# Wicked Zombie Poem



## WickedBanshee (Sep 9, 2013)

Thought you'd all enjoy this lengthily poem a couple of friends and myself threw together a few years ago. Hope you get a few laughs  

This first part is from a Rob Zombie song that got this whole thing started.

"When out of the darkness
the zombie did call
True pain and suffering
came brought to them all" 

Away ran the children
to hide in their beds
For fear that the devil
would CHOP OFF THEIR HEADS!!! 
-Rob Zombie


So out comes this guy with a really big ax
And gave all the kiddies some really fine whacks
Their heads came off neatly and rolled down the hall
So he grabbed a big bad and collected them all
Then he ran to his kitchen, got out a big pot
And said "What I needed was food for thought!"

So he thought of something that would add a little spice
Then he cut off the toenail's and said "that should suffice".
As he sat at the table waiting for the pot to boil
He looked at the rest of the bodies beginning to spoil
So he chopped them up and put them in the meat grinder
"Little kid hamburger's and sausages" "What could be finer"
It was just then that the pot started to simmer
He looked at one of the head's starting to whimper
"Why have you cut off my head to eat"?
Because you have been tricked and now for my treat!!!!

"How sweet! Fresh MEAT!"
The zombie did cry,
and threw in some tiny fingers to fry.
"I've always liked the way they feel on my tongue, 
reminds me a lot, of french fried lung."

"I wonder if marrow would make a good dip?
And maybe fried flesh 
would make crispy chips?"

So hacking and slicing the zombie did toil,
and tossed all the goodies in a big pot of oil.

The kiddie's parent's thought they were
tucked in their bed's.
Little they knew.....
the zombie chopped off their heads! 
He killed them and ate them and made
"Sweet Meat Stew", 
and handed a bowl to each zombie he knew.

The zombie was happy and proud what he'd done.
Till he realized he'd all but forgotten their BUM'S!!

He lumbered to the kitchen,
and grabbed him some butts.
He tossed 'em in flour, 
and threw on some nuts(?)

Zombie carefully placed them
in the oven with care, 
but when he did.......the bums EXPLODED
and caught fire to his HAIR!

The flambe'd zombie let out such a scream, 
that one of his guests in the parlor
toppled their cream.

The zombie raced through the room, 
and out of the door,
hair burning brightly and.....OH SO MUCH MORE!

As he passed by his guests,
at lumbering speed,
he shouted to all.....

"HOT CROSSED BUNS INDEED!!

His bun's all aflame and his hair a fire too
When he thought "Oh know I've left my stew"!!!
So back to the kitchen the zombie did run
When some of the parent's showed up with a gun

"Where are our children"? The parent's did cry!
"Why I chopped them up in the pan to fry"
A look of horror the parent's did show
While they watched the zombie eating a couple of toe's

"We're gonna shoot you right in the head"!
Till they remembered the zombie's are already dead!
The zombie's gathered round, ready to feast
The parent's looking around, worried to say the least!!!

Why are you looking at us like that the parent's did ask
Wel,l we were thinking of boiling you down and putting you in a flask!
"A fine Merlot of Elder Parent Wine,
No better drink when you sit down to dine!"

The zombies looked at each other convinced of their plight
That they no longer had the will to fend them off or fight.
The parent's looked at each other, thing's looking dire...
When a zombie ran by screaming "Would someone please help me!?..I'M STILL ON FIRE!!!"

As one zombie grabbed the zombie on fire,
he drug him outside and into the mire.
Not knowing if the bog would eat him instead,
the zombie on fire grabbed some moss to put out his head.

"What were you thinking!?" the muddy zombie did shout!
"You must grab me now and get me the hell out!!"

By this time the moss had started to smoke,
both zombies gasped, and was beginning to choke.

"I'm sorry, I'm trying all of my best--
to get you out at your request!"

"If I pull any harder, I'm afraid I'll do you harm.....**CRACK**
Ops! What was that?.....I pulled off your ARM!"

When all of a sudden...from inside the house....
Something was stirring, quiet as a mouse.

Off in the kitchen, something shuffling around.
‘Twas something moving, they fell to the ground.

