# Respect for the Grieving



## Rahnefan (May 1, 2009)

I started working on props that will comprise my first real display. What I have in mind involves skulls, death, etc.

A neighbor of mine across the street is a very good man. Think of a WWII vet you may know who is always smiling and always friendly and kind. His wife died this year. It didn't occur to me til today that it might not be a very pleasant walk for him if he has to pass by a yard with disturbing stuff in it.

We live in the _Belt of the Bible Buckler_; there will be some cute pumpkins out here and there, webbed windows and stuff, but not much else in my neighborhood. If I start haunting this year I'll be the only one, likely.

What would you do? Am I overthinking it? I wondered what Jesus would do then I remembered he has a pretty impressive haunt that stays open year round, so that didn't help...


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## Terrormaster (Sep 27, 2007)

You're probably overthinking it a little. But the general rule of thumb is really to know your audience. If most of your neighbors enjoy a good gothic haunt then just go for it I say.


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## Draik41895 (Oct 25, 2008)

Jesus owns a year round haunt?is that supposed to be heaven? sweet


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## Rahnefan (May 1, 2009)

According to Dante his haunt has three distinct attractions.

Yep, if I go by my audience then I think I may as well do nothing actually! There are maybe a dozen kids around, and it's a very evangelical area...likely bad thoughts would be thunk...I'd get prayer no doubt. But the truth is we don't get many TOTs. Maybe that would change though, if there were at least one haunted display? Anyone seen that happen? Or is it wishful thinking?


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## Fiend4Halloween (Aug 28, 2008)

..if you build it, they will come. I'd say to put word of mouth out, flyers at different malls, shops, etc, Pennysaver, something like that where it's known. Good luck.


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## Rahnefan (May 1, 2009)

You put flyers out for a static display?


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## RoxyBlue (Oct 6, 2008)

Do you know your neighbor well enough to chat him up a bit about decorating for Halloween? If he's lived in the neighborhood longer than you have, you could try asking his opinion about what he thinks would fly considering the more conservative background of the rest of your neighbors. This could be done without directly asking what he would feel comfortable with in view of the recent loss of his wife - it's more like an opportunity for him to provide a little advice.

Other than that, you could always start a little more conservatively yourself and ease people into the idea of something more advanced than cute pumpkins. Be a good neighbor to your neighbors year round, and you may find they'll forgive you a small extravagance on Halloween (which is their duty as Christians, of course).


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## Devils Chariot (May 23, 2007)

Your over thinking it! WW2 vets aren't pussies who are gonna cry over a yard haunt.


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## Rahnefan (May 1, 2009)

That sounds like a pearl of wisdom, RoxyBlue.

What about any of you personally? Have you ever found that grief/death of a loved one took away from your haunt or maybe made you choose to skip a year?

I like what someone said in another thread: "go big or go home." I don't know how much I can tone it down, if I'm going to make time to do it at all.


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## Joiseygal (Sep 3, 2008)

Wow Rahnefan I have somewhat the same dilemma. My neighbor's mother passed away this year and was taking away in a body bag. I really wanted to have a prop this year having something to do with a body bag. When I heard that her mother was taking away in a body bag it made me have second thoughts. I wanted to use my motion sensor and a blower against a bag with a body in it to give a scare. I figure it would be an easy prop to do with a great effect, but I don't want to be disrespetable. I don't know what to do also. I hope reading your thread will help.


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## Aquayne (Sep 1, 2008)

If you are having second thoughts strong enough to discuss it on an international forum, you probably should rethink. My rule of thumb is "If the best argument I can come up with is that NOTHING WILL HAPPEN (or anyone be hurt)" then I usually do something else. If you do this and it hurts him, how will you feel? We live in a real world full of problems. We do this to give fun to others. 
Talk to him. He may even help with the haunt, if his wife died he may be lost and need something to focus on.


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## sychoclown (Aug 20, 2009)

The first year I put up some of my homemade stuff I was worried , until I got a few compliments. People know my house as the really scary one during Halloween. I guess what I'm trying to say is you need to feel the mood of your neighborhood. I know a few people don't approve because of religion so I try not to cross any lines.


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## scareme (Aug 29, 2006)

Where do you live? Us haunters in Oklahoma City always joke we are the buckle in the bible belt. I've had a few neighbors who disapprove, but the vast majority like it. I lost my mom this year, but I still intend to have a graveyard and coffins. She enjoyed my haunt and I think she would be disappointed it I didn't do it this year. I think Roxy had a good idea about talking to your neighbor to see how he's feeling. Let us know how it turns out.


