Die!


----------



## deadSusan

My new manicurist is to die for, don't you think???


----------



## Spooky1

These nails keep putting runs in my pantyhose mask.


----------



## Goblin

Why do I wear a mask? I had an itch and forgot about the claws!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Here, let me pull that tick off your arm.


----------



## Goblin

Throw me the basketball!


----------



## RoxyBlue

New one:










The Orkin Exterminator Training Camp was a lot more challenging than Fred expected.


----------



## Hairazor

Stay back or I'll suck you into this tube!


----------



## Goblin

Yes lady! You have a big bug problem!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Now, just speak your demands clearly into the microphone here and I'll see what we can do.


----------



## Hairazor

When you said Presto Chango I thought you would turn me into a Prince


----------



## RoxyBlue

Damn Doctor Dementius and his evil experiments! Now there's going to be slime everywhere!


----------



## scareme

Damn, and I thought rappers were bad to work with. Now lets try it again. You sing into the microphone, not eat it.


----------



## scareme

What will we do with it once we catch it? We'll take it to Oklahoma. Tornadoes, noodling, earthquakes. He'll fit right in there. And who knows, he might get interviewed, and end up on national TV.


----------



## Goblin

What a time to run out of spray!


----------



## deadSusan

I think someone loaded the wrong chemical in the sprayer. It's supposed to be bug spray not a growth hormone!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Hold still, dammit! If I can just get this airbrushing thing down, I can be a contestant on FaceOff!


----------



## scareme

I hate when the mother-in-law comes to visit. Here's the remote control Mother Dearest. Of course we'll watch what ever you want.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Man, if I could only get this thing on a hook, I could catch me a really big fish!


----------



## Goblin

I'll blow your head off bug!


----------



## lewlew

Damn! I can't get this extinguisher to work! Stop, Drop, and Roll! STOP, DROP and ROLL!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Time for a new one:










I feel a splitting headache coming on.....


----------



## Goblin

What makes you think the new neighbors don't like you, dear?


----------



## Hairazor

I've looked all over and can't find the ax


----------



## RoxyBlue

Hold still, my dear, I'm just going to take a little off the top.


----------



## Spooky1

Moments before the director yelled "CUT" with unfortunate results


----------



## Goblin

The Indians are attacking!


----------



## RoxyBlue

New one:










Do you think we can fit a servo in here?


----------



## Spooky1

I think this is a fossilized 3 axis skull


----------



## RoxyBlue

I see where we went wrong now. The spinal cord should have gone through this opening here. Poor devil.....


----------



## Hairazor

If you'll just put your finger right here I think I can fix the broken part


----------



## RoxyBlue

Dammit, the mold cracked! Now we have to start all over.


----------



## RoxyBlue

If I press here, his jaw opens, see?


----------



## Spooky1

This must be the skull of a politician, it has no brain.


----------



## Hairazor

Is that a bar code in there?


----------



## RoxyBlue

"Size Small" - well, that explains a lot.


----------



## Hairazor

Where do you put the batteries?


----------



## Lord Homicide

"Made in China... Well I'll be damned."


----------



## RoxyBlue

"You see all this ossification here? Clearly a sign of great age."

_"Ossification, my a$$! That's a seam from a mold, you idiot!"_


----------



## Goblin

It bit me!


----------



## Lord Homicide

"Maybe the 'T' to that sign over in the corner lies beneath this occipital."


----------



## RoxyBlue

How about a new one?










What, no green tea?!?!


----------



## Lord Homicide

Why didn't anyone tell me I was this ugly?!


----------



## Hairazor

Who took the last one?


----------



## Lord Homicide

Stare at this picture long enough and a groin-grabbing statue will appear.


----------



## Spooky1

Your going close the box on my finger when I reach for one aren't you.


----------



## Goblin

Who ate all the chocolate-covered cherries?


----------



## RoxyBlue

Now hold the box steady and watch me break it with one blow from my trained hand.


----------



## Spooky1

RoxyBlue said:


> How about a new one?
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> What, no green tea?!?!


Now that Castro's dead we can get Havana cigars.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Open, sesame!

_Dude, it's already open, you moron!_


----------



## Hairazor

If my stare doesn't demolish it my fist will


----------



## RoxyBlue

Phew, what died in there?!?


----------



## Spooky1

This music box plays "Here Comes the Sun"


----------



## Lord Homicide

Discovery of the Force.