It seems that not all the bum’s had exploded,
They were in the cooking sherry,
and all getting loaded.

They were partying and laughing as best as they could,
Only it sounded a lot like **Hissing**
Cause they’re BUM’S it would!

They all began crawling, if you could call it that…..
To shuffle around on…..well, where most people sat!


They crawled out the kitchen and down a great hall,
They frightened the guests...who jumped threw a wall.

Both parents and zombies never saw such a sight,
One decomposed zombie even thought he’d stand up and fight!

“I’LL NOT RUN!” the zombie did cry.
“You may think me dumb…can’t say it’s a lie.
But would not ever, I think to run,
From such a stinky, BUNCH of dirty DRUNKIN BUM’S!

”The zombie took his best fighting stance, 
While the rest of the bum’s started to dance.
Round in a circle they began to bounce,
Then one of the big ones decided to pounce.

The big fat bum landed square on the zombie’s gray matter,
Making it flat…looking like a sick mad hatter. 

“Get off of me you fat a**” the zombie did cry,
that’s when the s*** really began to fly!

The zombie grabbed the alcohol soaked bum from on top his head,
Meant to throw him to the ground, 
But hit the mire zombie instead.
Right where the zombie was still all a glow,
Everyone raced for cover before it could blow!

The bums didn't like the dead girl's sass
Who would take that from a decaying lass?
So they all turned around and fired foul gas
That blew all the zombies out onto the grass

And as they all laid there, smoking like burnt toast
They agreed never again to attempt a RUMP roast!

They'd all stick to heads and to fingers and toes
And even that one girl's cute button nose
But the bums were too smart to think to harass
And who even really likes a smart ***?

"Smart *** or not,these zombie's must go"!
As they stared at the zombie's eating the toe's...

"What are you bum's looking at"? The zombie's yelled
When the zombie on fire cried, "I'm beginning to melt!"

Their comrade on fire they thought what to do,
When one of them tried to put him out with his shoe!

"What are you doing? What the hell were you thinking?"
"You smell like booze! What were you drinking?"

"The Elder Parent Wine that was in the flask."
"You idiot, that was mine. Why didn't you ask!!!"

"Because I'm a zombie come straight from hell"
"I don't know manner's, etiquette, and don't ring dinner the dinner bell!"

The zombie on fire now now melting like butter...
When one of the zombie's said, "hey he smell's like barbecued frankfurter's."

Sniffing the air the zombie's licked their lip's...
They whispered to each other, "I bet he'd be good with some flesh chip's!"

The zombie's gathered round and started the chase...
A look of horror in the zombie on fire's face.

"Hey bum's help they're trying to eat me!"
The zombie on fire said as he began to flee...

"Why would we help you, your completely evil."
"You're always scaring, hurting and eating people!"

The zombies proceeded to eat the whole town.
And when they were finished, they burned it all down.
They ate all the arms and they ate all the brains
Then, for a finish, they licked up the stains.
When no one was left to provide the next meal,
They turned on each other with glutenous zeal.
They ate the cool zombies, they ate up the dorks
Attacking each other with spoons, knives and forks.
Some were first roasted,
Some swallowed raw,
One zombie baby even ate ma and pa.
When it came down to the last pair of sinners,
They flipped a half-dollar to see who was dinner
Then the last zombie, alone on the shelf,
Simply decided to eat up himself.
He ate up his feet and his legs and his hands.
He swallowed his liver and chewed up his glands.
He didn't feel a thing, being already dead
Till finally nothing remained but his head.
Then he looked around greedily, his eyes still alert,
Licked his dead lips and said....

"Now, what's for dessert?"


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## Copchick (Apr 10, 2012)

Ha, haaa! Funny!


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## WickedBanshee (Sep 9, 2013)

:zombie: Thanks...he he he


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## Hairazor (Mar 13, 2012)

That was a fun read!


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## kprimm (Mar 14, 2009)

nice work, bad ol' zombie


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## WickedBanshee (Sep 9, 2013)

THX Kprimm, coming from you that's quite a compliment. 
Love your writings! (bloody heart insert here}


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