# I have a list of epitaphs here that might be of some interest.



## The Archivist (May 31, 2009)

_Harry Edsel Smith_
Born 1903 - Died 1942
Looked up the elevator shaft
To see if the car was on its way down
It was.

_Matthew Mudd_
Here lies Matthew Mudd,
Death did him no hurt;
When alive he was
Only Mudd,
But now he's only
Dirt.

_Sir John Strange_
Here lies an honest lawyer,
And that is Strange.

Stranger, tread
This ground with
Gravity:
Dentist Brown is filling
His last cavity.

My wife is dead
And here she lies:
Nobody laughs
And nobody cries:
Where she is gone to
And how she fares
Nobody knows
And nobody cares.

He angled in the
Babbling brook
With all his angler's skill.
He lied about the fish he took
And here he's lying still.

Tears cannot
Restore her:
Therefore I weep.

Beneath this stone
Lie Humphrey and Joan,
Who rest together in peace,
Living indeed,
They disagreed,
But now all quarrels cease.

Here lies John Racket,
In his wooden jacket:
Kept neither horses
Nor mules;
Lived a hog,
Died a dog;
And left all his money
To fools.

Here lies Ann Mann.
She lived an old maid
But died an old Mann.

_Mrs. Nott_
Nott born, Nott dead.
Here lies a woman who was,
And who was Nott.

_Dr. I. Lettsom_
When people's ill,
They comes to I,
I physics, bleeds, and sweats 'em;
Sometimes they live,
Sometimes they die;
What's that to I?
I. Lettsom.


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## scareme (Aug 29, 2006)

Those are pretty funny. Thanks for sharing them with us.


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## rick47 (Jun 21, 2009)

Thank you for taking the time to post epitaphs. I see one that I'll be using this coming Halloween


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## DarkLore (Jan 25, 2009)

With a red head he did flirt
Caught by his wife
Now here lies Burt

Here lies Ezekial Aikle
Age 102
Only the good die young
(East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia, Canada)

Here lies Johnny Yeast... Pardon me for not rising.
(Cemetery in Ruidoso, New Mexico)

Here lays The Kid.
We planted him raw.
He was quick on the trigger,
But slow on the draw.
(Cemetery in Silver City, Nevada)

Under the sod and under the trees,
Lies the body of Jonathan Pease.
He is not here, there's only the pod.
Pease shelled out and went to God.
(Cemetery in Nantucket, Massachusetts)

Anna Hopewell
Here lies the body of our Anna,
Done to death by a banana.
It wasn't the fruit that laid her low,
But the skin of the thing that made her go.
(Cemetery in Enosburg Falls, Vermont)

Here lies Sir Edward Poe,
The train was fast, but he was slow

Hygenic Jack
That's what they say
He changed his undies every day

I only asked if she'd put on weight


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## DarkLore (Jan 25, 2009)

Here lies the girl
who fell for death
He stole her heart
and took her breath
He kissed her as he took her life
She should have watched out for that sythe

Here lies Clare Voiyant
She never saw it coming

Molly though pleasant in her day
Was suddenly seized and sent away
How soon she's ripe, how soon she's rott'n
Sent to her grave and soon forgott'n
(Mary "Molly" Fowler's grave, Milford Cemetery, Connecticut)

P. U. Smelly.
He stunk by day.
He reeked at night.
His Ma and Pa
Sure named him right

Here lies Bill Clinton
With two blondes and a brunette

Runs with Scissors

Dances with Hungry Wolves

I. M. Gone

U. R. Next

Here lies Suzy Sass
Died from shock
Over the price of Gas!


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