----------



## Hairazor

What's in there? It gave me a shock!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Ewww, there are worms in that candy!


----------



## Night Watchman

We are not doing that "Pretty Woman" thing AGAIN!!!


----------



## RoxyBlue

New one:










Dude, you could use a tictac!


----------



## Hairazor

I'm the guy, I'm supposed to dip you


----------



## RoxyBlue

I think you've got a loose crown on that back molar.


----------



## Spooky1

Kiss me you fool!


----------



## Lord Homicide

Turn your head and cough right now!


----------



## RoxyBlue

My ribs are cracking, dammit!


----------



## RoxyBlue

New one:










Who did your makeup? It's fabulous!


----------



## Lord Homicide

"Bonbon, Monsieur?"


----------



## Hairazor

Try a pinch of this, it'll make you feel alive


----------



## RoxyBlue

So how did your audition for the part of the Joker in the next Batman film go?


----------



## Hairazor

Don't look now but I think those two chicks are checking us out


----------



## Lord Homicide

Lol, this is.. Good stuff.. Hahaha.... Why are, why ya uh lookin at me like that bro? No seriously.


----------



## Pumpkin5

:jol:Why don't we share a finger bowl??? It's fresh, fresh, freshie.


----------



## Goblin

the circus must be in town again!


----------



## RoxyBlue

You were looking into the exhaust pipe when the car started, weren't you?


----------



## Lord Homicide

Please help yourself. Indulge in my perfectly salted nuts.


----------



## Goblin

are they shelled nuts?


----------



## Hairazor

Can I get the recipe?


----------



## RoxyBlue

Hmmm, according to this guide, this is only a one star hotel we're in.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Let's see, French phrase for "Where can I find a public bathroom?".....


----------



## Hairazor

The spell calls for fresh eye of newt


----------



## RoxyBlue

Hymn books have to be shared in poor churches


----------



## scareme

Look Dick.
Look Jane.
See funny Sally.
Funny, funny Sally.


----------



## scareme

It says, Look out for the killer behind the curtain.


----------



## RoxyBlue

Crap, this isn't the necronomicon! It's a Rand McNally road atlas!


----------



## Hairazor

You're right, the guide book does say furnish your own guide


----------



## scareme

"Oh, we've been wrong all along. Three down is carton not martin.


----------



## RoxyBlue

"...to be continued...". Dammit, I hate when books end that way!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Today's horoscope says "You will be slain while reading a book". Uh oh.....


----------



## RoxyBlue

Hey, someone tore out the page that had Grandma's secret recipe for pot roast!


----------



## Hairazor

OK, the first one to answer this question right wins


----------



## RoxyBlue

There's some fine print at the bottom of the page here. It says "your companions are morons and not to be trusted"....


----------



## Hairazor

If I could translate this myself, I wouldn't need you guys


----------



## Lord Homicide

The diary revealed the dirty little secret behind Johnny's light-emitting armpit; he is not human.


----------



## Goblin

Who's diary are you reading this time?


----------



## RoxyBlue

Wow, this book has been overdue at the library since March 15, 2003!


----------



## Goblin

See Dick!
See Dick Run!
Run Dick Run!
See Jane!
see Dick chase Jane with his car!
Run Jane run!


----------



## scareme

See, the rules state the player to the right of the dealer goes first.


----------



## Goblin

It's written in latin


----------



## PrettyGhoul

Why didn't you two bozos ever learn how to read?!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Time for a new one:










I'll take Horror Movies for $400, please.


----------



## Hairazor

Let's take a vote


----------



## PrettyGhoul

The final days of Congress


----------



## Hairazor

I'm only going to say this two times


----------



## RoxyBlue

Okay, how many fingers am I holding up?


----------



## Hairazor

Eanee menee minee mo


----------



## RoxyBlue

The new judges on "America's Got Talent" seemed to favor the more "out of this world" performances.


----------



## Hairazor

The Three Stooges at a Halloween Costume Party


----------



## PrettyGhoul

Mr. Vlad, let me be clear, if you persist with any more of this vile and disgusting "Yo Mama was an angel, Yo Mama is a nun" commentary, you will be banned from this den of iniquity and your family will be staked.


----------



## RoxyBlue

I bid 300 quatloos for the newcomers!


----------



## Lord Homicide

Future generations of the Trump family in intergalactic politics.