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## Aquayne (Sep 1, 2008)

I'm a Christian. I struggled with this for years. I tend to dislike things that attack my religion but I just go on my way. I love this stuff. I love how that kids enjoy it all. We are not as stuffy as many people seem to think. You always have some fringers that make a big stink but most of us do not. If I did not speak to anyone who who did not live up to my ideals I would be lonely and not even be able to talk to myself.


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## Aquayne (Sep 1, 2008)

BTW The very best Haunted House I ever went through was put on by Thomas Roads Baptist Church and Liberty University. You know Jerry Falwell's church, Head of "The Moral Majority" movement in the 80's. They actually have an old school building they use for the purpose.


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## Terrormaster (Sep 27, 2007)

I wouldn't sweat it much... Roxy's advice is probably the best. But I will say this, my neighbor's husband passed away in October 06. We did our first major display in 07. They were very excited about it. Her daughter came over and took pics. We talk in the backyard all the time and says how her husband used to build stuff too but for Christmas and that we would have gotten along real well. I have an open invitation to even use all his old woodworking tools anytime.

Just stay on good terms with them and they won't mind at all.


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## Dixie (Feb 18, 2009)

We set up our yard haunt early in October. Last year, our neighbor directly across the street from us had a BUNCH of cars parking at their house around 7pm one night. Not thinking anything of it, I just decided they were having a party... the next night, again... a ton of cars parked outside in the evening. I was standing in the yard, touching up the paint on my fence when my neighbor walked out to greet one of the arriving guests. I asked him if they were having another party?? He said his wife's cousin had been killed in a bad car accident earlier in the week and they were hosting the out of town family....

When he went back inside, I grabbed Jaybo and we both immediately started turning off the lights, shutting the music off, and trying to pick up some of the more gory zombies, ground breakers, etc... it was a respect issue, and something I did without second thought. As we were rushing around the yard, another family member came outside with a few other people and were walking across the street... I knew I was about to be in for it... some kind of grief stricken outrage or something. 

They said, "awww! Are you taking it down??! We were just coming to look at it" Apparently after two days of grieving, it was a kind of "escape" for them to come out and see it... chat, have a smoke break or whatever, and just get away for a second. My neighbor soon followed and asked us not to take it down, reassuring us that it was not offensive to any of their visitors. They know we work on it all year, and were very touched that we would do that. 

I know that situation could have EASILY gone in a different direction, but it was just my example of how the yard haunt was not as inappropriate or offensive as we feared in that situation.

Hope that gives you another perspective.


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## Wildcat (Nov 3, 2007)

I agree with Roxy that asking for the neighbours advice would be the best approach.


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## fritz42_male (May 5, 2009)

If she was an open minded soul why not ask permission to dedicate the haunt to her and to donate all proceeds to her favourite charity?


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## sharpobject (May 7, 2008)

I, too agree with Roxy - keeping an open line of communication with the neighbors is never a bad thing. I might even go a little further and maybe ask if he would like to help you with your haunt in some way. He may be looking for something / anything to take his mind off of his wife's death and may appreciate keeping busy. (who knows, he can be a master carpenter and you might not even know it).


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## jdubbya (Nov 6, 2005)

Another vote for Roxy's advice. Don't assume anything but talk directly to the guy. Men from that very special generation will be forthcoming in their thoughts and words. I had a similar dilemna a few years back. I had purchased a Don Post head on a stake prop for my front yard display. This was the same year that there were a rash of beheadings in Iraq, including some Westerners. I asked for opinions on the forums and got a mixed bag of responses. A few folks said to put out whatever I wanted and basically to hell with anyone who doesn't like it or might be offended. After a lot of deliberation, I opted not to use the prop for that year, not knowing if someone who had a loved one in harms way might be a visitor. I never regreted it and have used the prop since. The old saying that "timing is everything" holds true in these situations. Ask the guy what he thinks. He'll appreciate it and you'll feel better.


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## MotelSixx (Sep 27, 2008)

I personally don't see him directly tying your display to his dearly departed. I'm sure as a WWII vet hes got stuff in his head thats more likely to be triggered by your haunt. On a side note, I lived in this house for 10 years, and always did a halloween setup - I knew the woman across the street was a widow but we never really talked. I found out that her husband, before he died, set up an elaborate haunted house. my first thought was 'oh f#@k' . I was worried that my setup would upset her. Then i realized one thing. This is exactly how the world became so politically correct. And hindsight being 20-20, I over analyzed the whole thing. I say continue as planned!


