# English is too complex



## GothicCandle (Mar 26, 2007)

http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/...oo_complex_for_the_lower_orders_to_understand

English is proven too complex for the lower orders to understand

1. Your house burnt up and then it burnt down. So your fire alarm went off by turning on. So you had to fill in your insurance form by filling it out.

2. If teachers taught, why haven't preachers praught???

3. If the plural of tooth is teeth, then why isn't the plural of booth beeth?? (mmmm... beef)

4. You can make amends but you can't make one amend.

5. If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Obviously humanitarians eat humanitables, not humans. Otherwise, vegetarians would eat vegans.

6. Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?

7. Noses that run and feet that smell?

8. How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? For that matter, how can aweful be something bad when awesome is really good?

9. When the stars are out, they are visible. BUT when the lights are out, they are invisible.

10. English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant (but in Britain it's a Courgette), nor ham in hamburger (GB just Burger); neither apple nor pine in pineapple (well). English muffins weren't invented in England nor French fries (GB Chips) in France. Sweetmeats are candies (or GB Sweets) while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are a bulls testsicles (GB Bulloks Bolloks).

11. There are 7 different ways to pronounce the letters 'ough' - tough [uf],/ʌf/, cough [off],/ɑf/, bough [ow!],/aʊ/, though [o],/oʊ/, ought [awe],/ɑ/, through [oo],/u/, hiccough [up],/ʌp/.

12. You can be gormless, but what IS gorm? Apparently something that is good to have?

13. If "glasses" is a pair of lenses worn on the head, then why isn't a monocle called a "glass"?

14. You say "tomayto" and we, correctly, say "tomarto". You say "potado" and we, correctly, say "potayto". Let's call the whole thing off.

16. If you fail to perform well, you suck and blow at the same time. Why is a ####### not called a suck job yet sucky jobs often blow?

17. If tinwhistles are made of tin what are foghorns made of?

18. Why is the fear of long words'hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia'?

19. If one who does stupid things is "reckless", why can't someone who thinks things through be "reckful"?

20. One of the mice is called a mouse, but one of the dice isn't a douse, nor one grain of rice called a rouse, nor a cube of ice called an ouse? And why isn't a house one of the hice or a blouse one of the blice? (And for that matter, why isn't a spouse one of the spice?)

21. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests? If ice makes icicles, what does a test make?

22. If teachers are teaching and painters are painting, why aren't lawyers lawying? (If you're Australian, that might make sense, since you say that lawyers lawye(lie).)

23. If the prefix "de" means none or the opposite of, how does devoid (void meaning the same thing) still mean "nothing"?

24. You park on a driveway and you drive on a parkway.

25. how comes inaccurate means not accurate when inflammable means flammable? It doesn't, it's a common misconception that inflammable infact means flammable when it doesn't, flammable means flammable and inflammable means not flammable, like fact means a fact and infact means fiction.

26. why is it that a policemen police, workmen work and patrolmen patrol when milkmen dont milk

27. No such thing as a double positive making a negative? Yeah, right.

28. all of these guys are obviously americans and don't know the REAL definition of the english language, stupid americans

29. apologies for last part of point 28, it's a tautology, one has to learn not to do these things. Or not. As in, he's got an -ology?

Edited to ad:
http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Correct_English

Correct English is often labeled as the least spoken form of English on Earth and, quite possibly, the universe (there's still some dispute on Mars and Pluto, though).
(audio) Correct English (file info)
Uncyclopedia has kindly put an audio version of this article at your disposition.

refresh birthdays Correct English can be use for several purposes:

* To look knowledgable without actually knowing anything
* To be hated on the internet
* To be hated in the south
* To be hated anywhere
* To get an A in Language Arts
* To get beat up on the playground after school
* To summon demons from the underworld to feed on the flesh of the living
* Ignore that last one


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## RoxyBlue (Oct 6, 2008)

LOL, and here is my favorite:

Correct English can be use for several purposes:

* To summon demons from the underworld to feed on the flesh of the living
* Ignore that last one

:googly:

I'm guessing Mandarin Chinese is the most difficult language to learn, but English is the most confusing


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## GothicCandle (Mar 26, 2007)

RoxyBlue said:


> LOL, and here is my favorite:
> 
> Correct English can be use for several purposes:
> 
> ...


Chinese yes, but not Mandarin but Cantonese. Mandarin has 4 or 5 tones where as Cantonese has 7(or more, i don't quite remember, but i know its more then mandarin) So, try and say a single sound 7 different ways!!

Japanese is the best of both worlds, pretty writing like Chinese, but no tones!!! yay!!


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## Papa Bones (Jul 27, 2005)

GothicCandle said:


> Chinese yes, but not Mandarin but Cantonese. Mandarin has 4 or 5 tones where as Cantonese has 7(or more, i don't quite remember, but i know its more then mandarin) So, try and say a single sound 7 different ways!!
> 
> Japanese is the best of both worlds, pretty writing like Chinese, but no tones!!! yay!!


I still think Hawaiian trumps Chinese as the most difficult language to learn. The Hawaiian alphabet only has 12 letters, so all their words sound the same.:googly:


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## Dark Angel 27 (Sep 11, 2008)

*blank stare* im sorry gc. half of that never made it to the left side of my brain


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## The Creepster (Sep 18, 2009)

I tend to use my one finger for most conversations...because I am a humanitarian and a "well wisher"


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## GothicCandle (Mar 26, 2007)

Papa Bones said:


> I still think Hawaiian trumps Chinese as the most difficult language to learn. The Hawaiian alphabet only has 12 letters, so all their words sound the same.:googly:


lol, I agree. That would be very hard. When each vowel has it's own sound in a word, THAT is hard. Don't matter if there are two As or six, they are each pronounced separately.


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