----------



## Spooky1

Beauty is in the forehead of the beholder


----------



## Lord Homicide

"Scissors beats paper. Oooohh!"


----------



## Hairazor

One potato, two potato


----------



## RoxyBlue

How many fingers am I holding up?


----------



## Hairazor

Did you see that?


----------



## RoxyBlue

You, sir, are out of order! Sit down and be silent!


----------



## Goblin

Very bad Elvis clones!


----------



## Hairazor

Does this hair style make me look old?


----------



## Goblin

Next contestant


----------



## RoxyBlue

New one:










Wanna feed the kitty?


----------



## Hairazor

You looking at me?


----------



## Hauntiholik

The pizza boy I ordered is here!


----------



## Copchick

Ever get the feeling you're being watched?


----------



## Hairazor

Got room for 3 more


----------



## PrettyGhoul

I spy with my big golden eye...


----------



## Lord Homicide

A photo from the transportation for hire safety chapter of Gary Larson's new best seller, The Modernization of Natural Selection.


----------



## Hairazor

The food looks fresh


----------



## RoxyBlue

Wanna come out and play?


----------



## RoxyBlue

Look into my eyes. Yooouuuu waaaant to ooopeeeeeen the doooor....


----------



## scareme

Now John wishes he had paid attention in science class when they discussed what to do if you run into a lion. Was it look them in the eye, so they know who's boss? Or don't make eye contact, you don't want to make them mad? He also wishes he had bought a better cell phone package, and could get some bars out here. Poor John.


----------



## PrettyGhoul

Hey Elsa? Do you need any help getting the groceries out of the car?


----------



## Hairazor

Peek a boo


----------



## Lizzyborden

You thought your day was going bad before....


----------



## Goblin

Peeky Poo!


----------



## RoxyBlue

If I just stay back here, maybe she won't notice I'm not a puppy.


----------



## Hairazor

They will never think to look for me here


----------



## RoxyBlue

Peek-a-boo!


----------



## Hairazor

I always seem to get on the wrong side of the milking machine


----------



## PrettyGhoul

RoxyBlue said:


>


I was here first and I'm not moving!!


----------



## Goblin

Get off! Get off! Get off!


----------



## RoxyBlue

That pesky wolf is gonna get a big surprise when he comes looking for me tonight.


----------



## Hairazor

Nobody puts Baby in a corner


----------



## PrettyGhoul

It's getting a little _ripe_ back here.


----------



## Goblin

....and strange little dog!


----------



## Hairazor

I must have been walking in my sleep to end up here


----------



## Goblin

You're not my mother!


----------



## Hairazor

This is a lousy vacation destination


----------



## RoxyBlue

I wonder why my brothers don't look like me?


----------



## Goblin

Time for a new pic. This one has been used since January 31st!


----------



## Hairazor

__
https://flic.kr/p/2a2V1SK

Peek


----------



## Skull

Hairazor said:


> __
> https://flic.kr/p/2a2V1SK
> 
> Peek


Has anyone seen my kitty?


----------



## Goblin

I thought I saw a Puddy Tat


----------



## Hairazor

Where is the sun when you want to walk your lion?


----------



## PrettyGhoul

I should have never told Leo I was taking him to the vet.


----------



## Hairazor

Bubble over the lion's head: Heh heh, lunch


----------



## scareme

That's the last time I play truth or dare.


----------



## Dreadmakr

KITTY!!!
Look at the mess you made!!!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Androcles was supposed to meet me here an hour ago!


----------



## Dreadmakr

Are you sure the lambs went up there?


----------



## Hairazor

And what's behind door number 2


----------



## Dr. Maniaco

"Wow Aslan ... you really let Narnia go to crap."


----------



## Dreadmakr

I found you are. 
Now where could the tin man and scarecrow be hiding?


----------



## scareme

Looks like it's time for a new picture.


----------



## scareme

Glenda! What have I told you about biting your nails?


----------



## scareme

I think I've thrown him off my trail. He'll never find me in here.


----------



## Hairazor

I never even saw that coming


----------



## Dreadmakr

I told you before... I don't like Indian food


----------



## scareme

I really need to get these uneven nails taken care of. Do you know a good manicurist? Oh, nevermind.


----------



## Hairazor

Don't sneak up on me like that


----------



## Dr. Maniaco

"Thank you Thing ... but I'll bite my own nails."


