# No motivation for my Haunt



## Chad-O-Lantern (Jan 5, 2014)

As the thread title states, I have no motivation for my Haunt anymore. Halloween used to be one of the most exciting times of the year for me, now the thought of planning out and building/buying props makes me sick to my stomach.

I'm trying to somehow find some motivation. Although, coming to this forum has helped me in seeing what others are working on and have been doing. It's good to know that I'm not the only one that has loved Halloween this much. I've loved it and have always decorated since I was a kid.

My problem is, I feel like I have PTSD or something when it now comes to Halloween. Last year, I had spent months planning out what I was going to do, even attended a Halloween convention (Scare L.A.) due to the excitement to try and get things really going for my Haunt. To keep things short, Halloween was destroyed for me because my wife was unfaithful to me during this time. So all those months I spent planning things out while I thought my wife was busy studying for finals, she was doing horrible things behind my back. 

Thus, all my Halloween plans fell apart just as I did, and I did not celebrate Halloween. My new props didn't leave their boxes, my plans got tossed out and my Halloween was shot. I spent three months alone until she decided to return, then was unfaithful once again. After lots of counselling trying to figure things out she is back home and we are working on things, but now it's been about a full year and whenever my mind shifts over to thinking about Halloween and what I want to do to make up for the loss of last year I get this sick feeling in my stomach and my feelings feel shattered.

I tried to overcome this, I've gone to a couple of Halloween stores and started looking online at ideas, but now I just feel like crap and don't feel happy at all trying to put this together. I'm afraid of what has happened will repeat itself if I don't keep a close eye on my wife and I just don't know what to do. I bought a few props for this year hoping that I will overcome this, but as we near closer to October, that sick feeling in my gut gets worse the more I feel the weight on my shoulders. I don't want to let down the neighborhood kids again, but to try and get this done feels paralyzing. 

I'm sure some of you have been through issues similar to this. I'm just not sure how to get my motivation back. Something that was so special to me is now a reminder of one of the most painful experiences I have ever been through.

Thank you, and I hope you are all excited and are looking forward to Halloween 2015.


----------



## stars8462 (Sep 28, 2008)

I went through a similar issue around 5 years ago. My now ex wife was an alcoholic years ago. During the weeks leading up to Halloween, she decided to start drinking again. She would disappear all night. I knew she was drunk, but had no idea where or with who. When she would return, I would always have to hear a crazy lie about what happened.
Needless to say, my heart was not in Halloween at all that year. After a few months, she straightened out. Unfortunately when October rolled around the following year, I found myself thinking back to the problems from the previous year and not really concentrating on planning for my favorite day of the year.
Eventually she began drinking, lying and staying out all night again, which led to our separation. While separated, she graduated to drugs. Of course we never got back together, and ended up divorced with me getting primary custody of our daughter.

What I took from this experience is that even though it's hard, you need to move on from what happened. Whether that be by separating or completely forgiving.
I wont get into my beliefs about cheating, but I will say that if you feel that you need to keep an eye on her at all times, that's a relationship that will eventually fail. Either you will begin regretting her for what she's done and what you cannot do for fear of what she may be doing. Or she will begin regretting you, which will lead to her either leaving, or cheating again without fear of the consequence.

If you decide to completely forgive her, try wrapping your self around your haunt. Concentrate on what you have planned. Use it as a distraction, and hopefully you will eventually put it out of your mind.


----------



## Copchick (Apr 10, 2012)

Chad-O, I can't say I know what you're going through, but I'm sorry that you're going through this ordeal in your marriage. Unfortunately it has tarnished what was once a most loved holiday. I think the more time that passes, the grieving and healing will eventually bring you back into the spirit of halloween. It may not be this year and that's okay. Get back on your feet in your marriage, give it time, heal, and look forward to next season. 

I think Stars8462 provides some great advice. Hang in there Chad!


----------



## Troll Wizard (May 3, 2012)

_*I too like Copchick, can't relate to what you're going through right now during this time. But from what I've read in your post, maybe you might try to have your wife help you in the actual designing and decorating of your haunt (although she may not like Halloween or even decorating). But it does give you the chance to "keep an eye on her" as you've stated.

Granted I don't know the whole situation or what happened in the past except for what you've stated. But this may be a chance for you and her to come together more by planning and setting up Halloween together and also getting her involved on Halloween night right along with you!

But again.....your marriage must come first, putting all your efforts into making your relationship continue together! Halloween will be there next year and or the year after! Who knows, maybe the idea of having her help you with Halloween might just be one thing that can bring you closer together.

You will get a lot of advise from here, but you and only you can decide for yourself on what you want to do for this year about Halloween!

It is said that "time heals all things" and that "forgiveness lifts the burden of hate" from one's soul.

Remember that we are here for you no matter what you decide! 
*_


----------



## Chad-O-Lantern (Jan 5, 2014)

Thank you all so much for your excellent advice, and Star8462 I am sorry to hear of the issues you've had to deal with in the past. Life is not easy, and I am trying to get past this as best as I can. 

Since my last post, I have been chipping away at the fears I have and am trying to get my excitement back for Halloween. As you mentioned, having my wife be a part of the Haunt building would help me with my anxiety. I asked her and she said she will help with it and is looking forward to it. I also am planning on going to some haunts this month like Universal Horror nights and Knott's Scaryfarm. Although I don't have that heightened excitement that I normally get around Halloween, I know that if I let another Halloween slip by without enjoying it that I will regret it.

Forgiveness is difficult, especially when this has happened twice now, but my wife insists that is won't ever happen again and wants forgiveness. I am working on it, trying to deal with my terrible anxiety and break past this.

Thank you all again so much for your excellent advice, it means a lot to me that you would take the time to get personal and help to lift my spirits. I hope you all have an awesome Halloween this year... not too much longer for the big day!


----------



## dynoflyer (Oct 8, 2006)

I, too, have backed off the past couple of years, my kids grew up and moved out. But, now I have a one year old grandson!
Fully motivated once more! Muahahahaha!


----------



## fontgeek (Jul 24, 2006)

I would also consider looking at why your spouse messed around, got drunk, etc.
Issues are very rarely totally one-sided. 
If you lose your self to a cause, holiday, etc., then their, the spouses, coping mechanism may be drinking, fooling around, etc.
More often than not, it's a combination of things that builds up the rage or resentment that drives them to their vices. Everyone being on the same page as to hobbies or devotions can make things much easier, or at least acceptance of each other's likes or follies helps keep everyone involved happy (or at least not disgruntled).
I really enjoy Halloween, but if I hook up with someone who really DOESN'T, then I need to accept their difference in feelings, and act accordingly.


----------



## tarpleyg (Nov 4, 2014)

Have you considered that pouring all your attention into something other than her is what is causing her to look elsewhere for that attention? That said, I'd move on and find another hobby or distraction and revisit Halloween later on if you feel up to it. Nobody is making you do anything for Halloween but yourself.


----------



## Hsnopi (Oct 26, 2012)

I'm sorry dude. That sucks. Maybe you can find a local friend who likes Halloween too and can start small again? Maybe focus on one small prop in crazy detail? That way you're not overwhelmed and can just try to lose yourself in the spirit again.


----------



## Xander_gusev (Jan 5, 2015)

Hey man, that really sucks. Like what people are saying, try to find a friend who is also really into it! As they always say 2 brains are better than 1! Applies to both life and cannibalism! :jol:


----------



## gma (Apr 20, 2012)

Perhaps shifting to a gore theme prominently featuring corpses that resemble your ex-wife?


----------