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## bozz (Sep 27, 2006)

*I don't cross offensive lines.........*



Aquayne said:


> I'm a Christian. I struggled with this for years. I tend to dislike things that attack my religion but I just go on my way. I love this stuff. I love how that kids enjoy it all. We are not as stuffy as many people seem to think. You always have some fringers that make a big stink but most of us do not. If I did not speak to anyone who who did not live up to my ideals I would be lonely and not even be able to talk to [myself.





Aquayne said:


> I'm a Christian.


 * Me too, so I have decided to never cross the line of horror & gore, bloody body parts, witches (because of bible references and staying away from such) and etc. and this is also out of repect for someone who might have seen a true loved one lost in a gruesome fasion. I do no coffins or cemetary's (death is not in my displays)........heck I just came back from a open casket viewing of a old co-worker of mine and still can't get the picture out of my head so I feel strong about what God has to say about these things too. Now I do monsters, creepy reptiles and animals and really non-halloween type displays. Don't get me wrong we scare people and have fun the old fashion way. Just last year I did allow a fake bloody chainsaw to be use and wonder if I was crossing any gorey lines there ?!?! My pastor gave me a Gemmy Skelly Pirate (Drake) a few years ago as a surprise gift so he's very cool with what we do and he likes a good scare.


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## cinders (Jul 30, 2008)

My father passed away on Christmas from an illness and the medical ordeal began the day before Halloween. I'm still grieving and have had an emotionally tough time with this. I chose not to put a graveyard up this year because I don't feel like working on tombstones and monuments when I still have to take care of getting a real gravestone for my father. So I'm doing a tribal type theme which doesn't involve a cemetery. This is just my own personal feeling of what I'm able to deal with this year. My Halloween plans have been a diversion but have been of a more obsessive nature this year. With the tribal thing, I am afraid to offend anyone by using replicas of tribal masks/shields that I've seen being sold as artwork, so I'm just doing a make-believe tribe and trying not to use insignia and things that would have any actual ancestral meaning to anyone.

A few Octobers ago the nice lady next door passed away. I was getting ready to put up my display and the graveyard would be right next to their property. I asked the son if he would be troubled by it, and he assured me that I should continue to put it up. Now he didn't actually live there, but was staying temporarily until the estate was cleared and the property sold. I'm thinking maybe you should just ask the neighbor if he would be uncomfortable with your display.


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## nixie (Sep 17, 2008)

Just a thought, if you talk to your neighbor and it seems your plans may upset him, what about going a different direction this year? I don't know how set you are on your original plan. Maybe aliens, classic monsters, mad scientist, pirates, or you could do something entirely unique. I'm sure there are many untapped ideas out there. That might help with the conservative neighborhood issue as well, although, I've learned from experience that just showing a passion for Halloween period will brand you in some peoples' minds...


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## Rahnefan (May 1, 2009)

It's only a few props I have in mind, not interactive, and my very first time. So charging donations or changing my theme aren't really options for my noob self. But I will definitely talk to him and/or his family.

For the record, I'm a believer too; if I make distinctions about my area it's only because I understand different perspectives/perceptions about it...to some, anything other than a church-sponsored "Trunk-or-Treat" is devil worship. And I plan to have a pagan horned god in my display. Actually there might be little or no gore the more I imagine it coming together... 

Thanks everybody.


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## blacklightmike (Nov 2, 2008)

My feelings on this are quite clear... I try and keep my displays free of any topical or modern things, like coffins and such... That might cause someone distress. This has worked for me. 

One of the worst setbacks this past year was the death of a friend's brother... found murdered on Halloween by TOTs! That really puts the kibosh on Halloween discussion around him.


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## Rahnefan (May 1, 2009)

Found by TOTs? Or murdered by them?? Either way...a-yep, that's awful.


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## Devils Chariot (May 23, 2007)

Holy crap this thread got PC, even for me, PC DC!

I am trying and say this in the nicest way, if you think scary props are gonna hurt your neighbors feelings, then just remember, Michaels, Target, Lowes, and Walmart have TONS of cute inflatable light up displays stuff that offends no one.

Hey do you know a guy Rory McGormley by the way?


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## Rahnefan (May 1, 2009)

LOL

I do now, DC.


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