----------



## Dreadmakr

I wish I didn't have to keep adjusting my dentures


----------



## Hairazor

Tag, you're it


----------



## Dreadmakr

You can't make me return to the dinner table...
I would rather eat my own fingers, than to eat what you prepared.


----------



## CrazedHaunter

Should I go with a graveyard or pirate theme this year.


----------



## Dreadmakr

So many trick-or-treaters this year
Do think we have enough candy?


----------



## PrettyGhoul

scareme said:


> Looks like it's time for a new picture.


*Oh, what fresh hell have I gotten myself into?!*


----------



## RoxyBlue

Crap! I wouldn't have opened the door if I'd know it was a Jehovah's Witness!


----------



## Hairazor

Don't fret, I'm here for you


----------



## CrazedHaunter

Hmmm. Thin mints or Samoas? I can never decide!


----------



## Dreadmakr

Just don't touch my new dress with your grimy fingers.


----------



## Goblin

Need a hand?


----------



## Dreadmakr

Did you just see what I just saw?


----------



## Spooky1

My nails will never grow out if I keep chewing on them.


----------



## Dreadmakr

OH NO!!!
The squirrels are into the bird feeder again!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Whoa, next time warm up those hands before you come near me!


----------



## Dreadmakr

Ouch!!
I just got a splinter from the door jam.


----------



## Hairazor

How bout a new one--

first cemetary entry

Look at my fresh mani-pedi


----------



## Dreadmakr

I think this new diet is working


----------



## Dr. Maniaco

... and I call this one, “Waiting At The DMV”


----------



## Dreadmakr

Dang!!
This seat really hurts my tail bone


----------



## Hairazor

Last trip to the Cemetery


----------



## Dreadmakr

Clang, clang, clang went the trolley
Ding, ding, ding went the bell...


----------



## Hairazor

Iii ain't got no booody (come on, sing it with me)


----------



## Dreadmakr

Where on earth did I pick up toe fungus?


----------



## Hairazor

Do I look bleached out from too much sun?


----------



## Dreadmakr

I just don't have the stomach for this kind of thing.


----------



## CrazedHaunter

I hate the DMV. When are they going to call my number?


----------



## Dreadmakr

I'm Hungry.
Wish I has some bone meal.


----------



## Hairazor

New---

100_0572

Coming in for landing


----------



## Dreadmakr

The traffic is really heavy this morning


----------



## Hairazor

Move over we've got company


----------



## CrazedHaunter

What the duck?


----------



## PrettyGhoul

That's right...keep on flying! This pond is taken.


----------



## Dreadmakr

Bombs away


----------



## Hairazor

Where's Air Traffic control when you need it?


----------



## Dreadmakr

Studying the family tree


----------



## Hairazor

I still have an itch

1022181437a - Copy


----------



## Dr. Maniaco

Firstly, I'm not a donkey. And secondly, that's not my tail.


----------



## Dreadmakr

I said pinSTRIPE suit...


----------



## Hairazor

Does this mean you're mad at me?


----------



## Dreadmakr

Ouch


----------



## Hairazor

Do I look like a porcupine


----------



## Dreadmakr

I'm beginning to think that somebody is out to get me.


----------



## Hairazor

Where can I get a doll like that?


----------



## Dreadmakr

I was wrestling... I got pinned


----------



## Hairazor

What do you mean, "Does it hurt?"


----------



## Dreadmakr

Get the point


----------



## Hairazor

Where did you say it hurts


----------



## Dreadmakr

They told me it was an acupuncture suit, and that it would make me feel much better.


----------



## Hairazor

100_1723

You always take the best pieces


----------



## Dreadmakr

Here's looking at you.


----------



## Hairazor

Slim pickings


----------



## Dreadmakr

I think this goes here


----------



## Bone To Pick

Eye love birds.


----------



## Dreadmakr

Look!! I found an EYEpod


----------



## Goblin

Giving him the eyeball!


----------



## Dreadmakr

Eat this and you will see things more clearly


----------



## Hairazor

This eye will be great for our Halloween display


----------



## Bone To Pick

Hey look, I'm the Three-Eyed Raven!


----------



## RoxyBlue

Pretty crappy buffet, if you ask me.


----------



## PrettyGhoul

Anyone else picking up a plastic aftertaste?


----------



## Hairazor

Just hanging around


----------



## PrettyGhoul

Life is _good!_


----------



## Hairazor

Pucker up baby


----------



## Spooky1

For our next lesson on how to be cool ….


----------



## Hairazor

I'm ready for my close up


----------



## Goblin

The new tv repairman


----------



## Hairazor

Romeo


----------



## Goblin

When Bozo retired


----------



## Hairazor

And in other news


----------



## Goblin

Waiting for it's chance


----------



## Hairazor

Don't fool with a mouse


----------



## Goblin

The paper was late again!


----------



## Hairazor

Take your shoes off so you don't track on my cat


----------



## Goblin

I just remembered.......mice can't read!


----------



## Hairazor

It took a big gun to bring down that cat


----------



## Goblin

Like the new rug?


----------



## Hairazor

Run your bare feet through this rug and see how soft it is


----------



## Goblin

It was then that he found out the cat was playing possum!


----------



## Hairazor

Rug Advertisement


----------



## Dreadmakr

Not on the dinner table! I SAID NOT ON THE DINNER TABLE!!


----------



## Lord Homicide

Garfield: After His 9 Lives


----------



## RoxyBlue

Time for a new one: “Hey, I asked for an automatic, not a stick shift!”


----------



## Hairazor

Where's the fire?


----------



## Bone To Pick

Safe in the knowledge that toy vehicles would ALWAYS be made of durable metals, little Suzie honked the horn and overfilled her diaper.


----------



## Hairazor

Road trip


----------



## Dr. Maniaco

Salesman: "And for those idiots that cut you off, this model comes with optional gun holsters!"


----------



## Hairazor

What do you mean I need a license


----------



## PrettyGhoul

RoxyBlue said:


> Time for a new one: “Hey, I asked for an automatic, not a stick shift!”
> 
> 
> 
> "How cool do I look _NOW?_


----------



## Hairazor

Hop in, we'll blow this pop stand


----------



## The Haddonfield Slasher

What use are ladders that I'm taller than?


----------



## Hairazor

How fast does this thing go


----------



## The Haddonfield Slasher

I know that fire is urgent, but so is the load in my diapers!


----------



## Hairazor

A great way to attract chicks


----------



## The Haddonfield Slasher

"Engine 21 reporting for duty... unfortunately, I lost my tiller driver when I took that sharp turn back by the knick knacks"


----------



## Hairazor

Did I lose the fire dog on that last turn


----------



## The Haddonfield Slasher

Is this Fred Flintstone's firetruck? Why the heck do I need to use my feet?


----------



## Goblin

You got my bed!


----------



## Hairazor

I'm Innocent


----------



## Goblin

License and regisration


----------



## Hairazor

Do these vertical bars make me look slimmer


----------



## The Haddonfield Slasher

Don't text and drive your mobile jail cell.


----------



## Hairazor

How fast can this thing go


----------



## The Haddonfield Slasher

Side car riding hardly seems like a jailable offense


----------



## Hairazor

That's a mighty big lock


----------



## stick

This is no roll cage.


----------



## Hairazor

How much will it take to set me free


----------



## The Haddonfield Slasher

How could I be speeding? You were driving!


----------



## Hairazor

What are these bars made from


----------



## The Haddonfield Slasher

You said I could ride in the "SIDE CAR"!


----------



## Hairazor

You can do whatever you want, I am still not giving you my autograph


----------



## The Haddonfield Slasher

Well, isn't this embarrassing. First you lock me in my own mobile jail... then you put on my uniform.


----------



## Hairazor

We gotta quit meeting like this


----------



## The Haddonfield Slasher

And away we go!


----------



## Hairazor

Can I sound the siren and flash the lights


----------



## stick

I said I wanted CANDY bars.


----------



## The Haddonfield Slasher

"....and then all of a sudden the accelerator starts depressing on it's own all the way to the floor and that's when I passed you."


----------



## Hairazor

It's a little breezy


----------



## stick

So when do I see the sharks?


----------



## Hairazor

So that's where they went


----------



## The Haddonfield Slasher

Every time I try to sit, I fall over. Did someone spike the punch?


----------



## Hairazor

He took the plunge to a whole new level


----------



## The Haddonfield Slasher

No, that's not quite what they mean by plumbers' crack


----------



## Hairazor

I feel like something is following me


----------



## The Haddonfield Slasher

Two more plungers on my ass, and I'll look just like that stool


----------



## PrettyGhoul

_Leave _me alone!


----------



## Hairazor

Where did I leave that plunger


----------

